Bird Purchase Mistake - Help!!!

[MegZ]

Hi everyone again. Thank you as always for your very straightforward input. I kind of think that Laurasea is correct and this bird could be shut down. If you have articles on that, I would love it. I read the posted article. I am absolutely trying to do the things from the article - for example, the following:
"Train yourself to get into the habit of catching your parrot in the act of being good. If he eats food, praise him. If he drinks water, praise him. If he preens or plays with a toy, praise him. If this type of ambient positive attention is provided consistently, the parrot will receive the consistent feedback that he needs regarding what is expected of him to be successful in your home and this too will allow him to relax a little more."

We are trying all kinds of things, including the quoted above. This isn't our first rodeo and our first rescue bird had behaviors to deal with. Our second lovely conure (love of my life) had his own behaviors. It's nothing like this. The website at a rescue I was interested in at one point, has a list of behaviors people rehome birds for - screaming, plucking, mess, chewing, etc. etc. None of those things are happening. He barely makes a sound during the day. He doesn't want to come out. He eats and he stays in his cage - way high up.

If you look at my very first post, I could take that same post and place it here without changing one word and it would still be true, after nearly three weeks with the bird. Thursday will be the third week. I understand everything that has been said about telegraphing how I feel, but I am doing the very best I can. That's all I can say. There is one post from someone here, a few pages back, who was inconsolable about the bird they lost and she found she just didn't match or was ready for a bird she got and it all worked out. I feel like she has understood me the most. Thank you for that empathy and lack of judgement.

I just want to say that I am a very good mom of human children. I work with deaf and deaf-blind students and can read them like a book, even when they are missing language because they have not been exposed to any formal language because there has been no signing and no ability to listen to anyone. I am loyal and honest almost to a fault.

I don't want to give up this bird. I felt desperate about this bird from day one. Please go back and read my original post. I have read this forum for almost 20 years for information. I have never posted until now. Why is that? Because this is the oddest experience I have had with any pet I have ever had. I have had - goats, guinea pigs, cats, dogs, and hamsters, and two birds.

I was hoping too that people would see how odd this experience feels to us and how we feel (hubby as well as myself) rather at our wits end. I most certainly don't want to let down the parrot community. I don't want to rehome. If it comes to that, then I will not ever get another parrot. That's a promise and I will stick to it. Sorry for letting any parrot members down. I won't post here until we have taken a little more time. If we make some type of a final decision, I will let you know. I wish I had never lost my precious Milo. 2020 has been really the worst. Take care all.

 

[Laurasea]

https://www.beautyofbirds.com/cageboundbirds.html

https://go.skimresources.com/?id=16...3e74e7a0235&xjsf=other_click__contextmenu [0]

Except from following "Most cages bound parrots become this way from spending too long without
good human interaction and too much time in their cages. Even when
provided with toys and other distractions, a cage is still just a cage.
Birds need the stimulation of relationships with others in order to
flourish, and leaving a parrot in a cage can cause psychosis, anything
from becoming cage bound to severe self-mutilation. In order to prevent
your parrot from developing these behaviors it is vitally important that
you provide interaction and stimulation on a daily basis. Do not mistake
sitting next to the cage watching television as a form of interaction,
your attention needs to be on the bird and his attention on you.
Remember, parrots are naturally flock animals, and if you cannot provide
a healthy flock for them (in yourself, your family and your friends)
then you should not own one."
https://rec.pets.birds.narkive.com/Of6wfKYN/cage-bound-birds

 

[Laurasea]

Sailboat thread on rescue Amazon parrots was hugely helpful to me and my rescue quaker Penny.
http://www.parrotforums.com/amazons/65119-i-love-amazons-going-journey.html

 

[noodles123]

You aren't letting anyone down, but what you are describing is typical in many cases. I think your first bird set a precedent and I wish you weren't seeing the world from that perspective, I feel like your perception is distorted (in terms of new parrot behavior )

 

[bonita]

