Like that she's gone

[IndySE]

I used to post here often with my wonderful little Kermbird, my green cheek terror (conure).
She was half an impulse, and half a well-researched decision. I had decided months ago a conure might just be too demanding for me. Then I met her, in the middle of an awful day, on a whim when I entered a petshop and suddenly all of it was forgotten. I wanted to give her the best possible life I could. I was haunted by mistakes I had made, and I wanted to do better.

She was a sweet baby - and oh so sassy grownup lady. She blessed my life for almost nine years. I wanted her to get to 30. I feel so ugly for having not gotten her there. She's been in the care of my mom the last few years while I study out of country. I just saw her over the summer - and she just got a clean bill of health form the vet. Last I heard, she was spunky and screaming her heart out.

My mom wasn't thinking and put the oven on a clean cycle I knew she was planning it and had warned her to please put the bird up as I had always done in years past. But she had forgotten - such is life. I hope it was fast. She was such a wonderful friend to me. I am devastated not to have a friend to come home to. I think it will be a long time before I can allow myself to love someone again like I loved her. Maybe in a few years, I'll rescue someone but I can't imagine another quite like her.

I will miss her scream-o-clock. I will miss how she'd sit on my forehead as I lay down, then skiddle off on my bed with her little peets. I will miss how at ease she was as she preened herself. I will miss how excited she was for sink showers. I will miss the way she said 'I love you' (Ffft) and I will miss the way she screamed 'KISSES' as a war cry. I will miss our 'tap tap' games, and beak draggy games when I gave you a fun new surface. I will miss the way I taught you to wave, and you took to mean meant 'give me a snack'. I had wanted to teach you more - one day, I was going to teach you to play birdie basketball. I will miss her so much. I'm so sorry I couldn't do better for you but you truly were one of my best friends. I loved to see you happy.

 

[LaManuka]

I used to post here often with my wonderful little Kermbird, my green cheek terror (conure).
She was half an impulse, and half a well-researched decision. I had decided months ago a conure might just be too demanding for me. Then I met her, in the middle of an awful day, on a whim when I entered a petshop and suddenly all of it was forgotten. I wanted to give her the best possible life I could. I was haunted by mistakes I had made, and I wanted to do better.

She was a sweet baby - and oh so sassy grownup lady. She blessed my life for almost nine years. I wanted her to get to 30. I feel so ugly for having not gotten her there. She's been in the care of my mom the last few years while I study out of country. I just saw her over the summer - and she just got a clean bill of health form the vet. Last I heard, she was spunky and screaming her heart out.

My mom wasn't thinking and put the oven on a clean cycle I knew she was planning it and had warned her to please put the bird up as I had always done in years past. But she had forgotten - such is life. I hope it was fast. She was such a wonderful friend to me. I am devastated not to have a friend to come home to. I think it will be a long time before I can allow myself to love someone again like I loved her. Maybe in a few years, I'll rescue someone but I can't imagine another quite like her.

I will miss her scream-o-clock. I will miss how she'd sit on my forehead as I lay down, then skiddle off on my bed with her little peets. I will miss how at ease she was as she preened herself. I will miss how excited she was for sink showers. I will miss the way she said 'I love you' (Ffft) and I will miss the way she screamed 'KISSES' as a war cry. I will miss our 'tap tap' games, and beak draggy games when I gave you a fun new surface. I will miss the way I taught you to wave, and you took to mean meant 'give me a snack'. I had wanted to teach you more - one day, I was going to teach you to play birdie basketball. I will miss her so much. I'm so sorry I couldn't do better for you but you truly were one of my best friends. I loved to see you happy.

Oh @IndySE, I'm in tears for you over here!! I lost a little GCC prematurely back in 2018 and it utterly devastated me too and I still cry for him to this day - there's just something about them, isn't there? You have my every sympathy and I am sending you the hugest hugs and love to your broken heart as you deal with this tragedy. You will see your girl again at the Bridge though, and she will greet you there with so much love because you DID give her a wonderful life! My most sincere condolences go out to you, @IndySE, I'm so dreadfully sorry for your loss

 

[DonnaBudgie]

I'm so sorry. I'd be devastated too. Lots of tears for you as I cuddle one of my sweeties. I'm sure your mom feels terrible. I will remind my family NEVER to run the self clean feature.

 

[Rival_of_the_Rickeybird]

Heartfelt sympathy for o your bird and your mom, who must feel awful.
I hope you'll find a place in your heart for another bird soon.

 

[Vampiric_Conure]

**Doles out the hugs** I lost my second breeding pair of conures to cleaning supply fumes. I cleaned with a supposedly bird-safe chemical and came to find both my babies were gone. it still haunts me to this day because it was my fault.

Much sympathy to you and your mom

 

[Pickle's Mom]

I am so sorry.... how heartbreaking.

 

[GaleriaGila]

You will be in my thoughts, all day, every day, for several days. I'm so sorry For you, for your bird, and your dear mother. Take heart, and please dare to love another bird again, when you're ready.

 

[IndySE]

Thanks everyone. Yeah my mom feels awful. I think of everyone, my mom was my bird's favorite person. I asked her and she said she did get some last cuddles that night. she was so sweet. She went to bed without a fuss. She knew she was loved but all of us feel awful- can't stop crying. Everytime I see a photo of her sweet little face, the color green, eating an apple I know she would have wanted I just break down.

She was such an amazing bird. I don't know if I'll get that lucky again in this lifetime. She was spunky and fiesty, but she never bit hard. Just enough to warn. She let us know her boundaries. We took it at her pace. She loved her cage in the living room where she could see everyone. She was the friendliest bird you ever met. She was so well socialized at a young age she thought every person that came through the door was there for her. It's going to be a while before I can think of another bird, because she set that bar so high. And I wouldn't want to hold it against another new individual.

 

[IndySE]

I can't believe it's been 3 weeks since she's been gone. I still can't look at a photo of her without breaking down. I had to rearrange my phone so it stopped randomly presenting me her sweet little face. It feels awful to avoid her, because it feels like a dishonor to her memory, but I just don't have the strength yet to reflect on the years I had without feeling the loss of the ones I never did.

The guilt feels awful. I hate that I left her. I did this 2 year program figuring 2 years in the span of what I imagined a 20-30 year life was nothing. I'm trying to find the positives. I don't think I can go the rest of my life without another bird. I've been hooked since I was 8 with my first budgie. But she truly was my heart and now it's gone. The only thing I can rationalize is that there is someone out there that will need me. I want my next bird, whoever they are, to be a rescue. Someone a bit feral, that just needs patience and love and no expectations. There's never going to be another Kermit in my life, but I hope someday I can give the love that's burning a hole in my chest.

 

[DonnaBudgie]

The grief (and guilt) are truly soul wrenching. It will ease up as time passes but you will never forget her. I still mourn the loss of my budgie, Buddy, back in 1986. He died during a beak trim with me standing right there! I was inconsolable and it took me two years to get another bird. Fill that empty hole when you feel ready, but do fill it. Life without our birds is unimaginable to me. So quiet and lonely.