Okay, terrible awkward encounter today...

[Nakiska]

Hi everyone,

For those of you who have been with my story since the beginning, you know that I have adopted DeRita from a family who felt they weren't doing her justice because she didn't stop plucking while living with them.

Well, I can't remember if I mentioned that the husband was having a hard time with this exchange and he actually didn't give me the time of day when I went to pick up DeRita. When I tried to offer words of encouragement and let him know that if things didn't work out with DeRita I would DEFINITELY offer her back to them...he threw his hand up and walked off across the street.

Well, I have sent Lisa some updated pictures of DeRita, even ran into her at the local grocery store a couple weeks ago. She ran up and gave me a big hug and told me how much she loved my updates.

I asked how her husband was, she said he was still having a hard time but she felt confident that she had made the right decision for DeRita.

Sooo...fast forward to today. My son wanted to stop by our local pawn shop to see about selling his x-box, games and accessories. So he loaded up his stuff and I grabbed DeRita to go "bye-bye" with us as she truly loves to get out and about and I love taking her.

I wait in the car with DeRita and my son comes out and says..."Mom, you have to go inside and give permission for me to sell my stuff."

Well, when I walked into the pawn shop with DeRita a gentleman behind the counter looked up and at first he looked shocked, then I couldn't really read him...he said "Hello Pretty Bird" I said..."Can you say Hi?" DeRita doesn't say anything, I continue walking up to the counter and he says..."What is your name?" And I look over at DeRita and say "can you say DeRita???"

I'm still looking at her and she's making her little growling sounds she does. The man says..."You don't remember me do you?" I look up at him not sure if he was talking to me, or DeRita....and I say..."Nooo...I'm sorry, I don't."

He says..."I used to own her, this was my bird." He reaches out to her on my shoulder and says "Hi DeRitaaa..." She refused to get on his finger and I actually thought she was going to bite!

I said to DeRita..."nooo noo...no bite" and he says..."Oh she won't bite me."

He says..."my wife should have NEVER done what she did. It has been a source of constant fighting."

Oh my goodness how I wanted to melt through the floor!

I said, "Oh my, I'm soo sorry! Would you like us to go out and wait in the car? I had NO IDEA you worked here, I would have never...."

He says..."No...no, it's okay."

He asked me a couple questions about how DeRita was doing, commented that it looked like she had grown a few more little feathers in.

He again tried to get her to go to him, she refused. He says..."you don't know how hard I am fighting back tears right now."

Again...I don't know what to say other than..."I am soo sorry but I want you to know that we really love her and don't hesitate to contact me if you ever want me to bring her by. I love to bring her out and about and show her off and she sure loves to go bye bye!"

He says...have you ever contacted my wife with an update? (good grief I can't lie to save my life!)

So I told the truth..."yes...actually I have texted her a few pictures and told her how she settled in, I think she didn't tell you because she knows you were hurting so."

Well then his boss walks in and he tells him "this was my bird." Well his boss had clearly heard all about her and he stutters...THIS one, This was your bird. He says...yes...this is DeRita.

Dead silence now...everyone staring at DeRita on my shoulder, content as can be.

His boss made some comment to him I can't even remember and he responded how his wife doing what she did has been the source of a month long fight.

I said...oh no! noo more fighting! DeRita is doing soo good and and I reminded him that he could contact me any time to bring her by if he thought it would make the transition easier for him and I again reminded him that I would never rehome her to anyone and if for some reason I needed to, I would be sure to offer her back to them first.

I don't know if that helped or hurt.

On the way home, I was thinking about this...I mean, yes HE CLEARLY loved DeRita...no doubt! I knew he didn't agree with giving her away, but for what ever reason he let his wife do it anyway.

My experience with birds so far is this...they don't easily forget...and I feel like had DeRita been more bonded to him, she would have still remembered him, it's only been a month....if she loved him as much, wouldn't she have happily and excitedly jumped up on his hand and started chattering or something to him? I mean, show excitement??

I know that when I am away from home with my husband, our longest trip was 12 days and man, we we got home our birds went NUTS!! Totally excited to see us.

Even now, when I get home from work DeRita is so excited and vocal and happy looking. I didn't see any of that when she saw Mike, she was just very content to hang with me.

I felt soo bad for him, his pain was real and I think DeRita "snuffing" him made it even worse.

Poor guy!

Toni

 

[itchyfeet]

Oh Toni! How awful for you all - big hugs!
I once had to rehome a horse. She was a lovely mare, but big, and young. I was doing well with her until a fall (it was my fault, I literally slipped out of the saddle at a standstill, God knows how), that lead to a broken wrist. Turns out I break easily, and that with young children/work etc. me riding was too much of a risk. I was devastated, it took me well over a month to make the decision, through which time I spend a lot of time with her but was clearly not myself emotionally or physically. I could feel her detach, and by the time she was sold she didn't really want a bar of me anymore. I know horses and parrots are hardly the same, but I wonder if something similar happened...

