Is is possible to love your bird too much?

[Birdman666]

Thank you. Another birthday certainly beats the alternative...

 

[Nero]

I don't know... depends on the circumstances I guess.

To non-bird people, "It's just a bird!" It's different when it's YOUR bird...

Bonded works both ways.

If you have gotten to the point where the only relationship you have is with your bird, then it would seem to be a problem...

Then again, if it's a situation where people "just don't get it." Screw them! Do what makes YOU happy.

I've gotten "the ultimatum" myself in a couple of past relationships.

"Choose between the bird or me, get rid of them or I'm gone..."

Kinda sucks to be put in that position, but the way I see it, someone who actually loves me, would also understand how much they mean to me, and wouldn't make those kinds of ultimatums...

There is no easy answer to that question.

My answer is I love them, and they make me happy. Therefore, they are staying. Beyond that, I don't feel the need to justify that to anyone.

You're 100 percent right. I still don't know much about relationships but I've learned a lot more about what I won't put up with. Three rules I've picked up along the way:

1. Anyone who truly loves you will love you for most of who you are and put up with the rest. They won't try to change you or take away the things that bring you joy.

2. Never make anyone a priority when they consider you an option.

3. Ultimatums are a non-starter. I don't take kindly to blackmail or coercion.
2.

 

[Nero]

Nero, i loved your story, and can relate. I really just want to be home, hanging out with my birds. When we go on vacation, I miss them terribly and can't wait to get home. So what about your wife and 2 kids, how do they get along with your CAG, and is your CAG jealous of them?

They don't like my bird and only seem to pay it any attention when they either want something from me or when her noises are annoying them. She's not jealous, but CAGs can be hard to approach when they've really bonded with someone; especially if you're impatient and unwilling to spend the time to get to know the bird. They're all very impatient and just want her to love them instantly. So, they've chosen over the last couple of years to ignore her. It's not what I want but I can't force her upon them.

 

[Nero]

Many thanks for the terrific post, Nero! I too am an early middle-age man and can deeply relate with your sentiments of parrot relationship.

Middle age is a time of reflection; we no longer have fully one half of our lives remaining and I believe it is a conscious manifestation of mortality. It is also a time of assessment and refinement of what is meaningful and precious. You seem to have done so in an insightful and healthy fashion.

As our lives continue, each decade will present challenges, but having the unconditional relationship with a pet will prove immensely therapeutic and reap mutual benefits! My closest and favorite is Gabby, a Goffin born into my home 19 years ago. I dearly love all my parrots and am close with most, but Gabby is special.

The ultimate testament: A close family friend passed away about a year ago. His special bond was with a rescue dog; pregnant, beaten, discarded, but ultimately rehabilitated. They were inseparable and it pained him when she preceded him in death by a few years. They were recently reunited as their cremated remains were mixed and scattered over the Pacific Ocean......

That's an awesome story! Goffins are sweet birds too! I had to pull myself away from one at a pet store recently. I'm sure the two of them would have enjoyed playing together.

 

[veimar]

What a wonderful story and thread - I just got to read the whole thing...
My life changed forever when we rescued little dirty, miserable green parrot (I had no idea of their names at that time) from Petsmart last February. I have a 6 bird flock now! I also sometimes think how is it possible to love little birds so much! When I wake up hear their chirping in the morning it makes me so happy! I always thank God for my little flock and ask to send me where there is another little bird in need that I can help.
Love is dangerous because it can hurt you so much, but without love there is no life. Love and suffering are inseparable at some point, but only true love can bring real happiness, nothing else.

 

[Kiwibird]

There has been more than one occasion when I have said "How is it possible to love a bird this much..."

I've also heard my daughter say it after chasing around the house with Maggie...

Because they are so smart, and so much fun, and so loving in return...

That's how!

I ask Kiwi this frequently..."bird, how come I love you so much?" He typically responds with a kiss and/or adorable noise. O ya, that's how! They ask for so little in return for their unconditional love. They don't care what you look like, they don't care about your political views, they don't care what (if any) religion you follow.... all they want is your love and to be taken care of.

