i dont know how to deal

[Gina83]

I don't know where else to go. My family has tried to comfort me but they don't fully understand how deep my grief is. I had my orange winged amazon since I was 9 years old, I am 32 now. She passed away early this morning. I have other animals and a 9 month old and I can't deal, I can't stop crying. I don't know how to be without her. Thankfully my daughter is napping right now because I can't stop crying

 

[Birdman666]

I know what you mean. My most bonded bird ever was a 38 year old blue fronted amazon. Losing that bird was like losing a child...

People don't get that because they haven't had those decades of interaction the way you have.

Grief is normal. But life does go on. It has to... but when you're grieving, grieve.

Let it out. It's normal.

 

[Gina83]

my mother lost a 3 year old. I remember my mom saying that when Diana first died she could hear her calling for her. I found myself opening the shoe box that I wrapped her(Apollo my parrot) body in just to make sure she wasn't sleeping(or in a coma)

 

[RavensGryf]

I am deeply sorry to hear this about your dear old friend, Gina. I have lost birds before, and I grieved for a long time, but I know it will still be much different when I eventually lose Robin. He is the most bonded bird I'd ever had. I have had Robin since he was a juvenile 21 years ago. I just don't know how I'll handle it, and that scares me to think of it. I hope it won't be for a long time. Everyone grieves when they lose a special member of the family, some you just grieve harder for. I do understand that. Hugs.

 

[Gina83]

thank you birdman and Julie for your support. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have other bird parents to talk to. I am an emotional wreck. I miss Apollo. I can't function. I feel like a zombie that's having anxiety attacks

 

[Flboy]

That bond works both ways! The pain is real, and there is healing! I lost my oldest daughter 2 years ago. It isn't easy, but you learn to cope!

 

[Gina83]

I am very sorry you lost your daughter, I can not imagine losing a child.

 

[Flboy]

I am very sorry you lost your daughter, I can not imagine losing a child.

Your Amazon was your baby, mate, companion! We have a choice, never love, and therefore never mourn,..... or love and know either you or your loved one will mourn! Your pain is what is healing you right now!

 

[henpecked]

Welcome to the forum. Sorry to hear of your companion. I've had my zon for 45yrs now. I don't know what I'll do if she doesn't out live me. I can only imagine your pain. Thoughts and prayers for you.

 

[cnyguy]

So sorry for your loss. As so many others here can, I identify with what you're going through. It was one of the roughest things I've ever gone through when George the YCA passed away after being with me for 40 years. I will always miss him, but now I can take comfort in all the good memories I have of George-- as in time I hope you will be comforted by your memories of your Amazon.

 

[greytness]

I'm so sorry. I don't know how I can help you get through this horrible pain, other than to say that you both were to very blessed to have had each other to love and cherish all these years. Your baby was a family member, and it's going to take time to grieve.

Sending hugs and strength your way.

 

[Gina83]

I would like to thank everyone for listening and I am sorry for all that has had a loss. I greatly appreciate it. A lot of people don't understand how much you can love an animal. That's why I never wanted any children, fear of losing one. My grandmother loss a little girl, my mother loss a little girl. Here I am with a 9 month old girl. For months my cat I've had for 12 years had problems with her throat just recently we had taken her back to the vet for testing because we already had her on 3 different antibiotics, no cancer she just needs some kind of steroid shots. Thought great no heart breaks this is going to be an awesome holiday season.

 

[Gina83]

My husband has said 'you know the more I get to know animals the more I hate people'. If there were more animal lovers in this world it be a better place

 

[PetoftheDay]

Part of loving anyone strongly is the great pain when we lose them. Bit remembering the happier days and times does help. For my own part, I have now been widowed for 6 months and two days, and had other deaths amongst friends and family since then. So much so that I let all my siblings and friends know they are all forbidden to die at least this year,

Do sry, write down stories about her as you remember them for your daughter to read when she is older, too! And anyone who says, "She was *just a bird*" you can cross off your list of acceptable friends.

 

[Gina83]

There were times when I was in denial. I saw my mother get into the closet and I asked her what she was doing then she said I am looking for a suit for your father and I said 'why are you looking for him a suit he's sick he can't go anywhere'. she just looked at me like I was dumb. After a long transition from this world to the next, after I saw him take his last breath I saw my mother fall to the ground. I thought she was going to die right along with him. When I found out he had cancer I remember for months waking up crying. The night before he passed I was sobbing so hard I couldn't breathe. I couldn't handle seeing my daddy emaciated, couldn't drink a swallow of water, he was gasping for air. After all that I was in shock not to mention exhausted. This person I was supposedly close with said at the funeral 'wow I thought you'd be really upset', apparently I didn't look upset enough for them. My point is grief does not get easier although being able to talk to you all has helped me more then that person at my daddy's funeral for years I was angry at that person. She didn't understand that I was in shock. I know Apollo(my awesome bird daughter)is up there with my daddy on his shoulder

 

[Terry57]

I am so terribly sorry for your loss, and cried as I read your posts. What a gift to have had that many years together, but makes the passing all the harder.
I'm sure you're right that Apollo is keeping your Dad company until they see you again.
My heart goes out to you,.

 

[Gina83]

Apollo died around 12:30 in the morning of the 6th. By 1:30am my husband and brother had taken her cage, toys food and everything out to the garage. I'm thankful they did that because I couldn't handle going into the room after she passed. We still haven't been able to bury her because it's been raining. It's hard waking up in the morning and not seeing her cage by the window. I got upset because I saw they forgot her peanuts on the counter but when I get a chance to bury her I will bury her pnuts with her. Everyone please do me a favor and kiss your feathered(and any pet child you may have) children for me. They are all precious

 

[Scott]

I'm very sorry, Gina, for your loss. It is a circular thought that a deep and unconditional love for a pet leads to the trauma of an agonizing grieving period. Having confronted this myself with the inevitability of others only reinforces my desire to continue closely bonding with my beloved avians, knowing life without ever having loved them is a far lonelier place.

It is hard to imagine a happier time, but the mind does indeed process the hurt, and at some point the beautiful memories will bring smiles.

It seems your family has an awareness of your pain even as they may not fully understand the depth of loss. Take care of yourself, and visit this thread and forum often!

 

[Minimaker]

 

[Gina83]

that poem was beautiful thank you