 

[Flboy]

So hard/awkward! But you are right, DeRita does remember him and wanted nothing to do with him. You are lucky you didn't get nailed with a displacement bite! Great bird!!

 

[Birdman666]

Here's the deal. I fostered an amazon for two years...

His former owner ALWAYS regretted giving him up, but was in a situation where due to a divorce, and unstable living situaiton, he couldn't keep her...

That bird bonded with me, and my flock (here are a few photos) and was a great bird BUT...









That bird and Sally were best buds... UNTIL One day his owner showed up out of the blue, just to visit... THAT BIRD LIT UP LIKE A CHRISTMAS TREE, DOTED OVER HIM, AND REFUSED TO GO DOWN... He asked to take the bird back. Was I going to say "NO?!" THAT BIRD WAS STILL HIS BIRD, THAT UBER-BOND STILL EXISTED. THE BIRD LOVED THAT GUY... and he went home. I kept him safe and loved, until HIS PERSON got back on his feet, and could come back for him. That was my role in that bird's life. And it was the right thing to do under the circumstances...

FLASH FORWARD TO YOUR SITUATION... DID THE BIRD LIGHT UP AT SEEING THE FORMER OWNER?! DID HE FLY TO HIM VOLUNTARILY? OR DID HE ACTUALLY WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH THE GUY....

Living with that guy she was miserable, and plucking. Sorry, but if you loved her, she would be happy, and happy to see you... That's "I don't want to go back to him, I'm happy where I am, thank you!"

There's your answer!!!

I can also tell you for a fact that I have visited some of the birds I've fostered over the years, AND ALL OF THEM were quite happy to come to me... so, to be "completely rebuffed" means something.

So, obviously, the guy is still quite attached to the bird, and I would send updates from time to time, BUT I WOULD NOT give the bird back, nor even entertain the idea.

YOU MADE THE CHOICE TO GIVE HER UP, FOR THE RIGHT REASONS, BECAUSE IT WAS WHAT WAS BEST FOR THE BIRD!!!

 

[Blancaej]

Hi Toni,

I went through a VERY similar situation with Coqui, My B&G macaw. I adopted him from a couple and Coqui actually originally belonged to the husbands mother. Well she was 90 years old and needed to rehome Coqui because she was getting too old to care for her. So her son and his wife took her with the intention of finding her a permanent home. The wife did all the care, but they both spent time with her. They were retired and wanted to travel so they agreed to find her a good home.

It was clear that the wife knew that it is what was best for Coqui but the husband, not so much. I even thought I was going to not end up adopting Coqui because he really didn't seem like he wanted to give up Coqui. But they BOTH agreed in the end. Picking her up was quite awkward, too. It was a very tough transition. The husband was crying in the other room while we were getting everything loaded in the car.

They came to visit just a month after I took her in and Coqui did not want to step up for him. He kept pushing her buttons and not paying any attention to her body language to the point she bit him and drew blood. He just wanted to prove he could still interact with her. I finally got to the point of telling them that I think we needed to end this visit. They were stressing poor Coqui out and I wanted to do what was best for her. It was clear that all he cared about was what he wanted. Drove me nuts!! I also think that is where she learned to bite so much! Because he wouldn't listen so she would resort to biting to get him to stop!

It was clear that he cared about his own needs and not Coqui's. So even though you feel bad about the husband in your situation, it is clear to me that DeRita is happy with you. The husband and wife need to figure our there own issues. It's not your fault or poor DeRita's. Don't allow yourself to get stuck in the middle of their drama, they need to work that out amongst the two of them.

Good luck and believe me, I feel for ya!

 

[Nakiska]

Thanks so much for your replies.

Birdman...I absolutely agree with you and I have zero intention of giving DeRita up ever! She is with us for life. Those pictures are AWESOME!

I really felt the same way both in the moment and after we left the store, that if DeRita was really attached to him, she would have showed it in some way. I mean, I know an excited bird when I see one and excited to see him...she definitely was NOT.

When I came home to tell my husband of the incident, as soon as we got out of the car and DeRita saw him, she started calling out to him and leaning forward and fluttering her wings to see him, he reaches out and DeRita immediately went to him, happy as a clam to go feed the pigs! LOL

My heart ached for him though, I just couldn't help it, I mean, I can't imagine being "dissed" like that by a pet I really thought loved me.

Blancaej It was all I could do to NOT text his wife and forewarn her of the accidental encounter. However, I KNEW that would do nothing for the greater good. So I just left it, yes for them to work out. HOPEFULLY husband will think about the meeting and accept that DeRita is happy and healthy and very well loved and in the end, that is THE MOST important aspect of all.

When I was in highschool, a good friend of mine fostered a macaw for 3 years for a dear friend going through rough times. Paco had a great time with my friends family and adjusted well, but when it was time for Paco to go home it was like the owner and him had never parted.

Even though it's only been just over a month with DeRita, I think she has bonded with us much more than she ever did with the previous family.

I'm still soo excited to have her!

Have a great afternoon everyone!

Toni