My perspective on my birds lives

[ParrotLover2001]

I'm not trying to blame anyone. I was just explaining why I couldn't get them to a vet sooner.
Why do you think I'm blaming someone.
And it's not my siblings, it's 1 of them, the mentally ill one is the problem.
If you don't like responding to me then why do you keep doing it?

Look, I'm sorry about how I make you feel, but you control that not me.
I promise that none of this will ever happen again.


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[Oli]

I'm not trying to blame anyone. I was just explaining why I couldn't get them to a vet sooner.
Why do you think I'm blaming someone.
And it's not my siblings, it's 1 of them, the mentally ill one is the problem.
If you don't like responding to me then why do you keep doing it?

Look, I'm sorry about how I make you feel, but you control that not me.
I promise that none of this will ever happen again.


Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk

After receiving advice from another user, I am done. I hope for the best for you and your birds.

I hope one day you can see that the implications of your words say more than the words themselves. It is not your fault that I feel angry, it is mine, but I still do not like t.

On a final note, I am very mentally ill, and I know at least two other members here struggle with severe anxiety (I.e. They are also mentally ill), so it's probably best in the future if you don't connect problem behavior and a will to hurt animals with mental illness.


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[gavagai]

You are very understanding. I like that.

Everybody makes mistakes. I fully understand not wanting to give your birds up just because you made mistakes. That said, in order to learn from your mistakes, you do need to take responsibility for them. Even if someone else is partially, or more than partially responsible, they're your birds and you need to recognize what mistakes you made in order to prevent such problems in the future.

It's very hard to find bird vets around here, it's not a "wait and see" thing, more like a "when we have time" thing. My parents are always busy, and the fact dad was on-call that week made it even more difficult to get out of the house (he had to go to work Saturday, so I took them Sunday). It's my mom who thinks bird are just a cheap, dirty, disposal, replaceable animal, she thought I could just get a new one if they die, so I had to get dad to take me to the emergency vet.

Outside of Portland, Maine is a rural state where going anywhere requites a lot of driving. I too come from a rural area; our avian vet was half an hour away and the nearest 24-hour animal hospital with significant bird experience was three hours away. With that in mind, would your mother let you take your birds yourself if you learned to drive? If so, I'd suggest that's an argument for learning to drive as soon as possible. If not I'd suggest learning to drive anyways, and trying to educate her on the intelligence and longevity of your birds in the mean time.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but as one of your birds was dying, instead of seeking vet care, did you not go out and buy another bird with your grandfather?

You know. Like something cheap, dirty, and replaceable.

It sounds like this was her grandfather's idea rather than hers, but the big question I have for the OP is this: why didn't you ask your grandfather to drive you and the injured bird to the vet when he offered to drive you to get a new bird?

That said, while I can't imagine getting a new bird while one I have is sick or injured myself I did once myself replace a bird on the same day I lost one, back when I was still very new to birds. When I got my first pair of lovebirds, I already knew that most parrots shouldn't be kept in pairs, but the store only sold them in pairs and said they needed to be in pairs and I believed them. The first pair I had a really sweet one and a territorial, aggressive one who killed the sweet one in less than a week. Though I was devastated, it was within the store's health guarantee, so I returned both birds and got another pair. I still wanted lovebirds, and I hoped that they would both be as sweet as the bird I had lost.

I don't blame myself too much for that first bird's death (children tend to defer to authority and the pet store at the time seemed like an authority), but I do blame myself for not learning the signs of inter-avian aggression, and I definitely blame myself for not separating the new pair. My reasoning at the time was that they seemed to get along, despite the fact that one plucked the other's feathers. I knew by the time that the plucked one died a year-and-a-half later that it's not a good idea to keep lovebirds in pairs, I knew that the plucking was dangerous (and gave them a heat blanket to compensate). I should have separated them and given the plucker a preening toy instead. But the plucker was also the friendlier of the two, and I took the line that is often used to excuse abuse: he does it because he loves her. That was a bad decision which resulting in the last easily preventable bird death I was responsible for.

OP, it sounds like most, if not all, of your birds' deaths and near-misses have been preventable. Most of them were understandable mistakes that you made out of ignorance. But to prevent similar problems in the future, you need to recognize where you made mistakes so you can avoid them (and similar mistakes) in the future. You can't control the mistakes that your mother and siblings make, but you can try to educate them, and you can control the mistakes that you make in the future.

