I accidentally killed my pet budgie Kiwi - I miss him so much

[Moon-And-Silvia]

I am so sorry!! I know I wouldn't be able to bear it if I accidentally killed Moon or Silvia. Just try to do things that will make you happy. Listening to my favorite songs always cheer me up. Surround yourself with people you love. Again, I'm really sorry. Time heals everything

 

[ETinSC]

So today I took my poor Kiwis life, and I will never forgive myself for it. Most people wouldn't understand, but I know people on here will understand how much it hurts to loose a family member. I cant stop crying it took everything I had to bury him in the backyard under the apple tree with his favorite bells, I couldn't let go of him. I held onto him for 5 hours hoping and praying he would spring back to life. It's so quiet and lonely in my house, I can't believe what I had done, I killed my friend as well as Nuggets, my Indian ringneck. My boyfriend says to get another one, but there won't be any like Kiwi, he was such a beautiful boy, and I took his life at only 2 years old all because he wanted to follow me to the bathroom and I shut the door as soon as was entering. I held him in my hands as he took his last breath, I screamed at the top of lungs. I cant believe what I had done, I couldn't, I wish this wasn't real. He was such the light of my day and now he's gone, I miss his voice, his goofiness, and most of all his friendship. I was supposed to protect him and I failed I will never forgive myself. I'm sorry this is so long I just don't know what to do, I'm so lost I am crying as I'm righting this. How does anyone coup with this pain?

Please don't blame yourself. So very sorry for your loss.

 

[Tootsie's Daddy]

Oh Amber,
I know your pain all too well. Last Saturday Dec. 15, I accidentally stepped on our family Budgie Violet ("Vi") resulting in a traumatic injury and death a few moments later in my daughter's hands. He (yes, we misidentified his sex earlier on) was a birthday gift to my middle daughter 5 years ago when she was 13. She had hand trained him and he was very tame. He started out as one of a pair of budgies, but the other budgie died a few months after we received it. As a result he was a solo budgie and we were his flock. As a result he became integrated with our family and was in reality a vital member. We joked that he probably thought of himself as human! He was a precocious little guy, who would nibble on my neck (I work at home). I discovered early on that he loved spinach, a trait that allowed us to retrieve him when he accidentally flew away last year. He would sit on our shoulders when we walked around the house (which is how he escaped when my wife walked out onto the deck behind our house without realizing he was there!). He knew how to communicate his wants and would hear my daughter returning to the house even before I realized she was near the house. Every morning I would take the cover off his cage and feed him a few leaves of spinach. He would sing along with me when I played certain piano pieces such as Bach's Prelude in C major. He would joyfully bathe as water poured from the kitchen sink tap into my wife's cupped hands.
As a single budgie, and very social, he was fascinated by his reflection in shiny surfaces. Sadly this trait led to his demise. We have shiny bases on the stools in our kitchen and he would love to talk with the budgies in the reflection. Last Saturday morning (Dec. 15), he was on the floor in the kitchen while my daughter (now 18 and in 1st year nursing) was studying for her last exam. She said "be careful, Vi is on the floor". I turned to go up the stairs but ventured too close to the table base and he was spooked and skittered away from the base and under my shoe as I stepped down. He squawked at me, then flew to the kitchen sink, but unable to hold himself up flew to his cage where he was unable to stand and held himself there with his beak. We were terrified and my daughter knew from her medical knowledge that his state was dire. There were sobs and tears from all of us as he passed away in her hands moments later.
That afternoon, we buried our little buddy in the back yard beside our mint patch.
We have cleaned and removed his cage to the basement while we grieve. The house is silent without him and we are ever mindful of his absence.
I have been unable to concentrate on my work and go to sleep each night racked by sadness and guilt. My family are kind and don't blame me for his death as it truly was an accident and we can all point to ways that it could have been avoided. But the fact remains that he is dead and this beautiful intelligent little creature is gone forever. Death is a horrible thing - there is no Hollywood ending. So I soldier on, working through the grief of losing my little buddy. Wanting to get a new one, but knowing that really I just want a return of the little guy and that it's too soon to get a new pet.
So, please don't beat yourself up about your accident. Know that we live with these little fragile creatures and those of us who are blessed to know and live with them, have learned that we are only co-tenants on this planet earth with other animals. That we have the ability to recognize their value and to bond with them is precious. But it comes at a price because when they die, we also are wounded by that loss - more so when some action on our part, however innocent, results in their premature death. But we do go on, and this loss can motivate us to rise to greater things as we use the grief and consciousness of their value to seek to help other animals who need our help and to share our awareness of the preciousness of the life of our co-inhabitants in a world that seeks to put a dollar value on it.
I am barely holding it together as I write this so forgive me the disjointed response. I just want you to know that what you are not alone. What you are feeling is completely normal and in fact a good sign, that you are a caring and empathetic human being. We will all get through this, and while the sadness of the loss of our pets will never entirely leave us, it will diminish with time and we will continue to do our best to live together with our fellow creatures.
All the best,
John

Hi John, I'm so sorry to hear about Violet. I know your pain as we had out first budgie, Little Buddy, fly out of the house never to return, and our Pudgie was stepped on. When I heard my wife scream I came out of the room where I was working, picked him up off the ground and watched his little eye close for the last time. I never owned pets because I am allergic to most animals and when my wife suggested getting a budgie I said sure, but never expected to gain a family member that brings endless amounts of joy to us. We did get another budgie when we were ready. Tootsie is just as wonderful as his big brothers were, and we celebrate them and tell Tootsie all about them. I'm 51 and have never felt the heartbreak of losing these babies. You and your family are obviously the type of family any budgie would be incredibly lucky to be with. I will think of you all as you grieve your Violet, time does help my friend. When you are all ready, whenever that may be, I promise you that your next little friend will bring you loads of joy and happiness as you celebrate Violet with them. Best wishes to you and your family.

 

[Chrissiejingles]

I am so, so sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel and it hurts so much. I lost my special Amazon friend 2 years ago.
You gave him such a good life, a lot of dear birds aren't so blessed and he knew that. The love you had for each other will stay with you for always.
My thoughts are with you x