Thank you all. The only other parrot I knew well was Oliver the BFA, and he was so happily bonded to his Hooman that I never felt very sorry for him. He was so energetic and self assured and had no problems asking for what he wanted. Gus is different. Part of it is macaw personality vs amazon personality. Part of it is that Gus has an unknown past, so I mine his behavior for clues to see what makes him happy and what makes him unhappy. When I see him doing something like make a nest, maybe I should feel good that he is able to do something that comforts him. I don't know...it seems right and good to feel some sorrow and pain in the face of what is denied to him. When we allow ourselves to see and feel the suffering around us it's a good thing - the suffering exists whether we see it or not, and denial only hardens the heart. Bearing witness to suffering hurts, but it helps keep the heart open. It reminds me that love and kindness matter. You know that pins-and-needles feeling you get when the blood starts to return to your foot when it has fallen asleep? I think the ache I feel looking at Gus is the compassion starting to return to my heart after I have allowed it to be crowded out by "life".
You are right that it doesn't do any good to wallow in what is denied to Gus. his life is what it is, and there is no going back. He won't ever fly, or be wild, or raise babies but he can be happy. Feeling a little bit sad and guilty helps motivate me to make a little more effort to build him a toy or find things he likes to eat. When he goes to town bopping a toy or shredding a spike of paper, it makes me happy. Sometimes it's hard to tell what his actions mean - is making a paper nest good, because it's natural? Is it bad, because it will stir up emotions that can never be satisfied? I'm grateful for the comments and advice from Team Gus - it helps me make the best guess at what he needs. All I can do is to love him, do my best to meet his needs, and accept that there are things not in my control. Thanks for reminding me to be patient with myself as well, and to wait for things to unfold as they will.