Reflection/Rant/Long Post - Doubting myself & Second thoughts about parronthood

[Soyajam]

Hey guys, I've been thinking about this for a while so I thought I'd just blurt it here. Sorry for the huge post but it's a bit of a rant I guess.

Comments, questions, critiques are welcome, of course.

---

Have any of you been over-the-top excited to bring your baby bird home and when you got them… felt really unsure about them?

You see, I did my research, a lot! For several years, in fact! And after reading the cons of bird ownership - I figured that I’d fall in love with my bird and it’d make some of the cons a bit easier to manage.

Remi, my 4 month old eclectus is incredibly sweet, and definitely mischievous. But I’m not head over heels for her like I thought I’d be. And this is while she’s sweet and cute, that’s nothing to say of when she becomes mature.

As an aside, when she first came home I freaked out. But I pushed through it hard and am not as frantic as I was that first week (it was tough). But some of the worries I had then haven’t completely left. What about hormones? What if I miss behaviours and she develops problems (biting? screaming? out of control hormonal behaviour? cage aggression?)

There are a few little things I constantly worry about - the fact she only eats mash, her disinterest in treats, the fact I haven’t been able to start any training. She lives a long, LONG time so I know these are probably temporary. But what if they’re not?

It’s clear that she needs lots of active attention (something you may have seen me tell lots of other members) - and I find myself quite sad that I can’t do some of the things I used to. Either because I can’t watch her when she’s out, or because I don’t have time because I’m cleaning up after her (!!)

I’ve read this thread commenting on people who give away their birds because of "no time", and I’ve always wondered how you could be that kind of person. But am I really that far away because I don’t love my parrot to death?

Has anybody felt this way before? What did you do? Have you felt this way and it’s passed? Parrots live a darn long time. And I don’t want her to go to a thousand homes. But I don’t want any home of hers to be just “eh” about her. Every parrot deserves to be showered in love.

NB: I know and I'm confident that she gets really good care from me. She's healthy and contented. These doubts don't translate into how I care for her (yet).

 

[chris-md]

Re: Reflection/Rant/Long Post - Doubting myself & Second thoughts about parronthood

So you had a romanticized notion of what it would be like and reality smacked you in the face, eh?

Occasionally, yes. Especially when Parker becomes hormonal or otherwise unpredictable. Hormonal phases can really make you question everything. Also, I freely admit sometimes I wish he was. More macaw like. More active and curious about the world around him. When he’s not hormonal he’s usually a lazy perch potato not interested in much at all.

But we’ve been through all this a lot, and our bond has grown. I wouldn’t rehome him for anything.

Here’s the thing, your bird is brand new to you. With birds the bond isn’t always instant. It’s like falling in love. Sometimes it start off with abject loathing. Or even indifference.

Sounds like you need to work on building the bond. Start by doing some basic training, clicker and target training is often a great beginning point. You need to be involved in activities with him beyond sitting around. This activity is what will grow the bond. Buy a pak o bird so you can take him on walks, or even try to harness train him.

Hang in there. Reality can be a disappointment sometimes, but if you can stick it through you begin finding rewards in this new reality that will make it all worth it.

 

[Inger]

Re: Reflection/Rant/Long Post - Doubting myself & Second thoughts about parronthood

Most people won’t admit this, but sometimes that happens when we have human babies too. It’s always harder than we think it will be and rarely as blissful as we expect. The above suggestions are very good though. I know that Bumble and I are closer because of training sessions (or playtime as I like to call it).

Time takes time - don’t give up yet.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[SailBoat]

Re: Reflection/Rant/Long Post - Doubting myself & Second thoughts about parronthood

This was said with such clarity that I have nothing to add: "So you had a romanticized notion of what it would be like and reality smacked you in the face, eh?" Thank-you Chris, thank you!

Sometimes, one needs to take a long look at what others choose to be faced with to bring clarity to just how far ahead you are!

We choose to bring into our home, Amazons that are very sick and /or seriously injured! The first six months is a near round the clock care just to keep them one-step in front of death. During that time, any hope of developing a relationship, let alone a bond is near laughable.

