Ranting to myself.

[Sterling1113]

So this is mostly for me to rant. I'm sure some of you may or may not be familiar with people either posting on forums or talking to a group of people online to help with their own problems, as talking to an anonymous group tends to help some people.. also while remaining somewhat anonymous.

So I figured, hey, why not. Plus I post on here alot anyways and I'm looking into getting a parrot so maybe it'll give people some insight(?) Who knows.

Well my ACTUAL name is Ashley.. I use Sterling as my tag because I had a cockatiel named Sterling when I was in highschool, named because he was a glorious silver colour and Sterling Silver is my favourite metal.. so there's that.

I'm 19yrs young(Even though I feel like I should be in my late twenties..) And I live in central(ish?) Texas with my lovely boyfriend, and our family of 9.
I have Kiwi, my White Eared Conure, Loki, the Pineapple GCC, Bowser the Bearded dragon, Reptar the Iguana, Mina the 5 lined skink, Candy the Milk snake, and Eli the special needs Texas Spiny lizard.
He works and I stay at home and take care of our petting zoo. I didn't expect to lose my job, but **** happens. We're totally financially stable though and not struggling at all, so that's nice that I don't *have* to work.

My parents recently divorced and even though I was never close to my mom it's still a weird thing to watch happen. She has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember and I've fought her several times, verbally and physically but I'm glad I moved out and I'm glad she moved as far away as she did after the divorce. My dad still lives in the same house we all lived in together (Me, my younger brother and younger sister, mom and dad.) and his girlfriend is frequently there. She tries to be a thing in my life and she's a good friend, but I don't think I'll ever see her as an adult figure. -shrugs- maybe I'm being immature. So point being I don't really talk to any of my family since I moved out, as to avoid drama. I go to the meetings that Child Protective Services arranges to be a witness and to have input.. but that's about it.


Now here's the kicker: I'm also 5 1/2 months pregnant. BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING OR THINK ANYTHING OF IT... I'm NOT pro-life or pro-choice in particular. I'm not trying to spark an argument over my fetus, as it is my fetus and not yours. I am choosing the rout of adoption, as I already have a couple in mind who would love a baby but can't conceive. We just aren't emotionally stable or financially stable for a child. I know this couple can give him a life that we couldn't, and knowing that it will make their lives together that much happier gives me some peace of mind. I don't hate people who have aborted, and I don't hold people who haven't any higher than anyone else. This was my choice and no one else.

Anyway.. because of that I am frequently at the doctor for check ups and all sorts of tests and sonograms.. and even though I've been bird-crazy since a very young age (At age 8 I got my first cockatiel. Diddy, a female Lutino pied. She was in her twenties and passed away after a year or two but she was a wonderful friend to me in my childhood) but I've never had my own large parrot.. and recently decided that I really wanted one.
I'm not sure what I want though. When I visit this sanctuary, I could fall in love with an Ectectus, or maybe I'll end up liking the Macaws or Amazons.. who knows.
However I feel like this sudden fascination of having a large parrot(Also known has having a two year old for the rest of their lives) might be partly my mind trying to compensate with the reality that I've already accepted surrendering this child of mine to another family. That does not mean I will love this bird any less than it deserves, that does not mean I will become "bored" with the bird.. as I have always loved parrots. I've just been doing some thinking with the time I've had alone and came to that conclusion.
A friend told me "Acknowledging is the first step to accepting." And then joked in response "and apparently the first step to the nearest parrot sanctuary.."
And who knows? Maybe it will help the bond with me and the bird, yeah I'm kind of worried the bird might not like me if I get one before I deliver because I'll spend x amount of time on bed rest and then about two weeks in the hospital.. but I guess we won't know until that actually happens. Maybe the bird will be happy to see me home, maybe he'll hold it against me because I left and my boyfriend had to do everything.

I'm not really looking for responses for feedback, if you want to reply or send me a message that's totally fine I'm not going to ignore anyone or be rude. This was more of my way to "get things out on paper" if you will. Sorry if this was the wrong place for this or if I touched on any inappropriate topics, I promise I tried really hard to keep my language reasonably tame.. which can be hard for me.

Anyway, thanks to anyone who reads this all the way, and sorry if I bothered or upset anyone with this post. If it offends anyone or anything I don't mind taking it down myself, if a moderator doesn't.