 

[Owlet]

I'm sorry but it needs to be said, DO NOT get an animal of ANY kind if there's not a vet qualified to see them within your driving range. If it's an hour drive and you can do it, great fine, if you're not willing to drive an hour to get a companion critical care, don't get the animal. Period.

I get that YOU can drive right now and YOU may be willing to drive that hour, but your PARENTS are the ones driving that right now and if they think it's out of THEIR range, then it's not safe to get the animal. Wait until you have your license instead.

 

[EllenD]

I do not like how... responding to you makes me act. I do not like the anger or hostility that I feel when I think about you or the animals under your care. I keep thinking it best that I just leave you alone to deal with your own mistakes, but I feel like you still NEED to blame someone else. Your mom, no wait your siblings, no wait your dad. I so desperately want you to hold yourself accountable, but of course that won't happen if you refuse to be.

But of course I just don't understand right.


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Well said and 100% my feelings and frustrations as well. I feel like I'm a mean person or something when I respond to this OP, like I'm hypercritical or being extremely harsh to them in every post, but then I tell myself "well, in every post this OP is stopping and writing to a forum about yet another piece of drama that has happened, instead of immediately taking their birds to the vet. So I have to comment for the sake of her birds before more of them die". It's so frustrating and I don't like myself when I respond to her. But then again, I've never in my 37 years had contact with someone like this member, whether they be a young child, a teenager, or an adult.

Never have I ever met such a self-absorbed, immature, irresponsible, and just plain clueless person, regardless of her age. That being said, I do feel terribly bad for her because it's evident she has little support from the adults in her life and I truly believe her life experiences have not been great and have shaped her need for attention and her creating drama to get it.
And then I have to make myself take a step back and say "I can't help her and resolve her issues, I'm not a psychiatrist or a psychologist, I don't work for Child and Family Services, and I'm not even sure that her parents are aware of half the things that have gone on or are still ongoing in their house. One minute she's saying "My parents are responsible financially for taking my birds to the vet, and they said no" when we're telling her to get her bird to the vet immediately, then in the next post, I guess to cover her butt or for whatever reason, she writes "My parents will always pay for my birds to go to the vet, but I half to ask them, and I didn't ask them". Now forgetting the lies and the self-contradiction, why in the world would she not ask them to take her parakeet to the vet when she repeats several times "He has absolutely zero chance for survival" (said and repeated at least 4-5 times) and instead of seeking medical help for the parakeet she actually has the nerve (this still blows me away) to make a new post about getting to a bird shop by 5:00 to "buy a replacement bird because my current bird has zero chance for survival" and has the poor thing in a freaking cardboard box? She instead has someone (who knows who) drive her to a pet shop and buy her a "replacement" for her still-dying bird, instead of having that person drive the "dying" bird Toa vet and paying for much needed medical treatment, if only pain meds so the poor thing doesn't suffer. Then she got upset and angry and very defensive, then offensive, when no one could believe how she was acting, what she was writing on a bird forum full of RESPONSIBLE bird owners and lovers, and we called her out on her bs. This situation bothers me more than any of the many, many other. It's a never-ending cycle of drama and bs. And I'm done too, it's best to not respond directly to her because you'll just find yourself wasting your time, effort, and ultimately your breath.

And I guarantee she'll make a comment about how we need to "let everything she has said and done go" because it no longer matters what she has done in the past...Well I'm very sorry, but your past actions and words do matter when you don't learn a thing from them, you don't mature one bit, you still don't understand why we are mad and continue to say that we're "attacking" you, and basically don't change a thing about yourself or the situation your birds have been in. That's why the past matters and we continue bring up all of your many past actions and words, some which have resulted in the unnecessary deaths of multiple young birds that had no reason to die other than you being their owner.

Maybe if you actually could force yourself to also take a step back, as I and others have had to do, and look at the list of dramatic and either fatal or near-fatal situations every one of the birds you have owned have been put in (you've amassed quite a history) and say to yourself "Maybe I shouldn't have pets I'm solely responsible for right now, at least until I'm out of this house and working full time and I grow up a bit". But you won't, you're not even taking this "rehoming" thing seriously. But why should I be surprised about that.

