Sad Introduction

[nofearengineer]

I wish this was a more happy introduction, but I come to this forum under sad circumstances.

I lost my African Grey, Gandalf, a little over two weeks ago, to my own stupidity, and I have been just about inconsolable over it since.

We were constant companions for almost 13 years, until a non-stick pan accidentally left warming on a stove after a long day of work took away the best friend I've ever known. He gave a little squawk when he stumbled on the top of his cage. I rushed over to see what was wrong, thinking he had gotten tangled in a toy or something. But within 30 seconds, he was gone, and I will never forget him looking up at me as the last tiny breath wheezed out of him.

The pan was not scorched. It didn't even reach 300 degrees. So I suppose we can put to bed any myths of teflon having to reach 536 degrees to become toxic to rest. I will never own another non-stick pan again. I can't blame the pan for my stupidity, but the claims are absolutely not true. My little buddy shouldn't have had to pay with his life for my one mistake in 13 years. I drilled a hole in it before I threw it away, so it would even be impossible for someone to pick out of the garbage and use again.

Knowing this was my fault is the worst punishment I could ever have been dealt. I raised him from a featherless baby. He was a real prodigy...his first words "I love you" were at only 3 months of age, before I was even allowed to take him home from the pet shop. That should tell you what he was exposed to, and how smart he was.

I remember how scared I was for him when as a young bird, he got frightened and flew into a wall, breaking the tip off of his beak; feeding him baby food for the next two weeks was a labor of love.

I remember waking up one night during an ice storm, in which electrical power had gone out, to find him shivering in the 58 degree house. It was the only time in his life he didn't fuss at all when I put him into his travel cage for a trip across town to a friend's warm home.

I have so many memories with him, but there should have been more. He also saw me through some of my more trying times in my life; illness, injury, breakups, etc.

I have been hanging around this site, and it has helped me some, seeing how many others there are that love their birds as much as I love Gandalf. I also think that I will certainly want another bird someday, though I know my feelings are much too conflicted right now to seriously entertain the notion.

I know he's in heaven, probably sitting on my Dad's shoulder, waiting for me, and I'll see him again someday. Until them I've just got my pictures.

 

[greycloud]

I am so very sorry for your loss! Thank you for posting about your experience and the dangers of teflon. If anything your loss will hopefully alert others to the dangers our birds face when exposed to teflon. Gandalf was obviously a very special friend. I hope you soon will be able to open your home to another bird so that you will both experience so much happiness and love again.

Fly free sweet Gandalf, fly free!

 

[Bobby34231]

I wish I could welcome you to the forum under brighter circumstances, I want to express my sincere condolences for your loss, but in the passing of Gandalf some possitive comes out in you writing this tragic story, it stands as a warning to those that think that the danger of fumes from Teflon cookware are just myth, or that it needs to actually reach high temperatures to be lethal, I want to thank you for posting your story and wish you all God's speed on the road to healing a broken heart.

 

[Spiritbird]

It hurts so much and I feel your pain. We are here for you and please talk to us about more Gandalf stories and share photos. It is part of the grieving process. GC is absolutely correct to tell others as many places as you can about this experience so that parrot owners will understand the real danger of non stick cookware made with telfon. Please know we do care very much and know that Gandalf's memories are with your forever. Dianne

 

[antoinette]

We welcome you with open arms, we share your pain and sadness.
I was in tears, reading through your post, slowly the tears stopped, being replaced by many smiles, sharing all your joyful times you and Gandalf shared together.
A sad ending to Gandalf life, please remember he is in Rainbow Heaven, sharing his stories of his happy life he had with you.
I too have lost 2 African Grey's in my lifetime, not to long ago, under different circumstances. Not a day goes by, without thinking about them, always remembering the love and joy we shared together.
We are here for you, please share anything and everything, you feel you need to.
RIP Gandalf

 

[bogo1]

I am so very sorry. Your tragedy and your willingness to share it may save a bird's life

You may not be ready to hear this...we all grieve and heal differently...but I urge you to consider offering your obvious skill, compassion and love to another bird as soon as you possibly can.