Single, self-absorbed 30-Something. Did as she pleased her whole life. Now the biological clock is ticking so it's time to quit fooling around, and settle down and get married... (In your mid 30's, "dates" often feel like job interviews. Now accepting applications for "Mr. Right." Did you bring your list of references? I DO check references you know. And if I catch you lying on your resume, you are automatically disqualified from consideration...") But it's actually still all about ME. MY BIOLOGICAL CLOCK is ticking... I WANT kids of MY own. NOT someone else's... (i.e. yours don't matter) because loving a child that is already here, would suck! "I

Dealt with a lot of these 'types' at my last job. Materialistic and all about "me me me". I felt so bad for the sorry men they had sunk their claws into.

 

[Nero]

Nero, thank you for this beautiful thread and for sharing your story. Obviously you spoke directly to the hearts of a lot of our members, including me. Animals give us so much, but one truly incredible gift is what they teach us about ourselves and about life. My answer is, No, you can never love an animal too much. They, on the other hand, can love us enough to break our hearts.

Scott, you also have an incredible way with words, thank you for sharing. I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. Such a beautiful tribute to scatter their ashes together over the ocean.

Yeah, I think you hit the nail on the head. It's not just about our relationship with the birds but maybe it's also about our relationship with ourselves. I think most people who've never owned a parrot can't understand what is so special about them. As I mentioned, I grew up on a farm, and I've had dogs, cats, fish and hamsters as pets too. Loved them all in their own way. However, it seems to me that my Bindi really understands much of what's going on. I often stared into my dog's eyes as a kid and thought "What do you understand?" With Bindi, I just think she does. Parrots are smart and maybe that's wildly optimistic but she just seems to lock in on so much that it's as if she's part human.

 

[Birdman666]

Never make anyone a priority when they consider you an option.

Agreed, on all 3 points. Especially this one.

Pretty hard to take anything like that seriously.

 

[Birdman666]

Dealt with a lot of these 'types' at my last job. Materialistic and all about "me me me". I felt so bad for the sorry men they had sunk their claws into.

Everyone who has made it to their 30's and is still single has met a few of these... I'm sure the male version of them is just as prevalent.

Fortunately, they become very easy to spot after awhile - and if you learn to spot them, you can avoid them!

That's exactly what we called them, too, "MiMi." There were quite a few of them in California.

 

[veimar]

I just wanted to add, that our pets sometimes teach us love, even if it is not aimed at us. I have a little male budgie Franky who just adores my green cheek. When we were going through a nerve racking ordeal when Parry was chewing off his toe, this little thing was spending nights with Parry in the box, preening him and trying to comfort him. (Parry was wearing a double collar and a bandage for a month, had to be in the box at night, and was the most unhappy bird ever.) Frankie would always fly right into the box to stay with him, and our lovebird did the same sometimes. They stayed around Parry all the time. I was amazed how loving and attentive they were to their suffering buddy.

 

[miloslave]

Happy birthday for yesterday, Birdman!

I think the love these little creatures shows us is so pure that most selfabsorbed people are not capable of understanding it.

That is why it is "just a bird" to them. You see, you have to be able to get away from your own self-importantness to truly experience the love of an animal. And with birds I think even more so.

To me, being single and without children, my birds are the most important thing in my life. Even my brother said the other day that they have learned to schedule time with me around my birds, lol. The funny thing is, their love filled my life, I don't need or want an attachment. I really enjoy the solitude in being able to spend the time I want with my birds without having to apologize for it. If that makes me the crazy birdlady, no problem! In fact, I find it to be quite a compliment.

But non-bird people would never understand that. My talk of birds and the latest funny or cute things my "children" did, might bore you, but trust me, your talk of "what a cute top I bought" or "look at how gorgeous my nails was done" bores the hell out of me.

 

[Hawk]

I've gotten "the ultimatum" myself in a couple of past relationships.