Dear Meg Z, Please put on your positive cap. So you bought a bird from a pet store, its young you can mold him.Trust in yourself.Birds are like children, all different but special.I adopted my GCC at 2 years old he drew blood the first time I tried to touch him.Within a month he was as sweet as a lamb.I also prayed for direction and wisdom.And I trusted it to happen.Best Wishes , Bonita

 

[fiddlejen]

Scott,
You gotta remember, that my initial reaction to this bird, from the get-go, is that something is off....
...How many times have I said he seems like a Romanian Crib Baby? Like three times - over the course of more than two weeks. The vet said that she would recommend we hang in there but that it's okay to ultimately decide that this isn't working if we get to that point, because if we're not happy, he won't be happy either. I would think we would be enjoying some aspect of having him around and we're not...

Hi Megz, I've been following your thread with many thoughts - or rather with the same thoughts over & over - but had not yet posted.

As far as the bird itself, I am sure the majority of us who read your thread hope you will keep and bond with the bird, just because it is better for the bird that way. BUT as your very wise vet has stated, if you are not happy with him, he never will be either. Please if you choose to re-home him, perhaps work with your vet or in some other way carefully to move him forward to someone who will love him.

I mainly wanted to speak up though, regarding your use of the Idea of "Romanian Crib Baby." This really cannot apply to a little bird. Their lives are so much shorter than ours, and their babyhood so much more so. By the time they are in a petstore situation, they are well beyond the point of that crib-baby-trauma-equivalent. Humans can survive that sort of neglect in that infancy and live; however Birds at that young stage would simply Die.

You CAN have an abused or traumatized bird, even to the point of equivalence of an abused Child. Such children or birds may indeed have trouble bonding or trusting. But you canNot have a birdie-equivalent of Romanian-Crib-Baby; that baby Bird would have simply not survived.

Now, from what I've read, you've had the bird several weeks now. You regretted the purchase pretty quickly. It was an impulse purchase to replace the bird you were grieving about. And your gut has been protesting ever since. SO certainly, this may indeed Not be the right bird for you AND thus you may not be the right family for him. AND if so, then perhaps applying the term "Romanian Crib Baby" as an explanation of how You feel about him, is perhaps not a bad thing, IF it is simply helping you See accurately that re-homing is Really the Best Choice.

HOWEVER. The term itself if definitely not accurate. It is certainly a mis-labeling of what you see. So I'm adding my post, ONLY In CASE your belief in this term Could be mis-directing you. What you really have is a bird with a Timid, fearful personality. Possibly with some extent of history of trauma. Or possibly just a bird that does not really Want to be tame. This can all be overcome with a Lot of patience, love, dedication, time --- and, potentially Lowered Expectations.

I am Not saying this to imply that you lack patience or love. Nor that you necessarily lack dedication. BUT. You may indeed pour patience, love, time and care into this bird and still never feel bonded, Never feel it is the bird you wanted... basically, always wishing he was someone else.

SO. IF as it seems, this is Not the bird for you, the kindest choice probably is to look for someone else for whom he might be the right bird.

HOWEVER, truly, if the Mis-labeling as "romanian crib baby" is CAUSING your feelings (rather than just your best attempt at describing Your difficulty to Bond To him), then I would strongly suggest, DROP that label, realize you have a bird with perfectly healthy TIMID and Fearful personality, and work with him from there.

In either case, I do pray you make Whichever Choice is best for you and for him.

