My TAG is TERRIFIED

[Allysen]

I don't know what to do. I'm at a complete loss. My TAG, Gomez Addams, is absolutely terrified of me all of the sudden.

I've racked my brain for what could have set him off, but I can't think of anything! I wish I could read his mind.

I originally got him about six or seven years ago. I was interested in TAGs after my lovebird died in a pretty horrible toy-related accident. There were two TAGs in the store, Gomez, and his brother. Gomez was shy, and his brother was outgoing, but only Gomez would come out to visit me that day. They'd originally sold him to another family, but didn't like the way he acted around them so they kept their deposit and had them pick out another parrot, intending to wait for somebody that he'd like better.

So I came along, and he stepped up for me, let me scratch his head, and seemed fairly relaxed. They said he'd never acted like that for anybody else before and were thrilled when I decided to take this little reserved guy home.

He was fine for the first couple of years. Sort of. He would step up, but complain about it, but he was spooked by every little thing that happened and would take off at the drop of a hat. I'd calmly retrieve him and sooth him the best I could, but we just couldn't get over anything unexpected happening.

Then he stopped stepping up. I'd reach into his cage all the same and ask him calmly to step up and he'd start his alarm call and flutter around, hurting himself. I'd spend fifteen minutes sitting with him and talking to him before trying to have him step up and come out, but he wasn't having any of it.

It occurred to me that he was in the room next to my bedroom. Maybe he'd be happier in a more central location? We moved him down into the kitchen/dining room where all the action in the house happens, and where my in-laws' parrots live. He seems markedly happier down here and talks up a storm. But is STILL terrified of stepping up.

His Cal Cage rotted through (the pan, not anywhere where he could get at) and we got him a nice new, bigger cage. He seems to like it, but will only go on two different perches to save his life, even with tempting favorite treats and toys. He still won't step up from inside his cage.

He's flighted, but he can't fly. He just doesn't get lift, it's like he doesn't know how. He can glide, but he just slams into windows and walls when he comes out of his cage, which is only when he freaks out and flies out past me. Once he's outside, he'll cross the room to step up, as soon as I say "Step up" he puts his foot up, he KNOWS how to do it, just only in extreme emergencies. (to him). Once he's stepped up, he'll wait a few seconds for me to stand up, then, about 70% of the time, he takes off again, out of fear. Then he waits for me to come get him again. Sometimes it takes three or four tries to walk him back to his cage, where he practically falls in like his life was in danger.

Since he only sits on two different perches, we've been trying to let him spend time on the playgym on top of his new cage. He sits on it, and sometimes does a relieved "fluff", enjoys taking the hand-toys out of his bowl and dropping them on the ground, but that's about it. He'll occasionally stretch his wings, but it's rare. The only time I really see him flap his wings is when he's gliding across the room in terror.

I tried "target training" but couldn't find a treat he liked enough to get over his fears. I tried, with many breaks in the middle, A LOT. There are definitely foods he likes, but only when you put them in his bowl and leave the area will he eat them.

When he's comfortable, when nobody's too close to his cage, he talks up a storm. He calls everybody in the house by name and knows who's who. He answers for them if somebody else calls their name with a sarcastic "Yeeeaahh?" or "WHAT?!" He repeats the praise I give him, and demands to go to bed at about ten o'clock by repeating "Good night!" until we turn off the lights and leave him be.

He eats a good diet, he's in good plumage, he plays with his toys, he takes plenty of baths, and like I said, when he's comfy, he talks A TON. When I'm cooking dinner, he calls to me "Allysen?" and I answer him "What, Gomez?" and he says "Okay." like that's all he wanted.

I don't need him to be cuddly, I don't need him to be playful with me, I just want him to be happy. I know he can't be truly happy isolating himself and telling the caique "Don't scream!". I feel like I don't have a real relationship with him and it's killing me. I would be content if he'd just come out and sit with me, maybe play with some toys, eat some treats... I knew he was reserved when I got him, which was fine with me, but he's terrified ALL THE TIME, and it breaks my heart!

I let my husband's friend's family take in my lovebird so I could concentrate on Gomez more. (They're a great family and Renfield is CRAZY happy about the arrangement. He has a five year old to play with (a very calm and gentle five year old) and he loves loves LOVES him to death.

Right now I'm sitting slightly too close to Gomez's cage (he's sitting on top of the playgym) and he's just eyeing me and making worried noises. Just because I'm sitting here, calmly. I tell him what I'm doing when I'm doing it "I'm walking past you, Gomez," I'll say, "I'm giving you a treat, Gomez", and it SEEMS to help but it might be wishful thinking. I'm not forcing him to do anything, I'm trying my best not to push his boundaries if I don't have to.

He used to have problems with getting infections. Crop infections, especially. But he's been healthy for about three or four years now consistently. He's got his annual check-up with his regular vet - the only vet he sees - on Monday, which will be a stressful day for him because he has to come to work with me first, which I'm just dreading. He's not going to be happy.

Anyway, anyway, anyway. If you've read this far, thank you. I mean it. It means a lot to me, and if he knew, I'm sure it would mean a lot to Gomer. I know he'd LIKE to be happy and content, it just feels like he doesn't know how. I broke down and bought hand-feeding formula after I read that "starting over" could help, but I just haven't done it because it seems counter-productive. That's how desperate I am.

I only work two days every other week and I have TIME, lots and lots of time to work with him. Right now, I sit at the kitchen table and have him sit on top of his gym. I put hand toys in one bowl and fresh food in the other. He won't touch the food when he's up there, though. Even bell peppers. But even this situation is terrible because it's a nightmare to get him out to let him sit up there and stretch out. UGH!

