I thought he was on her shoulder when it happened? He didn't fly across the room to "get her", did he? If so, isn't it an overreaction for her to insist that he be locked up? I'm sorry, but I wouldn't be inflicting on the bird whatever she wants, even if it is unreasonable.
My cockatoo bit my girlfriend in the eye! Help!
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When the incident happened, my bird just jumped to my girlfriend's shoulder. Normally he just flies to get there and believes that people's shoulders are his righteous perches. My girlfriend wasn't happy with this habit even before, and I had been trying to restrain my bird, but at the time of the accident, the bird was already too close to her shoulder and I was too slow to block him.
Kalidasa
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If she's always been uncomfortable about it she most likely flinched, even the slightest flinch will illicit a bite.
ah. Ok, then. Fair enough. Thanks for the detail.
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Update #2:
After clipping and overall "security upgrade", biting is no longer an issue, and my Too does not show any aggression. However, he is screaming more now, and my girlfriend can no longer stand neither his voice, no the bird itself.
Today he is going for a weeklong boarding, and I'm not having any good feeling about it. My girlfriend (actually, she is my fiancee) started talking about leaving me, and I'm totally heartbroken about parting with either one of them. I think I would give up my arm just to keep them both, but, unfortunately, a third option like that is not available.
After clipping and overall "security upgrade", biting is no longer an issue, and my Too does not show any aggression. However, he is screaming more now, and my girlfriend can no longer stand neither his voice, no the bird itself.
Today he is going for a weeklong boarding, and I'm not having any good feeling about it. My girlfriend (actually, she is my fiancee) started talking about leaving me, and I'm totally heartbroken about parting with either one of them. I think I would give up my arm just to keep them both, but, unfortunately, a third option like that is not available.
BoomBoom
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AMEN!
I must have missed it in the five pages, but who did you have first, the parrot or your girlfriend?
In defense of his girlfriend, I can understand being scared of making a lifetime commitment to someone who has a pet that could randomly attack. This bird could live a VERY long time and making a commitment to him means making one to the bird as well. She may be fearful it could attack any potential children they may have.
This will likely be a not well received post. But I am a single mom of a 3 year old. If someone wasn't ready to commit to her as well I wouldn't marry them.
This will likely be a not well received post. But I am a single mom of a 3 year old. If someone wasn't ready to commit to her as well I wouldn't marry them.
riddick07
Well-known member
To me it sounds like the biting was a fluke caused by something random. It happens and you move on. This bird would no longer be a shoulder bird for me though (at least until a time has passed and you are sure it was just a fluke). Parrots bite when they are upset or startled its natural. You can think nothing happened but even a slight movement can startle them. Our cockatoo will jump at a piece of feather dust floating by her sometimes...they are weird that way 
I would get rid of the girl(fiancee)but I also don't like people very much so hey.:54: If she's not willing to work through difficult situations with you then I doubt it was going to last very long.... If it was a kid you had that hit her in the face you wouldn't just throw him/her away. The bird shouldn't be treated like an object that can be thrown away when the going gets a little tough either.
Also, what is with all the boarding? The bird is going to become super confused. I would start screaming too if I was being locked up or carted away somewhere all the time. Especially after what sounds like a pretty good amount of social time before the bite occurred.
I would get rid of the girl(fiancee)but I also don't like people very much so hey.:54: If she's not willing to work through difficult situations with you then I doubt it was going to last very long.... If it was a kid you had that hit her in the face you wouldn't just throw him/her away. The bird shouldn't be treated like an object that can be thrown away when the going gets a little tough either.
Also, what is with all the boarding
? The bird is going to become super confused. I would start screaming too if I was being locked up or carted away somewhere all the time. Especially after what sounds like a pretty good amount of social time before the bite occurred.
SandyBee
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And I have to add, all birds bite. It not a matter of If, but when.
If you want birds to be part of your life then you and the girlfriend need to hash it out, the solution isn't as simple as getting rid of this bird. You have to get a game plan and strategy in place for working with your feathered friend and making it safe for everyone.
