sigh, I've become one of 'those' owners :(

[Printer bird]

C3honey's advice is excellent, I have a suggestion that may or may not work for you. I have a conure that screams and screams when we are out of the room (and often if we are in the room and he isn't out). We only reply when he wolf whistles (although he does go back to screaming) but it helps. He also stops screaming after a bit. I leave the room when he gets loud (if Im' in the room and not paying him the attention he wants) and don't come back until he calms down.

However those are things that others have suggested as well, my new suggestion (which may not be possible for you regardless but thought I'd throw it out there) is to take the bird out for a few minutes at a time more frequently rather than for a long time at once. So perhaps she is used to two hour cuddles, but all you can offer right now is a ten or fifteen minute cuddle every couple of hours or five minutes every hour or two or whatever you can manage. Perhaps trying to make the outside snuggle time more frequent but for less time can help the bird feel calmer but be a lower time commitment for you. Again, this might not be possible for you but it might help her feel more calm to know that she'll get some snuggles, just not the same way as before.

Good luck, I'm sure this is a frustrating and heart-breaking situation for you that you couldn't have foreseen. And I know you know, but be consistent and be patient, these guys can take weeks/months to get a new behaviour down or to learn a new routine.

 

[luvmytooo]

Would it be possible to let your Mom take Rosie and one of your other birds so Rosie wont be "alone" ? And since Rosie doesnt allow anyone else to handle her can your Mom provide everything without having to touch her ? Maybe if she is trained to step up on a perch , that may be enough to get her back and forth to the cage safely. Just a thought....
I agree to clicker train her , but that may take time and patience you just dont have right now. But , on the other hand , it maybe a good thing for you to have this one on one time with her , if you have a friend who can sit with the kids for a while.
You need to relax and have "me" time , but maybe "Rosie and me" time would work for you. Take time to breathe , and decompress . Rosie will feel the difference and so will you. Then maybe she will offer behavours you can click and treat , and those sessions will benifit the both of you
Again , only suggestions....we all what what's best for the both of you .

 

[c3honey84]

Rrrma,

Please consider training her before you decide to rehome her. Operant conditioning training can be started with a bird at ANY age. It can also be very simple, but it will take time for it to work. Rosy is going to have to understand that things change. However, this change with you not being able to handle her as often, is not nearly as bad of a change as her going to another home. Here is what you should try. When she screams ignore her completely. Don't even walk by her or look at her. When she stops for more than a minute, walk by her, talk to her, give her a treat. If she starts to scream while you are near her, immediately walk away. Don't go back until she has stopped screaming for at least a minute. If she has been quiet for awhile, handle her if you can. She has to understand that now, she will get attention when she is not screaming, but it may not be you holding her. Also, does she have a favorite treat? If so, when she has been good, try buying some bird toys that you can put this favorite treat in. Something that will keep her busy for awhile. She needs to learn to play on her own. I find that my eclectus plays with the toys that are right in front of her favorite perch. I literally put them in her way. Sometimes that what you have to do. Regarding the screaming, don't be surprised if this takes a few weeks to work, but it will eventually work. You just have to keep to the training and don't deviate when you feel bad for her. It will only revert her back to her screaming. Only give her attention when she is quiet and she will get the idea. Another option, is to only give her attention when she makes a quieter noise. Like a word or a whistle. Good luck

Thank you, this is why I posted the thread. I do NOT want to rehome her. It would be an absolute last resort, but everything I have been trying has not worked and so I need new ideas.

It isn't like I haven't been trying, I have... and it isn't like I am ready to give up, or she'd be listed FS somewhere already...

To address what you have suggested. I will try the rewarding for being quiet again. She sadly doesn't have a favorite treat, I am her treat, but I can do head scratches. And I always try to make sure I pet her a bit any time I can.

And I have her toys literally in her way as well. I hang them right over the main walking perch so she has to duck around them. I leave the little perches that attach to the side of the cage free of toys, I put chewing things on the bars, like weave that chewing rope through the bars, etc...

I actually just bought a BUNCH of new toys for them, I'm going to go hang them right now while I'm thinking about it.

Head scratches work too! Reinforcement does not have to be food. When she has been quiet, go in an see her and if she stays quiet, give her a head scratch. As far as her toys, if she is not playing with them at all, I have heard that some owners will put organic peanut butter on their toys. This is supposed to keep them busy for hours! Also, I do think that Printer has a great idea to take her out for short periods of time. I know that she probably doesn't scream when she is out with you, but just remember, if she does scream at all when she is out, put her back in her cage immediately. She will realize that she goes back in when she screams.

 

[kc_y0]

I am so sorry to hear about all of the things that have gone wrong. Life can really suck sometimes!

 

[merlinsmom13]

So sorry for your troubles. Life just isn't fair. Our birds are very sensitive to their people & there's no way you could have been thru what you have w/o having this stress being obvious to her. Try to find things for yourself to unwind, taking the babies for walks, exercise as much as you're able. This will help your stress & moods, maybe that can trickle down to your girls behaviour. Everyone has great ideas to help w/retraining, I admit I've let Merlin get to attached. Im going to try some of this myself, just to make sure he's independant enough if I need to work outside the home again. Its a new year w/new opportunites, hoping things will turn around for you.

 

[MikeyTN]

Im so sorry to hear all the troubles your going through!!! The lady whom rehomes Java with me, her husband is divorcing her two weeks after I got Java, she rehomed Java because of his health. It irritates me when people split just because of some issue. He's a selfish jerk for leaving you with the kids struggling on your own. Then on top of that you had your accident and then Rosie giving you issue. One major thing to do is to ignore her scream. Walk away! Have her in a separate room if possible. Then go see her often, but the moment she screams, let her be but do let her know your not pleased. Leave the room then visit again. Talk to her, but leave her in the cage. She needs to learn alone time! Then bring her out when your able to only when she's being good! Again I am sorry to hear about your issues! If I was closer I would help. Where bouts in AL are you? Im in Nashville here.