"Choose between the bird or me, get rid of them or I'm gone..."

Kinda sucks to be put in that position, but the way I see it, someone who actually loves me, would also understand how much they mean to me, and wouldn't make those kinds of ultimatums...

There is no easy answer to that question.

My answer is I love them, and they make me happy. Therefore, they are staying. Beyond that, I don't feel the need to justify that to anyone.

Holy heck, someone actually did that to you??? That's terrible! I can't imagine why anyone would act that way unless it was pure jealousy. And if you can be jealous of a bird you must be very insecure indeed

It's very easy to really love the birds...especially when there is a very unique bond. All my parrots bond quite well and all get along quite well. My wife has at times jokingly says..wow those birds get more kisses than I do.

 

[Nero]

Happy birthday for yesterday, Birdman!

I think the love these little creatures shows us is so pure that most selfabsorbed people are not capable of understanding it.

That is why it is "just a bird" to them. You see, you have to be able to get away from your own self-importantness to truly experience the love of an animal. And with birds I think even more so.

To me, being single and without children, my birds are the most important thing in my life. Even my brother said the other day that they have learned to schedule time with me around my birds, lol. The funny thing is, their love filled my life, I don't need or want an attachment. I really enjoy the solitude in being able to spend the time I want with my birds without having to apologize for it. If that makes me the crazy birdlady, no problem! In fact, I find it to be quite a compliment.

But non-bird people would never understand that. My talk of birds and the latest funny or cute things my "children" did, might bore you, but trust me, your talk of "what a cute top I bought" or "look at how gorgeous my nails was done" bores the hell out of me.

I don't remember from where I heard it but someone once said that because dogs and cats are mammals like us, we already possess common ground in terms of priorities and needs. They also have been domesticated for thousands of years whereas companion parrots have, at best, been with us for a hundred years. Couple that with the fact that 90 percent of people grow up with a mammalian pet, and you have a basis for misunderstanding.

Birds are with us every day. But the average person is only aware of birds when one poops on their car. Parrots can think and reason on a level that is orders of magnitude higher than can a dog, and can talk; knowing what many of the words mean. Many people cannot understand 'bird people' because we're in love with an animal of which they have no significant knowledge. That makes it our responsibility to share our knowledge whenever we can.

 

[kq_fan]

That was such a sweet story And yes, I love love looovvveeeeeeeeeee Lilo so much, almost more than the air I breath! She is my little baby! I would pay all the money I have for her! I can totally understand how you feel! And your baby sounds so sweet! I'm glad you can have the wonderful gift of having a bird!

 

[Scott]

My answer is, No, you can never love an animal too much. They, on the other hand, can love us enough to break our hearts.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. Such a beautiful tribute to scatter their ashes together over the ocean.

That's a fundamental truth, Allee, and a reason the loss of a parrot companion stings so deeply and for so long.

Thank you!! Vinnie was as committed to stray dogs as we are to our birds. He bestowed the somewhat bawdy name of Rosie la Puta to the aforementioned dog. Never heard of ash-comingling but it is a very compelling and symbolic act, and was comforting to his family.

 

[Scott]

I don't remember from where I heard it but someone once said that because dogs and cats are mammals like us, we already possess common ground in terms of priorities and needs. They also have been domesticated for thousands of years whereas companion parrots have, at best, been with us for a hundred years. Couple that with the fact that 90 percent of people grow up with a mammalian pet, and you have a basis for misunderstanding.

Birds are with us every day. But the average person is only aware of birds when one poops on their car. Parrots can think and reason on a level that is orders of magnitude higher than can a dog, and can talk; knowing what many of the words mean. Many people cannot understand 'bird people' because we're in love with an animal of which they have no significant knowledge. That makes it our responsibility to share our knowledge whenever we can.

Well said! If I were ever to go back to college for an advanced degree, my thesis or dissertation would be to explore the relationship between birds and humans. (if a chairperson could sanction such an endeavor) We know these fundamental truths, but for some science gives more credence!