As OFF TOPIC as it can get - Question #1

[Christinenc2000]

So i just got married last October but my wife and i were very flexible with everything. but my mother decided on where the rehearsal was and we were fine with it.

what i will say she did that worked out really well was she called the restaurant ahead of time and worked with their planner to setup what appetizers would be served and then picked 3 meal choices for everyone to pick. this gave them a set cost and kept the cost down instead of everyone ordering whatever they wanted. second thing is they gave my mother a choice of open bar or guests buy their own. if you want to keep costs down and people more sober so they can drive home go with the latter option which happens to be cheaper as well.[/QUOTE]

A friend of ours just did the exact same thing. Worked out Great.

 

[sonja]

Tell them that they are getting $X from you to use as they see fit - expensive rehearsal dinner, down payment on house, honeymoon. Whatever. But that is your gift to them. My parents did this and we had a really nice down to earth wedding in our beautiful back yard, good catered food, but without all of the expensive trappings that don't really mean anything like engraved napkins. We paid for the whole wedding with the gift from my parents and still had money left to cover the honeymoon, and we did go on a nice, non-bargain, trip.
If they are mature, they'll realize that spending money on being with people they care for, and having experiences traveling, etc, is way more important than balloon arches in your bridal colors and shoes dyed to match.

Have fun!

 

[JerseyWendy]

Thank you all so much for the input, it's truly greatly appreciated!!

Chris, you gave me some awesome ideas! Unfortunately we (my husband and I) don't have a say in anything. That became crystal clear yesterday evening when I talked to both of them.

I raise my hands in defeat. I will just keep my mouth shut from now on and play along. But no, I will not allow them to 'milk us'.

 

[Dopey]

When both of my adult daughters got married I gave them an amount and they had to deal with that. Same will go for my son.

 

[Terry57]

Wendy, I am so sorry you are going through this. I did some googling on wedding sites, and most seem to say that if the couple wants to pick the venue, then they should be paying.
Here is one quote:
Traditional Rehearsal Dinners
It’s anyone’s guess how the rehearsal dinner came to be the responsibility of the groom’s family, but bridal planning guides all agree: Traditionally, the groom’s parents are charged with all aspects of the post-rehearsal dinner, including choosing a venue, setting the tone of the party and picking up the bill. Because the groom’s parents call all the shots when it comes to hosting the rehearsal dinner, it’s not uncommon for them to replace staid restaurant venues and formal sit-down dinners with picnics, barbecues or beach parties. One aspect of tradition remains regardless of the venue: Rehearsal dinners remain a popular way to help families and close friends break the ice the night before the big day.

Since it sounds like y'all will have no choice, though, she shouldn't be quoting etiquette to get what she wants. I am hoping you will make it out of this with everyone still breathing

 

[Anansi]

Wait! Hold on one darned minute! My parents were supposed to pay for the rehearsal dinner?!?!? SERIOUSLY?!?

MOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!! You got some 'splaining to do!

Wendy love, my wife and I had full control of every aspect of the rehearsal dinner and the wedding.

Of course, that might be because WE PAID FOR IT! Lol!

The way I see it, anything you give is a gift, and should be treated as such. One does not demand a gift. Nor does one add to the expense of a gift freely given. As it happens, my parents' contribution came in the form of their monetary wedding gift. But had they offered instead to pay for the rehearsal dinner, best believe I'd have included them in every step of the planning stages. It's only right. And respectful.

Seeing as how you've already agreed to pay, and you aren't going to have any say, I see no problem with you just writing a check beforehand. They can then do with that check as they will. (And count themselves blessed, I'd say!)

 

[Doublete]

Oooo I vote for write the check beforehand.

Tell her "oops this is all I have allotted for the rehearsal" it's up to you to make
It work ��

 

[chris-md]

Aw shucks wendles, let them be grateful for whatever you give. I couldn't have said it any better than Stephen.