I don't know what to do...

[HalfInsane]

I might have to make some difficult choices.

I'm already a fairly busy person. I work full time and do courses through correspondence (working on a business degree). Fortunately I can have Pixel out all the time while I do my course work, so she still gets lots of attention.

However things might take a serious turn for my family. My mom hasn't been feeling well lately. After numerous visits to the doctor it looks like it might be cancer. Testing will take a while so we don't know yet. My parents live 2 hours from me.

If it is cancer I cannot quit my job, nor can I move. But I couldn't live with myself if I didn't do as much as I could to take care of my mom and sisters (my dad could help, too, but he works a LOT and obviously cannot leave his job). So that would mean I'd be driving to and from my parents house all the time (2 hour drive as I'd said), and quite possibly putting my courses on hold. Of course it might not get to that point. My mom might be okay on her own. But I have to consider the possibility.

But I don't see how Pixel can fit in to that. I love her, of course... but I love my family more. I can't just relegate her to a corner for months or years...

So I'm hoping for the best, of course. But I think I may have to seriously consider rehoming Pixel. Though it kills me to think about I just don't know what else to do. More than anything I want my mom to be okay... but if I did have to rehome Pixel I'd want it to be a good home... which is a challenge in and of itself. I feel very overwhelmed right now

 

[Luke252]

Sounds like your going through alot. Good luck with it all, but have you at all considered the possibility of taking pixel with you in a smaller cage or carry case. Its an option you should think about.

Good Luck with it, hope things turn out good.

 

[SoCalWendy]

Im really sorry your going through this. Why don't you set up a cage for her at your mom's and take her with you? Get her a carrier for the car, she would probably love it. It's just a thought???

 

[BillsBirds]

Wait until you know more before stressing so. You could get another cage, and put it at your folks house. Then take Pixel back & forth with you in a carrier. Pixel might be something your Mom might enjoy, and take her mind off of things for a while. You could use Pixel as a therapy bird for her. Please don't do anything in a rush that you might regret. See, Wendy & I had the same thought! She was just faster.

 

[HalfInsane]

I actually do have a carrier for her as well as a second cage at my parents house. And I've certainly considered that. I'm hoping of course, firstly, it's benign, and failing that treatable... so of course if that's the case I'll take Pixel with me. I already do a lot of the time. She's my somewhat reluctant travel buddy (LOL).

But I did have a serious talk with my dad, and needless to say he's terrified. And I told him if it came down to it I'd do my best to stop by every other day to help. So that'd mean working 6am-2pm, driving from 2-4pm, and then driving back home at 8/9pm to get back at 10/11pm. (My dad works afternoons so having me there in the evening would be a huge help). Fortunately my shift are flexible so the days I didn't drive to my parents I could start at 8am which would let me get enough sleep.

I probably am worrying/imagining worse case scenarios too much. But when I was 15/16 my grandma (my mom's mother) was diagnosed with terminal cancer. My mom did her best to care for her but it got to be too much so I took on half the work. I also lost a childhood best friend to brain cancer. I watched them both deteriorate. And of course I don't want to dare think this will get to that point... but I can't help think of it. And I remember how draining caring for my grandma was (granted I was 15, and too young to tackle that sort of thing, but no one could convince me not to)... but as much as I do feel this will all be okay, losing people that close to you from cancer and watching them slowly fade away just sticks with you. So it's a very scary thing for me.

My goodness I am so sorry for carrying on, you guys... it's probably all for nothing. But I've got to act strong for my family but really I'm just so scared. So now I'm having a break down on the Internet... okay. Deep breath.

 

[Echo]

I'm so sorry you are going through this! How terrifying! Hard to stay positive, I'm sure, but until you know for sure, try not to think of the worst. I'm hoping for the best for your mom.
I agree with the others. You could set Pixel up to your parents for the entire week even when you'll be traveling back and forth and bring her home for the week end....

 

[MikeyTN]

Like other said already to bring Pixel with you for the ride. It would be something to keep you stable somewhat if it turns into something worse. Having animals around also help with the healing process too. I lost my dad to cancer and lost a good friend whom I call my second mom to cancer as well. Her animals keeps her happy the whole way through. I hope the best for you and your family as you guys would be in my prayers!

 

[SoCalWendy]

Like other said already to bring Pixel with you for the ride. It would be something to keep you stable somewhat if it turns into something worse. Having animals around also help with the healing process too. I lost my dad to cancer and lost a good friend whom I call my second mom to cancer as well. Her animals keeps her happy the whole way through. I hope the best for you and your family as you guys would be in my prayers!

Well said...

 

[GinaF]

Here's some food for thought.

It's a natural instinct for me to want to keep pet and owner together. A great solution has already been given to you in the respect of taking the bird with you. Will it be inconvenient? A little but not as much as you think.