Between that point and the completion of year one, 'if they make it,' there is at least some level of trust, at least to some level that we are not killing them and they have begun to at least work on Beak Pressure control during the many bites.

Some place during the last months of that first year, early signs of some level of comfort in being around us begins, trust that our end goal is to not kill them, and the spark of a Bond is beginning. The early signs of a relationship is developing.

During that long, long first year, all the basic stuff happens everyday!

- At first our goals is to simply get them to want to live, and to eat anything, and I really mean anything - just to to keep them alive. Lots of wasted food everyday!
- Cleaning-up the mess! The medication that has to be applied multiple times since the first or second didn't make it! It seems that all of the medications are sticky! Sticky feathers, sticky fingers, hands, arms and near everywhere else.
- Cleaning-up poop, and not the pretty normal stuff, but the running / watery stuff that seems to find its way into ever tiny place and refuse to exit.
- The very early morning rush to the Vet's clinic, often enough that you joke that you should get a motor home and park it next to the staff's door. Since you know all of them by their first names.
- On and on and on!!!

But hey, I know three individuals that are doing all of that and much more with multiple Parrot at the same time! Now that is a real "reality smacked you in the face" moment! I have It Easy! And, when you take a honest look at what you are faced! Hmmm, not so bad.

In fact, when you really look at this from the view point of the Parrot! A baby, pulled away from its Care Takers. Consider what that much be like!

Buck-it-up! You're the Adult in the Room. Life Sucks and it has no want to make it any easier on you! You chose this and when you come to accept that reality and accept it fully. It all become easier.

*** When 'you' transition from being 'self-centered,' to being 'other-centered,' the World will make far more sense and you will begin to see the Love that sweet Parrot wants to provide you!

 

[Soyajam]

Re: Reflection/Rant/Long Post - Doubting myself & Second thoughts about parronthood

So you had a romanticized notion of what it would be like and reality smacked you in the face, eh?

I'd be lying if I didn't say I'd been smacked in the face. Because I have.

However, I think everyone has a romanticized notion of bird ownership, otherwise the pet trade would be non existent. Those who adopt birds picture in their minds a time where a bird who bites might not in the future - is that not in some way romanticizing too?

But I'm sort of picking at the details here. My point is that of course I thought about the things I'd like to do with her, about training her and having her in my life. Wouldn't anybody? I also thought about the cleaning and the enrichment she needed so I could provide for her.
The "cons" funnily enough (the cleaning, the expense, the noise) are just as I expected. Which means the research and advice did help. But the "pros" which owners often elevate (to infer it makes the cons all worth it) don't seem to translate as well. The snuggles with Remi should make the fact I can't go out for dinner after work anymore OK - and right now, it doesn't. That doesn't mean I don't think she's a beautiful and endearing creature.

Inger is not far from the mark. I think there is quite a parallel to draw between bird ownership and raising a kid (with a few differences of course) - and I think most of what I'm experiencing is only having myself to think about (as opposed to doing most things for the benefit of my bird). I felt it faintly sometimes owning a dog, but surely parents have felt this too. Most of them say "but it's worth it because it's your child" (unrelated: I cannot for the life of me understand what this means yet). I think (I hope) this will pass as I sort of re-mould my life with her in it. But I think it would be naiive to say I didn't miss some parts of the old life.

Chris-md - Training is difficult at the moment. Because I cannot find a treat she's super motivated for - I don't think she quite understands what desired behaviour is. I think I have to wait until she eats solids before this can really take off, but from what I've read that could be anything up to 8 months away. What if undesireable behaviours arise in the meantime? Our communication is rather awkward. I praise and snuggle her for desired behaviours but I have no clue if that actually works. Mostly, she does things because she wants to.

