Is it because I'm short & petite?

[labell]

I am really getting annoyed with people not understanding what personal space is!

I can see it if you are on the subway and it is crowded but this happens to me on a regular basis standing in line at the grocery store or at the bank.

Some person, it has been both men and women and even children will get SUPER close to me like practically touching me. I move forward, they move forward.
I am an affectionate person with family and friends so it's not like I am a no touch person but when it is a total stranger it gets me very anxious! I am not afraid of anyone, I do tend to have that "little person syndrome" and will stand up for myself against anyone no matter what size they are but because this isn't a confrontation type situation but a matter of personal space I don't always know if I should say something or even what to say.
Tonight at the store it was an older black man and I didn't say anything though I was extremely uncomfortable because I really didn't want him to think it was a race issue. It wouldn't have mattered if he was a 12 yr old white girl he was WAY TOO close, I really can't be any clearer on that, it is never about if it is a man, woman or child, age, race and gender do not change the way it makes me feel.

The thing that really irks me is this NEVER happens to my husband who is 6' 3" and 225lbs no one ever invades his personal space so why is he entitled to that space and I am not? So I'd like to hear from others out there, does this happen to you, how do you deal with it, do you grin and bear it, do you say something? If so what do you say? Keep in mind also that this is somewhat of a phobia for me in that it doesn't just annoy me but makes me extremely nervous and uncomfortable.

When I got home I did give my husband a good laugh by telling him that I wish I had "Beetlejuice Spikes" that I could put out at will. The visual had him cracking up!

 

[getwozzy]

I'm sorry, but I had to laugh- you sound just like me!! I have a very large personal space bubble, that apparently nobody respects....

And of course it always happens when I'm by myself *sigh*

One incident happened at the pet store; I was waiting for the clerk to finish with his customer, and a guy came and stood behind me...VERY CLOSE.... I was holding a bag of dog food, and while he was trying to chat it up with me he kept bumping my bag... Finally I had it, whipped around and told him to back off because he was standing to close [emoji35] I turned back to face the clerk because it was my turn to check out and I rolled my eyes in disgust and he had a hard time holding his laughter. Lol

The most recent time was when my husband happened to be with me on a grocery shopping trip and this lady (who worked there) kept following me!! Not on purpose but when she would end up next to me, she was NEXT TO ME... She did this 3 times, and finally I gave up and decided it was time to go.

If hubby is with me, he usually stands between me and strangers because he doesn't care but he knows it gives me major anxiety to have strangers all up in my space bubble lol

 

[RavensGryf]

Laura, I can see how annoying that must be! I'm small too, but that doesn't happen to me.... maybe I shouldn't keep forgetting to wear deodorant :52: lol

What does happen to me A LOT is people ask me to repeat, or act like they can't hear me and lean forward with a strained look. It really surprises me and it bothers me because I do think my voice is of "average" volume. Maybe it just doesn't carry?! I don't know why it offends and insults me but it does, so I say it again louder than I need to just out of frustration :49: haha. Not to change the subject...

In your situation, maybe for example if you're in a check out line carrying bulky stuff, you can stand a little sideways and move a little so that you "accidentally" bump the person too close behind you? Maybe they will get the hint 'oh I must have been a little close!' That's usually not my style, as I'm more direct, but in this situation I admit it's pretty awkward. Or maybe glance back or to the side (not eye contact) and clear your throat or something and see if it at least makes them come to realize how close they're standing. And you're right, you want to be so careful if you say something because you don't want someone to think it's about race or whatever when it's not. I don't know why it's happening, but strange how we do notice these things though.

 

[Colorguarder08]

I'm not real short but it happens to me sometimes too. What I normally do is even if I'm only getting a couple items I always get a shopping cart then in the checkout line I stand infront of the cart so the person behind me has no choice but to give me my personal space.

 

[Mike17]

You have my sympathy, Iabell. I'm similar to your husbands statistics and don't often have "invasions of my personal space", the area of which is, I suspect, bigger for Australians than most other nationalities. Indeed, as a migrant nation, one issue we've had is people from cultures with less respect for personal space. We could write a book about the possible reasons people of smaller stature are impinged upon more frequently, I know as a tall person, it's polite not to emphasize height differences when interacting with shorter people- if a chair's available I'll sit down to talk It must be strange for some people- I know, I'm freaked out when, on rare occasions, I talk with people taller than me ...

 

[Mango121913]

Just sneeze in their direction. Works everytime! OR, well, nevermind...

 

[Giggleagain]

I'm short (what is short anyway?) and petite also. I get goose bumps and feel my hair standing up straight when some enters my personal space. My personal space begins where my fingertips are when I stretch out my arms and turn a full circle. That space is the absolute MINIMUM. I can handle buses, elevators, etc. where the lack of space is obviously the reason someone is standing too close to me, but some situations where there is no reason a stranger (or even an acquaintance) is riding my tail, call for defensive action. I've taught myself to forget all my social manners, do the unexpected and take the offensive.