My mother came down with pancreatic cancer 14 years ago. Obviously, she's no longer with me. I was an only child, so the responsibility of taking care of her fell on me, which I was grateful to do. However, in the process, I rehomed my younger horses. I've regretted doing that ever since.

In the event the worst happens and your mothers cancer isn't treatable, you'll appreciate the comfort and company of your friend when it's over.

 

[HalfInsane]

You guys are right... I'm just really going in to overboard worst case scenario mode I guess I need to take some time to process... I'm just sort of in shock and not thinking clearly, either.

I just don't want to stress Pixel out with moving her around all the time. But to be fair rehoming her would be MORE stressful for her, and for me. I just feel like if I take on too many responsibilities it will get to be too much. But I shouldn't let myself think that way...

MikeyTN, GinaF, I'm so sorry you both had to lose a parent to cancer. I hope I didn't come across as trying to make it sound like my situation is so much worse than anyone else's. I don't mean to. I'm just very scared.

And Echo, I actually hadn't thought of leaving Pixel at my parent's house. That's actually a wonderful idea. My dad would probably enjoy her company, too. (He likes to think of himself as some kind of bird whisperer... it might be good for him to have her there).

My mom has already had lab tests done, but they can't actually determine anything from those. She had some kind of medical imaging done last week (can't remember if it was a CT scan or MRI or PET... or something. I can't recall exactly. I think they also took a cell sample/biopsy of some sort to analyze). But we're hoping to hear back soon. The current thinking is it might be kidney cancer... so I suppose the good thing is, if it hasn't spread, you only need one kidney. She's actually usually a very healthy person and is quite in tune with her health, so I'm hoping its in the early stages. But I'm also scared to be too hopeful, you know?

I hope it's okay if I sort of get this stuff out on here. I know I'm not the most active person on the forums, but I do like it here... and its nice to sort of write things out and get them off my chest...

 

[GinaF]

Half,

Don't worry how you come across. This is a very stressful time for you. Cry if you need to. Throw a tantrum if you need to. Do and say whatever it is to get it out and help you cope.

And remember, we're here for you when you need us. Those of us who have been there know what you're feeling and how hard it is.

Keep us posted. In the meantime you'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[MikeyTN]

You guys are right... I'm just really going in to overboard worst case scenario mode I guess I need to take some time to process... I'm just sort of in shock and not thinking clearly, either.

I just don't want to stress Pixel out with moving her around all the time. But to be fair rehoming her would be MORE stressful for her, and for me. I just feel like if I take on too many responsibilities it will get to be too much. But I shouldn't let myself think that way...

MikeyTN, GinaF, I'm so sorry you both had to lose a parent to cancer. I hope I didn't come across as trying to make it sound like my situation is so much worse than anyone else's. I don't mean to. I'm just very scared.

And Echo, I actually hadn't thought of leaving Pixel at my parent's house. That's actually a wonderful idea. My dad would probably enjoy her company, too. (He likes to think of himself as some kind of bird whisperer... it might be good for him to have her there).

My mom has already had lab tests done, but they can't actually determine anything from those. She had some kind of medical imaging done last week (can't remember if it was a CT scan or MRI or PET... or something. I can't recall exactly. I think they also took a cell sample/biopsy of some sort to analyze). But we're hoping to hear back soon. The current thinking is it might be kidney cancer... so I suppose the good thing is, if it hasn't spread, you only need one kidney. She's actually usually a very healthy person and is quite in tune with her health, so I'm hoping its in the early stages. But I'm also scared to be too hopeful, you know?

I hope it's okay if I sort of get this stuff out on here. I know I'm not the most active person on the forums, but I do like it here... and its nice to sort of write things out and get them off my chest...

No No, your fine!!!! It's a shocking news and I completely understand what your thinking of and what your feeling on the whole situation. Just take care of your mom and appreciate her as much as you can for the time being. Give her all the love from us here. We'll be here when you need to get stuffs off your chest!!!

 

[noblemacaw]

I am sorry for all this stress you are going though at this time. I will pray for your mother that she will recover with what ever is going on with her.

I would like to encourage you to keep Pixal. Sure it might be a bit harder as things move forward but having her will give you a sense of normal and help keep you on a schedule. She will be your constant.

My sister and I are 13 months apart so we have always been close growing up. When her family relocated 5 and half hours drive from me it was harder to visit her. She also had a lot of mental illness and had to be hospitalized a lot. There were times I had to drive out there at a moments notice pack up me and my Noble macaw Mihijo and make the drive out there. I averaged going out there every 6 weeks or so for over 8 years.