I also don't see what the boarding will accomplish and a good chance things will become worse.
If you want birds to be part of your life then you and the girlfriend need to hash it out, the solution isn't as simple as getting rid of this bird. You have to get a game plan and strategy in place for working with your feathered friend and making it safe for everyone.
I also don't see what the boarding will accomplish and a good chance things will become worse.
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My fiancee can't be near the bird, and can't even tolerate any screaming. That's a sad fact. For the last two weeks, she was sinking into a depression, being convinced that the bird hates her and wants her out or just to kill her with his talons and beak.
For example, my Too always prefers to stay near me - hands, shoulder or just the floor or table nearby. This means that my girlfriend has to stay always away.
After I moved the bird into boarding, my GF is turning back into her happy self. But I know this is just a temporary solution. I can't make her love the bird, and I can't make the the bird to behave in a way that my GF will not find intimidating.
For example, my Too always prefers to stay near me - hands, shoulder or just the floor or table nearby. This means that my girlfriend has to stay always away.
After I moved the bird into boarding, my GF is turning back into her happy self. But I know this is just a temporary solution. I can't make her love the bird, and I can't make the the bird to behave in a way that my GF will not find intimidating.
TessieB
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Yep, I've heard this story many times involving dogs, cats, birds, snakes and so forth. In my opinion everyone in this household needs training. The bird needs to be trained to stay off shoulders, the owner needs to be trained that the bird is the bird and needs basic manners, and the girlfriend needs to be trained in how to handle the bird and how to keep it off her shoulder.
The screaming is the sign of frustration on the bird's part. He's a bird. He's protecting his 'mate' in the only way he knows how. He knows he's no longer number one in this relationship and is teed off big time. Again, he's a a bird. He's big, and he's loud. Even if you do find a bird-loving girl friend your bird is going to do the same thing. He's been allowed to rule the roost and sees no reason to share you.
You need to find a bird trainer/behaviorist to come over and council both of you on how to train the bird, how to understand its body language, and how to prevent further attacks.
Remember, the bird is NOT at fault. He knows no other way to make the statement that you are HIS/HER mate and will not share. You can sit and read all the suggestions here, but you are going to have to work to train your bird.
I understand why you boarded the bird-it may temporarily lessen his need to defend his territory. During this time you can think if you are prepared to make the changes needed to keep your bird. Doesn't matter if your girl friend leaves you. Chances are the next girl friend won't be liked either. Or the bird may like the girl and hate you.
You are in a tough spot. Get all the information you can and see what works for you.
The screaming is the sign of frustration on the bird's part. He's a bird. He's protecting his 'mate' in the only way he knows how. He knows he's no longer number one in this relationship and is teed off big time. Again, he's a a bird. He's big, and he's loud. Even if you do find a bird-loving girl friend your bird is going to do the same thing. He's been allowed to rule the roost and sees no reason to share you.
You need to find a bird trainer/behaviorist to come over and council both of you on how to train the bird, how to understand its body language, and how to prevent further attacks.
Remember, the bird is NOT at fault. He knows no other way to make the statement that you are HIS/HER mate and will not share. You can sit and read all the suggestions here, but you are going to have to work to train your bird.
I understand why you boarded the bird-it may temporarily lessen his need to defend his territory. During this time you can think if you are prepared to make the changes needed to keep your bird. Doesn't matter if your girl friend leaves you. Chances are the next girl friend won't be liked either. Or the bird may like the girl and hate you.
