Guilt he’s not with me 24/7

[BlueSeas]

Hi all, new member but have browsed before and you seem to give very straight-talking (but knowledgable) advice, and was hoping you could impart some wisdom.

How do I stop feeling guilty and anxious leaving my boy even for short periods?

I did not used to be like this. I lost my first bird a few months ago, and have had anxiety ramp up since then. First it was about his health, now it’s about his care.

I work from home so he’s with me most of the day and out for hours at a time most days (unless being naughty!), pelleted diet and loves foraging toys where he gets seeds. Working on getting fruits and veggies in there.

Yet when I finish work in the evening (and leave bird room/office) I feel immense guilt. I have visions of him just perching alone or sad.

• He will play with foraging toys but unless I continually refill them, eventually they run out.
• He has the radio on when I am not there; all day weekends, and after work weekdays
• Icover him for sleep between 8-9:30pm as I start work around 9:30am.
  • we worked very hard to bring screaming down and extra sleep I think helped with that.
  • I’ve seen some people talk about having 12-14 hours sleep; I worry about him less when I know he is covered, but I don’t want to punish him or cover him earlier just for my benefit
• He is about 10 years old, a rosella, not very tame (as expected, although some are!) and likes to perch behind me, on my monitors, or chew my books and computer wires

On weekends it’s worse. He hangs out with me in his pak-o-bird (we have a cat, so he is in a bird room and also can’t move his cage to a more central location) but especially if I head out of the house for a few hours I just can’t stop worrying about him. I know there’s lots of discussions about parrots with separation anxiety, but I think I’m the one who has it!!

I will bring him with me outside for errands but the fact that I feel guilty on weekdays just isn’t healthy. I am speaking to a therapist about this anxiety but I hoped you all could share your thoughts too <3

 

[GaleriaGila]

Hi all, new member but have browsed before and you seem to give very straight-talking (but knowledgable) advice, and was hoping you could impart some wisdom.

How do I stop feeling guilty and anxious leaving my boy even for short periods?

I did not used to be like this. I lost my first bird a few months ago, and have had anxiety ramp up since then. First it was about his health, now it’s about his care.

I work from home so he’s with me most of the day and out for hours at a time most days (unless being naughty!), pelleted diet and loves foraging toys where he gets seeds. Working on getting fruits and veggies in there.

Yet when I finish work in the evening (and leave bird room/office) I feel immense guilt. I have visions of him just perching alone or sad.

• He will play with foraging toys but unless I continually refill them, eventually they run out.
• He has the radio on when I am not there; all day weekends, and after work weekdays
• Icover him for sleep between 8-9:30pm as I start work around 9:30am.
  • we worked very hard to bring screaming down and extra sleep I think helped with that.
  • I’ve seen some people talk about having 12-14 hours sleep; I worry about him less when I know he is covered, but I don’t want to punish him or cover him earlier just for my benefit
• He is about 10 years old, a rosella, not very tame (as expected, although some are!) and likes to perch behind me, on my monitors, or chew my books and computer wires

On weekends it’s worse. He hangs out with me in his pak-o-bird (we have a cat, so he is in a bird room and also can’t move his cage to a more central location) but especially if I head out of the house for a few hours I just can’t stop worrying about him. I know there’s lots of discussions about parrots with separation anxiety, but I think I’m the one who has it!!

I will bring him with me outside for errands but the fact that I feel guilty on weekdays just isn’t healthy. I am speaking to a therapist about this anxiety but I hoped you all could share your thoughts too <3

Oooooooooooooooooooh, your parrot has it GOOD!
Still, I know it's hard to deny them anything and everything. That's how I wound up with such a spoiled devil.

A good excuse to tell the Rb story... thank you!