Sailboat - I have often thought about how rescuers like you work with difficult birds, often for years to help rehabilitate them. It sounds like a really hard slog. With ultimate rewards yes, but sometimes none. It's absolutely selfless and I have rescued dogs before because I understand how amazing it is to see an animal thrive in your care. I don't have words to express the awe I have at the determination of a parrot rescuer to care for birds with serious problems - I don't know how you all do it (and I wish one day that I might).
As someone who's never had a parrot though - I thought it might be foolish to adopt a bird with little practical experience as to their care. Which is why I opted for a carefully researched breeder. And the benefits of that are clear. Remi is well adjusted, sweet, inquisitive, and in my opinion very understanding of my bumbling at communicating with her. I have a unique opportunity to get things right before they can so easily go wrong.

When I look at all this rubbish I've written about her, don't worry it is incredibly apparent how selfish it sounds. But I've said it because I want to do the best thing for Remi. and it's difficult to tell whether these are legitimate things that mean a home for her elsewhere is better (because I'm a crap owner), or that it's OK she only eats mash and she can't go in her harness. And that it's OK that I'm not doe-eyed in love with her (and that it will come with time). And that it's ok to be sad that I can't play computer games and go out for dinner after work like I used to.

Hope that makes sense (at least sort of)

Thank you for all your advice so far, guys.

 

[T00tsyd]

Re: Reflection/Rant/Long Post - Doubting myself & Second thoughts about parronthood

Oh gosh this rang so true for me too. Let's face it any creature human, animal or bird creates a whole load of problems in terms of change to routine, lifestyle and priority. Having just lost my dog and struggling to recover from the loss I suddenly realise that my home is substantially cleaner, I didn't have to go out in the snow at the weekend, I don't have a dog bed to fall over etc etc etc.

Yesterday my daughter asked if they adopt a rescue dog if I would dog sit a couple of days a week at my house while they both work and help train it. The thought of another 4 legged thrilled me but swiftly followed by a sinking heart at the fresh responsibility. It's never easy but we all adapt it just takes time.

Remi quite possibly gives you things that you don't yet see or feel. The dream was greater than the actual. It often happens. A bit like that great outfit that looks so good in the magazines until you try it on. The difference is this is a living creature that looks to you for it's survival and probably loves you big time if you could but feel it. Hang in there.

 

[chris-md]

Re: Reflection/Rant/Long Post - Doubting myself & Second thoughts about parronthood

And why exactly can’t you go to dinner after work, exactly? I do! Parker is always out of cage cage when we are home, so if he spends an extra hour or two in cage once a month, then I don’t feel too bad.

For training treats, keep offering a diverse platter. Someone even uses bits of banana. Others use hulled sunflower seeds, others use assorted nut bits. To name a few. Keep at it!

 

[wrench13]

Re: Reflection/Rant/Long Post - Doubting myself & Second thoughts about parronthood

Yep, Remi has a favorite treat, you just haven't found it yet. Keep offering different things. Parrots do change their minds about foods ( ex: Salty used to LOVE kiwi fruit - now it goes un-eaten) Training IS difficult until you can give her the reward for positive behavior. She may be one of the birds that responds to verbal praise only. Effusive, heartfelt praise. LOL, Salty expects both!! Be patient with any training - it took me the better part of a whole year to get Salty to accept his harness, and that was with training every single night, with out fail.

Chris is right, why can't you go out to dinner once in awhile?

 

[psychocircus91]

Re: Reflection/Rant/Long Post - Doubting myself & Second thoughts about parronthood

I think with ANYTHING in life, the initial excitement wears off and you are left with reality.
This is true with the "joys" of home ownership, the thrill of a new relationship, a new vehicle, and unfortunately a new pet.

I always remember there are A LOT of ways to interact with birds, so even if it is a hormonal time, or you are particularly busy, this doesn't have to equate to unhappiness for either of you.

When we bring these animals into our lives, we have to make huge adaptations to meet their needs. I always keep in mind how much they are being forced to adapt. Unfortunately, this is why so many wind up rehomed. I believe the number of rehomed parrots within their first three years of life is somewhere in the 90% range.

 

[bigfellasdad]

Re: Reflection/Rant/Long Post - Doubting myself & Second thoughts about parronthood

You sound like you are doing every thing right from my level of knowledge, Remi is very lucky to have you!
Remi is very young so id imagine his personality has not shone through yet, just as your companionship hasn't developed yet. Give it time and dont beat yourself up.