You are in a tough spot. Get all the information you can and see what works for you.
riddick07
Well-known member
Tessie what you said reminded me of when I was little (I was around 9) and had a hate hate relationship with my mothers boyfriend... it was all out war half the time and we all lived together so it wasn't always pretty. He wasn't willing to compromise or change his ways or work with me and make me like him... that relationship was miserable for a long time for my mother until she finally had enough and left! I'm glad I wasn't given away because I was not pleasant.... though she does say I'm adopted a lot and that she should have returned or sold me while I was still cute and pleasant
I can understand your in a bit of a difficult situation. For me it would be an easy choice but I would sell my own mother if it let me keep all my animals:54:
I can understand your in a bit of a difficult situation. For me it would be an easy choice but I would sell my own mother if it let me keep all my animals:54:
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Yes, Tessie, I agree with you. The bird is strongly bonded with me, more so than I with him. And I don't know how to explain to him that he's no longer my #1. Even if he does understand, it will sure not make him happy.
I imagined a family where everyone, including pets, share mutual love. That is probably a more difficult thing in reality.
I imagined a family where everyone, including pets, share mutual love. That is probably a more difficult thing in reality.
It strikes me that this is a bit more nuanced than the girlfriend being unreasonable.
What occurs to me in your situation is that your fiancé has suffered a traumatic event, as a result of which she's now reacting irrationally. The bird hates me, it's vicious, it'll happen again etc. We know it was an accident, that there are lessons to be learned and that it should really be chalked up to experience, but convincing her is going to be hard work. She's had a horrible experience, it's not her pet or her responsibility, and she deserves a little sympathy here.
I actually think you've done the right thing boarding the bird at this point - you obviously need to work things through with your fiancé and the tension you'e describing is not going to help the bird settle and behave calmly. I had a situation with a friend who regularly stays over, and who received a nasty bite from Alice within a few minutes of meeting her. For a while my friend was obviously on edge when Alice was near her, and Alice's response was to go into defense mode and take swipes when my friend came within reach. More experienced voices than mine might chime in on this but my suspicion is that birds don't recognize fear as such in humans: they process it as negative energy and view the fearful person as a potential threat. Tension building between your fiancé and the bird is only going to make things worse.
I think now things are calming down and while the bird is out of the house, it's time for a council of war with your fiancé and a look at your options. Explaining how important the bird is to you and how it is a lifelong commitment to take on an animal such is this is crucial; I also think it's important that she knows you take some responsibility for what happened, that perhaps you could have educated her better about the nature of birds as companions and the reality that the more you interact with a bird the greater the chances of a painful bite. Then it's a question of what options she's willing to consider: the suggestion of a behavioural specialist is an excellent one if she's prepared to give it a go: that way apart from a clear indication of your commitment to resolving the problem you get to improve your own handling ability of the bird, deal with issues such as screaming, and your fiancé will develop a far better understanding of how the bird's mind works as well as the confidence that she can coexist with it.
I wish you the best with it: the thought of choosing between a partner and your bird is a heartbreaking one, and I hope it won't come to it.
What occurs to me in your situation is that your fiancé has suffered a traumatic event, as a result of which she's now reacting irrationally. The bird hates me, it's vicious, it'll happen again etc. We know it was an accident, that there are lessons to be learned and that it should really be chalked up to experience, but convincing her is going to be hard work. She's had a horrible experience, it's not her pet or her responsibility, and she deserves a little sympathy here.
I actually think you've done the right thing boarding the bird at this point - you obviously need to work things through with your fiancé and the tension you'e describing is not going to help the bird settle and behave calmly. I had a situation with a friend who regularly stays over, and who received a nasty bite from Alice within a few minutes of meeting her. For a while my friend was obviously on edge when Alice was near her, and Alice's response was to go into defense mode and take swipes when my friend came within reach. More experienced voices than mine might chime in on this but my suspicion is that birds don't recognize fear as such in humans: they process it as negative energy and view the fearful person as a potential threat. Tension building between your fiancé and the bird is only going to make things worse.
