I feel like a horrible owner

[Birdiegirly]

Hi, I just made an account, so I am not sure if I'm using this site correctly. Please forgive me.

I'm sorry if this comes off as more of a vent, but I just feel bad. I've had horrible nightmares about my bird because I feel so guilty.

I got my sun conure over 4 years ago, and from the day he met me, he was super attached. I'm a student and he's about 7.

We had a big house, so we had the space for him, but now we live in a smaller apartment with only a few rooms. My bird can't be left in the living room because A, The kitchen is connected to it, and B, He screams 95% of the time he's not with me. I, of course, understand sun conures scream, but even if I walk just a few feet away from him, he'll scream or fly towards me. He gets SUPER upset when he's away from me. I can't have him in my room while I'm in there because he'll just scream. Sometimes he refuses to come out, yet still screams and I don't know why. He has all types of toys to shred and chew. I don't know if he's lonely? We considered getting another bird, but worried about the space or it having the opposite affect.

I can't have my bird out with me all day at all times, and we can't have him screaming all day because we now have neighbors.

This was so much easier when we were living in a big house, but now I just don't know. I never planned for this and I don't know what to do. I don't know how or IF there's any way I can "calm him down".

I don't want to get rid of him, but the last thing I want is for him to have a bad life.

I especially feel bad because of my physical and mental health preventing me doing ao much more. I feel bad that my bird doesn't like to play, I feel bad that my bird REFUSES to eat anything but pellets, chips, apples, and seed at times. I feel bad that sometimes I wake up too late in the day. I feel bad that I get frustrated at him.

My mom says what we're doing is cruel for not socializing with him enough and keeping him in a room that she thinks is too dark (he doesn't like when the lights are on, it upsets him, so we have something like a nightlight, but it's alot brighter.) She said it was like a puppy we were locking away all day. It made me feel horrible because I try to give him a good life with good food, clean water, a big cage, tons of toys, especially one's with bells (they're his favorite).

Also, my mom can't take him out, because he doesn't really like her. I'm generally the only person he likes. He puffs up and gets really mad around other people.

I'm trying my absolute best with him because of the circumstances we're in, but I feel awful. He's sitting on my chest as I type this, and closes his eyes so cutely when I give him scritches. I love him so so very much and I hope he knows that, so that's why I'd feel like I'd be abandoning him if I were to give him away. I don't want to do that, but I have NO idea what to do.

I just can't stop crying, am I a bad person?

 

[kme3388]

Hi there, welcome

Sun conures have a scream that can wake the dead (exaggerated of course but it’s pretty bad). The best thing to do is to exercise your parrot, and provide them with enrichment when you are gone. I find when my conures fly (exercise) they are tired, and that they are a lot less prone to scream. Toys are great for keeping parrots occupied as well. Change them out often too. If your parrot hasn’t touched the toy in months more than likely he/she never will.

Nothing is going to make a parrot like a sun conure quiet. You can just use distractions, and hope that the frequency that the screams occur dissipates. I’ve found my sun is more loud at sun rise, and sunset. I’ve had conures for a long time so I don’t notice their screams anymore. It’s like music in the background to me. They are definitely not great for an apartment lifestyle. I can hear my conures from a block over.

Parrots are very social creatures. It is important to get them out daily.

Getting 2 parrots isn’t recommended unless you yourself want another parrot to interact with. The reason I say that is because parrots aren’t always friends. Sometimes they don’t like each other just like us humans. Then you will be dealing with 2 loud conures, and double the noise without benefit of the problem that you are having.

 

[pebbles1553]

oh your definitely not a bad person! you're trying very hard to do your best. That is a very good bird owner. yes, it can be difficult sometimes, but keep it up! ur doing your best!! now id have a conure, so i cant really recommed anything, but don't feel bad.

 

[Mango the Sun Conure]

Hi, I just made an account, so I am not sure if I'm using this site correctly. Please forgive me.

I'm sorry if this comes off as more of a vent, but I just feel bad. I've had horrible nightmares about my bird because I feel so guilty.

I got my sun conure over 4 years ago, and from the day he met me, he was super attached. I'm a student and he's about 7.

We had a big house, so we had the space for him, but now we live in a smaller apartment with only a few rooms. My bird can't be left in the living room because A, The kitchen is connected to it, and B, He screams 95% of the time he's not with me. I, of course, understand sun conures scream, but even if I walk just a few feet away from him, he'll scream or fly towards me. He gets SUPER upset when he's away from me. I can't have him in my room while I'm in there because he'll just scream. Sometimes he refuses to come out, yet still screams and I don't know why. He has all types of toys to shred and chew. I don't know if he's lonely? We considered getting another bird, but worried about the space or it having the opposite affect.