When my first son came along I thought id lost my personal life for ever but after a while I realised this is just not the case, rehoming Enzo had me feeling the same as my personal life simply stopped as everything seemed to be about Enzo. Thankfully we have both chilled a little and I have no issues continuing my life, Enzo may be spending more time in her cage if i go out or when people are around (too many bites!) but Enzo doesnt seem to mind as we still have quality time, a lot more than she has had in her life.

I suppose the thing is, find the balance and find more contentment. Good luck

 

[MonicaMc]

Re: Reflection/Rant/Long Post - Doubting myself & Second thoughts about parronthood

Have any of you been over-the-top excited to bring your baby bird home and when you got them… felt really unsure about them?

I can't say that I have, but this year has been quite tough on me... to the point of doubting having pets at all. I've grown up having some sort of animal around me at all times... I don't remember the cats and dog that were around me when I was an infant, but I do recall my grandmother's last dog she had, the cats that we kept at her place, the rabbits... then getting into birds when I was 12 years old and having birds since then. (as well as cats and dogs) In fact, I still have my first cockatiel that was given to me at 13 years old.

By the time I was 16 1/2 years old, I stopped buying birds (only birds I ever bought were budgies). I had people giving me birds, so I didn't see any point in buying a bird if I'd end up with another. I've cared for budgies, a lovebird, a turquoisine, bourkes, cockatiels, four different conure species and an african ringneck.

Since many of the birds I've taken in were older or came with health issues (or were somehow genetically prone to an early death...), I'd have to deal with losing them. This year, I've lost over half of my pets (my cat included), and this isn't even taking into consideration the aquariums that I've struggled with as well.

From the animals I had at the beginning of the year, I only have 3 birds and my dog left. I lost two in one month. Some of the others... it was like as soon as I started to heal from one loss, I was losing another.

My vet says that there's really nothing I could have done differently. Knowing that doesn't change the pain. Knowing that many were older, and with age comes cancer or other health issues still doesn't change the pain. Knowing that one was doomed due to genetics (died at 7 - having outlived her father and apparently siblings as well - she should have lived for 20+ years) doesn't change the pain.


Remi, my 4 month old eclectus is incredibly sweet, and definitely mischievous. But I’m not head over heels for her like I thought I’d be.

Sounds like how I feel about my mother's new cat. He's cute, but he's not *my* cat. I don't feel the bond with him that I had felt with my own cat.

Having said that, it can take time to feel that bond. It's still early on and you two are still learning about each other.

Alternatively, maybe an eclectus isn't right for you? Not to say that parrots aren't right for you, but perhaps not an ekkie? Or maybe it's just her?

It's hard to say for sure, honestly... of the multiple birds I've cared for, I've had a closer connection to certain birds than I have had with others. That doesn't mean I cared for the others any less... just, certain ones have held a special place in my heart that the others haven't.


What about hormones? What if I miss behaviours and she develops problems (biting? screaming? out of control hormonal behaviour? cage aggression?)

The dreaded hormones.... something that has never been an issue for me. My birds don't become aggressive when they are sexually hormonal. Excessive biting? "Easy" to deal with... don't get bit! Excessive screaming? Teach new behaviors. Cage aggression? Again, never been an issue because I've worked with my birds in a way that has prevented cage aggression.


There are a few little things I constantly worry about - the fact she only eats mash, her disinterest in treats, the fact I haven’t been able to start any training. She lives a long, LONG time so I know these are probably temporary. But what if they’re not?

My first thought.... is there anything in her mash that she goes bananas over? Anything in particular you could use as a reward for training?


It’s clear that she needs lots of active attention (something you may have seen me tell lots of other members) - and I find myself quite sad that I can’t do some of the things I used to. Either because I can’t watch her when she’s out, or because I don’t have time because I’m cleaning up after her (!!)

Something many people don't realize - ambient attention can be just as important as physical attention! Having her out on a stand playing with toys or foraging is also good for her!

Too many people don't try to encourage birds to play independently, so you end up with birds with behavioral issues because they are too reliant on human beings.


It can certainly be a balancing act.

