TRUE STORY - FRIDAY THE 13TH TEMPT FATE JUMP:
We actually did this on purpose just to be Smart A$$es...
Friday the 13th. "Do the stupidest thing you can think of to prove you're not superstitious" day at a DZ which will remain unnamed...
Sunset Load had just finished, but a few of us wanted to make one last jump, and there was still enough time - MY IDEA. Not enough people for a big load, so we jumped out of a Cessna Cardinal... (Little four seater aircraft with the seats removed - except for the pilot seat.)
WE HAD TOO MANY PEOPLE FOR SUCH A SMALL AIRCRAFT, AND GETTING IN THIS THING WAS A LITTLE LIKE "SKYDIVING TWISTER" OR THE 50'S FAD OF CRAMMING PEOPLE INTO PHONE BOOTHS AND SMALL CARS.
Pilot did the math several times, and had someone else check his math. We'd burn just enough fuel on takeoff to get off the ground. OKAY, WE'RE GOING.
Ever heard the pilot say, NOW EVERYONE HAS TO LEAN FORWARD ON TAKEOFF, OR WE'LL EITHER HIT THE TAIL ON THE RUNWAY, OR WE'RE LIABLE TO STALL... (Yeah, for FAA PURPOSES, I haven't either...
)
Again, so this was my idea... (WHICH MEANT I WAS THE ONE FATE NEEDED TO PUNISH!)
So, comes time to exit, and I essentially roll out the door and do a butt first exit... (Because spinning on your butt in freefall is fun! That's why...) Well, PREMATURE DEPLOYMENT MALFUNCTION. Wind caught my pilot chute, and the next thing I knew my chute was opening between my legs...
BOTTOM LINE, IT OPENED JUST FINE... WITH MY FEET ENDING UP IN THE LINES, AND MY HEAD WHERE MY FEET SHOULD HAVE BEEN... (i.e. flying more or less straight and level, just upside down, and with my risers twisted 180 degrees, facing backwards...)
Needless to say, it was pretty funny! (I was open at around 13,000 feet. I had plenty of time to fix it, or cut away if I had to... so, yeah, ironic laughter is the initial reaction.)
I ended up getting my feet clear of my lines. And that didn't fix my risers, so I ended up having to pull myself up in my harness, and summersault to clear the rises. WELL, THE MINUTE I DID THAT... If you've ever as a kid laid down on a swing, and then twisted it up, and let go... it spins, right?!
Except when the spin started, I got slapped right across the face by my front risers... actually had a strap shaped bruise on my cheek. THE SKYDIVING GODS WERE NOT AMUSED BY THAT LITTLE STUNT YOU PULLED...
It's still funny ten years later!!!