I can't have my bird out with me all day at all times, and we can't have him screaming all day because we now have neighbors.

This was so much easier when we were living in a big house, but now I just don't know. I never planned for this and I don't know what to do. I don't know how or IF there's any way I can "calm him down".

I don't want to get rid of him, but the last thing I want is for him to have a bad life.

I especially feel bad because of my physical and mental health preventing me doing ao much more. I feel bad that my bird doesn't like to play, I feel bad that my bird REFUSES to eat anything but pellets, chips, apples, and seed at times. I feel bad that sometimes I wake up too late in the day. I feel bad that I get frustrated at him.

My mom says what we're doing is cruel for not socializing with him enough and keeping him in a room that she thinks is too dark (he doesn't like when the lights are on, it upsets him, so we have something like a nightlight, but it's alot brighter.) She said it was like a puppy we were locking away all day. It made me feel horrible because I try to give him a good life with good food, clean water, a big cage, tons of toys, especially one's with bells (they're his favorite).

Also, my mom can't take him out, because he doesn't really like her. I'm generally the only person he likes. He puffs up and gets really mad around other people.

I'm trying my absolute best with him because of the circumstances we're in, but I feel awful. He's sitting on my chest as I type this, and closes his eyes so cutely when I give him scritches. I love him so so very much and I hope he knows that, so that's why I'd feel like I'd be abandoning him if I were to give him away. I don't want to do that, but I have NO idea what to do.

I just can't stop crying, am I a bad person?

The fact you feel guilty means you are not a bad person. You are trying your best. Conures love to scream. These past few weeks I have been busy and haven’t spent as much time with my conure as I used to. So every time he would see me he would scream. I’ve noticed that when you let your conure know you will be back most conures tend to scream less. As silly as it many sound birds understand and are very intelligent. Conures are smart birds. I would recommend setting a routine with your conure so they get used to it and know you will always be back for them. It is not about the quantity time you take your bird out/ spend time with it, it is all about the quality!
I used to work from home due to Covid so now coming back to the office I feel bad leaving my conure but some few things I have done to make it a little better for him is having a radio on when I go to work. Mango loves to listen to 80s music. He dances and sometimes mimics the sounds. I usually play it as background music quietly. Before I go, I give him a foraging tray with high reward treats (sunflower seed or nutriberries). I also open the one of the curtains and he loves to look outside. Before I go I give him extra cuddles and let him know I will be back. I usually show him with my fingers how many hours I will be gone for usually it’s no more than 5 hours. When I come back I always let him know I’m back. I hope sharing what I do when I have to leave my bird helps.

 

[GaleriaGila]

I think you're wonderful for caring so much and trying so hard. I'll tell you my story. It may help, or at least relieve you of some guilt. My favorite saying... A BURDEN SHARED IS A BURDEN LIGHTENDED...
story to follow...


My story...
I got him in 1984. I was fearing getting evicted due to his noise, and my family at the time HATED him. I recall struggling to make a decision, sitting on the floor of my townhouse, watching him race and skip and frolic around on the tile floor, and then run to me GRINNING, so proud to be showing off for me. I would just stare at him and be amazed: imagine --- a real parrot in my house, and it loved me! I felt so guilty and inadequate and afraid at one point that I had him in his travel cage and was planning to take him back to the bird store. I opened the front door and couldn't go through. Closed it. Sat down. Took my little love out and promised him we would stay together.
I didn't really believe it, but I wanted to. Eventually, I did. I was in college back then, and at least I could spend a lot of time with him.
Then there were were years (about 25 of them) when 5-6 days a week, I was gone at 7:30-ish and back at 6-ish.
Some did and will consider me wrong and think I should have re-homed him. My husband at that time detested the bird. My current ol' man tolerates him with good humor. No, the bird wasn't responsible for the first marriage's ending!
Anyway, here is what I think made it work.
I moved and got new jobs maybe 5 times or so. BUT...
Every morning, he had at least ten minutes, and every evening, he had 20 or so. I have always kept him on a natural light schedule, in a separate room, so sometimes those times together were in the dark. During the day, he had a big window looking out on something interesting, a television on one of his favorite channels (music channels, shopping channels), a biggg cage, lots of fun foods, and a few toys that I changed out regularly).
He KNEW he could count on those two crummy sessions a day. Somehow we both made it.
I'm now retired and times are good again. Side-note... when I first started being able to spend much more time, he was strangely aggressive and jumpy. Eventually we settled down.
I don't know if I am doing a service or a dis-service in even suggesting you keep a bird while working. I do know I can't imagine life without mine at this point.
Good luck to you in making a decision. And welcome to the Forum... you'll get lots of empathy and advice here.