 

[Jottlebot]

Re: Reflection/Rant/Long Post - Doubting myself & Second thoughts about parronthood

This strikes me as a painfully honest post. I don't read it as "I thought everything was going to be perfect, but now the reality is it isn't". Your expectations seem to have been realistic, but you don't seem to be getting the rewards from the relationship that you expected. It got me thinking about my relationship with my parrot. He's pretty pliable. I've been bitten maybe 5 times, but I've developed the pattern of covering my skin, which is a habit I need to break. I remember feeling hopeless, and saddened (what am I talking about, I've cried with unbridled frustration) that we don't have the bond I would have loved - because he bites me. I don't think I've felt like you do though.

Maybe you just don't enjoy having a parrot as much as you thought you would? There certainly doesn't seem to be any behavioural or health issues that are making things harder. Your care for her sounds wonderful so the hard stuff isn't the problem it seems.

I don't agree that parrots deserve to be showered in love, because human love and parrot love aren't the same language. A parrot needs to be clean, fed well, challenged mentally and physically (I mean flying and climbing etc rather than threatening to fight it obviously!) and needs to be part of a flock. I believe this can all happen in someone's front room or in an aviary where the funny featherless 2 legged things just deliver food and clean up.

I think the question is more about whether you want the relationship to continue. Can you and Remi be happy as things are? She will of course mature with time and your current feelings might just reflect the fact she's so young and your expectations and hopes will be met with her when she's older. I must admit, I can't really stand puppies! They are cute, but ultimately I find them boring and not rewarding! Which sort of reminds me of what you're saying.

I know you're not asking about whether to regime your bird, and it highly likely that in 2 hours she'll make some silly noise and you'll only want to talk about her and it for the next 9 hours, but I don't think an owner should keep their bird(s) out of duty. You're right, in time care could be effected.

Thank you so much for such an honest post

 

[Loz]

Re: Reflection/Rant/Long Post - Doubting myself & Second thoughts about parronthood

It appears having Remi is rousing a lot of anxiety for you. You aren't alone in how you're feeling! It is blatant you want the best for Remi
Owning a parrot is a big responsibility... a process. Every relationship is different. It is an adjustment for the two of you not forgetting, it is still early days.
Sending positivity x

P.s. everyone elses responses are wonderful! We all need reassurance from time to time.

 

[itzjbean]

Re: Reflection/Rant/Long Post - Doubting myself & Second thoughts about parronthood

The OP's post rang quite true for me too....

I researched getting a Doberman for years. Never had my own dog before. Finally got him from a reputable breeder and soon the honeymoon stage was over, he wasn't like a cat where he'd be fine laying on the couch, calm and still. No! He was a rambunctious little puppy that needed constant supervision and needed walking and running and playing or else we realized he would be wound up and destroy things.

We never gave up on him, but we found our lives shifted around, centering around him. He needed exercise, stimulation and to be let out all the time, not like cats at all, like we were used to. We have our set routine though and after 2 1/2 - 3 years he finally chilled out and our bond is very strong, he is like our child.

Having been through that is the reason I will wait to get a macaw, to really think about it. My dream bird! While the idea of owning such a magnificent creature is wonderful to think and daydream about (I can take him out shopping iwht me, to pet stores, he'll learn all these amazing tricks, we'll have such a deep bond) I realize after being a member of this forum that owning a large bird such as this is way more than I am ready for right now. With this dream, there's also the underside you don't see.... the 60+ years of flinging poo clean-up, constant cleaning of floors and cages, NOT to MENTION the daily chop theyll need, EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. for that amount of time. I don't want to get to year two and think, wow I'm kind of tired of making this chop stuff and having to clean up daily poop messes on floors and clothing, and the bird is really being a stinker today, what did I get myself into?? SO I am taking my time to really think hard, hard hard about the next step in parrot ownership.

 

[dhraiden]

Re: Reflection/Rant/Long Post - Doubting myself & Second thoughts about parronthood

I love my fids tons. Mochi lately has been super bitey and aggressive with me - which is on me for not reinforcing and educating positive behaviors when she was younger. I've resigned myself to getting chomped - HARD - when getting her to step up or whatever.