Mihijo helped the drive not be so long and boring. He helped my sister's children feel better and every single kid (now adults) have their own stories of when Mihijo and I had to come out and take care of them. My goddaughter use to dress up Mihjo in beanie baby clothes and my nephew use to have Mihijo ride around on his remote control car. My oldest niece use to have her own conversations just between her and Mihijo. My parrot did his very best to help everyone feel better and he was a huge help for me to open communications with these children and help cope with their mother's illness.

In 2008 I had ovarian cancer and had to be hospitalized for a total radical hysterectomy. This was not out patient surgery and my Illiger's macaw Diego did not take my absence very well. The nurse told Lupe to bring Diego in for a visit because I would cry out his name in my drug induced sleep. Lupe told her that Diego was a parrot but the nurse insisted that she bring him in.

Lupe brought Diego to the hospital in his littler carrier. At the foot of my bed she opened the carrier and Diego walked out slowly not recognizing his surroundings. I looked at him and called to him. "Diego?...Come here." He recognized my voice and jumped straight up in the air and ran up my body as fast as he could to get near my face. He lay on my neck as I petted him and serenaded me with his song..talking to me chattering away. He stayed with me for hours only going potty when Lupe took him over to the trash can to poop. The next day I was able to walk the halls to get moving after surgery. I felt strong enough to do this because my little friend was with me perched on my shoulder as I walked the halls. He helped me heal faster so I could go home sooner. I know from experience how a animal can help you heal and feel better because I have experienced it myself with my Illiger's macaw Diego and I have seen how my Noble macaw Mihjio helped my sister's children.

Pixal can be helpful with healing, she can be helpful with people feeling better with her presence, she can in her own way be therapeutic. Right now you need each other and from what you posted your family also needs her.

You and your family are in my prayers.

 

[MikeyTN]

ALL you guys!!! You know what, I feel sooooo blessed with all of you folks that's so caring and loving....It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.... We have such wonderful folks on our forum!!!!

 

[GinaF]

ALL you guys!!! You know what, I feel sooooo blessed with all of you folks that's so caring and loving....It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.... We have such wonderful folks on our forum!!!!

The company you keep can bring out the best or the worst in you. Obviously, this thread speaks volumes about the company I choose to keep.

 

[crimson]

halfinsane- I am so sorry you are going thru this. let me just start saying I have been where you are right now. It is not an easy time, what is most difficult is not knowing the outcome for your moms future, and your family's. the stress of not knowing seems to build as the days go by, wondering what might become your future.

My father passed away from colon cancer 11 years ago. my mom was totally dependant on him, she did not drive. the three of us kids are at least an hour away, so I made it my personal goal to go down at least once per week for a visit, while my brother and sister visited at different times. it made his death a little easier knowing I was comforting my mom and my dad to the best to my ability and time would allow.

I would keep Pixel, and try and include him as much as possible as everyone else mentioned.

I will keep you in my prayers and hope nothing is seriously wrong with your mother.

 

[HalfInsane]

So, we got the news...

My mom has stage III renal cancer. Which means the cancer is in both her kidney, and has spread to the lymph node nearest her kidney. It hasn't spread beyond the kidney or lymph node though, thank goodness

I'm kind of in a state of shock. Because you never want to hear the word "cancer". The good (good being a relative term) news is that renal cancer is considered to be quite treatable, and the doctor said that in many cases removing the kidney and lymph node is all that needs to be done. So my mom will need to have her kidney removed (expecting to get an appointment some time in October). But her other kidney is very healthy.

We're really hoping for the best. I'm still very scared... My whole family is. But I also really feel that things are going to be okay.

Surgery is always a bit scary. But I really think my mom can be in the group of people who only need surgery. Am I being too optimistic? Maybe. But I have to be. And my mom is being amazing. She's fully prepared to have her kidney removed. She said to me today, too, that she's chosen to see this as a chance to really look at her life and decide what's important to her, and to really start taking care of herself. I only hope of I'm even in her situation that I can share that attitude.

So I'm still scared. I'm terrified. But I really think my mom will get through this. And you guys, thank you SO much for all your kind words and encouragement. And me and Pixel will definitely be there for my mom through her surgery recovery and beyond.

Phew. Okay. Typing that was more emotional than I expected... but wanted to give you guys an update. And again thanks all for being do wonderful

 

[noblemacaw]

Thank you for taking the time to update us. The people on this form are there for you and I am sure will be praying for your mother's recovery! I, myself will be sending prayers your mother's way as well.

Take care of your family but also take care of yourself and your little friend. Snuggle with Pixal and enjoy her company. Take care.

 

[MikeyTN]

So cancer is in both of her kidney or just one??? Thanks for the updates!!!

 

[faeryphoebe1]

I'll be praying for your mom, too. She's lucky to have you.