Lost my Gertie today

[CutiePi]

Hello,
After a month-long respiratory illness, probably aspergillosis, my heart's joy of 22 years, Gertie (Jardine's), died today. See my thread in the General Health forum, "Serious Respiratory Distress."
I'm just checking in for now, in between crying jags. I can't face my dining room, where her large cage is, and which I'd kind of converted into a hospital room.
My main comfort now is knowing her suffering is over, which, over this past weekend, was terrible. I'm glad I made the decision to stay up most of the night last night in the living room recliner, holding and petting her against my chest, which calmed her a bit. She just couldn't breathe, and the sounds of her struggling were hard to hear. I can only imagine what it was like for her. Holding her at least lessened some of the fear - for both of us. This is so hard to bear. Every loss is unique. For me, at least, it does bring the beauty and love in the relationship into sharp focus. And that does help.
Thanks for reading,
Judy

 

[Flboy]

It so really hurts! I am sorry for your baby! And your pain!

 

[Scott]

My deepest condolences, Judy, for your loss of Gertie. There is no way to prepare for overwhelming sadness after a long companionship, particularly following a month of convalescing. Parrots are keenly intuitive, and Gertie knew she was dearly loved. Many of us have been through similar, know there will be better days. For now, cherish the memories and be kind to yourself.

A wise friend shared this with me after a loss: "There is a sacredness in tears. They are not a mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition and of unspeakable love." Washington Irving

 

[wrench13]

Judy I don't know if you followed your original post, but I made a donation in Gertie's name to Cornell University's vet school, and directed it to be used for parrot related studies and programs. Now Gertie will live on in at least 2 places, at Cornell and in your heart. You were a good mom right to the end, I'm sure it eased her to have you close by.

 

[CutiePi]

Thank you so much, Al, for making a donation to Cornell in Gertie's name. That is a wonderful thing to do, I am very grateful, also for your kind words. Thanks also to Scott for the Washington Irving quote, something to memorize and pass on, as you have! And thanks to everyone! I'm so glad I got back onto these forums after a long hiatus. You guys are great!
Judy

 

[GaleriaGila]

Judy, thank you for sharing.
I am always so enriched when older birds' owners share these most most MOST difficult and intimate times.
I will face it someday.
And you have helped me prepare and accept, and be at greater peace.
*Patagonian hugzszszzs*

 

[Katu]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Please take care. You were there for her when she needed you most.

 

[Inger]

My heart goes out to you. Gertie was so lucky to have you there to give her comfort.


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[Skyrider]

Somewhere ~
somewhere in time's own space
There must be some sweet perching place
Where creeks sing on and tall trees grow
Some Paradise where all parrots go,
For by the love we feel at the end,
I know great parrots live again.

Adapted from a poem by Stanley Harrison

I am truly sorry for your loss
Take care

 

[Allee]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. These small creatures fill such a large place in our hearts and our homes, their absence is felt as deeply. I'm glad you were with her all the way to the end, those moments are precious. Twenty two years of memories will comfort you and help you heal and they are yours forever.

Fly Free Gertie, you will be remembered.

 

[Terry57]

I am so very sorry for your loss of Gertie. I am so glad you had 22 years of memories together that will hopefully comfort you during this very difficult time. My heart goes out to you.

 

[SassiBird]

I'm so very sorry. I hope you find answers and peace. I know it is little consolation, but your experience may help another bird some day.

 

[T00tsyd]

I am so sorry to hear your sad news. We take the loss of our friends so badly but I do believe that they are so much better at accepting the end of a beautiful life. It was hard for her at the end but she knew she was important in your life and you were important to her too, that was very clear.

She flies on somewhere and would be sorry to see you upset. We learn so much about love and life through them and it will eventually give you the strength to share that love with another some day.

Bless you.

 

[CutiePi]

Thank you, Allee, for your beautiful words of comfort. I am so grateful for the kindness and generosity of the people on these forums at this heartbreaking time. Gertie's suffering was truly brutal in her last days, and I'd give anything to have spared her that. But at least I held her close to my heart (literally the night before and always throughout her life), and I watched as she went into the corner of her travel cage while I drove like a madwoman to the v e t center. And then it was over. I know this will be a process to get through, and I'm glad to have this group alongside me.
Judy

 

[MySweetJess]

I just read this and you are in my thoughts. Gertie was lucky to have you. It hurts awful, we all know here and are here for you, thinking of you throughout the day. Her 22 years were full of love and caring and you will have pride once you can get past this hurtful phase.

 

[mh434]

At the end, Gertie had you with her to comfort her. She knew she was deeply loved, and that's all any of us can wish for at our end. She was a very lucky bird to have you share your life with her, and she knew that.

Somewhere, she flies free now, knowing that you will always care for her and remember her.

Rest in peace, free of pain, little Gertie.

 

[CutiePi]

Thank you so much, today's posters. I am deeply touched! Right now it's pretty hard to face each day without her. Being semi-retired (I'm now 70), and just by temperament, I spend a lot of time at home. While I did work this week, did errands, watched tv, etc. and am glad I did, the house is full of her everywhere I go. I know this will take time and I do trust the process. My husband, who also loved her but not in the same ways, has been supportive. He was recently diagnosed with prostate cancer and will have surgery on 8/30. And we have a 19 yo daughter we adopted from Romania who is mentally ill, hasn't lived at home since 2009. So there are other BIG stresses for us as well. And Gertie was a steady, sweet, comical companion through it all! We have our 6 yo mini poodle, Tasha, also a joy. It's hard to believe that our old dog Barnaby who died at age 17 in 2010 was 2 when we adopted 8 week old Gertie in 1995. Time is so strange. Anyway, I realized this post shouldn't be in the "quick reply" section! Thanks again for being there!!!
Judy

 

[LeaKP]

I'm so sorry...my heart ached for you reading this thread. Gertie was an amazing little life with an amazing parront. I hope time soothes the pain and a smile soon crosses your face as you remember the happier times.

 

[PetoftheDay]

You are in all our prayers, and you know she's pain free up at the Rainbow Bridge, right? We love you!

 

[CutiePi]

Thanks to all for your heartfelt empathy and loving support! It does help to ease the pain!
Judy