 

[thekarens]

I want to wish you the best. I grew up in an alcoholic home and it's a very hard thing.

And you're right, it's your body and your child. You're doing the mature thing by giving that child a chance to have a life that you can't give it at this time.

My partner never wanted human children, but she's always loved animals and had a lot of them, so maybe you're compensating and maybe you just love birds, hard to say.

Good luck, I hope you have an easy pregnancy and that you find the right feathered friend.

 

[Sterling1113]

Thank you, it's nice knowing that there's people out there who can identify with me a little bit. It's been easy so far. I haven't gotten morning sickness or anything abnormal, but my emotions have gone haywire. 90% of the time I'm normal but my anxiety attacks and depressive breakdowns have been an almost daily things now, and for no reason! But oh well.
So cause of that I've kind of introverted myself to my home, I don't really leave unless I have to, and I know my animals enjoy being spoiled while I'm here, so that's nice.

 

[thekarens]

Pregnancy will make your hormones go haywire. I'm pretty sure my family thought I was crazy woman with both my boys.

It's good that you have your pets. They will help. You've got to love unconditional love

 

[Terry57]

I think you are doing an amazing thing, and the family who is receiving the gift of your baby must be ecstatic. I am in awe of the choice you have made, and you are so right - it is your choice and in my opinion no one has the right to say anything negative to you.
Thank you for sharing this with us.

I have been reading all your posts about your search for what bird will work best for you, and I have no doubt that whatever one you decide on will have a wonderful, loving home
Are you still going to see the ekkie tonight?

 

[SoCalWendy]

Hi Ashley,

Welcome! Reading your post really took me back for a lot of reasons...

I too, come from an alcoholic family, and my parents divorced when I was 9. To date I don't have a relationship with my mother and my father passed away about 10 years ago. I have forgiven her though, but it doesn't change the relationship I have with her. I am just not angry about it anymore. My sister too, is an alcoholic, I struggle to have a relationship with her. She and our mother have a close relationship. I am 47 now, will be 48 next month and I have come to realize that it really doesn't matter how old or young you are when your parents get divorced, it hurts the same. I will be married 18 years, this September. This is my second marriage, with the first lasting only 8 years. The divorce devastated my son.

When I was 19 I too became pregnant. Abortion was not an option for me, but I was willing to choose adoption, had it come to that. Early into my pregnancy, many tried to get to terminate the pregnancy, but later they ended up supporting my decision to keep my baby. My son will be 28 years old next month. My father was an awesome grandfather... Whatever you decide to do, it's really up to you,. Every decision has it's consequences.

Because your hormones are haywire 90% of the time and your decision to place your baby with a loving family is still an emotional decision, not to mention what postpartum does to you, you may want to wait. Take the time ypu have between now and after the baby is born to decide what you want. Go and see different species of parrots and get a feel for each one and how it will impact your arrangements you have now. It's good your here, because you can get a lot of your questions answered. But seeing parrots in action is really the best. I have a Senegal. I love the poi family and considered a cape parrot. We have 3 bird stores here, one had a cape. I went to see it, and boy am I glad I did. It was so loud it made my ears ring. I knew right then, there was no way I could ever own a cape parrot. I have very sensitive hearing, and fibromyalgia. It would have been a nightmare. Rio my Sennie, can be loud, but no where near how loud this cape was. Anyway, just some things to think about.

Wendy

 

[Sterling1113]

Terry: Thanks for the response and it's nice to know you've kept up with my other posts also. I was going to see him last night, but my boyfriend had a long day and didn't get a lunch break so by the time he got home he just wanted to sit down and have a nice meal, so we decided to relax that night. We'll be going tomorrow afternoon, probably around 4 or 5. and I'm so excited. And we're still going to the parrot rescue on tuesday, which is our 1 year anniversary also, so I'm excited for then.

