Worried sick to leave him

[Aspie_Aviphile]

I have seven days abroad all booked and paid for in September, and I'm so worried that Bo will be anxious or even psychologically damaged by me not being home for eight nights and seven days that I'm wrestling with the question of whether to cancel it all and deal with the family disappointment and anger that would cause. It's probably going to be the last time we take my granddad on holiday (vacation, for North Americans) as he's getting too elderly to want to travel far, and we're a close family so it's been expressed to me that it's very much desired that we all go.

Am I right to be this concerned? Whoever I eventually choose to bird-sit out of the few people he is relaxed enough around to behave almost normally when they're in the flat, won't be someone he's bonded to at all as he's only bonded to me. He's not a velcro bird, he chooses to entertain himself most of the time that I'm home, but he does follow me from room to room, and does demand periods of talking, games and physical interaction like kisses and snuggles every single day. He cares about me too, if I cry he comes close to my face and silently and passively lets me snuggle him until I stop, different to how he is in our typical snuggle time.

After the pet shop, his first human rehomed him to my mum in February 2018 after having him for just a couple of months untame in a cage. I lived with my mum then and I was the only one in the house not too scared of birds to bond with him. Will he worry that he'll never see me again and that the sitter is his new human caretaker as he's experienced in the past? Will he feel abandoned or think I'm dead?

I think I'm going to cry with guilt every day of this holiday! :smile016:

 

[Ellie777Australia]

Oh Aspie, I think I'm going to cry just reading this. You may not get many responses because we bird lovers are like you - softies, all of us. Your holiday situation is kinda like leaving your 2 year old with the sitters for a week and wondering if he/she will understand! Then again, a change of contact with a sitter could be FUN if chosen correctly. It could be like a week at grandma's and getting spoiled rotten because mom/dad had to go away for a bit. . Do you have a 'parrot boarding home' where you are? We do here and it would be like a week at the parrot spa.

 

[LaManuka]

Oooh Aspie I know EXACTLY how you feel!

Last time I left my guys for a week they boarded at a facility run as an offshoot from my bird vet clinic. I still missed them terribly and worried they’d think I’d abandoned them but at least I knew they were in the best possible place while I was away. Perhaps your vet may have info about a similar service?

 

[itzjbean]

Don't beat yourself up! So many people have pets that they have to leave for vacation, just next week I'll be going on vacation to Colorado with my husband, and it wouldn't be fair to him or his family if I cancelled because I couldn't leave my animals. We'll be gone a week and we board our dog, then have a close family friend come over every day to refill water/food and check on the birds.

As long as you've made preparations for his care, he will be fine! Maybe a little confused, but this trip sounds really important, its about your grandpa and making these long lasting memories with him before he is too old.

Your bird will be safe, maybe a little bored in his cage, lonely maybe a little bit, but he will be safe. Don't feel guilty, we all have to travel. Even with pets as our responsibilities, family is also so important and sometimes we have to shift priorities. This is OKAY! He will forgive you for this, just as my animals have done for me, we travel every year and they are just happy we're back when we come home.

You can do this trip, and your little guy will be fine! Don't stress, and enjoy spending the time with your grandpa and other family members -- they do have to come first sometimes above your bird.

 

[Scott]

Deep respect for caring about Bo's reaction to your absence. If you have properly vetted sitter(s) and leave thorough instructions, he should be fine.

How long have you had Bo? His sense of abandonment might be enhanced if recently adopted, ie "yet another change." If you've been together for a while, he ought be more secure.

An ideal solution would be frequent Skype/Facetime virtual visits. Birds readily perceive images and sound from video screens. This may give him comfort and you the benefit of a wonderful and reduced guilt vacation. If you have the equipment, experiment before departing for confidence.

 

[wrench13]

It may sound ridiculous, but make sure you explain to Bo that you will be gone for 7 days, and will be back. Do it several times before you leave. Use fingers to show how many days.