I will share that while I was working overseas my husband had a momentary lapse and lost my beloved conure, Sam, to a hungry hawk. My companion of 21 years was gone in an instant. Horrified and grieving, my family, led by my husband, searched for a young bird to "replace Sam." It was an act of love and guilt both and if I had known of it I would have quashed it. No bird could replace Sam. I would have chosen to come home to an empty cage and would still be grieving every time I did something Sam and I used to do together. I would have resisted their attempts to get another parrot as an insult to Sam's unique unfilled space in my heart. But. They didn't ask. They found and brought me Gem, a young crimson belly. I came home jet lagged to horrible news and a young needy bird. I grieved ...still grieve...for Sam. That will ease with time, I am told and I believe by the wonderful supportive members of this forum you have come to. But Gem is also helping with the healing. Her personality and presence are different and so no competition for my memories of Sam. Neither has the green cheek my husband has found more recently and added to my flock impinged on my Sam's memory or place.

Nothing ever will be your Gandalf...a bird we would all have loved to share with you. But you sound like you have much space in your heart for another bird who needs your love and care. You must of course do what feels right, but you may very well find that caring for another parrot will honor and cement Gandalf's place in your heart...not diminish it. It will remind you also of all the hours, days, months and years of competent loving care you gave him and give you perspective on the one second of all too human oversight that is shaking your confidence in your ability to care for another bird. I pray you will not consider this an uninvited intrusion into your grief by a perfect stranger. Your story and pain just resonates to all of us who have lost a feathered friend and thought that the internal conflict had to conclude before we could share our lives again with a bird.

 

[SharonC]

I am so sorry for your loss...

I no longer use my Teflon pans, but they are still in the cupboard. I was thinking, and I have read, that Teflon needed to reach high temps before releasing harmful chemicals. Your story has prompted me to actually throw them out! I did considerable research on Teflon, and I actually think it's unsafe for humans as well.

Again, I am so sorry that your beloved friend is gone. Open your heart to another when you're ready...

 

[Von1983]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

It was an unfortunate accident and though we all know about teflon, you can bet you we didn't know it was that instant.

Just by telling this story you'll be saving birds' lives.

Many thanks for sharing xx

 

[wildheart]

I am so deeply sorry for your loss. Please do not feel guilty, we as humans will always make mistakes some knowingly and some unknowingly. God works in mysterious ways, ways that we are not meant to understand. But one thing that I have learned is that when God closes one door in our lives, He always open another. We must just be brave enough to see it...

 

[HRH Di]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Please let us help you get through this. Share stories and pictures of Gandalf if that helps.

 

[nofearengineer]

Thank you, guys. I appreciate the kind words and sympathy. Sometimes it is hard knowing that the person you're trying to explain why your eyes are red from tears is rolling their eyes inside. They don't understand that a parrot is not just some disposable childhood goldfish.

Favorite phrases:

"I'm a buttmunch."
"I'm a brat."
"You want a yum yum?" (peanut butter crackers)
"It's time to go to bed." (without fail when the TV was turned off)
"You see the birds?" (he loved looking out the back window)

Funniest moment: I had left a poop scraper in the bottom of his cage in the middle of a cleaning session. It had fallen partially through the grate. He was having a great time, really trying to think things through, as he tried and tried for about 30 minutes to pull the odd shaped head back through. I watched all of this amusedly, while working at my computer. He finally pulled it too far in one direction, and it fell completely through the grate, where he could not reach it anymore. He let out an incredibly loud yell of "G*D D*MMIT". I burst into laughter (probably the worst thing to do, but oh man, was that funny). I'm not sure where he had seen that before, but he certainly had a firm grasp on the context.

He loved music, as for the first 4 years of his life, I was making a living that way. Rehearsing music at home was nearly impossible with him. He just had to get involved. Standard routine with him was bobbing his head up and down to the beat of music, making finger snapping noises, and asking "do you dance?". He particularly loved to sing "Chain of Fools" with my Mom when she would visit. He made a significant intellectual leap early in his life that always amazed me. Somehow, he understood that whistling was a replacement for words. I would hear him whistling the melody to songs he had only heard the words sung to. I really felt a sort of parents' pride when I realized what he was doing.

