I love you, NOT

[Leo1865]

We recently adopted 2 b&g macaws. We had no intention of getting anymore birds, we already have 2 Umbrella Cockatoos and an African Grey. The first one is 40 years old, I had brought her home to care for her during Hurricane Florence. I volunteer at a bird rescue and I offered to care for any birds that need a place to stay. She has never been very friendly, she really only liked the director, that was until I brought her home and she saw my husband. Love at first sight. She would snuggle up on him and give him kisses. The director offered for her to stay with us because she was very happy, normally she never does that, but was in the best interest for her. She had plucked her feathers prior to this and now her feathers are coming in and no feathers in the cage, yeah!

A few weeks ago I met this guy who had a 4 yr old B&G and he didn't want her anymore. He has 2 young girls and another one on the way, and his wife was scared of her. I told him that I would be interested, we he was making plans for me to pick her up, I hadn't even seen her yet. I figured it was best I brought her home and if it didn't work out I would take the time to find a good home. We guess what, he loves my husband too. It seems that both of them prefer men. They tolerate me, and even will let me pet them sometimes.

Okay after all that, here is my question.

Do you think they will ever accept me like my husband? I know it is to early to know much, but what can I do or not do to get them to like me more. This weekend my son came in town and our 4yr old wanted my son. This was the first time I seen her trying to regurgitate. Here I am giving her food, treats, water cleaning the cage and I get the cold shoulder. I guess I am just looking for advice and what I can do.

 

[Laurasea]

Awww dang! Guess I'm lucky it's just me, no divided loyalty. Though my two little GCC did get along great with my ex... I don't know if this would help you at all. But I did short introductions I put the bird on him, gave a treat then took them right back and repeated often. He also gave them treats Everytime he came over, then we sat side by side and passed the birds back and forth giving them lots of treats. They ended up loving him..

 

[ChristaNL]

Learning to tolerate? Certainly
Learning to you love you ...who knows...


Japie came here "he hates men" - he bit one only once! (and we are still not sure if it was intentional or just an emergencybrake because he overshot his target- a shoulder- while he was still rediscovering his wings).
-> Once he figured out friends = snacks, attention and fun&games we never had a problem.

Sunny is a man's macaw (or so I have been told) - and I am not a man ...
She has/had a lot of issues so not sure if representative for B&G macaws but she is not always very sociable... but is starting to copy the greys in 'visitors are fun' (maybe one day she will be truely convinced?).

My not so humble opinion: find out what really motives your birds (food, fun, exitement, quiet&scritches) and find out where they feel safe but not overly confident pick that spot for some serious "work"
(If a bird has been allowed to become cage-territorial you obviously do not want to start making friends with them at that particulair spot.)

Sorry (off topic): I know most people here go with "my cage is my castle and a bird should allowed to do whatever it wants once inside" ---I do not agree, it is like food-guarding/agression in dogs - yes it happens, but a welltrained dog allows you to safely touch his food (and also to remove potential harmfull substances from its mouth).
Teaching a bird to be polite to visitors cuts down on accidents (bites and such, no problem with a finch/ fingerthreatening with a macaw!) and gives you much more freedom to move toys/perches/etc in the cage and safer& easier cleaning.

Like all the stickies about bonding, training etc (you've probably read them all) it depends on the bird and how consistent you (humans) both are.
Socializing a one-person-bird is easy or very hard.
Macaws are pairbonding birds that stick together even when they are not breeding, the greys seem to have more of a 'flockmentality' -> so they are easier/ more open to welcome yet another flockmember.

The 4 year old is just beginning puberty - so probably a handfull for a few years to come, but also still easier to convince to 'live the social life'.
But since they kind of accept you already... give them time.
Maybe you do not have to do anything but being your generous self - if not there are always bribes

(I have the sneaking suspicion that "the wife being afraid" gave that little girl-macaw some mixed signals about human-females so give her time to change her mind.)


Oh... you know the first macaw-eggs are due in januari, right?
So.. take it easy and wait till the peak of hormonal upheaval is passed?
(as always: hormonal birds are not the most coorperative ones around)


Have both birds been DNA-tested?

 

[Betrisher]

Welcome to the sad reality that some parrot owners face. You cannot make your bird love you, no matter how hard you try. It really is just that certain 'je ne sais quoi' which a bird will pick up in some individuals but not in others. Our galah *hated* the women of the family but doted on the men. The new corella seems to prefer me (at least for now) and has no time for anyone else.

My best advice is that you be the only person who feeds and gives treats to your birds. Let your husband be the 'bad guy' who puts them in their cages while you reward them like mad with tasty treats.

Beyond that, it's just up to them, really.

 

[noodles123]

I think time is huge...I also think you should avoid encouraging regurgitation, as it is a sign of a hormonal bird who is confused and it can lead to aggression/egg-binding/resentment (even towards the object of affection).

I would say that you have your hands full for sure and that your probably don't need any new "fids" for awhile....or ever, given the life-expectancy of those you have (unless you have a MASSSSSSIVE set-up, unlimited funds and don't care about bonding with them individually). That having been said, thanks for adopting and helping them! There are too many re-homed birds in this world in need of loving homes!

Do make sure you quarantine etc in between new birds...There are many diseases spread by feather dust etc.

If you are using solid behavioral practices, allowing 12-14 hours of quiet sleep, feeding a good diet, interacting without being overly-domineering etc and just giving things time, I think it will get better...at least tolerable...It could take months/years, but with enough positive associations (and in the absence of extreme hormones) there will likely be some form of acceptance.

That having been said, as bird people, you know that you didn't sign up for loyalty in the same way that you do when you get a puppy. It is sometimes very hard to know...Hang in there! Also, keep in mind that birds often bond to other birds more quickly than they do to humans. You may have to adjust to the idea of having a special bond with some (but not all) of your birds...Broken record: I still think time is crucial (think about how an adopted/traumatized kid might feel following a 2nd or 3rd adoption).

Edit: Birds often change their opinions as their ages progress--- especially at puberty (much like a human teen rebelling against his/her loving parents). It is going to be a complicated and bumpy ride, so just know that, whatever happens, you adopted them. Be patient and let go of the idea of needing approval and you may just find that it appears when you least expect it.