- give them "the look"
- yawn in their face without covering your mouth
- take a step towards them (or three, depending on your needs)

The worst offenders are those who practically stand on top of me when I'm entering my pin number at the grocery check-out. Since step 3 is usually impossible because they're already standing on my toes, I just give them the look and hiss: "please step back, would you like it if I saw YOUR pin number?"

The worst offender is a tall, standing man speaking to a sitting woman who can neither get up (because he is standing too close) nor roll back her chair. I've solved that problem by going on the offensive also. Since I can't physically remove the dolt, I am not embarrassed to say "get your crotch out of my face or you'll be singing soprano". And I say it LOUDLY so everyone can hear it. Neither he, nor any other man who heard it will ever stand too close to you again.

 

[SammyStarshine]

Oh my goodness. This thread is hilarious. I laughed so hard. No disrespect! I would be upset at this situation as well. But the posts concerning what was done to combat the invasion of space was just too funny. Made my morning.

I can't stand men who stalk women in grocery stores. Happens to me quite frequently. they come up and ask the stupidest questions. "excuse me, can you tell me where the soup base is? Which brand do YOU prefer?"

REALLY BUDDY? So annoying.

I need a bigger wedding ring

 

[Kiwibird]

I think this thread is going to touch a sore spot with a bunch of people. Lots of rude morons out there who can't comprehend why total strangers don't want them standing on top of them...

If it were possible, I know I would stay home all the time I hate dealing with the general public and am on the opposite end of the spectrum from a social butterfly. I usually wait to do my shopping until late at night if at all possible. There are less people out at 10pm and they tend to keep a polite distance away because theres no excuse of it being busy for them to get too close. And if they do, I give them a dirty look. If I do have to venture out to a crowded place during the busy hours, I find having an overall "less than amused" look plastered on in the store tends to keep the weirdos back. It also helps that I deliberately act slightly crazy:54: I just kind of (in a mumble) re-read my shopping/to do list to myself whilst walking around. People tend to give a nice little cushion of room to people muttering to themselves

 

[labell]

Thanks everyone my husband had given me the same advise about standing in front of my cart I will give that a try.

Mike17 I find it amazing that guys the size of you and my husband don't realize most of the time how tall you are. My husband also finds it strange to talk to people taller than him. He says looking up feels weird! Welcome to my life! When we were redoing our kitchen I asked him to crouch down to my height for a bit and see what was in reach, his reaction..."Wow this sucks!" Yep!!

I do feel I am going to have to start being rude. I have tried clearing my throat, stepping back a step into their space which doesn't seem to bother them! About a month ago I did get rude with a young boy who was looking at all the candy next to me and was actually touching me including my butt. He was about 11 yrs old I turned and asked his mother if she had taught her child what personal space was? She gave me this blank look. Then I said get your child away from me! She moved over to a different line. Oh well!

 

[labell]

I do often wonder if they realize how rude it is or if they are really unaware. It's like getting caught in a small space with a woman who has doused herself in perfume. I go into an asthma attack and wonder how bad a person has to think they stink to wear that much perfume. Soap and a shower lady, solves all your woes! I have told woman strangers, they have too much perfume on, it ALWAYS gets a bad reaction no matter how politely I say it!

 

[bonita]

Dear labell, In answer to your question it is my opinion that people have become less considerate of others in general over the last 25 years or so. That would include things like personal space. People are so involved in their own wellbeing that they are not thinking of the needs of others. This being magnified in cities. Also things like manners which 30 years ago were important for parents to teach have become less so. Bonita

 

[Giggleagain]

Oh don't even get me started on perfume....

 

[Betrisher]

A few hundred years ago when I was at school, if people got too 'crowdy' on the bus, my friends and I had a surefire cure. One of us would retch loudly and say 'I think I'm going to be sick!' That almost always causes everyone within reach to take a wide step away and stay there. I can't recommend this technique highly enough!

 

[Mike17]

How about a concealed fart cushion? That should clear some of the ones that get too close Of course, you have to perfect the angelic "it wasn't me" face. I've found it to be uncomfortable in crowds, now. Although I grew up in the city, I've worked in the bush for 3 decades, and mostly on my own for the past 2 decades. Having said that, I don't mind if relatively intelligent people drop into my office for a chat, as long as they don't get too close!

 

[mrsef1]

Mike, I'll agree with you on that one that I don't mind if a random civilized intelligent person sits across the table from me and we can have a debate or something. Now as for being in areas like a grocery store people really don't mess with me. I'm 5'9 and around 270 so many people will not get up in my personal space which is usually a good thing as the people I always go to the store with don't have the same luxury (I'm the tallest in my family's home).

 

[Dopey]

Some of it is cultural and some of it is just plain rude. It seems to me to be getting worse but then again I live in an area that is growing so maybe it's just because there are more people to deal with. Or maybe it's because I'm getting older.

In the stores - I use the cart and if they don't give me my space I ram the cart into them. And I don't apologize.

In some cases I have started having a panic attack and people back off. I really can't stand people too close to me.

I guess by now you realize that you aren't alone.

But this is a great topic.