I don't blame her for it, but yes I do sometimes wish I had a nicer, kinder, more cuddly Mochi - the way she was when I first got her! Then of course we got Mango, and she super-bonded to him and flipped and bonded to my SO, heheh.

It's natural, and don't beat yourself up over it. Everyday when I come home from work I know, that absent any dedicated re-training with lots of effort on my part, Mochi is gonna be the way she is. I'm at this point just happy to ensure she's content and well-cared for, despite that.

 

[GaleriaGila]

Re: Reflection/Rant/Long Post - Doubting myself & Second thoughts about parronthood

This is one of those threads that shows me why I love this place. No place else is there the depth of understanding of these issues...
I have a very... shall we say... challenging bird who has caused me endless uncertainty about the whys and wherefores of having him.

Maybe you'll find something in my story...

Even after all these years, I sometimes find myself putting myself or my bird down... stuff like...
I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS OR THAT.
WHY CAN'T HE BE SWEET AND NICE, LIKE A PUPPY?
PEOPLE WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHY I PUT UP WITH THIS.
Stuff like that.
But the Rb is a parrot... in his particular case, one generation out of the wild.
I do all the right things, as much/well as I can, but in the end, I just LOVE my bird,
Some parrots are SO SWEET, some are NOT. I'm HAPPY and a bit JEALOUS of those successes.
I have lessened my psychological and physical wounds over the decades... not because I've changed the bird, but I have changed me. And a lot of that has involved giving up on a lot of my desires/expectations. After years of battle, I surrendered. I admit... as to why have I not (and why am I unable/unwilling) to train the Rb to do anything that he doesn't want to do?
Example... if I have a treat, and he sees it and wants it, I HAVE to give it too him. I simply cannot/will not NOT give him what he wants. No training there!
Consequently, I have a Tazmanian Devil on my hands. I love him. I have no complaints, really. He's HIMSELF. And I'm MYSELF. And the result... check my Signature for videos. etc., if you like.
Over the years, I have been very embarassed/downhearted/sad about having a pet that was so... out of my control.
But finally, I accepted that I have an amazing half-wild being who shares my life! It's magic enough.

 

[Soyajam]

Re: Reflection/Rant/Long Post - Doubting myself & Second thoughts about parronthood

You guys are fabulous. Thank you.

For those who asked about why I can't go out to dinner any more - I'd often do things for a few hours before returning home, most days in the week. Going to the gym, heading out somewhere further for dinner, groceries etc. I'd get home ~7-8pm.

These days, Remi's usually pretty hungry for her second mash at 6-6:30 (mostly because she only picks at the other food I've provided). So I usually need to go straight home to feed her (as sometimes even that can be as late as 6pm). Once a week might be OK (which I strive to make the gym day) but only feeding her before I put her away for the night 3-4 times a week doesn't seem fair to me. That'd mean some days she only gets one hour people time a day. (Not enough in my opinion). I try to fit engagements taking me out of the house (or further out) on the weekend, where she can be in her cage during the day, which suits the routine we have weekdays better. But even so certain things aren't possible now. I ride motorcycles and long trips or overnights aren't feasible anymore, if we wanted to go on a spontaneous camp we couldn't really enjoy it it (not until she can eat solids do I feel comfortable boarding her) and even a long drive where we need to stay over, I'd need to pre-plan for pet friendly places. Maybe I underestimated the amount of stuff I actually do outside of work... but I always thought it'd be manageable. Not being harness trained makes it much more difficult.

The funny thing is I can see how short-sighted it is to lament on this - In a year or two I hope to move to the country (like, far out in the country) - and our lifestyle will turn upside down again. But there, I can build her a flight aviary, and we'll be in our own house (as opposed to a rental) where I can build fun things for her into the house itself.

Monica - your post was enlightening. It's possible an eclectus isn't for me, but I know it's not just her. I don't want to go "shopping" for the right bird though. It's probably more likely the right bird might trip over me some day by accident.