I have probably spent more time than I should have staring at his empty cage and toys. I'm sure you can understand the "need to honor and remember him/need to not think of him" thing I am going through right now.

As for getting another, I am pretty worried that I won't be able to satisfy a baby's emotional and psychological needs right now. When I got Gandalf, there was a girlfriend and family to keep him stimulated when I was not there. Since I'm in a house by myself now, I might just have to admire some parrots from afar for a while.

I'm out of the house 10-11 hours a day during the week. As a more mature bird, Gandalf was able to adjust to my schedule, as long as I left his curtains open and the TV on (he seemed to enjoy the Disney Channel). That and a rigorous bout of "wrestling" the very minute I walked through the door. He was so happy to see me every day after work that I would get 5 or 6 tail shake "giggles" out of him the first few minutes of playing with him.

I don't think a baby would do well sitting alone in a cage every day. At what point do you make the choice between being lonely and making a pet suffer? With a parrot, it's obviously not just about me.

Again guys, thanks for the understanding of listening to a total stranger pour their guts out. I ramble because my brain is just sort of all over the place right now.

 

[Spiritbird]

I loved your pooper scooper story. Your heart will tell you when it is the right time for another bird. There are many AG's up for adoption right now. An adult may be better for you. Both Phoenix Landing and Baily Foundation. Some of these birds are on petfinder. You can put a rose inside the cage for loving memory.

 

[Congolover]

So sorry to hear of your loss. Thank you for fighting through the pain to share with us, and remind us once again about the dangers of teflon. Even when aware of it, we all tend to get lackadasical from time to time, I think.
BTW, frypans are not the only source of potentially dangerous fumes: burners on coffee makers can also give them off. We got rid of those kinds of coffee makers from our house 10 years ago, we only use those that pour the coffee into a thermos-like urn rather than one that uses a hot plate/burner to keep the coffee warm.

 

[JawzX]

Your stories of Gandalf, who was obviously a special bird (aren't they all?) are great. Certainly don't rush antyhing, but Spiritbird has a good point, there are lots of adult birds out there that need homes, and if/when you decide it's time for another feathered friend in your life, adoption from rescue is a great way to go. My girlfriend and I got a sort of a package deal on two great adult birds; a silly, cuddly, ham of an Amazon named Cody, who is 30, and a scheming, always thinking, smarty-pants, angel by the name of Buddy, an 8 year-old Alexandrine Parakeet. Adoption is a great option.

 

[thegreatkatsby]

I am so sorry. My childhood cockatiel, Gadget, died after my father accidentally left a nonstick frying pan on the stovetop. This was about 10 years ago, and I didn't know as much about birds then as I do now... otherwise I would have offered to replace all the nonstick items in my parents' kitchen. I was at work when it happened, and the memory of coming home to my mother cradling her body and crying as I walked in the door after work has been burned into my memory.

I do not want to encourage you to do anything you're not ready for yet, but I do urge you to look into rescue/adoption someday. You may not have the time for a baby bird, but the experience of welcoming an unwanted parrot into your home is unbelievably rewarding, and you can honor Gandalf's memory by saving another member of his species.

 

[nofearengineer]

Well, I decided to stop by a pet store yesterday. I'm not sure what I was really doing, but I wanted to see how it would make me feel (I think my tear ducts are about worn out). Unfortunately, it turns out the breeder (Bridget's Bird Land) I originally bought Gandalf from, changed hands, and has gotten out of breeding, and now only sells food, toys, supplies, etc.

So I stopped by another pet store, and they had a couple DYHA's, who seemed totally unimpressed by the big guy standing in front of their cage. I clicked my tongue at them, to which they basically yawned and preened some more. They were handsome young birds, but no spark for me either. There were no greys, which might have been a good thing. I sort of see Gandalf in every Congo picture I look at now.

I was reading somewhere else where they considered 4-5 hours out of cage and 45 minutes of physical interaction per day the minimum for a grey. While I would obviously spend more time than that with a bird, it really surprised me. When I bought Gandalf, I was scared to death he was going to become one of the horror-story sad, lonely, plucking birds. As a result, I lavished attention on him, and even despite some novice mistakes, he developed a deep trust of me.