I am frequently in China for 2 weeks at a time, and away for weekends doing gigs with the band. If I don't explain to Salty, he gets pissed off and it takes a week or more to get back into his good graces. If I explain my absence to him, it's a day, and sometimes less that he is grumpy.

 

[Inger]

I’ll second what Wrench said. I’ve had to leave Bumble a few times and I always do this with her. In fact we’re on the countdown now as I’m going out of town for the weekend. It goes like this:

Morning wake up time I say to her:
It’s Tuesday! Regular work day. I should be home at my usual time (this part happens every day). Now on Thursday, things are going to change a little. When I put you to bed, Aunt Leslee will be here. Then I’m going to leave and she’ll come to wake you up and then back again to play with you and put you to bed. That will be Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday morning. I’ll be back on Monday and will have some extra time for you.”

Then repeat it all at bedtime. If the NSA is listening in through Alexa, they get lots of great stuff from me! [emoji23]

I’ve always done this and she always greets me with delight when I come home. I suspect “Aunt Leslee” will tell her too. And Skype/FaceTime/whatever video chat is GREAT.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Scott]

I should add my personal experience. I used to have a work schedule typically home for 4 days/away 4 days. They could sense a change my last day off, and I learned to say goodbye before changing into my uniform day of departure. Upon return, they were a bit clingy for the first day, than realized "oh, he's back" for the next few days.

 

[Ellie777Australia]

Deep respect for caring about Bo's reaction to your absence. If you have properly vetted sitter(s) and leave thorough instructions, he should be fine.

How long have you had Bo? His sense of abandonment might be enhanced if recently adopted, ie "yet another change." If you've been together for a while, he ought be more secure.

An ideal solution would be frequent Skype/Facetime virtual visits. Birds readily perceive images and sound from video screens. This may give him comfort and you the benefit of a wonderful and reduced guilt vacation. If you have the equipment, experiment before departing for confidence.

That's a great idea Scott.

 

[Aspie_Aviphile]

It may sound ridiculous, but make sure you explain to Bo that you will be gone for 7 days, and will be back. Do it several times before you leave. Use fingers to show how many days.

How do you help a parrot understand and how do you check that he definitely understands something like that? I've heard of people doing it but can't find any instructions or tutorials on it.

Every night when I cover him, he says "time for bed", so I can try to teach him numbers and then pair that phrase with the number of nights until I'm back, but he doesn't know words for the concept of "until I'm back". How do people convey something that abstract to their birds?

 

[Ellie777Australia]

How do you help a parrot understand and how do you check that he definitely understands something like that?.... How do people convey something that abstract to their birds?

That's a tough question Aspie. I wonder if any of the parrot trainer/behaviour types have ever figured this out? Maybe not or we would be able to purchase the book on 'how to' eh?


All of our fids are unique. You and Bo have established your own 'language' so to speak. This language is verbal and non-verbal. I would love you to share what you come up with as we are always learning.

 

[itzjbean]

How do you help a parrot understand and how do you check that he definitely understands something like that? I've heard of people doing it but can't find any instructions or tutorials on it.

I do this for my birds too when I leave for vacation or am going to be gone. There's a big possibility (okay, pretty likely) they have no idea what you're saying, but I believe if said calmly, directly and with intent, it can't hurt. I look at him in the eyes, calmly explain what's going to happen (we're going to be gone a while but such and such is going to come over and take care of you, love you buddy, we'll be back soon) say goodbye for now, and off we go.

 

[Smerft85]

Don't beat yourself up! So many people have pets that they have to leave for vacation, just next week I'll be going on vacation to Colorado with my husband, and it wouldn't be fair to him or his family if I cancelled because I couldn't leave my animals. We'll be gone a week and we board our dog, then have a close family friend come over every day to refill water/food and check on the birds.

As long as you've made preparations for his care, he will be fine! Maybe a little confused, but this trip sounds really important, its about your grandpa and making these long lasting memories with him before he is too old.