 

[Scott]

Scott,
You gotta remember, that my initial reaction to this bird, from the get-go, is that something is off. My gut reaction is always my best information - ALWAYS. But, then what I try to do, is talk myself out of my gut reaction. That never goes well. That is what is happening here. I am like, oh, well see, he did A-B-C and D. I understand patience. I understand him having his own personality different than the bird I had before. But, my initial gut reaction to him, seems to be playing out. And any moment he does anything even remotely normal looking, I get excited. But it doesn't have flow or connection. He is not interested in us. He is interested in eating and staying in his cage and maybe running to the secondary cage. This back and forth reaction you see is me fighting my gut. I just called the vet today about something and she asked me how it is going, because when I saw her a little over a week ago, I said it wasn't going great and so she wanted to know if it was going well. I said no. He has now spent ALL day long in his cage, having no interest in getting out at all or playing or chirping or anything. There is definitely something wrong, that has less to do with his personality and more to do with maybe unfixable trauma. I talked to the vet and said I will give it time, but I think what is making the back in forth, is I am trying to convince myself that my gut is wrong. Normally it isn't. How many times have I said he seems like a Romanian Crib Baby? Like three times - over the course of more than two weeks. The vet said that she would recommend we hang in there but that it's okay to ultimately decide that this isn't working if we get to that point, because if we're not happy, he won't be happy either. I would think we would be enjoying some aspect of having him around and we're not. That doesn't see good at all.

I’m gonna say this in a lot less words than Noodles [emoji6]

Jasper picks up on your cues. Romanian Crib Baby may be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Please make a decision sooner rather than later; either commit to Jasper 100% or find him a new home where he can bond before he becomes another statistic. I truly hope you’ll commit to him.

I was hoping too that people would see how odd this experience feels to us and how we feel (hubby as well as myself) rather at our wits end. I most certainly don't want to let down the parrot community. I don't want to rehome. If it comes to that, then I will not ever get another parrot. That's a promise and I will stick to it. Sorry for letting any parrot members down. I won't post here until we have taken a little more time. If we make some type of a final decision, I will let you know. I wish I had never lost my precious Milo. 2020 has been really the worst. Take care all.

I re-read your initial post and concur little has changed. The remedy for stasis is either forging new tactics or accepting Jasper as he is and making your best judgment for the future. Many of us are unaware of "Romanian crib babies" and how the analogy applies. Perhaps, but consider this overview and peek into their current lives. Long but worthy read: https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2020/07/can-an-unloved-child-learn-to-love/612253/

Absolutely concur with Inger's quote and fiddlejen's narrative above.

If you've lurked among the forum for decades, you'll know the active membership is generally empathetic to a fault. Milo's tragic passing echoes with every post. Dialog in this thread remains supportive, at times frank but respectful. You have not disappointed us and we trust potential re-homing will be done ethically. We'll hope for encouraging updates at end of your self-imposed silence.

 

[KitKatPlus]

I still stick by what I said days ago - target training works wonders. I honestly haven't met a bird I wasn't able to help with it. I'm actually working with a bird very similar to Jasper right now. Not sure if you said that was something you were trying yet.. I would be happy to do a video consultation with you if that's something you think you would want or benefit from.

I know this must be so hard for you and know that we understand. Most of us know how hard it is to lose a pet you adored and it seems that this bird and this difficult experience wasn't what you needed right now. I know I speak for most when I say although we wish for your sake and his that it works out, we don't judge you at all if it would be better to rehome, as long as it is safe and to a good home <3

 

[GaleriaGila]

I am new to this thread, having been a bit laid up lately, but please let me wade in just a bit.
As many of you know, I bought the Rickeybird 36 years ago, with absolutely no experience, and over the years, reaped a lot of chaos and a lot of heartache and a lot of happiness. There really are no absolutes or rules, are there?
Please allow me just to wish you well, and to commend you for coming here and listening and coming back and listening and coming back and caring.
Members, I commend and thank you, too.

 

[Stitchthestitch]

Hi, I hope you're doing OK.

Firstly, I'd like to offer my condolences on the loss of milo. That's heart breaking and I am deeply sorry for his loss.

I am new to this thread and new to parrot owning. But something that has struck me is, you keep calling him "the bird" through out the entire thread, I've only noticed his name once or twice. Jasper is a beautiful name. Do you use it at home with him? Or do you avoid it? Could it part of you doesn't want it to work out and your unintentionally /sub consciously setting your self and jasper up to fail because you feel like youre betraying the memory of milo? I behaved similarly with my Boston Terrier after my Persian had died.


