Putting it all out there.

[jew1187]

Alright... I don't know how appropriate this is for this forum; I am in the off topic section though.

Last Thursday I made a choice in my life that has altered it for ever. The last six days have been rough; I don't wish I could take it back though because it was well past due time.

For those of you who didn't know, I am twenty-three-years-old, just out of the Navy, and now going to college to become a Spanish teacher. Super excited about that. I am also gay, and was a closet gay to the majority of my family up until last Thursday.

I decided it was time for my family to know and so I drank a little to get my tongue running and put it all out there.

The outcome to this so far: I haven't talked to or seen my mom since Friday, my dad can't look at me and only talks to me if he must, and I receive very frustrated texts from family members. I have not been kicked out of their house yet but I don't think the whole thing has set in yet. I am very frustrated and wish that something like this was more socially accepted. In fact, if there was nothing in the Bible against it, my family wouldn't have a problem with it at all.

I think I am handling their reactions well... But I haven't talked to my oldest brother yet. He, I already know, is going to rip in to me.

Keep me in your prayers or whatever faith you have...

 

[EvieWg]

Hey,

Can I just say that I am proud of you! Good for you, it's hard right now, but I know you will get through this. Plus, as hard as everything is right now, you must be relieved that you no longer have to hide this one thing from your family?

-Evie

 

[greycloud]

Kudos to you!! I am sure that carrying this secret has really weighed on you! You have accomplished what so many can not. What your family does with this news is their business. They can love you for who you are as you are no different a person then before they knew. Or they can walk away and lose a very important part of their lives. You have no control over them and they have no control over you. I bet with time you will see them come back around. Be patient and live your life to the fullest!

 

[Printer bird]

Good for you! It is hard now but they will accept it. They probably already knew and just wanted to keep their heads in the sand and are sore that you've made them face it. So be it. It will take some time but they will come around. I've heard of some fierce advocates for gay rights who were opposed to them before a close family member came out. You have a lot of support from people you don't even know at this time, even if it doesn't feel like it. Better to live your life openly and honestly. Nothing but support and good thoughts your way.

 

[jew1187]

Thanks guys. I kinda figured that I would have some support from you guys. Which makes me feel a lot better, and I have never met any of you guys. lol. My calculations were wrong though... Its only been four days. My days have been all messed up lately. I got home tonight though and my dad and brother were watching Glee... I should have left at that point. After my brother left I was finishing up some pizza and I was going to go downstairs and go to bed. My dad paused the show, told me that he was going to talk to all my other siblings, all of whom support me, don't necessarily agree with it, but support me in this, aside from my oldest brother whom I have not told yet. And I am not sure if he knows or not. But he told me he was going to talk to them on how to basically [fix] me. His exact words I believe were, "how to deal with this, and how to deal with you." I am twenty three, I pay rent here, and he strongly believes it is a choice on my part; I do not believe it was a choice. I was six-years-old wanting a boyfriend... If it comes down to it, I have other places I can move to. Living here is not my only option until I am supposed to move to AZ anyways. Again, thank you guys.

 

[schristensen13]

All you can do is stay true to yourself....stay strong. I know it seems like they will never come around but after their shock wears off (and their need to "fix" you) they will come around. If they don't...or take longer to come around than they should, at least you were honest with them, and you have to feel pretty damn great about that!

 

[greycloud]

You do not need fixing! You are perfect the way you are. Your family may never accept who you are or understand it. Unfortunately you also will have to accept this. Be true to your self and if it means moving out look at it as the beginning to a new adventure! It is sad that society feels this is a choice. Stand strong and be happy!

 

[Ratzy]

Good on you! They can't fix you, being gay isn't a choice, or a 'phase'. Tell them that you were gay before you told them, so nothing has to change.

 

[Beilana]

Congrats! The only thing that should be living in a closet is clothes.

I remember my mom sitting me down when I was young and saying "be who you are, it doesn't matter if your gay, straight or in between just be yourself and love yourself no matter what." words to live by.

I'm sorry your going through a hard time right now but it will get easier. If nothing it probably feels great to be open about it with people who love you and will eventually come to accept and support you.

Congratulations again *HUGS*

 

[MikeyTN]

Good for you!!!! I'm very proud of you!!!! I came out to my family when I turned 18, but I wasn't living with them cause I moved away before telling them. We weren't getting along anyway, years later they finally accepted it when I moved back. I'm here if you need someone to talk to!!! I'm adding you on facebook right now, you can see my pets pics there!!!

