I was absolutely devastated when I received the news. Dr. Russel told me that because Sunny was only 10 weeks old that the disease will destroy him in a matter of weeks. He hasn't had a chance to build up an immune system and the little he had was already under attack. Sterretjie was in danger for as long as what Sunny stayed....
I held my baby so tight and cried right through the night. I just could not let them take him without giving him a chance, he was still happy, playing and learning. Every day was like a big adventure for him and he just started making new sounds. He was full of life and learned how to get out of his cage and walk straight to me, always seeking love and attention. I was being torn apart, how on earth must I let this baby go, how must I make this decision. It was the hardest night of my life and the more time I spend with him the bigger part inside me died. He was so proud of his new feathers and also so shocked every time that he preened and the feathers fell to the ground. He tried so hard to fly and even lifted off the ground a couple of times but after minutes of pretend flying there was no more wing feathers left to lift him. It was killing me watching him deteriorate in front of my eyes. I syringe fed him every meal, had him at work with me, I've spent to much time with him and he became more than just a part of me. His little eyes brightened every time that he saw me, he stretched his little neck when we were in the car - he loved watching the roads, he wasnt afraid of anything or anyone, he had everything going for him.... and I was asked to take that away from him...
I could hardly see through my eyes on Saturday morning and I felt dead inside. I showered and took Sterretjie to the kitchen with me. She was extra nice, singing beautiful songs, begging for scratches and even jumped on my lap and 'helped' me prepare my iguana's food. This was a totally different girl, almost as if she could feel my pain. She helped me make the right decision. She's been through so much already and there was a reason why God brought her to my garden. I remembered the promises that I made her that day, I promised that I would make her happy, spoil her, give her everything her heart desires, I would take care of her and protect her no matter what.... I took Sterretjie outside and went back inside, I am her guardian no matter how much of a little terrorist she is, it was my duty to remove the disease.... I phoned Dr. Russel to find out what time we had to be there because it will have to be done after hours, I also told Craig and Christie of my decision.
But that was much easier thought than done because the moment I walked into Sunny's room and he happily chirped and could not wait to be with me I completely broke down. I made him some oats and oh he LOVED it. He had a bath and I dried him with the hair-drier, he loved it as well, Sterretjie hates it. After all of that he climbed under my shirt and slept for 2 hours. I sat so still, my leg fell asleep but I did not want to move because I knew it was his last sleep with me and I knew and felt how my love for him overwhelmed him and he sooo needed it. We stayed like that until it was time to go. I cried so much, I just could not control it. We arrived there at 11 but Dr. Russel was still busy with lots of people and we waited in the car for an hour and a half. It got so bad at a stage that I had to clime out of the car and walked down the street, I smoked about 3 smokes after one another, calmed down a bit and went back. It did not help because the moment I took him again, I broke again. I was terrified of the Dr's door, I was so scared that he will come and take my baby... I begged Craig that he must take us home, I begged him over and over but he did not. Christie and Craig went inside after everybody left and I stayed in the car with Sunny. I wanted to drive away with him, but where will I go.... OMG it was soooo hard. Christie came back to the car to calm me down and then called Craig to calm me down, nothing worked, a part of me died and I was going of my mind. I gave Sunny to Craig and told him that I cant do this any more, he must take him. I could not take him inside, I just couldn't - I would never be able to do it. They were away for about a minute and came back to the car without him. Peace came over me and I knew that my baby was happy. I saw him flying high above the clouds, he had all his beautiful feathers. He was glowing with the love that he received and I was thankful that he only knew and felt love and never pain or fear. I wonder if I would ever be able to stop crying, this whole process really destroyed me. PLEASE God NEVER do this to me again, please take my kids suddenly when it is their time, take me before them.
Goodbye my baby.