You are still clearly grieving and my heart hurts for you. But jasper isn't milo and he never will be. Jasper is a completely new and unique bird who needs love and understanding and importantly, time.

3 weeks is an extremely short period of time for jasper while it feels like a long to you . Please try and stop comparing him to milo because you will not be able to move on in your relationship with jasper. Parrots are able to pick on our emotions and our feelings more than we realise. He will be able to pick up on your frustration with him. Try and look at him, not as milos replacement because he will never do that, but as a brand new being you want to learn about and be friends with.

I have recently seen a post on face book about one of Albie's clutch mates, apparently the bird is timid and shy and was asking if any who had bought one from the bedder behaved the same. Albie isn't shy or timid he is bold and brave and out going and she was disheartened. I told don't be because there are all kinds of personalities. Look at albie and his sister... Look at me and my sisters.... They are like albie, I am like albie's sister. If we were all the same life would be boring and. Dull.

 

[MegZ]

Hello everyone. I took some time to be silent because I just knew I needed to do that and just work with my emotions (our emotions) and our new bird. I have now read every single person's comments. I wanted to tell everyone that we still have Jasper. We are still getting to know him and things are improving with fits and starts every day. I try not to get all excited about a good day versus a not so good day, and that is helping. We both agreed that we would feel bad if we dropped him off with someone else - because this has been hard for him and he IS starting to trust. We are starting to see more of his personality. He LOVES to look out the window and will do almost anything for that. He will sit on our hand and look or sit on the travel cage that we move into position. That is pretty cute. He loves to call to other birds. He has warmed up. He still clings to his cage and doesn't always come out easily but he is starting to step up when he wants to go somewhere. We kind of push him out of his cage sometimes to just encourage him to be out. His ability to climb and get around and have confidence doing so, has really grown. I just realize how he really was in tough shape when we got him. He wasn't getting anything remotely close to good care. He is not super motivated with clicker/touch training. He is motivated by praise and he is motivated by rewarding him with things he loves, i.e. looking out the window. He also spent some time outside in a carrier, watching daddy mow the leaves on the lawn. He went right back in the carrier a second time to go outside again. Loves that. We also very much try to be the parents. We are already teaching him not to go under the couch. We shew him out of there and guess what, he's learned not to go under there and stay there. We didn't block it off. We just taught him that is not his space. So, he's smart. He learns fast. I very much enjoy him when we sit at the window together and watch the birds and squirrels. He has also eaten at the table with us once and preened me.

Couple things I want to say. I said something about Romanian Crib Babies just because I feel his initial life experiences impacted his ability to bond. I truly feel that impacted him. But, I know his personality is also different. Note: Babies do die if they are not given love and only fed and diapered. They are also significantly impacted and wiring that is needed to love others is affected by that early experience. Just wanted to note that. I believe all animals need these appropriate experiences to have that wiring. My son-in-law is is a devout cat lover, tried to adopt a cat as a kitten and she never had proper socialization. He did EVERYTHING he could think of, but she was neurotic from lack of proper socialization. She is now happily a barn cat and lives at a friend's house among the horses in the barn.

Lastly, couple things I have learned so far -
-Give yourself time to grieve. You need space before you move on.
-Don't expect overnight miracles.
-Give yourself permission to ultimately decide it might not be the right fit but give yourself time to just BE and make that decision later, when you have given the time. Don't have pressure to feel you HAVE to approach it a certain way. I gave us grace to wait and see and it's okay to ultimately decide it's not right - but that gave us time to start to bond.
-Enjoy little victories and blow off the not great days.
-Walk away and take a break. Sometimes we just let him be for a length of time and that helps too....then we go ask him to be part of the flock.
-And ultimately, no animals or human beings should get a start without love and care. It's messed up.

Will be back with some more updates and maybe a pic with the two of us at the window.

 

[Scott]

Lovely update, so much respect for your analysis, empathy, and perseverance! My hunch is your bond with Jasper will continue to grow and blossom.