Bottom line is that I have just wasted another 10 minutes venting about this members bs. And that's my own fault.

"Dance like nobody's watching..."

 

[Oli]

I do not like how... responding to you makes me act. I do not like the anger or hostility that I feel when I think about you or the animals under your care. I keep thinking it best that I just leave you alone to deal with your own mistakes, but I feel like you still NEED to blame someone else. Your mom, no wait your siblings, no wait your dad. I so desperately want you to hold yourself accountable, but of course that won't happen if you refuse to be.

But of course I just don't understand right.


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Well said and 100% my feelings and frustrations as well. I feel like I'm a mean person or something when I respond to this OP, like I'm hypercritical or being extremely harsh to them in every post, but then I tell myself "well, in every post this OP is stopping and writing to a forum about yet another piece of drama that has happened, instead of immediately taking their birds to the vet. So I have to comment for the sake of her birds before more of them die". It's so frustrating and I don't like myself when I respond to her. But then again, I've never in my 37 years had contact with someone like this member, whether they be a young child, a teenager, or an adult.

Never have I ever met such a self-absorbed, immature, irresponsible, and just plain clueless person, regardless of her age. That being said, I do feel terribly bad for her because it's evident she has little support from the adults in her life and I truly believe her life experiences have not been great and have shaped her need for attention and her creating drama to get it.
And then I have to make myself take a step back and say "I can't help her and resolve her issues, I'm not a psychiatrist or a psychologist, I don't work for Child and Family Services, and I'm not even sure that her parents are aware of half the things that have gone on or are still ongoing in their house. One minute she's saying "My parents are responsible financially for taking my birds to the vet, and they said no" when we're telling her to get her bird to the vet immediately, then in the next post, I guess to cover her butt or for whatever reason, she writes "My parents will always pay for my birds to go to the vet, but I half to ask them, and I didn't ask them". Now forgetting the lies and the self-contradiction, why in the world would she not ask them to take her parakeet to the vet when she repeats several times "He has absolutely zero chance for survival" (said and repeated at least 4-5 times) and instead of seeking medical help for the parakeet she actually has the nerve (this still blows me away) to make a new post about getting to a bird shop by 5:00 to "buy a replacement bird because my current bird has zero chance for survival" and has the poor thing in a freaking cardboard box? She instead has someone (who knows who) drive her to a pet shop and buy her a "replacement" for her still-dying bird, instead of having that person drive the "dying" bird Toa vet and paying for much needed medical treatment, if only pain meds so the poor thing doesn't suffer. Then she got upset and angry and very defensive, then offensive, when no one could believe how she was acting, what she was writing on a bird forum full of RESPONSIBLE bird owners and lovers, and we called her out on her bs. This situation bothers me more than any of the many, many other. It's a never-ending cycle of drama and bs. And I'm done too, it's best to not respond directly to her because you'll just find yourself wasting your time, effort, and ultimately your breath.

And I guarantee she'll make a comment about how we need to "let everything she has said and done go" because it no longer matters what she has done in the past...Well I'm very sorry, but your past actions and words do matter when you don't learn a thing from them, you don't mature one bit, you still don't understand why we are mad and continue to say that we're "attacking" you, and basically don't change a thing about yourself or the situation your birds have been in. That's why the past matters and we continue bring up all of your many past actions and words, some which have resulted in the unnecessary deaths of multiple young birds that had no reason to die other than you being their owner.

Maybe if you actually could force yourself to also take a step back, as I and others have had to do, and look at the list of dramatic and either fatal or near-fatal situations every one of the birds you have owned have been put in (you've amassed quite a history) and say to yourself "Maybe I shouldn't have pets I'm solely responsible for right now, at least until I'm out of this house and working full time and I grow up a bit". But you won't, you're not even taking this "rehoming" thing seriously. But why should I be surprised about that.

Bottom line is that I have just wasted another 10 minutes venting about this members bs. And that's my own fault.

"Dance like nobody's watching..."

At the very least, your solidarity is not a waste to me. Thank you Ellen.


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[chris-md]

Guys I think we've probably beaten a dead horse at this point. Can we leave it be?

 

[Scott]

Agree, Chris. This thread is fully developed, ranging from disclosure, introspection, discussion, frustration, to explicit honesty.

Accordingly, it is now closed. Thanks to all participants.