My girlfriend has a phobia of birds.

[Chassy13]

Hello everyone,

I'm looking for a bit of advice. I have been dating my girlfriend for a little over a year now. I definitely see this relationship continuing on. Basically since the start of our relationship, I have made it obvious that I have always wanted to own a bird when possible. We do not live together right now, but obviously plan on it in the future.

She has a fear of birds. If there is not a cage in between her and the animal, she is very very nervous, almost panicy. Flying freaks her out. This is very hard for me as well (I LOVE animals. She isn't crazy about them like I am, but she doesn't mind cats, dogs, etc.).

Recently I've been becoming more active in researching birds and preparing for a future purchase sometime within this year or the start of next year. She is nervous about the subject, but she is keeping an open mind very well. She looks them up too, she watches videos, and she gives honest opinions. It just wrecks her nerves having the bird INTERACT.

The reason this is a big deal is because if the bird attaches to her, I don't want her to neglect it. With her open mind, I hope to casually bring her into liking birds...or at least parrots.

We are starting by going to visit a petstore with birds. She does not want to handle them, just watch.

• Her FIRST concern is someone being attacked. Severe biting, landing in her hair, etc. I have informed her about biting and that it will happen.
• Noise is not much of a concern, but is possible. I don't want this one to be a main focus because she is a person who loves kids, and I have shown her how similar a parrot is to that! Haha.

I guess my main question here is: Does anyone have tips to bring her closer to birds? Has anyone experienced something similar before?

Thanks!

 

[Kalidasa]

Hi just wondering what sort of parrot are you looking to get? Is it big birds she's scared of, or all birds?

 

[Chassy13]

Hi Kalidasa,

Right now the most probable interest is a sun conure or Hahn's macaw. She is much more open to these birds than my favorite - B&G Macaw. The words have come out of her mouth that "macaws just freak me out". This response was also directed at AGs, Indian Ringnecks, etc. She liked the sun conure, and didn't say much about the Hahn's. She thought the ringnecks were pretty, and that's about all she said.

Barn swallows, crows, etc...typical birds you see everywhere can also make her nervous. It's the flying aspect I think.

So yes, the big birds are more of the problem. It's understandable really, but I also believe in what everyone tells me - that the bird might choose you!

 

[BoomBoom]

Welcome, Chassy!

I have not experienced this before but I can understand that these phobias exist and are certainly valid. I've seen videos online of people shaking in fear of their object of fear, whatever it may be. If this is a clinical phobia that your girlfriend has, I think it is more complicated than trying to get her to be close to a bird. If the flying is what scares her, then I can almost guarantee she will be afraid of whatever bird you take home. That is what birds are made to do after all.

For starters, I would expose her to situations where she will be in contact, directly or indirectly with birds. Take her to pet stores, to a friend who has birds, or to parrot sanctuaries. I think taking her to see parrots who have been given up will help you and her understand the extent of how these captive wild animals behave. Too often, you see a docile, calm bird at the petstore and think they will be like that forever. This might give your girlfriend the false impression that she can overcome her fear. If she sees the real deal, you will have a better idea of how things will truly be, before you purchase the parrot - most often, this purchase is final. The last thing you want is to be heartbroken and to have a distraught parrot if things end badly enough for a rehoming to occur.

Sorry if I am not making much sense! Been a tiring day. Whatever you decide, I wish you luck.

 

[Chassy13]

I'd love to visit a breeder or location where we can get in contact with the real deal after we go to a typical pet store. The only experience she has had with parrots is with her aunt, in which she thought it was annoying, but that was awhile ago if I remember correctly. I'm not sure on what species it was.

I myself cannot describe accurately the extent of her fear. She says the details she gets, but I have never seen her actual reactions in front of a bird. The only story I know is a pet store worker asked her if she wanted to hold a bird there, and it creeped her out a bit.

It's a difficult situation. I have loved birds since I was a small kid and always wanted to own one. It's just one of those things for some people, you know?

 

[BoomBoom]

Pet Stores would be a soft introduction, although you really won't see the birds flying in there. Perhaps later on, you can google parrot sanctuaries close to you. The flying thing is what concerns me the most. You wouldn't want a bird that is forever cage bound in your home. They will need to be given the chance to spread their wings, so your girl friend must really accept that. Also - parrots bite, in play, fear or aggression. She has to experience all those first, I truly think, in order to properly gauge her comfort level before taking the plunge.

