My fault she’s gone

[humanmess]

She had just gotten hand tame, I could just finally pet her head and cheeks, and convince her to come to me.

I accidentally left the heat off after turning it off to open the windows and air out the kitchen. She was in the warmest room in the house, but after I got the tiny bit of smoke (burnt breakfast - she was in her room with an air filter behind a closed door and down a hall) out of the house and closed the windows I forgot to turn the heat back on. It only took a few minutes to get the smoke out. It would have been fine if I was a better owner. It was 20 degrees outside and the house got cold (slow dip to like 40 degrees), I kept the heat up higher (73) the rest of the day and onward. She seemed fine after the heat came on, ate some seed and pellet and flew around. She ate the next morning as well, flew and chirped and played as usual. She wasn’t showing anything like puffing, wheezing, shivering or anything else. She puffed up while it was cold but went back to normal when the heat came up.

I feel so terrible for forgetting the heat. I can’t believe I did this to her. I can’t believe I didn’t know she was struggling after getting warm. I killed my little girl and I can never forgive myself. I was so foolish. I did what I was told to warm her up and it wasn’t enough.

I just needed to let this out somewhere. I have no one to talk to about this and I’m just so ashamed and guilty and sad. I just lost my soul dog to cancer like 2 months ago and haven’t even started to recover from that before taking an innocent life. I’m broken.

 

[LaManuka]

Welcome to the forums, @humanmess, but I'm so sorry for the circumstances that brought you here. I'm not that you can be certain this is your fault, but even if it was, accidents happen and NONE of us is infallible, I have lost and almost lost birds to accidents and they can happen to anyone at any time. I know how heartbreaking this kind of loss is, and my words probably no comfort to you right now but I hope you don't continue to beat yourself up over this. Your sweetheart knew she was loved and that you won't ever stop loving her. She will be waiting for you at the Bridge, and she will greet you there with nothing but love, as will all of our beloved ones gone before. My deepest condolences go out to you, @humanmess, and I hope in time you will be able to welcome another bird into your heart.

 

[DonnaBudgie]

I'm so sorry for your loss. You're not a bad owner. You loved her. Please don't beat yourself up. It's easy to say. I know how you feel because i accidently left a bucket of water in the room with my birds and my newest budgie, just a baby who wasn't a good flyer yet, fell in and drowned. It was 45 years ago and I still cringe when I think about it. But it does get easier.

It almost sounds like it wasn't the chill that caused her death. Parrots, all birds, can survive low temps for hours as long as there isn't a bad draft. They fluff up and crouch down to keep their toes warm. She may have been ill and hiding it well. Why do you think the cold killed her?

 

[humanmess]

I'm so sorry for your loss. You're not a bad owner. You loved her. Please don't beat yourself up. It's easy to say. I know how you feel because i accidently left a bucket of water in the room with my birds and my newest budgie, just a baby who wasn't a good flyer yet, fell in and drowned. It was 45 years ago and I still cringe when I think about it. But it does get easier.

It almost sounds like it wasn't the chill that caused her death. Parrots, all birds, can survive low temps for hours as long as there isn't a bad draft. They fluff up and crouch down to keep their toes warm. She may have been ill and hiding it well. Why do you think the cold killed her?

There just wasn’t anything else. She had no other changes or experiences prior to her death.

I’m so sorry to hear about your baby. Thank you for sharing that with me. It’s so hard to know that I was meant to keep her safe and loved, and I made a mistake that may have cost her life. She really seemed warmed up and okay so I thought she was alright. I foist feel so bad

 

[humanmess]

Welcome to the forums, @humanmess, but I'm so sorry for the circumstances that brought you here. I'm not that you can be certain this is your fault, but even if it was, accidents happen and NONE of us is infallible, I have lost and almost lost birds to accidents and they can happen to anyone at any time. I know how heartbreaking this kind of loss is, and my words probably no comfort to you right now but I hope you don't continue to beat yourself up over this. Your sweetheart knew she was loved and that you won't ever stop loving her. She will be waiting for you at the Bridge, and she will greet you there with nothing but love, as will all of our beloved ones gone before. My deepest condolences go out to you, @humanmess, and I hope in time you will be able to welcome another bird into your heart.

Thank you it does help actually. I just feel so so terrible. She trusted I would care for her and I let her down. Someday I may be able to bring another home, but I feel I’m going to need to do a lot to trust myself first. I already have 3 chickens (outside) and 3 doves I’m so terrified I’ll hurt.

I’m so sad to have seen her come out of her shell and become so comfortable only for this to be how she goes

 

[DonnaBudgie]

There just wasn’t anything else. She had no other changes or experiences prior to her death.

I’m so sorry to hear about your baby. Thank you for sharing that with me. It’s so hard to know that I was meant to keep her safe and loved, and I made a mistake that may have cost her life. She really seemed warmed up and okay so I thought she was alright. I foist feel so bad

I don't think you should blame her death on the cold. Birds die all the time with no sign of previous illness. If the cold killed her, I would think she would have died while she was cold of hypothermia. The fact that she acted normally after warming up points away from the cold. You owe it to yourself to try to rethink your role in her passing. I couldn't when my budgie drowned but there's a lot of doubt here. I hope you get through this time of two very sad losses and are able to see a new companion animal or bird in your future.