Wendy: Thanks for sharing your story also, I know how it is growing up with people you want to love but alcohol just makes it difficult. My mom has moved back in with her biological mom (She was adopted, and her adopted parents have already passed.) so I don't communicate with her. I may get to the point that you mentioned, where I don't really think of her the way 6-year-old-me used to, but I'm just not angry anymore, and if she gets better then I'll respect her for that, but until that happens I'd just rather not communicate at all. It's less stress and fewer mean words thrown around. And as I mentioned above I'm going to a sanctuary this week also, so I'm excited to be around all types of parrots and even if I don't find one there that bonds to me, atleast I can experience how each type is (or can be!) Luckily my boyfriend has been very understanding about the whole situation from very early in our relationship, he knew what he was taking on when we got serious, and we had only been together for maybe 4 months when I moved in as I was practically driven out of my parents house. But he's been nothing but patient with me and he's never lashed out or said anything bad about my hormones and my seemingly random breakdowns.. and with my White Eared Conure cuddling me in the day time when he's not here I just feel like I got extremely lucky as far as things have gone so far. The choice of adoption is a mutual decision, and you're right, some time between now and then I may have a change of heart and not want to part ways, and if that happens then I guess our feathered friend will have to wait! But there's still time to sort of "feel" my way around.. and until the end of June comes, nothing is set in stone.

 

[MikeyTN]

I grew up in a abused home with alcoholic parents. They have brutal fights with one another where my mother would leave us behind and my drunk father disappeared somewhere. And us kids starving half to death and thank goodness for kindness of some folks who fed us. But still no food most of the time. So yea I get where your coming from.

 

[Sterling1113]

I grew up in a abused home with alcoholic parents. They have brutal fights with one another where my mother would leave us behind and my drunk father disappeared somewhere. And us kids starving half to death and thank goodness for kindness of some folks who fed us. But still no food most of the time. So yea I get where your coming from.

Definitely not a fun part of life, is it? My mom was a wine-drunk, not too much for anything else unless she was at a bar. And I remember one specific fight it was me (18) my brother (16) and my sister (8) and we used to deny her when she would ask us to take her to the store to get more wine cause she couldn't drive. We would say no and she would end up driving anyway. Eventually we got mad at her and started telling her to stop spending our dads money on her bad habit when we need groceries, and she'd pull out cash and flaunt it and be like "Well I'm the adult so I'm getting wine." I never understood the thought process. Before she moved out she hit the garage 4 times and several fights went on. She went to rehab for like three weeks and relapsed less than 24 hours from getting home. It's an awful thing. She even went through a medical detox. Nothing seems to help.

 

[MikeyTN]

No it's not fun....it's even worse when they beat us....

 

[Kinny]

I grew up in a abused home with alcoholic parents. They have brutal fights with one another where my mother would leave us behind and my drunk father disappeared somewhere. And us kids starving half to death and thank goodness for kindness of some folks who fed us. But still no food most of the time. So yea I get where your coming from.

Definitely not a fun part of life, is it? My mom was a wine-drunk, not too much for anything else unless she was at a bar. And I remember one specific fight it was me (18) my brother (16) and my sister (8) and we used to deny her when she would ask us to take her to the store to get more wine cause she couldn't drive. We would say no and she would end up driving anyway. Eventually we got mad at her and started telling her to stop spending our dads money on her bad habit when we need groceries, and she'd pull out cash and flaunt it and be like "Well I'm the adult so I'm getting wine." I never understood the thought process. Before she moved out she hit the garage 4 times and several fights went on. She went to rehab for like three weeks and relapsed less than 24 hours from getting home. It's an awful thing. She even went through a medical detox. Nothing seems to help.

Oh dear Mikey! I can't begin to imagine that torment.. I was mentally and verbally abused, and slightly physically abused by both my parents, and was half starved from 4 years old til 18 years old (ribs showing etc) because Father was too silly with managing money and Mother thought her haircuts and nails and pretty clothes were more important than giving us 6 kids good food. I remember wheetbix (not allowed more than 2 a day) rice, porridge, and cabbage..pretty much lived on that stuff.. We were always hungry, bellies rumbling etc, but goodness to actually have NO food!!! D: you certainly turned out well

One thing I've learned so far in my life (24 yrs old here, and pregnant too!!! With #3!!! Whooo go us! ;D) is that no matter how much you try to help someone, if they don't have the will power - they cannot be helped! It's just wasted effort

I have a friend who was pregnant at age 15 and she seriously considered adopting the baby out. But when she had him she just couldn't do it - and i am so glad! He loves her so much and she's an amazing Mother! It's always scary having a child, i know i always think i wont be able to cope emotionally etc, but somehow i do. I'm so very glad to hear that you'll wait until after baby is born to decide his/her future. My opinion is that unless the parents are absolute nutters/abusive, the baby is always better off with their biological parents. There's a bond there, as the child is literally, in many ways a part of your boyfriend and also yourself.