I'm sorry you are in this situation. I can understand how it is to want something badly but the circumstances are too complicated to have it. Hope it turns out well in the end! Good luck!

 

[Chassy13]

I have informed her about how interactive you must be with the bird and the biting. I have kind of backed off on parrot-talk for awhile, I think I started to overwhelm her with the information. I spend hours gawking at parrot information thinking, "Wow! That is so cool!" and now I just avoid discussion about it while things cool down.

I have made it clear that I am an animal person. I can't live without some form of pet unless it's absolutely impossible. A bird has always been my dream pet. We've agreed no indoor dogs or cats, etc. It's not entirely a first-time discussion, but it is a difficult one at that.

I have learned so much about parrots just by joining this site and it enlightens my desire to be a parront even more. I know a fear of birds isn't even that uncommon, but it is also troublesome because I don't know her real extent of fear, either.

Thank you for the responses, BoomBoom.

Still looking for input!

 

[JadeC]

Maybe she can stand outside and watch you interact with the birds inside the sanctuary and if she feels ok watching them fly around you and maybe even land on you, then she can go inside. If she can't handle it, maybe you can't have a bird. I'd think your best option is to let her watch you interact. I know I feel more comfortable doing something if I see someone I trust doing it first. Maybe get a bird to land on you and play with it if you can, our pet it even.

 

[Chassy13]

That sounds like a great idea, JadeC!

I've never been to a parrot sanctuary before. This is where people sacrifice parrots they can no longer care for, correct? I have no experience with holding birds, I'm just a beginner and learning myself. Will they allow you to handle even the large birds in my case?

 

[JadeC]

Possibly lol Our you could just go to a pet store where they have the birds out, ya know?

 

[Chassy13]

I will take a look around. I'm going to head to a PetSmart/Petco tomorrow to see if I can handle any.

 

[Jayyj]

It's worth having a look round online about how to approach phobias in a general sense. I just had a quick look round and this article gives a bit of structure to facing a phobia: Phobias and Fears: Symptoms, Treatment, and Self-Help

There are also alternative ways to approach phobias, hypnosis for example, so speaking to your doctor about your options might be worth doing as a plan B.

 

[Chassy13]

That was a great article and thanks for sharing it! I'll definitely show that to her.

 

[Freespin]

Now though i never had a phobia of birds i certainly was never a "bird person" and my partners cockatoo certainly scared me haha. Anyway i magically became a bird person and ended up getting a Barraband because he wasnt daunting and looked sweet and friendly. He was a great first bird, especially once i learnt he didnt bite hard, and gave me the confidence with birds to now handle my partners bird no worries and confidently purchase a larger parrot to bring up. I now too would love a B&G mac =D

I guess my advise is to start out small and slowly. Maybe its a good idea to get a bird while you are not living together so it bonds well with you and she has time to adjust to the bird without having it there 24/7. Then to start with he can stay in the cage when she is over and once she is a bit better about the idea you can start getting him out or she could feed and scratch him through the cage? Im not sure if the sound alone of a sun might scare her a bit more?

Another idea is to find someone with a well trained calm bird you can go and visit. A budgie or a cockatiel would be a great start.

 

[khaiqha]

I've met several people with a fear of birds, and it's always the same - they fear a bird flying at them. They're not scared of biting or pooping, it's the flutter of wings. How I get them to be able to handle my bird is I keep everyone calm, human and bird. I explain my bird's body language, because part of the fear is being unable to read a bird and expecting it to fly at any moment.

Then I let them cue a few tricks with my bkrd, usually spin or fetch. This helps them relate to bird as a pet and not a crazy flying thing. After that I snuggle with my bird to show that he's really calm, and then I encourage the person to ask my bird to fly to them. Allowing the person to ask for the bird to fly to them helps them feel like they're in control of the situation. After that it's just continued desensitization.

The main thing is to find a nice, confident bird to introduce her to. Every bird is going to sense her fear and anxiety.

 

[JadeC]

Wow, khaiqha, that's really good advice. I wouldn't have thought of that, but it makes sense.

