Here we go again...

[Birdman666]

My significant other is (more than) slightly pissed at the amount of attention I devote to my birds, at the expense of the attention paid to her...

I'm trying not to make a big deal about it, but this is a potential deal breaker for her.

I love her, and I also love my birds...

I am dreading the "forced to choose between us" ultimatum, that always seems to come next.

I honestly feel like I shouldn't be put in a position where I have to choose...

 

[Terry57]

That must be really hard to deal with...you should never have to choose and lose a loved one, be it human or bird. It does seem like if you choose her, that you will not be able to have birds in your life...could you deal with that?

 

[JerseyWendy]

I'm so sorry. I truly hope she realizes that NO man (or woman) should EVER have to choose.

I hope you can work this out. Isn't she a bird lover, too??? Do any of your birds take kindly to her???

 

[thekarens]

The fact is, when you get involved with someone who has kids, dogs, birds, whatever, you are accepting them as part of the deal. Anyone who tried the me or them approach would be out the door.

It would be different if you were already together and then decided to have kids, pets etc.

 

[Agapornis]

I agree with thekarens. If I found myself single in the future, and any new guy didn't like my birds, then he would have to hit the road. How long have you been with your SO? Your birds are no different than if you had kids, and she was complaining that you put your kids ahead of her. This may sound insensitive, but you might have to cut this one loose and start looking for another bird person. Life is short, don't waste time with someone who doesnt "get it" when it comes to birds.

Sorry you are going thru this!

 

[Betrisher]

I wonder whether it has to come to an ultimatum?

I mean, maybe it's not a question of you giving too much time to your birds and not enough to her. Maybe it's just that she's feeling a bit left out at the moment? If you made a few nice gestures toward her, it could make all the difference. Women sometimes need a bit of reassurance that they really are beautiful/special/sexy/clever/funny etc. It needn't have anything to do with the birds except that she sees you have no trouble showing how much you love them. Just a thought... I could be wrong.

I hope you manage to sort it out! Good luck!

 

[TessieB]

My poor husband has put up with my animals since we met. We actually had to schedule our wedding around the petsitter's availability. Apparently June is an active wedding month-even way back then. And when we got married I had a hatchling turtle tucked away in the sash of my wedding dress. And our honeymoon destination was only an hour away so if there was an animal-related emergency I could drive home. Of course nothing happened and I still have the husband and still have the turtle. Both have gained a little bit of weight. Well...so have I, but only the horses complain about that.

Keeping a life partner is not easy. We've had our moments but it's never been about the animals. I have my own career and no kids so I had plenty of time to share between the hubby and the animals. And while I got carried away with fostering, horse shows and so forth, I had to remember to make time for my spouse. Even if it was one hour a week. I like to leave gag gifts around to let him know I think he's special. And to be honest, I think the animals saved our marriage. All those feathers, furs and fins, gave me comfort on the nights I had to spend alone wondering if my husband's law enforcement job had killed him.

And, no, my husband-despite his country heritage is not an animal person. While he can rebuild a transmission, he's not that handy when it comes to construction but can barter for work when he needs to. The Old Boy Network has come in handy for barn raising and coop building. And he doesn't like too many animals in the house, but is always nosing about the 'hospital' room to see what's in there. If he makes noises about the money being spent on the animals I'll make noises about all those cars we got sitting in the garage that need driving. We learned to argue and get over it. Even so, we make sure our bills are paid and take on nothing above our means.

Having a partner ain't easy. Only you know what's important in your life. Do take a moment to get away from the birds and have a good talk with your partner. See if anything left to salvage. You never know.

 

[crimson]

I think you need a guys point of view as well

my husband lets me be with my birds all the time.
he knows if I'm not happy, he won't be happy.
It a balancing act and a commitment on both parts.
just my .2c

 

[getwozzy]

I don't believe it should have to come to an ultimatum...but really- a happy wife = a happy life Spend a few extra minutes here and there with her, go on a date, have lunch with her.... I'm sure there are a few easy things you can do to spend more time with her...and I agree with Trish- maybe she's just feeling left out?

