Hi YUM, I'm pretty new here, or rather I posted a long time ago when I was considering a Nanday. As I wipe the tears from all over my face, let me tell you how sorry I am, how I think you did a wonderful thing by adopting Cheddar, and how I know your pain. My Nanday's been home a few months now, but I still feel such pain from my GCC's death before him... I accidentally tripped into a wall when he was on my finger. You can imagine my guilt because A - I never wear stupid gym shoes in the house, and that's what I tripped on - my damned rubber soles on the carpet...and B - I remember thinking "he shouldn't always be on my shoulder, I think I'll tell him to step up" right before the accident.
In any case, I get what you are saying about the guilt of her last moments. My little love didn't die after the accident, but he basically wrecked his spinal chord and although he couldn't walk the CAV said his survival would depend on whether he could still poop. They returned him to me after an overnight, and I put his little sleeping cage in a bedroom by himself that night. He passed alone, without me by his side. I put him in there thinking I was doing the right thing so he could get a good night's sleep but I still ask myself how I could have let him die alone. Was he scared? Was it fast? Was the room too cold or warm? Why did it happen during the night? Did I miss something? This bird helped me through two of the toughest times in my life - I mean, birth and death stuff, and look what I did to him. I cried for weeks, in public, wherever I went, even though I felt horribly embarrassed and ashamed. So yeah, I didn't want to make this about me but...I just wanted to say I totally get you and I really hope you know you did the right things for her. *hugs*