 

[Inger]

What a beautiful update. I’m a little teary reading it. I believe Jasper has found an amazing home with you. I’m glad you have been able to see the small improvements and give yourself the space to grieve and to be a haven for another birdie soul.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[T00tsyd]

I saw your first post and thought hard about what I would say to you, but then so much great advice followed I felt that there was nothing that I could add. Your update has brought a tear to my eye and says so much about you both as a parront and as a caring human being.
You are right that we should wait after losing a special friend. We should honour their memory until such time that we feel able to be vulnerable again, but much as you felt you had jumped too soon I think that there was something about this particular bird that touched you quite unknowingly. I admire you so much that you mastered your initial panic that you would not love him and just gave it time. He will never replace your last love but you honour his memory by giving this little one a good and happy life. Well done you I take my hat off to you.

 

[Stitchthestitch]

This update is beautiful and made me teary.

But please, do get excited about progress, and let jasper see that excitement, joy and happiness. Celebrate the small victories.dont look at how far you need to travel, but look at how far you both have travelled together.

When you both have a bad day, don't over analyse, just think right today wasn't a good day let's move on. The biggest thing that helps me , a wise friend told me, "don't look to the past with regret, look to the future with confidence, and learn from any mistakes made"

 

[MegZ]

Again. I have read all your comments. All very helpful. I (we) have felt very supported. We are continuing to make progress and he is now insisting that he spend time out of his cage. A switch is flipping. He seems filled with so much more joy than when we got him. He was really in terrible shape. The article after the link for the pic from my album reminds me of the situation Jasper was in....and why I bought him at a price that was higher than normal. Here is a pic of us watching the birds and squirrels at the window. I only seem to be able to post the link to my picture. Are there ways of directly putting it in here? NOTE: We just added our clings to the windows a couple days ago. He is not at the flying stage yet but we are prepping. He will have a warning at those windows. They weren't in this picture. http://www.parrotforums.com/members...re22790-jasper-i-watching-birds-squirrels.jpg And the article that reminds me of our story. Sounds like me walking into the shop. https://www.petful.com/pet-health/pet-stores-mistreat-animals/

 

[Scott]

Easiest way to insert images is via free image hosting site such as Imgur: http://www.parrotforums.com/technical-support/6287-how-post-pictures-6.html#post718293

Every member has a limited capacity to upload images directly to our server. Use the "paper clip" icon to right of smiley drop-down menu and browse your device for image desired to upload.

My method for duplicating images from your album to above post: Right click on image, select properties, copy the URL. I edited your post and clicked the yellow square box with black mountain highlight. (just below and to right of smiley menu) Clear the highlighted http:// prefix and paste your image, click "OK."

 

[Scott]

Want to respectfully call attention to the "happy hut" in cage. They are probably the number one most dangerous parrot accessory. Many birds have chewed and consumed the fine fibers, leading to blockages and serious illness including death. Secondary issues include a propensity to stimulate "nesting" behaviors. There are alternatives such as grass-based structures if desired, but if you insist on retaining, strongly advised to thoroughly check condition daily. Not all birds chew, just most!

 

[Stitchthestitch]

Jasper is absolutely stunning. He looks so full of adorable mischief

 

[noodles123]

Want to respectfully call attention to the "happy hut" in cage. They are probably the number one most dangerous parrot accessory. Many birds have chewed and consumed the fine fibers, leading to blockages and serious illness including death. Secondary issues include a propensity to stimulate "nesting" behaviors. There are alternatives such as grass-based structures if desired, but if you insist on retaining, strongly advised to thoroughly check condition daily. Not all birds chew, just most!

Agreed- those are very dangerous and hormonal inspirations for birds everywhere.
Keep up the good work, but do remove that (even if he like it). It is a "nest" and unnecessary...I can't help myself...."or should I say, unNESTesary" LOLLLL SO LAME OF ME..I KNOW...aside from the fiber dangers, they can create real problems with behavior and aggression over time.