 

[legal_eagle]

If there's no issue of a legal obligation (i.e., marriage or children), it's really a personal decision of weighing the costs and benefits of your various options. Just be careful about trying to appease her, because that will only whet her appetite for it.

 

[Pinkbirdy]

Birds do require time [theirs no way around it] .I used to be on the other side .Max our Grey [I didn't want ] was "Daves bird". I don't know when and why I decided [I needed my own ] . But wow look at me now !!! I Love Love Love them !! She needs her own bird and make her a "Bird Girl" [show her this thread ]

 

[MikeyTN]

I'm fortunate that my partner loves our animals as much as I do. But the birds are more of my thing but some of the birds do prefer my partner over me. I hope everything goes well.

 

[faeryphoebe1]

I'm so sorry that you're going through this.

 

[Birdman666]

I've had to make that choice before, and a few times it has been made for me, usually earlier on than this.

My personal take is anyone who knows how much they mean to me, would love me enough to not try to force me to get rid of them.

Most of my birds have been with me for over a decade. My significant other? Only about a year...

THAT DOESN'T MEAN I VALUE THE BIRDS ABOVE HER, IT MEANS SHE EITHER DOES NOT KNOW ME, OR LOVE ME, ENOUGH FOR THIS TO WORK LONG TERM...

And I'm still hoping that isn't the case. But my past experiences tells me that at some point it's coming...

 

[SandyBee]

If it's meant to work out it will.
If it wasn't the birds it would be something else, never lose yourself for a relationship and always give it the best of what you've got. In the end you will have no regrets.

Live, Love and Laugh enjoy the moment for what it is and hopefully the 2 of you will find the strength to work it out. If not then the next chapter may be even better and sweeter.

 

[Birdman666]

Birds do require time [theirs no way around it] .I used to be on the other side .Max our Grey [I didn't want ] was "Daves bird". I don't know when and why I decided [I needed my own ] . But wow look at me now !!! I Love Love Love them !! She needs her own bird and make her a "Bird Girl" [show her this thread ]

She has a tiel. And cats. She doesn't hate them. She likes the birds. But apparently I dote on them too much, and her not enough. Or so I'm told.

 

[ruffledfeathers]

Maybe it is just a jealousy thing. It sounds funny but some people feel threatened by seeing someone show love to someone else. My ex bf started out jealous of my dog. He said the strangest things about it too. I know i tend to be very open and obvious and "wear my heart on my sleeve" whereas he was not that type of person--so i think just the "emotional style" of my interactions with my pets may have seemed off-putting. Perhaps your SO loves the animals but doesn't share with you the type of connection with an animal, so truly doesn't "get it" and is just jealous/insecure about it.

 

[Pinkbirdy]

Birds do require time [theirs no way around it] .I used to be on the other side .Max our Grey [I didn't want ] was "Daves bird". I don't know when and why I decided [I needed my own ] . But wow look at me now !!! I Love Love Love them !! She needs her own bird and make her a "Bird Girl" [show her this thread ]

She has a tiel. And cats. She doesn't hate them. She likes the birds. But apparently I dote on them too much, and her not enough. Or so I'm told.

Your too much of a bird person to change now !! My family cries tooWhen Im cooking they say is that "for us" . Nope , it is for 16 of those wonderful beings that have to live in cages. I wouldn't sweat this [as you said you have been their before] My attitude would be "If you cant beat them join them"

 

[mtdoramike]

I'm sorry you are going through this. But I also have to look at both sides of the coin too. Take it from someone who has been married for 40 years to the same significant other that there needs to be compromise on both sides. Yes, 5 birds is very demanding, especially when you add macaws in the mix. It was almost a full time job taking care of two birds, so I can imagine how it would be with 5.

If the strain truely is the birds and the devotion you spend with them then the choice would be a sad but easy one for me to make. Although they are family members, the birds are still animals and should not have the same comparison or take the place of human relationships.

 

[thekarens]

I'd have to disagree with that. If the birds came after the relationship then yes, but if they came first then the significant other knew what they were getting into or quickly should know. When you brought all those birds into your life you committed to them and she should understand that. As far as I'm concerned it's no different than kids. I believe I'm long term commitment and compromise, but that's for decisions made after you become a couple, not decisions you make before you knew that person.