I'm willing to try anything. I just want him to be happy. Even if he doesn't want anything to do with me, if he just wasn't afraid, I'd be happy for him. I feel like I'm not asking for the sun and the moon, I just want my little man to feel confident. And to step up from inside his cage. Any suggestions would be amazing. I hope I'm not doing anything terrible or counterproductive, because I'll stop right away if I'm doing something wrong.

Thanks in advance, for both me, and Gomez.

 

[Jen5200]

I have no advice to share, but I'm sure that more experienced folks will chime in. I just wanted to say that I can see how much you care, and Gomez is a very lucky bird to have you (and I'm sure that he knows it)! My fingers are crossed that you find something to help him feel less afraid.

 

[Billdore]

Maybe you don't need formula but could make some nice sweet potato mash or something and feed it to him with a small spoon. My tag steps up no problem when she's out of her cage but it's a 50/50 thing when she's inside her cage. Maybe start over but not like Gomer is a baby just brand new to you. My Timneh is super afraid of new toys and perches most I can't use for weeks or ever. If I had to get a new cage Timneh would probably be pretty upset. Make sure there's nothing in the room that's scaring Gomer. Maybe there's a toy that's making him uncomfortable. Play some audiobooks or soft music for him. Good luck don't give up Gomer is still young. Do you notice any difference with different color clothing?

 

[wrench13]

Just sending you and Gomez good thoughts, since I have zero CAG experience. But from what I've read, Greys are so frigging intellegent and observant it might be hard to pin down whats upsetting him. As far as treats , its the rare bird that can resist pine nuts. There has to be something edible that rings GOmez' chimes. I'd think that'd be pretty important to find out, parrots are ruled by their belly, mostly. Try and think back to when this super frightened stage began and any changes that might have occured. I read your whole post and I really feel for you and Gomez, I know when Salty is upset with me, and he does from time to time, I get upset too. Keep on keeping on, I'm sure Gomez will calm down.

 

[Billdore]

One thing I forgot to add and wrench reminded me is that they are in tune with their owner. Maybe try some good old feel good music for the both of you. Maybe your Tag is worried that your worried about him. Just another thought keep us posted.

 

[wrench13]

You need a copy of Sally Blanchards book, she has a whole section devoted to this very same condition that is happening to you. Either buy it or go to the library, but this is a book that every parront should have in their parrot reference materials. Companion Parrot Handbook.

 

[Allysen]

Thank you for the suggestion, I'll order a copy. I've been trying to show him that I'm not scary by playing with our caique across the room where he can see but not feel threatened. I'm hoping he can think "Gee, that bird's having fun, maybe I could have some fun too." But he's mostly ignoring us. I see him peeking every once in a while.

When I give him his morning meal, I ask him "wanna treat?" and give him his favorite, a chunk of dried papaya. He has started asking in the middle of the day "wanna treat?" and I'm letting him get his way for now, because if he's interacting with me it means he's not AS terrified. Still can't get him to take a treat in any capacity other than just handing it to him with nothing expected in return, like stepping up or acting calm. We're trying, but he forgets it's his favorite as soon as I try to gently work with him. It's so frustrating! I can't imagine how frustrating it must be for him, though.

 

[wrench13]

WHat I would do: start making that morning chunk of papya smaller and smaller, until its just a taste. all treats same size. When you are down to the size of a pea, start making his 'other time' treats bigger, but ask him to step up off the front of the door opening , onto your hand, to get to it., Say Step Up while your doing it, and verbally praise him when ho does it. Give him the treat of course. I would do this 4-5 times a day, short little training sessions. Voice nice and calm and encouraging. sit in a chair while doing it, so you at eye level with him, not tall and over powerful looking. Be consistent and persevere - out stubborn the little guy. I know of greys that took months to break the wall down, but are now great companions. WHen you get Sally's book you'll love it, she had a grey too, Bongo Marie, who went thru a phase like yours is, she has lots tips and a grey parrot perspective a lot of times. Yeah each species has their own way of somethings. Greys are introspective, amazons can get overloaded, cockatoos can be clingy, etc etc. Good luck, and keep us posted!

 

[plumsmum2005]

Hey Allysen I am linking another thread which may be interesting to you?

http://www.parrotforums.com/cockatoos/70165-lina-s-journal-road-rehabilitation.html

Will Gomez allow you to place your hand lightly on (or just above) his back feathers after the step up? I had to do this with Plum for a period of time, all the while talking to him on the way back to his cage. I used to groan getting up and he then copied it, did it with me, it was a distraction that worked LOL! All the way back talk, talk, talk.

Don't be fearful of taking him out on Monday, make it a nice and happy experience - going out is good for them. Can you imagine no socialisation in your life?

Bring on that interaction between you, talk to him, whistle/hum to him, do a whole tune and then just the first part. Addams family tune is a good one with the clicks in the middle, see if he will finish it off? When he calls your name, expand that communication, acting goofy is good, dafter the better LOL.

Just to bear in mind that not all greys are that interactive although they appear quite happy, they seem very reserved and are definitely one person birds.

Sharing food is a good bond builder.

Definitely go with Al's suggestion of Sally's book.

"I'm willing to try anything. I just want him to be happy. Even if he doesn't want anything to do with me, if he just wasn't afraid, I'd be happy for him. I feel like I'm not asking for the sun and the moon, I just want my little man to feel confident. And to step up from inside his cage. Any suggestions would be amazing. I hope I'm not doing anything terrible or counter productive, because I'll stop right away if I'm doing something wrong."

Please stop beating yourself up, you are a fab Mom and he is taken with you, one step forward, you will get there.