sorry for my inactivity

[DallyTsuka]

some of you may have noticed i have been a bit inactive here. been facing a lot here, both my husband and i and just havent had the heart to do much of what we normally do. the flock is good, everyone feathered and furred are doing well for the most part.

however, all the news isnt good. as some have known here, i was pregnant with our first child here... but sadly was told last OB appointment that i have had a missed miscarriage and had to be induced medically. we will be trying again, but unfortunately we have lost this little one. we have been trying to look on the brighter side of things but it still has hurt us deepy.

then i also wound up in the hospital and was kept overnight the other night due to complications with blood loss and a blockage caused from tissue being passed but getting stuck. ended up held overnight on iv fluids, antibiotics, and morphine and in the most intense pain i have ever been in (saying something considering ive broken 10 bones in my life, torn muscles, and such) that even the morphine couldnt fully take away. i was given the all clear yesterday morning and i am on the mend normally now. it will still be awhile before we try again as we have to wait for my doctor's okay in my particular case, but we will be looking forward to having our own little one one day. it just wasnt meant to be this time around but some good has come out of it so i have to think about that at least.

this one at least helped us find a better home, a better living area, the best doctor we have found ever, and has started a better environment for the next one which hopefully will work out better. i wont forget the little one but at least they were loved even though we will never meet them. its been hard on both my husband and i but we are on the mend emotionally as well and are holding up okay.

 

[JennyB]

I'm so sorry for your loss and know you must be heartbroken. My feathered/furry family have helped me through a lot of tough times, though nothing as devastating as losing a child. Praying that you and your husband get the support and love that you need right now to get through this.

Sincerely, Jenny

 

[JerseyWendy]

Oh Casey, I am so very sorry for your and your husband's loss.

Many, MANY hugs to you!

 

[Terry57]

Casey, I am so very sorry for your and Devin's loss
I am glad you are on the mend, and you have such a wonderful outlook on everything.
You are an amazing person and I am so honored to call you my friend.
I am glad to see you here again.

 

[DallyTsuka]

Terry, thanks for all the support. it would have been harder if i didnt have someone to talk to about it.

 

[Terry57]

Casey, I am so glad I was able to help even a little. That's what friends are for

 

[jenphilly]

Casey,

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I hope you are feeling well and you are able to try again as soon as you are ready.

Hugs and thoughts from all of us.

Jen

 

[crimson]

oh Casey, I am so very sorry about your loss.

I was wondering why you haven't been on lately, I was going to pm you but changed my mind.

please take care of yourself, you need time to heal emotionally & physically.

 

[Freespin]

I'm so sorry to hear about what you are going through but they say everything happens for a reason and your precious baby must have been needed elsewhere.

Stay positive and focus on the next chapter. Thinking of you!

 

[RavensGryf]

Oh Casey, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, and your hospital stay.
Take care, as you and your husband heal from this disappointment... I'm sure your little one will be meant to be in the perfect timing. You're in my thoughts, I was wondering where you were

 

[DallyTsuka]

thank you everyone.

Freespin, you are right, everything does happen for a reason, i believe that anyways. it may be hard at times, but ive seen my fair share of bad things in life and i'd never change them because they happen for a reason. including this. i'll never get to meet them, see who they would have become, or get to know them, but it was out of our control, it was nothing we did or didnt do. these things happen but it still hurts and always will. it's just been one day at a time for now, coping with it. trying to distract ourselves with art and spending time together and with the fids. its been helping us cope.

i'm really hoping for better luck next time. this time around has been rough. both incidents that happened are very very rare. missed miscarriages are a very rare occurence where you miscarry but dont show any symptoms of it. your body still thinks you are pregnant, still pregnancy symptoms right up until the diagnosis and lack of heartbeat. but your baby passed away and you dont know. the sac even continues to grow, but your baby does not. there's only a 1% chance of missed miscarriages even happening, and it happened. and then a blockage from passing the tissue is also nearly unheard of. but it landed me in the hospital in such intense pain. it wasnt cramps that you get with a miscarriage, it was a different kind of pain. i couldnt sit down, couldnt move, couldnt do anything except scream at someone to help. it hurt so bad to do anything i though i was going to lose my mind from it. ended up passing the blockage on my own with the help of a larger dose of morphine but still something that shouldnt have happened. this happened friday night and i was released from the hospital yesterday morning with the all-clear.