 

[tlouiselle]

Gosh, what a horrible and hard situation you are in. My heart goes out to you. She is probably feeling your stress from the situation too.

Does she get along with other birds? Maybe a friend would be good for her?

You could still have your mom continue to work with her but use a glove. When she sees that her bites are not getting a reaction she may give up.

It would take work but eclectus are so smart. You could train her to stay on a stand. It would take a lot of time though which can be hard to come by.

To teach her to stay, place her on the stand, put you hand up and say "stay". Reward her with scratches/treat. Do it again, say "stay" and take a step back. Reward her. Slowly increase the distance. And keep the sessions short in the beginning.

Give her lots of attention when she is on the stand. Each time you tell her to stay and she flies to you return her to her cage for a few minutes (though I HATE putting mine in their usual cage for a time out. If you have another cage/area she can go for time out?). After a few minutes, take her out, place her on the stand and tell her to "stay" do it over and over again. Have lots of food and toys to keep her occupied. Keep the stand in an area where you are. Maybe eventually multiple stands so that she can follow you from room to room and learn to land on her stands.

She is used to being on your shoulder all of the time so that is what she is used to and how she feels safe. It will take work to recondition her but it can be done

 

[Rrrma]

Thanks again for all the replies, I appreciate the input.

I've been trying to give her more head scratches throughout the day, even though I can't get her out, just randomly rewarding her when she is quiet.
It is difficult as she has never been much of a verbal bird. When she does talk then I have always talked back and we can go back and forth for a while even if I am across the house, but she isn't verbal very often.

She must have been rewarded for the bad behavior in her previous home, as I have always ignored the screaming. I got her when she was 6 after over 2 months of researching and planning and building a relationship with her at the store, it was FAR from a whim. I've had birds my entire life, though only ever small ones, but I had always wanted a large one.

Once I brought her home she would go through spells of screaming, I would always ignore them. I used to train dogs and I know about ignoring bad behavior, the reward systems, etc... The only other thing I could think of besides straight up ignoring her was covering her cage. After a while she stopped and only ever used that scream when someone/thing was outside or entering the house that was unusual/stranger.

My mom has worse health than me and works long hours and breeds dogs, so Rosie wouldn't actually be happier there... she just wouldn't be adding to my current stress here anymore, so I don't really want to do that.

I set up her perch in the kitchen next to the table and am hoping I can teach her to stay up there while we eat, then I can randomly give her head scratches while we have dinner.


I don't expect my birds to be quiet, I love hearing them. My CAG goes on and on all day and my LCA does the morning and evening let's gather call which is quite loud sometimes as well! It is just this abuse of her contact call, the fact she isn't trying to talk to me, but just yell at me. When I come in the room she screams at me, while the other birds try to engage me with chatter. It is unsettling when your nerves are frazzled as it is.

I'm just hoping it will get better soon! She's being nice and quiet right now, so I'm going to go give her a head scratch and try to work on more laundry.

 

[ZoeS]

Although there may not have been another option for you with Rosie, this should be a valuable lesson for everyone: avoid encouraging your bird to be a one-person bird if at all possible.

I have seen people post here, proud, that their birds are bonded to them (as a mate) and will bite anyone else who comes near. That is not a good thing, and it is confusing for your bird! It is unfortunate for you both that Rosie is like that - makes it much more difficult to deal with your situation. I know with some birds and some species that's just the way it is, but the more people a bird is comfortable with, the better.

Have you considered getting a male eclectus? I don't know if that would work but if it did she would be pretty well occupied while you put your life back together.

Another lesson: plan for divorce! Over half of marriages end that way so it seems silly not to plan for it.

Best of luck to you and Rosie. I hope it works out! It will get easier.

 

[Rrrma]

I agree it is good to socialize your birds. I work with Rosie as much as I can when I have people over. Like when my mom lived with me we managed to get Rosie to climb up on her.

I wouldn't want to get a male eclectus, I would worry to much about all the ifs. Plus there is the possibility she may not like him and then what do I do with him? I'm kind of full, don't plan on getting more birds, 3 big birds is my limit!

As for the divorce, I really am indifferent to it. We were only together for 2 years and he only lived with me half of that time because of immigration. Rosie and I have been together much longer. I have an 8yo, so we have been together even longer. The divorce isn't really an issue and honestly aside from the lack of support financially or physically, I prefer being single... though being married doesn't mean you will be any better off financially or physically either... some spouses just suck the life out of you!

My biggest issue was what all happened because of the wreck. Couple the issues caused by the wreck with having to care for a baby alone makes this situation so difficult. If the wreck had never happened it wouldn't be bad like it is, but that's life.

I'm in the middle of rearranging their cages at the moment, taking a break after cleaning the room top to bottom. They are getting some quality outside time as a flock.

 

[roxynoodle]

Some spouses do suck the life (and money) out of you. I don't know if you can plan for a divorce though. If you did, why would you get married in the first place?

Hard to plan for an accident or illness either. Disability insurance is very expensive. All you can do I think is try to save money ahead of time just in case something like that happens. However, if the accident comes right after the bad spouse just sucked up all your money...well, that's a big problem!

Right now you just have to take one day at a time. It's all anyone can do. Right now trying to think about the future with all those stresses is just too emotionally draining. I know how I felt after my marriage ended and I didn't have an accident right after, nor human children as well. I was just dealing with the betrayal and not having 2 cents to rub together.

I sure do hope things look up for you soon!