For those interested in the treats saga I might update the thread - but I have tried tonnes of stuff. I have not tried cooked sweet potato, which seems to be the magic ingredient in the mash (that takes it from "poo" to "SHOVEL IT IN ME"). I will try it and update it in the thread.

It's a relief to hear I'm not alone in how I feel. The rollercoaster is tiring though - "I want to take her back, I want to stick it out".

Last night she did an actual attention scream for the first time (a few times actually) and that didn't help matters... but in between, she's sweet and chatty. Jeez.

Thanks again everybody. I hoped my honest post would be understood and it certainly has.

 

[psychocircus91]

Re: Reflection/Rant/Long Post - Doubting myself & Second thoughts about parronthood

And to be fair, I'm sure nearly all of us have at least had the thought "What would life be like if I didn't have this bird/these birds" (implying it may be simpler, more free.)

The thing I try to remember is while the birds are a HUGE part of my life, I am virtually their WHOLE lives.

 

[bigfellasdad]

Re: Reflection/Rant/Long Post - Doubting myself & Second thoughts about parronthood

And to be fair, I'm sure nearly all of us have at least had the thought "What would life be like if I didn't have this bird/these birds" (implying it may be simpler, more free.)

The thing I try to remember is while the birds are a HUGE part of my life, I am virtually their WHOLE lives.

This, totally this

Earlier Enzo chewed a huge obvious hole in my kitchen cupboards, im about to buy a new kitchen for around £13K so im pretty damned pissed with her.... a minute later she's in her cage and out of my sight for 10 minutes. 2 hours later with her shoulder surfing me, she asks for cuddles, not head scritches proper leaning into me cuddles. An hour later my hands are tired and shes not, i'm giggling and trying to work out what i need to do with the next kitchen to be a little more parrot safe. She's a total nightmare, 100% PITFA but i love her. Frustrating yes, worth it.... of course. My family would not agree though.

BTW ive recorded Enzo's 'come here' rants upon your request, ill edit them so you don't have to wait between calls. Ill try post them up tomorrow, you'll realise that anger == funny sometimes (im same as you btw, she needs more training but im too soft with her!)

 

[Teddscau]

Re: Reflection/Rant/Long Post - Doubting myself & Second thoughts about parronthood

Yeah, everyone wishes they didn't have birds every now and then. But if given the opportunity, none of us would actually rehome our birds. We just sometimes need a break from them. Once or twice a year, I travel somewhere with my dad to visit museums for a few days while Mom stays home and looks after my kids. I always come back refreshed and ready to slave over my birds again. Then again, it's their health problems that really wear me down, but now that we know that at least some of them have AGY, things are a bit easier. I'm about to start medicating a lot more birds, so that's fun.

Anyways, a lot of my birds are rescues (well, I adopted them from shelters and negligent families), and it was by no means love at first sight. Alice screamed non-stop for more than a month due to her PTSD, Ziggy was completely helpless and was barely able to function because he was cage-bound, Rumi, Lara, and Pollo were kind of "meh" at first, Noah brutalized me for two months, and the kākāriki have been extremely sick since I adopted them and I've been spending thousands of dollars on their recovery. However, all that being said, I ended up bonding with all of them and freaking love them. Eventually they grow on you.

I mean, when you first get a bird, the two of you are complete strangers. Why should you or Remi love each other? Unless the two of you are soulmates like my dad and his chihuahua (you should've seen it when they met...it was freaking weird. They were instantly drawn to each other), feeling indifference, resentment, or regret is normal. It's just that society acts as though these feelings towards your newborn child/newly adopted companion animal are abnormal and disgusting. Just be honest with yourself that these feelings are normal and that you don't need to be ashamed. Heck, I pretty much despised the orphaned animals I've had to raise. I mean, they can't pee or poop on their own, they constantly need to eat (and they suck at eating), they get formula caked onto their fur, they're saucy with you, and of course they're covered in fleas so you have to bathe them which is a pain. As much as I've hated raising those orphans, I always find it hard to give them up when they're ready to go out into the big wide world on their own. And if I come across another orphan, I know I'm going to bring them home with me. I'm such a chump -_-