Your bird will be safe, maybe a little bored in his cage, lonely maybe a little bit, but he will be safe. Don't feel guilty, we all have to travel. Even with pets as our responsibilities, family is also so important and sometimes we have to shift priorities. This is OKAY! He will forgive you for this, just as my animals have done for me, we travel every year and they are just happy we're back when we come home.

You can do this trip, and your little guy will be fine! Don't stress, and enjoy spending the time with your grandpa and other family members -- they do have to come first sometimes above your bird.

Where in colorado? I'll wave if you are near by!

 

[wrench13]

I rhink Saliboats gave a good way to showhis parrot the meanng of days, he use a golf ball rack, and prior to departure showed each to his bird. 1,2,3,, 4 THen as each day went by a call was removed from the rack. Me i use fingers, golf balls not being in use in our house. Parrots are smarted than you think.
If you usually give yur bird 4 treats at nite, try giving 3 and see what happens!

 

[Jottlebot]

Yes, you are worrying a little too much, but I only like you more for it!

Bo will be fine. Perhaps a little uneasy when it is not you feeding and cleaning him out, but he will be fine. I recently left my 2 to be looked after by my Mum for 8 days. She'd come over every week for the 10 weeks before for them to get used to each other. McCoy was not convinced, but also didn't panic and Mum was only changing food and water not cleaning out because I felt this was too much for them both. McCoy was silent all the time she was here, but absolutely fine and didn't even punish me for being gone! (Last time he took a bite out of the back of my neck!) He greeted me with my Mum's "Hello?", which for some reason she asks as a question when she talks to animals! It hasn't changed him at all.

 

[Jottlebot]

Also, personally I'm not so sure about Skype, I would worry he'd try really really to get you back/into the room and that might distress him. If other people have tried with success that's different, but personally I don't think I would.

 

[Aspie_Aviphile]

Also, personally I'm not so sure about Skype, I would worry he'd try really really to get you back/into the room and that might distress him. If other people have tried with success that's different, but personally I don't think I would.

I called someone from a parrot charity about this, and she suggested I start doing it from outside the flat now to see how he reacts, but she thought it would probably be reassuring for him. First I have to do something about my broken, minimally functional phone that I've been procrastinating about, but when I do I'll report back on how it goes.

 

[Scott]

Also, personally I'm not so sure about Skype, I would worry he'd try really really to get you back/into the room and that might distress him. If other people have tried with success that's different, but personally I don't think I would.

Also, personally I'm not so sure about Skype, I would worry he'd try really really to get you back/into the room and that might distress him. If other people have tried with success that's different, but personally I don't think I would.

I called someone from a parrot charity about this, and she suggested I start doing it from outside the flat now to see how he reacts, but she thought it would probably be reassuring for him. First I have to do something about my broken, minimally functional phone that I've been procrastinating about, but when I do I'll report back on how it goes.

Start simple! Take pics of your bird with camera phone, immediately show the image. If you have a selfie-mode with reverse camera, place the two of you in the screen and snap away. Might have to condition Bo to accept the phone in close proximity. Try showing him images of himself and you, observe the reaction.

 

[Tami2]

I hear your concern loud and clear and understand it completely. We had Levi for 2 years before we left him to take a long needed vacation. I prepared him as well as I could and used a tactic I learned from Wrench. I FaceTime called him every day at the same time. My goal was to decrease his anxiety and for him to grasp the concept that we Did Not abandon him.

The quilt occurred when we'd call Levi, he would lift his leg to step up.
That broke my heart.

Enjoy your trip and make amazing memories.

 

[Ellie777Australia]

I hear your concern loud and clear and understand it completely. We had Levi for 2 years before we left him to take a long needed vacation. I prepared him as well as I could and used a tactic I learned from Wrench. I FaceTime called him every day at the same time. My goal was to decrease his anxiety and for him to grasp the concept that we Did Not abandon him.

(blah blah blah censored )

Enjoy your trip and make amazing memories.

Aspie, ignore Tami2's post above and reread this censored version. I don't think the original version will help you with the guilt!