So maybe Gandalf was never really on the verge of self-destructing like I perpetually feared, and if I really do my best, a sweet, young bird could still be kept happy. Plenty of interesting toys, a TV babysitter, open curtains, maybe some automated jungle sounds from my PC, and a doting 5 hours a day owner would be enough. It will take some time to get my confidence up though.

I think I just got really, really lucky when I found Gandalf, as he was my very first parrot, and admittedly somewhat of an impulse purchase; I had no idea what I was getting into. My roommate had a GCC, who was a charming little twerp, and I thought I would like a parrot too. But it turned out an African Grey was perfect for me. Being a rock musician, I wanted peace and quiet during the day. Though all parrots can be rambunctious and naughty at times, I find the calm nature of greys most suited to my personality.

But like I said, it's sort of a "spark" thing at this point. And to my knowledge, there aren't any parrot breeders, much less grey breeders, left in this area (Evansville, IN). I really don't want to go to a national chain (PetSmart, Pet Food Center, etc.), as I worry about a bird mill mentality. But it would be nice to talk to a small scale breeder, face to face, who understands my situation and would let me look around, so to speak.

If anyone knows of somebody in this area, please feel free to let me know. One way or the other, I will find out if I'll get another fid.

 

[madparrotwoman]

I'm so sorry to read this, how terrible for you. Gandalf was a stunning-looking grey and obviously very special and impossible to replace. I agree with the others who have suggested adopting a rescue, this would be a lasting tribute to Gandalf and a way of making peace with yourself.

Gandalf's passing was a terrible accident but one that is all too easy to occur if there is teflon in the house. I knew that this was likely to happen to me if I had teflon pans in the house what with multi tasking being a regular occurance with me so I decided on throwing them out long ago, a wise move it would seem.

My heart aches for you..

 

[Beilana]

I am so sad to hear of your loss. I recently lost my GCC Hiroshi. The cause of his death is still unknown to me and my family.

This forum has been a wonderful comfort to me through my hard times. I hope it brings the same comfort to you.

My heart goes out to you. Hiroshi, Gandalf and all our passed on feathered friends are flying free together. Waiting for the day we will return to them

 

[Spiritbird]

When you are emotionally ready please look to opportunities like this one. Even though you do not live in the same state there are ways of getting an adopted bird to your home. You will be amazed!!

Adoptable African Grey: Peebody: Petfinder

This listing has several AG and closer to you. I am just showing yu what is out there for adoption. Not intending to push anyting on you. If you prefer a baby AG there are many good breeders. Rosie's breeder was Jean Patterson in Fla. Her listing is under African Queen. Good luck and again sorry for your devistating loss.

http://www.petfinder.com/pet-search?N=&Nf=coords%7CGCGT+40.344130394357%2C-88.9742+-1&No=25&Ns=coords%2840.344130394357%2C-88.9742%29%7C%7Cshelter_name%7C%7Canimal_type%7C%7Cpet_breed_1%7C%7Cpet_breed_2%7C%7Cidentifier&Ntk=animal_type%7Crecord_type%7Cstatus&Ntt=Bird%7Cpet%7CA&distance=0&lat=40.344130394357&location=illinois&lon=-88.9742&pet_breed

 

[Tika & Savannah's mom]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. This is truely a tragic accident. I hope you do not blame yourself. You gave Gandalf 13 wonderful years of love and care. As hard as it must be for you to share this story, we thank you for reminding all of us of the dangers of Teflon. I purchased a stainless steel set of pots and pans before Tika & Savannah moved in but my husband has always clung to his one Teflon pan for cooking eggs. We have dramaticlly disagreed about this, but I could not budge him. You will be happy to know that after hearing this story, he agreed to throw the pan away. I hope it is of some consolation that you may truely end up saving the lives of others. I just located a non-stick pan that is made by "Swiss Diamond" this weekend at a high end kitchenware store. They claim it is a non-Teflon product that does not emminate any PFOA's, using 200,000 diamond crystals that are naturally non-pourus to acheive a non stick surface. I was wondering if anyone else has heard of this product or investigated their claims? It is exensive, but if what they claim is true it may be the answer for bird lovers everywhere. I would like to think so, but would be interested to hear more first. - Prayers & hugs to you & Gandolf.