How to Stay Up Way Past Your Bedtime: A Self-Help Guide for Parrots
Written by Bumble
1) About 3 minutes before bedtime, fluff up, pull up a footsie, and tuck your head under your wing for a nap. Your parront will now know that they must not move until you awake. This gets you about 10 minutes.
2) When you wake up, start preening. Make sure to show off your prettiest feathers - the ones that are normally hidden - so your parront doesnāt want to stop you. Easily another 10 minutes here.
3) Antics. At least 5 minutes.
4) Sit on your parrontās shoulder while they perform the nightly routine of washing your dishes. Indicate you want to bathe in the tap (I say ādrinkā but you do you), but when your mom puts her hand up for you, run away. Repeat as many times as necessary. This will add 3-5 minutes onto the dish washing.
5) The
instant they turn off the water, hop down and look at them like theyāre idiots for forgetting to bathe you. Now they have to adjust the water all over again-an extra minute.
6) Take a very super extra long bath. Really get soaked. Refuse to be done no matter how many times they tell you that you canāt get any wetter.
7) On the way back to the cage, take a detour and fly over to your boing. Start chewing on that one toy that youāve chewed exactly twice before even though itās been there forever. They wonāt be able to resist and will probably say āOh my gosh you little cutie you are finally playing with that toy I bought you in 1973!ā
8) When your parront decides to go back to the kitchen to take care of other things while you play, fly over to their head.
9) repeat steps 7 and 8 (indefinitely).
10) When youāre done with steps 7 and 8, this time when your parront picks you up to carry you back to the cage, wipe your beaksie on them with all your might. This will cause them to sit down and skritch you. Youāll get an extra couple of minutes if you manage to look super pathetic and convince them youāre cold, even though theyāve cranked up the heat because you took a full-soak at bedtime.
11) Antics.
By this point, youāve probably managed an extra hour of time with your hooman. Do one last extraordinarily cute thing and then let them put you to bed. Make sure they hear you scrackle your beak contentedly. Thatās their reward.
STEP ONE:
HOW YOU SHOULD LOOK AFTER BATHING:
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