And yes! Parrots! Amazing creatures!

 

[Anansi]

Hi, Ashley. Let me say, first off, Happy Anniversary! And I wish many more for you, your boyfriend, and your species-spanning family!

You may very well be right about the impetus behind your desire for a large parrot, but having followed your search for a parrot on other threads I truly don't believe it matters. Not insofar as your fitness to be a capable and loving parront to your future parrot is concerned, anyway. (I'm still rooting for an eclectus! Ha!)

And thank you for sharing with us this glimpse into your life. You, the Karens, Wendy, Mikey and Kinny have obviously been through some very difficult times... and apparently come out the stronger for it.

My prayers will be with you and your family regardless of what path you choose, both in terms of your expected baby and your choice of parrot.

 

[Sterling1113]

Thank you, Anansi
I'm really glad I came across this forum as it's like everyone acts like one big parrot family haha.. It's really cool. I feel like it was just more of a push for me to get a larger parrot(my hormones.) as the want has always been there, but I've never been *able* to until just recently, and so once I have the money and the real bird searching begins I'll be thrilled!
I appreciate the thoughts and well wishes from everyone and I agree that even though a large amount of us have been through some rather.. err... undesirable conditions, it gives us each character. And in my mind, makes me appreciate my friends and pets more because I know exactly how NOT to treat them.. I can't tell you how many times my dad threatened to put my birds or lizards outside when I lived with him. And one time he DID put Kiwi outside.. so she lived with my friend for a while, just to keep her out of harms way..fortunately he was very grateful to have Kiwi's company and even when I wasn't there she was out of her cage most hours of the day So when the time comes for me to be a parent and/or parront, I have a long list of what NOT TO DO if I want either of them to love me in 18 years.. haha.

 

[RavensGryf]

Hi Ashley I've been enjoying reading all your posts... and I agree with the others here. They all have said some very nice and encouraging things. I didn't have alcoholic parents growing up, but my husband did. It sounded terrible. He would certainly identify with what you said about that. He does not have ties with his family either, so I have never met them, and from what I hear that's fine with me! Best wishes finding your best parrot friend. I know he's out there waiting just for you

 

[Anansi]

You're welcome, Ashley. And my actual name is Stephen, btw.

Any pics of your menagerie? I don't see any albums posted, yet. (Hint, hint!)

 

[Betrisher]

Ashley, I just wanted to say what a sensible, well-balanced nineteen-year-old you are! I'm another who can identify with your situation as I also fell pregnant at nineteen and was faced with umpteen worries and possible outcomes and decisions to make. I can't tell you how much I respect you and the decision you've made!

The other side of my post is that I was adopted as an infant myself and can thoroughly recommend the whole process! I grew up with the most wonderful Mum and Dad who gave me everything a child could want. They were emotionally and financially ready to have a child, but Nature hadn't given them one. What you're doing is the answer to a couple's prayers and will ensure your baby has the best possible chance at a great life. Bless you for that!

 

[MomtoPercy]

My younger sister is unable to concieve and is in the process of adopting. I want to praise you for what you're doing. Giving up a child is not easy but doing it for the very best reasons, like you are, helps I think. It is due to the sacrifices of birth mothers like you that other women can also be moms. I've seen the devastation not being able to have a baby caused my sis and I will forever be greatful to the birth mother of her new baby whom we hope to have by May.

Best wishes to you and the little one.

 

[Sterling1113]

Thanks Trish and Percy, and it's lovely to hear positive stories regarding adoption. My mom was adopted and she loved her parents (And I loved my grandparents!) greatly. They were fantastic to her and to me and my siblings, very lovely people.
And Stephen.. I took your advice and posted an album. I didn't realize how many pictures I had that needed to be included! Haha. In some of the pictures you might see I had long hair.. that was so long ago! It's mostly gone now. Haha. About shoulder-length.. Kiwi used to roll around in my hair when it was longer and get tangled up in it hehe.

 

[Mayden]

I don't know if it has been mentioned, or if I've just groggly read everything, but I would certainly advise waiting until the adoption is all done, etc, etc, before bringing a new life into your home.

I wish you all the best with the pregnancy!