i'm just praying and hoping the next time around is better. hopefully statistics will be better in my favour than this time around where the lesser odds seemed to like me. fingers crossed that i'll be in the statistics that say the next pregnancy following a miscarriage for most women goes better normally. i could really use some good news next time. but now i'll be really worried at every little thing next time D: at work i went off midnights this time because i work with hard chemicals and doing heavy work (maintenance work, most women wont do it, but husband and i do it lol), and i stopped lifting anything heavy, stopped doing anything that was risky, its been icy so ive been so careful walking (only slipped once on my way to the hospital 2 weeks ago for a small issue). we ate really good, i slept when i needed to... we did everything right and yet, it still happened. so it makes it even worse on us because its confusing, feels like we failed, and it feels like my own body lied to me and deceived me by telling me i was still pregnant but i wasnt. even my blood tests and other tests came back fully normal, my hormone levels were where they should be and everything, but still ultrasound and doppler confirmed no heartbeat, and there was just an empty space.

 

[Anansi]

Casey, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. My wife and I also went through the loss of a miscarriage when we were first trying for our 2nd child, so I have an idea of what you must be going through. Take all the time you might need to work your way through this and heal, both physically and emotionally. I'll keep you and your husband in my prayers, as well as the precious little one that you will both eventually bring into this world. God bless.

 

[getwozzy]

Oh Casey-- I am SO SO very sorry for your loss

HUGS!!

 

[Bundiibird]

Casey, so sorry to hear about your loss. I too, am a believer that everything happens for a reason. It was not meant to be this time however it does not make it any easier.

Many positive thoughts to you and your hubby for now and for your future bubba's.

 

[Allee]

Casey, I am so very sorry for you and your husband's sad loss and for the physical and emotional pain you've been going through. I've missed seeing your amazing photography and funny posts. Art has gotten me through a lot of dark times. I'm glad you and your husband have each other and you both have your Fids to comfort you. Take care and take time to heal. You are in my thoughts.

 

[hacatta]

I am so sorry you had to go through this.
My fathers neighbor actually had 13 miscarriages before they finally made it.
I have no idea how they were able to keep so strong to keep on trying.
It seems it happens a lot to people who actually deserves a baby.
I wish you luck on your second one ,and keep my fingers crossed for you.

 

[Kisota]

I just saw this thread!
Oh, I'm so sorry!!

Wow, this puts things in perspective for me a little bit. Here I was moping because a bird breeder with a big ego got her panties in a twist at me and decided not to sell me the bird I'd reserved.

But oh, I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. *hug* Hang in there. <3 I don't have much to add to what the others have already said, but I really wanted to offer my support as well.

 

[DallyTsuka]

I just saw this thread!
Oh, I'm so sorry!!

Wow, this puts things in perspective for me a little bit. Here I was moping because a bird breeder with a big ego got her panties in a twist at me and decided not to sell me the bird I'd reserved.

But oh, I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. *hug* Hang in there. <3 I don't have much to add to what the others have already said, but I really wanted to offer my support as well.

don't downgrade your problems because of my problems. they are still painful and significant to the people around you as well. i had read your post during one of the times i popped in on here silently. i dont have much words for your breeder there, at least nothing nice to say lol feel free to mope, you have every right to your feelings as well

 

[labell]

I am so sorry for you and your husband, having suffered one myself years ago I know the pain involved.

 

[Sadie13]

i just want to say that i was about to apologize for the lack of participation on the forum..then i seen your post...hun i am so sorry you are going through this...i am the mother of 2 beautiful girls but in between baby one and two i lost a baby i will hopefully someday meet on the other side....It isn't easy when you go into the euphoria of buying baby items/preparations...

i just want to let you know (maybe just reinforce) that time heals most things and maybe there was a reason you didnt understand, but your body did....

i hope i am not making matters worse..i jusr want to let you know i have suffered that dreaded reality too and if you need to talk please pm me...

i also want you to know that beyond that i have an adorable and spunky 3 yr old that makes me laugh every time she opens her mouth...she was my baby after my M/C and even she spent a week in the NICU.....just be prepared for what life lunges at you and feel blessed with all of the other random gifts you are given...again i am so sorry and i hope i am helping, not making it worse....