Guilt he’s not with me 24/7

[BlueSeas]

Hi all, new member but have browsed before and you seem to give very straight-talking (but knowledgable) advice, and was hoping you could impart some wisdom.

How do I stop feeling guilty and anxious leaving my boy even for short periods?

I did not used to be like this. I lost my first bird a few months ago, and have had anxiety ramp up since then. First it was about his health, now it’s about his care.

I work from home so he’s with me most of the day and out for hours at a time most days (unless being naughty!), pelleted diet and loves foraging toys where he gets seeds. Working on getting fruits and veggies in there.

Yet when I finish work in the evening (and leave bird room/office) I feel immense guilt. I have visions of him just perching alone or sad.

• He will play with foraging toys but unless I continually refill them, eventually they run out.
• He has the radio on when I am not there; all day weekends, and after work weekdays
• Icover him for sleep between 8-9:30pm as I start work around 9:30am.
  • we worked very hard to bring screaming down and extra sleep I think helped with that.
  • I’ve seen some people talk about having 12-14 hours sleep; I worry about him less when I know he is covered, but I don’t want to punish him or cover him earlier just for my benefit
• He is about 10 years old, a rosella, not very tame (as expected, although some are!) and likes to perch behind me, on my monitors, or chew my books and computer wires

On weekends it’s worse. He hangs out with me in his pak-o-bird (we have a cat, so he is in a bird room and also can’t move his cage to a more central location) but especially if I head out of the house for a few hours I just can’t stop worrying about him. I know there’s lots of discussions about parrots with separation anxiety, but I think I’m the one who has it!!

I will bring him with me outside for errands but the fact that I feel guilty on weekdays just isn’t healthy. I am speaking to a therapist about this anxiety but I hoped you all could share your thoughts too <3

 

[GaleriaGila]

Hi all, new member but have browsed before and you seem to give very straight-talking (but knowledgable) advice, and was hoping you could impart some wisdom.

How do I stop feeling guilty and anxious leaving my boy even for short periods?

I did not used to be like this. I lost my first bird a few months ago, and have had anxiety ramp up since then. First it was about his health, now it’s about his care.

I work from home so he’s with me most of the day and out for hours at a time most days (unless being naughty!), pelleted diet and loves foraging toys where he gets seeds. Working on getting fruits and veggies in there.

Yet when I finish work in the evening (and leave bird room/office) I feel immense guilt. I have visions of him just perching alone or sad.

• He will play with foraging toys but unless I continually refill them, eventually they run out.
• He has the radio on when I am not there; all day weekends, and after work weekdays
• Icover him for sleep between 8-9:30pm as I start work around 9:30am.
  • we worked very hard to bring screaming down and extra sleep I think helped with that.
  • I’ve seen some people talk about having 12-14 hours sleep; I worry about him less when I know he is covered, but I don’t want to punish him or cover him earlier just for my benefit
• He is about 10 years old, a rosella, not very tame (as expected, although some are!) and likes to perch behind me, on my monitors, or chew my books and computer wires

On weekends it’s worse. He hangs out with me in his pak-o-bird (we have a cat, so he is in a bird room and also can’t move his cage to a more central location) but especially if I head out of the house for a few hours I just can’t stop worrying about him. I know there’s lots of discussions about parrots with separation anxiety, but I think I’m the one who has it!!

I will bring him with me outside for errands but the fact that I feel guilty on weekdays just isn’t healthy. I am speaking to a therapist about this anxiety but I hoped you all could share your thoughts too <3

Oooooooooooooooooooh, your parrot has it GOOD!
Still, I know it's hard to deny them anything and everything. That's how I wound up with such a spoiled devil.

A good excuse to tell the Rb story... thank you!

I got him in 1984. I was fearing getting evicted due to his noise, and my family at the time HATED him. I recall struggling to make a decision, sitting on the floor of my townhouse, watching him race and skip and frolic around on the tile floor, and then run to me GRINNING, so proud to be showing off for me. I would just stare at him and be amazed: imagine --- a real parrot in my house, and it loved me! I felt so guilty and inadequate and afraid at one point that I had him in his travel cage and was planning to take him back to the bird store. I opened the front door and couldn't go through. Closed it. Sat down. Took my little love out and promised him we would stay together.
I didn't really believe it, but I wanted to. Eventually, I did. I was in college back then, and at least I could spend a lot of time with him.
Then there were were years (about 25 of them) when 5-6 days a week, I was gone at 7:30-ish and back at 6-ish.
Some did and will consider me wrong and think I should have re-homed him. My husband at that time detested the bird. My current ol' man tolerates him with good humor. No, the bird wasn't responsible for the first marriage's ending!
Anyway, here is what I think made it work.
I moved and got new jobs maybe 5 times or so. BUT...
Every morning, he had at least ten minutes, and every evening, he had 20 or so. I have always kept him on a natural light schedule, in a separate room, so sometimes those times together were in the dark. During the day, he had a big window looking out on something interesting, a television on one of his favorite channels (music channels, shopping channels), a biggg cage, lots of fun foods, and a few toys that I changed out regularly).
He KNEW he could count on those two crummy sessions a day. Somehow we both made it.
I'm now retired and times are good again.
I do know I can't imagine life without him at this point.