I got him in 1984. I was fearing getting evicted due to his noise, and my family at the time HATED him. I recall struggling to make a decision, sitting on the floor of my townhouse, watching him race and skip and frolic around on the tile floor, and then run to me GRINNING, so proud to be showing off for me. I would just stare at him and be amazed: imagine --- a real parrot in my house, and it loved me! I felt so guilty and inadequate and afraid at one point that I had him in his travel cage and was planning to take him back to the bird store. I opened the front door and couldn't go through. Closed it. Sat down. Took my little love out and promised him we would stay together.
I didn't really believe it, but I wanted to. Eventually, I did. I was in college back then, and at least I could spend a lot of time with him.
Then there were were years (about 25 of them) when 5-6 days a week, I was gone at 7:30-ish and back at 6-ish.
Some did and will consider me wrong and think I should have re-homed him. My husband at that time detested the bird. My current ol' man tolerates him with good humor. No, the bird wasn't responsible for the first marriage's ending!
Anyway, here is what I think made it work.
I moved and got new jobs maybe 5 times or so. BUT...
Every morning, he had at least ten minutes, and every evening, he had 20 or so. I have always kept him on a natural light schedule, in a separate room, so sometimes those times together were in the dark. During the day, he had a big window looking out on something interesting, a television on one of his favorite channels (music channels, shopping channels), a biggg cage, lots of fun foods, and a few toys that I changed out regularly).
He KNEW he could count on those two crummy sessions a day. Somehow we both made it.
I'm now retired and times are good again.
I do know I can't imagine life without him at this point.

 

[rheashard2]

Grief hits hard aggravating any feelings of guilt and separation anxiety. My story. I got my first grey, had 2 small dogs. I was a travel nurse. State to state city to city, year to year. The four of us had a wonderful time. Then I decided to stay in Texas. Dogs were in late teens. I was worried about them. Well pups went to canine paradise 6 months apart at 17 and 18 yo respectively. My grey had been with them since 4 months. We gave each other comfort. We were both getting back to normal. It took nearly 4 years. Then I was gone for a few hours. There was electrical fire w mainly smoke. My companion of 20+ years was gone. It was devastating. Just before this I got physically injured. I became moody, contrary but not self destructive. My daughter became worried. Don't know what she saw. She saved up and purchased another hand fed baby grey. She remembered just enough about how to find and purchase one. She took the little one to my previous avian vet on way home. I could only stare at the feathered bundle. She refused to say where purchased. I still had cage. She helped me clean it. The little ate pellets (Harrison, that I prefer) and my vet sold it. Then I had to go through training for both of us. I check on her frequently. It was very hard to self discipline myself to prevent her from reflecting my neurotic behavior. That was nearly 20 yrs ago. I still check frequently. I take her out of cage randomly during the day. I listen to her at night. My reading and training helped me a lot with grief, anxiety, projection and more. Yes, my grey milks me for everything that she can get. But I did get limits in place. My daughter and I are at mild odds. I protest any fires; fireplace, grill, incense etc. I feel electric cords for heat. I honestly don't know what would've happened if she smoked! Channel your anxiety into something that you and your feathered bud can enjoy. Believe me spending lots of time researching, evaluating and learning how to make safe toys, chop, and the like, where to purchase ingredients and materials will not leave much mental energy for worry. You may not be physically close when doing your projects but the mental satisfaction is great. The personality between my two greys is interesting. #1 was into sound effects and whistling. He spoke but not extensively. He preferred action films, anime and the like. This grey is a true motor beak. She talks and talks and talks. She's proved that the 1K vocabulary is ridiculous. Her vocabulary is in the thousands. She likes some cartoons, anime etc I don't mind them. She loves sitcoms, talk shows, live chat and the like. I dislike them intensively. She somehow can tell if my daughter is having a vid conference. Then I have to humor her by getting my daughters permission for feathered participation.

 

[kme3388]

The reason I have 4 parrots is mainly because of guilt

Parrots are very high maintenance, and they perplexing creatures to care for. They are also very demanding. They are often rehomed for these purposes. Essentially for being exactly what they are... a parrot. They bite, they get hormonal, some are so loud they can wake the dead, some are incredibly destructive, and messy. They can be cage aggressive. Nothing makes them want to please you like a dog. Yes, there are parrot owners that know this stuff, and don't care. Then there are innocent people who take on parrots not realizing the above things I just pointed out, and into shelters they go. Its a vicious circle. I have experience with parrots so I try to contribute (no I'm not perfect, and at times I have to reach out for help).

I cannot take on any more parrots. I am at capacity. I know I've said it a million times that I was done adopting more parrots as I already have enough on my own plate, and then I see one in need of a home. I can't say no, and walk away. At this point I have no choice as I would be doing harm, and no longer able to give my parrots the proper care & attention by taking on more parrots. I do not regret adopting any of my parrots, but this is that guilt thing that you are talking about above.

I'm guilty of overthinking... I try to list things so I can gather my thoughts & internalize things. It's always really helped clarify things for me.