I think now things are calming down and while the bird is out of the house, it's time for a council of war with your fiancé and a look at your options. Explaining how important the bird is to you and how it is a lifelong commitment to take on an animal such is this is crucial; I also think it's important that she knows you take some responsibility for what happened, that perhaps you could have educated her better about the nature of birds as companions and the reality that the more you interact with a bird the greater the chances of a painful bite. Then it's a question of what options she's willing to consider: the suggestion of a behavioural specialist is an excellent one if she's prepared to give it a go: that way apart from a clear indication of your commitment to resolving the problem you get to improve your own handling ability of the bird, deal with issues such as screaming, and your fiancé will develop a far better understanding of how the bird's mind works as well as the confidence that she can coexist with it.
I wish you the best with it: the thought of choosing between a partner and your bird is a heartbreaking one, and I hope it won't come to it.
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Jayyi, I agree this is my fault I didn't do much to educate my girlfriend.
While I'm a bird lover and never would have expected anything evil from my Too, my girlfriend had an attitude "Parrots are beautiful, but only in cages or in the wild". I kept assuring her how sweet my bird is and that he's never ever going to hurt her, except for some finger nipping. She thought better of it, googling things like "Can a parrot bite out an eye". I just laughed at that. Some mean, badly abused parrot may try that, but never my sweet, sweet Too.
It turned out she was right and I was wrong (even if I still don't think a goffin is capable of biting out a human eye). Now convincing her that my bird is actually good looks a very tough job.
While I'm a bird lover and never would have expected anything evil from my Too, my girlfriend had an attitude "Parrots are beautiful, but only in cages or in the wild". I kept assuring her how sweet my bird is and that he's never ever going to hurt her, except for some finger nipping. She thought better of it, googling things like "Can a parrot bite out an eye". I just laughed at that. Some mean, badly abused parrot may try that, but never my sweet, sweet Too.
It turned out she was right and I was wrong (even if I still don't think a goffin is capable of biting out a human eye). Now convincing her that my bird is actually good looks a very tough job.
TessieB
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You need to convince your gal that the Too is a bird who thinks like a bird, and not to take the attack personally. One thing a pet is good at teaching it's owner is how NOT to hold a grudge. You gotta forgive and let go. Move on to the next step which is how to deal with this situation. Frankly, I don't blame the girl for being afraid, as fear is how we survive. She is actually displaying good sense by avoiding the bird.
Again, I recommend you find a bird behaviorist who will help you. And remember you are not the only one who has been in this situation. I've seen this over and over and the animal usually suffers. Either the pet is isolated from the family or rehomed. Rehoming is an option if done correctly.
One of the few times I've seen the pet come out on top in this kind of situation was when the owner built an aviary, found the bird a mate, and forced himself to be content to watch the bird do his thing. While this guy was disgustingly rich, I admired him for his unselfish answer to his problem. He wanted to keep the bird as his personal pet, but realized he was a human who needed a human companion, and the bird was a bird who needed a bird companion. In the end he did the right thing. He allowed his bird to be a bird.
This is a difficult situation for sure but you have to keep everyone safe. You apparently have a thoughtful, caring nature, and your partner should be glad you don't want to simply throw the bird away. Because in the end you could simply throw her away, but in reality you are too responsible for that. And that's not a bad trait to have in a partner.
Again, I recommend you find a bird behaviorist who will help you. And remember you are not the only one who has been in this situation. I've seen this over and over and the animal usually suffers. Either the pet is isolated from the family or rehomed. Rehoming is an option if done correctly.
One of the few times I've seen the pet come out on top in this kind of situation was when the owner built an aviary, found the bird a mate, and forced himself to be content to watch the bird do his thing. While this guy was disgustingly rich, I admired him for his unselfish answer to his problem. He wanted to keep the bird as his personal pet, but realized he was a human who needed a human companion, and the bird was a bird who needed a bird companion. In the end he did the right thing. He allowed his bird to be a bird.
This is a difficult situation for sure but you have to keep everyone safe. You apparently have a thoughtful, caring nature, and your partner should be glad you don't want to simply throw the bird away. Because in the end you could simply throw her away, but in reality you are too responsible for that. And that's not a bad trait to have in a partner.
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