What can I do?

[ann]

Hi everyone, so I just heard that my best friends cat died today , they have had this cat for 15 years and this cat has helped them through some tough times. Her dog died last summer and she still misses her. I can tell she going to be pretty upset for a while, i just want to help her, I was thinking of making some pie, cards, and a stuffed animal in a gift basket. She's not really an open book and doesn't really like to talk about things like this, what can I do to help her?

 

[Mayden]

Hi everyone, so I just heard that my best friends cat died today , they have had this cat for 15 years and this cat has helped them through some tough times. Her dog died last summer and she still misses her. I can tell she going to be pretty upset for a while, i just want to help her, I was thinking of making some pie, cards, and a stuffed animal in a gift basket. She's not really an open book and doesn't really like to talk about things like this, what can I do to help her?

I think a card and something else 'homemade' whether it be cookies, or whatever would be nice. Just let her know that you're thinking of her and understand it's hard. It's hard to get through the death of a beloved pet, but it is nice to know that people are there to listen. If she wants to talk on and on about her cat, let her, it helps the grief. I needed someone to listen to me when my Wonsy died, even if they didn't really have a big interest in birds, it was nice that someone showed some interest and appreciated what a great bird she was. It really helped me, so hopefully you can do that for her.

 

[Spiritbird]

She will appreciate almost anything you do for her. Perhaps take her out for lunch and then offer her a grief basket you made up for her. Plants, flowers and things like that. Perhaps you can draw her out a little bit like this. Suggest she make a memorial for kitty. Make a poem, a photo book or other things. If you are artistic you could find a pretty stone and paint it with decorations and the cats name. A memorial can be very basic such as photos on a table and something the cat loved or wore added.

 

[roxynoodle]

I think all of those ideas are nice. I know I haven't gotten much sympathy from people even though the loss was very hard for me.

 

[ann]

I think all of those ideas are nice. I know I haven't gotten much sympathy from people even though the loss was very hard for me.

aww roxie you always have us
oh and thans for the replies, i think i will make her some apple pies, hot chocolate, and a card, and maybe a locket with a picture of him in it. thank you so much for all the replies!

 

[roxynoodle]

I'm still grieving over Briana, who died in October. But, of course my family and friends think I should have been over it a long time ago. I have tears right now because I just typed her name.

 

[ann]

Awww feel better, from what I've gathered you gave her a wonderful life and I believe animals go to heaven so you will see her again. Non pet or bird people just don't get it sometimes, I stillbmiss my cat maxie (in my signature) tremendously and think about him all the time, some animals touch us deeply and we will always have a special place for them. When I put my finches to bed I still say goodnight to beeper and it hook me a while to accept he was gone, Im used to typing I have 7 finches, it took me a while to admit I had 6 left. Don't be sad roxie, we're here for you! and after maxi died i would think I saw or heard him, but who knows maybe that was his way of letting me know he was safe. I'm sure your beloved bird is happy and safe watching over you and your flock, and you will see her again someday. Hugs!

 

[MikeyTN]

I tear up everytime I think about my babies that died or see picture of them. It's not easy to go through. The older my dogs get, more freak out I get. The last time I lost a dog my world was shattered and I cried for days....

 

[MaraWentz]

Do a nice card with meaning behind it or make her smile about the past. My bird passed and he was my best friend and loved absolutely no one but me. So needless to say when he was killed and every one just did the cliche "he is in a better place" I was just more hysterical. I told my husband that he doesn't love any one but me. I doesn't eat when I'm not around. If he gets hurt he does a sort of whimper and runs to me and now I'm not there. And my hubby would go on about how he's in heaven now etc. So my response was that's not what he'd want. He'd rather have me, so my husband Made light of the situation. He asked me if I remembered how Elvis, my bird, always but every one's toes to keep them away. I told him yes and he said thAt he was probably up in Heaven biting on God's toes now. That made me laugh. That is the only thing that got me through this. He made light of it and made me think of old memories while admitting to me that yes Elvis is dead but with out reminding me he was dead at the same time. Reminiscing on a memory or talking about what a passed one is doing now is an easier thing to talk about or think about rather than them dying.

 

[Enjru]

How good are you at tolerating people crying? If you're good, you might bring cat up in conversation by saying you miss him/her, maybe you can ask if she has photos of cat and say you want to remember him/her, and then reminisce about cat's stories. Help her remember cat and help her cry.

 

[ringobird]

Make her a big cookie pizza or something thats what I do when my friends are upset

 

[jewels04]

Do you know what they are doing with the body? Did they bury the cat or take it in to the vets to be disposed of?

When we lost our golden after 13 years I was on a golden retriever forum. I posted about the loss and how we had buried him in his favorite spot. Within 2 weeks the members of the forum had a special gravestone made up and mailed to me with a picture of him that I had posted on the forum. I was so heartfelt and sweet and really just a wonderful surprise.

 

[Ronald]

This might not be correct for your situation but... here's what I would want done for me...... My personal opinion, please don't flame me for my personal opinion. It's not a suggestion. I only mention it because I am a closed book with my feelings too.

Distract me
I have my own moments to remember which mean more than any of your stories.
I have my own mementos to remember which mean more than anything you can give me.
Help me move forward and move on, not reflect.
Remember there are plenty of other people who will offer gifts and apologies.
Time makes grief easier, nothing else. Keep me busy so time seams to go by faster.

 

[HalfInsane]

When my families first dog had to be put down, I missed two weeks of school. I was a mess. None of my friends 'got' why I was so upset. My teacher, of all people, mailed me a wonderful card in which she'd written a great deal, saying she understood and to take as much time as I needed to grieve.

I actually still have that card; it meant a lot just to have someone legitimize my feelings, because a lot of people don't understand the grieving process the loss of an animal can cause. That only makes if harder, because you feel almost embarrassed to express your loss.

So yes, I think a thoughtfully worded card would mean a lot to her. It doesnt need to be anything elaborate; just let her know you understand and are thinking of her.

 

[ann]

half insane that's a wonderful thing your teacher did, myf riend is actually doing 10 times better. in fact her family is looking at a new kitten to adopt, you guys really helped me out, thank you!