 

[RavensGryf]

Well I can sort of relate... My mom had ALWAYS had a fear of birds. She grew up having the fear. Believe it or not, she now has two birds who she absolutely LOVES! One day about 8 years ago when she was wanting a pet, I managed to convince her that it is a bird that she needs. The way I did it was to suggest a Rosy Bourke's parakeet as her first bird because they are pink (her favorite color), and are the least intimidating sort of parrot type bird you could think of. With a beak as tiny as a Budgie, Aussie Grass parakeets are way less likely to bite than a Budgie. Super cute too. I know you'd like something a little bigger though. She is still intimidated by beaks any bigger than her Princess of Wales (little bigger than a Cockatiel). Those are usually aviary species, so although hand fed, he doesn't like being touched. They run around the room and play with a million toys.. The boys are so spoiled

See? So my mom was a senior citizen with a bad bird phobia before she discovered how wonderful birds are, so it CAN happen!!

Though I never had the fear, there was a time before I was into birds. Could have cared less about birds. Friends had them, I'd just think "A bird. Whatever". LOL!! Now I'm a regular bird freak! One day I saw the most beautiful finch I'd ever seen, and it took off from there... So, bring her somewhere to see birds when she's in a good mood I wouldn't discount Budgies either. I had parrots for many years before I got my first Budgie, and I LOVE them! If you really stop to look at them play, move, interact with each other, you'll see they're quite funny and super cute. Their little bites are also not a big deal! Good luck...

 

[goalerjones]

First, how "bonded" to your gf are you? Do you see this lasting a long time, perhaps into marriage? If not then wait until this gf departs. Phobias cannot be easily dismissed. If it is a true phobia.
If it is an issue of knowledge deficit, that can be overcome. Simply allowing her time and continued exposure at a bird store can do the job, especially with the breeders assistance.

 

[Maria_Metropolis]

I used to be like your girlfriend, and I was terrified even of Budgies. LOL!

In any case, my husband really wanted a bird. I would introduce her to a very calm and cuddly bird like a cockatoo, to pet (not buy), and that's how I got over my fear.

Now I'm wondering why I even had a fear to begin with. They're not scary creatures, like tarantulas.

 

[Chassy13]

Hello everyone, quick update on what went on today.

After eating lunch we headed off to Petco. They only had cockatiels and budgies there so we didn't ask to handle them, but we did watch them for a bit. The nails of the birds were pretty sharp and my girlfriend noted that. The beaks and nails of the bird also creep her out, but I think this branches off of the fear in general.

We left Petco and headed for a PetSmart a short distance away. This store was larger and turned out to have two Green Cheek Conures, named Arrow and Chili. We asked a worker if we could handle them and shortly after, the worker was getting them out of the cage! My girlfriend took a short break to watch a cat named Cheeto and then came back to watch me.

The worker said that the two birds had completely different personalities, and she was right! The first bird she picked out was Arrow, who was a little uncomfortable with the worker reaching her hand in its cage. She 'swaddled' Arrow and talked a little about Arrow, and then I got a chance to hold him/her. Arrow did not move from being cuddled except for poking her head up from sounds. I pet her the entire time and she was incredibly calm.

After Arrow I asked to hold Chili too. He was the show-off. Before taking him out of the cage, he was hanging upside down like a bat and watching us. He was anxious to get out of the cage, unlike Arrow. I didn't get to hold Chili because he was bonded right to the worker's shoulder, playing in her hair! I tried to pet him but he nipped at me (which I also wanted to learn how a bite came about) and we just talked about them for awhile. She was very knowledgeable and loved working with the parrots, saying she wishes she could stop spending so much time with the fish, haha.

My girlfriend just watched through this process, she did not touch them. She liked Arrow a lot more than Chili, but she told me she was never super uncomfortable throughout the whole process. Both of the birds seemed like great fun and I'm glad she stuck around to watch. I could have sat there all day playing with them, but I had to work shortly after.

I'm going to message a few sanctuaries about visiting. The first time I might just go alone and then take baby steps from there with my girlfriend (petting one who is comfortable with touching, etc.). They said Arrow and Chili had been there since June which made me want to bring them home even more!

That's just how the first day went, so there is small progress there. I think a lot of the fear comes from the "unknown" of birds. It's a work in progress. I want her to also experience the sounds and other behaviors of them, but it's still a work in progress.

Also, quick question: Is it better to visit a parrot sanctuary or parrot breeder to handle the birds?