WHY does this keep happening to me?!

[HisAngel]

I feel sick. Rosa's mom is having second thoughts about rehoming Rosa now. She has asked me to consider taking Rosa in, working with her and returning her. In return she wants to buy me a baby of my choice. She says her son will be devastated by this, and she doesnt wish to upset him. He has asked for her to keep Rosa so he can have her when he is done school and is in his own place.

And I dont even know for sure my plan, as involved as it is would work. And could I do that to Rosa? Bring her here, help her, heal her and then send her back? She is VERY loved there, but she clearly is not happy.

I am sick to my stomach. I literally have a pit.

Not a good day.

 

[Terry57]

Wow, I don't even know what to say. If Rosa is unhappy there now, then comes to you and becomes happy, what will that do to her to change her life around again?
I am hoping that someone with more wisdom that I has some advice for you. It sounds like a recipe for heartbreak all the way around to me

 

[HisAngel]

I agree. I dont know that I could do that to her, even if I wanted to consider it for me. I dont. But... Im just.....sad.

 

[JerseyWendy]

What? Rehabilitate her and then give her back? I don't think I personally could do that as I would get MUCH too attached.

I am so sorry. HUGS to you!

 

[Kiwibird]

I'm so sorry to hear this If I were you, I would not do it. It isn't fair to the bird to take her out of an unhappy situation, dedicate all that time to working with her, loving her and bonding with her, then return her back to the place she wasn't happy in the first place. She is not going to understand that. And if the son REALLY wanted her, and wanted to be dedicated to working with her, he could've. Parrots don't care what you're doing, they just want to be with you. It's not hard to study and have your bird next to you playing or something. We adopted Kiwi when I was in college (and working full time), and it still wasn't that difficult to make time for him. You ALWAYS have time for the things that are TRULY important to you. I would tell the lady either you can give Rosie a forever home, or you really can't help her. Perhaps offer something of an "open adoption" where she can still come visit her, and have regular updates on her progress, but no returning her once she's "better". There's a reason she became unhappy there, and that reason isn't going to magically change because you take her for a few years.

On a happier note, there are still PLENTY of birds out there looking for a loving home. Everything happens for a reason, and there IS a bird out there who's perfect for you. We searched for nearly a year before we found Kiwi, and I'm glad we waited for the right bird. There are a lot of users on the forum who are also from Canada, and I'm sure one of them may be able to direct you to a shelter or get you in touch with a foster network. Just look at the posts about all the birds available in just NJ! That is a sadly common occurrence in most avian shelters (overflowing with birds), so I'm sure there are many wonderful birds in need of a forever home right in your backyard. Best of luck.

 

[HisAngel]

I am writing the EXACT same email to her Mom right now, Kiwibird. Almost verbatim. I know the right one will come. I just hate thinking Ive found it only to have ripped from my grasp at the last moment. It's WAY too hard on my heart. Im giving her until Friday to decide. Then I am moving on. UGH

 

[MomtoPercy]

Oh no, that's just a bad plan, for all concerned but mostly for Rosa That poor girl, being shunted this way and that on the whim of this son, is not fair to her

Sorry you're having to deal with this.

 

[HisAngel]

I *may* have snapped her back into reality. We will see. She knows what her son wants is not what is best for Rosa. Shes just torn between making him happy and making Rosa happy. I gave her until Friday before I move on to another search. Wish me (us) luck.

 

[MangieSun]

Good luck! I hope the owner decides to do what's best for her.

 

[Allee]

I'm sad to hear of Rosa's mom's indecision. That is so unfair to Rosa. She would bond to you and it would break her heart and yours to give her up. That's so wrong of that woman. I so hope she makes the right choice for Rosa.

I've had a couple of similar doors with birds behind them slam shut recently but I know new doors will open too. I wish you and Rosa all the best.

 

[getwozzy]

What the heck?!

I don't think it would be fair to Rosa for her to go to the son- like others have said, if he truly wanted to care for her and keep her, he should've thought about that before this. I imagine her and her son are experiencing some tough emotions with the thought of rehoming her, but sometimes the best decisions for our loved ones are the toughest.

I second the idea of an open adoption- where she would still get updates and pictures of Rosa's progress, and visit her if that's not too stressful on Rosa- but I don't think it would be a wise idea to give her back after she's rehabilitated...it could possibly undo all your hard work, if not make her worse

I've got my fingers and toes crossed for you!

 

[HisAngel]

The Open adoption was never an issue for me. I offered that straight up. If it were me I would want the option to know, and so that was not even a question. We discussed visiting but not for quite awhile. Until I was assured that Rosa was well bonded and confident in her place without our family. I didnt want to throw her off by bringing her first mom back into the picture randomly. Her mom agreed. There was no set time frame, but it wouldnt be until WELL after she had been with us awhile.

I hope she changes her mind and allows Rosa to come live with us.

 

[sonja]

Tell her your "bird of choice" is a Hyacinth. :21:

 

[MikeyTN]

I guess I'm the weird one that's willing to rehabilitate and return them to their owners. I've done it before several times and I don't mind doing it. But I do understand why you feel the way you do as you get attach to them and then having to give them up. But here's the thing the owner must understand, sometimes when they go back to their previous owner, the same problem arises again making all the things you've done to rehabilitate them for nothing. It has to do with them! The last few times the birds came back to me cause they couldn't deal with it.

 

[jenphilly]

I have been offline most of the day, the knocked my laptop off the sofa and broke the screen... I am so sorry to hear Rosa's family is putting you thru this. I would not be able to work with her for who knows how long and then just hand her back to go into the same situation... I agree if the son was really interested in her, he would be working with her now... Victoria is a full time student, finishing her BA this semester and starting her MBA, she's had birds long before she started college, so I can't see that as an excuse.

It would be different if you were fostering a bird for a shelter or rescue, but to work her to only send her back to the same situation, I don't think that is fair to anyone, especially Rosa.

Mikey, I know you do alot of rescue work yourself and I can understand helping someone with rehabbing or training, but would you 'fix' a problem only to send the bird back into the same situation for things to happen all over again? I could understand if someone asked for help with a bird they just adopted or one going thru puberty they did not know how to handle, but this is a situation where they could have worked on the problem...

I really hope she calls or emails you and puts Rosa's best interest first. My heart goes out to you for the wait the next couple days... I have everything crossed that can wishing it all goes your way!!!

 

[HisAngel]

Well, it looks like the crisis has been averted. She read her son my email which brought up all of the points raised here, and he conceded and understood that he was being selfish, wanting her for himself knowing he cannot provide what she now needs.

So, my Sunday pick up is back on, so long as she doesnt change her mind again. In which case I wont even bother trying to convince her again. (Yeah, Im a little bitter and annoyed still LOL)

Thanks guys. FX Rosa will be here in a few short days.

 

[JerseyWendy]

What an emotional roller coaster this must be for you.

Let's hope she doesn't do another 180 on you. Fingers are crossed tightly.

 

[Kiwibird]

I hope this all works out for you, and more importantly, Rosa.

 

[Terry57]

I hope that your pickup on Sunday goes off without a hitch. I am keeping my fingers crossed that Rosa will be home with you then

 

[goalerjones]

You should have traded for what was behind the curtain....