 

[Pionus]

Just hang in there. I hope everything works out alright. I know how hard decisions can be when A family is religious, or falls back on religion. And if you don't follow within those parameters.... its not pretty. I'm just thankful I have a dad who loves me no matter what!

I hope your family comes around and realizes how important you are and acceptances for who you are!
(BIG HUG) -just cause I know they can help

 

[antoinette]

What a fantastic support group we have here withing the forum, I am so proud to be a part of it.
You did the correct thing, telling them exactly who you are, nothing can change that. In time hopefully they will come around and accept you for what you are and not what you should be.
I have a brother who is gay, he told us when he was 18 years old, he recently turned 50. We all went through the motions etc, why, how, when. It was a rough couple of years, yipe years. My dad, was hurt, but loved him no matter what. My mom only accepted it LAST YEAR in March, shortly before she passed away. My two other brothers have nothing to do with him, as well as my sister. It is actually their loss, he is the most honest sincere person I have ever known in my entire life.
I have always been very close to him, never had a problem with it. It was not his choice................. and he had to be open about it, to live a honest life.
Between all US STRAIGHT PEOPLE many of us divorced, he has been living happily with his partner for the last 22 years...... whom I love dearly
I actually remember my mom telling me, when I had problem within my marriage, I wish you were rather gay.....................

You are perfect the way you are

 

[Von1983]

Ahhh mate! I feel so proud for you that you took the leap and told the world who you were.

My best friend from when I was 4yrs old is gay. He was "closet" until he went to university. I always knew - even though he made a big show of having girlfriends.

He was worried about family support and his Dad had a hard time accepting it at first - no big deal a decade down the line though.

I really hope that your family comes around and see's that you are still you. I am an athiest but I respect everyone who does have faith and do not think differently towards anyone who does. However, I must say this. Just because there are intones in the bible that can be interpreted to say being gay is a sin, this is not the case. I truly hope your parents can see that and realise they have a wonderful son whom they should be very proud of.

I hope you realise there is indeed nothing to fix, you are great just how you are.

I wish you happiness and peace. xx

 

[jew1187]

Thanks you guys. This really means a lot to me!!! You guys have me tearing up a bit right now. Which is not good because I have to get ready for school and get out of here. lol.

My dad did tell me he loved me last night. At the same time he told me (if you are familiar with the show Glee) he is not like Kurts dad where they can still be buddy buddy.

A good thing is that I saw my mom this morning. She waved and smiled at me as she was walking out to the garage and then picked up the phone and didn't say anything to me. But its the most I have really gotten out of her since I told her.

I am lucky that I have two siblings that do completely accept me. That helps a great deal. And my closest friends, to whom I just recently came out to not to long ago, have not ended our friendships. In some ways, it has brought our friendships closer with me having been comfortable enough to tell them.

Anyways, I just want to say thank you to all of you. Like Ant said, this really is a great support group. And I know a couple of you said it so I want to clarify, I know there is nothing that needs to be fixed. I have been comfortable and happy with myself for years not. I definitely went through that phase that I thought there was something majorly wrong with me, but in time, and a lot of research, I came to accept myself for who I am. It is just difficult not to be able to really talk to my parents anymore like I used to be able to. I know, it will eventually come with time. And if it doesn't, (not going to lie I will be hurting if my folks never come around) at least I am living my life now. Thanks.

 

[DustyDusky]

My best friend is Lesbian. She told her family about it a few months ago. She first told me when I met her in High school, about ten years ago. She got much the same reaction that you did. As the months have passed her family has begun to accept her. Her and her mother are now closer than they have been in the past.

Being in a college scenery I see the difficulty of your peers. Two of my guy friends are dating here at my college. They get ridiculed daily by our peers.

People need to be more accepting of differences. there is nothing wrong with you. Just like there is nothing wrong with my friends.

My heart goes out to you. I wish you the best of luck here. We've got your back here on this forum!

 

[HRH Di]

Good for you! I can only imagine how difficult that was for you. I imagine this was difficult for them to hear, but it sounds like they're coming around. They love you and, truly, how did you change from before you told them to 30 seconds later, after you told them? From what you've said, they know this in their hearts.

In the long run, this will be better for everyone. Who wants to live lying to the closest people in their life every day.

And we're all here for you.