Greys and children/families

[Qtpyinnj]

Hi everyone,

So, I'm still doing my reserach on African Greys. Yes, it's the parrot I want, but I must also consider my family, and make sure we are choosing the right bird. It is extremely important to me that we don't get a bird that isn't going to blend well with an 11,13, and 18 year old. I'm mostly concerned with the two little ones. They are both very excited, and are aware that having a bird as a pet will require more time and attention than having a cat. I've come across so many instances where birds have been rehomes because the owners didn't know what they were getting themselves into. I want to make sure we do everything we can to prevent and avoid that. It's such a traumatic event for a bird, and I never want to put any animal through any trauma.

What are your thoughts? Pleae be brutally honest. You are veterans, and I trust your opinions and experiences.

I probably should have warned everyone that I'm one of those people who takes a LOT of time doing reserach on ANYTHING before I make big decisions. Just to give you an idea, I spent 5 months looking for a sofa/sectional before finally making a decision. My poor family sat on the floor on pillows while I was going back and forth.

 

[Qtpyinnj]

I forgot to add this: If, in your honest opinion, you feel a different breed would be better, please chime in and let me know why. Thanks so very much!

 

[chris-md]

Eclectus might be perfect for you. Generally very docile, social, not prone to be one person birds. If you provide the correct diet (fresh fruit and veg needs to be 80% of what you feed it) an ekkie might be exactly what you're looking for.

 

[GraciesMom]

Hiya

Since you've been doing research already you've probably heard they tend to bond to a single family member. Doesn't mean they all do but...

I have a 16 & 18 year old. When I got Gracie I made sure they all understood upfront that grey's tend to bond to a single person which she did... me. She is a massive cuddle bug with me, I can flip her, hang her upside down - she has complete trust with me.
She doesn't allow hubby or the kids to handle her and prefer they not touch.

In the beginning they did try & they took some bites but it became clear what she preferred ... not to mention the bites were pretty hard/scary to them although she really is capable of much worse. Once they got over that disappointment & accepted it they have all developed different vocal only relationships with her i.e. singing, whistling, mimicking sounds back and forth, beat boxing, talking to her.

Our place is quiet for the most part - I'm not the crash house for a bunch of friends etc. I have noticed that Gracie doesn't like a lot of chaos but she can handle it if it's not too crazy.

She takes an extraordinary amount of time and attention - everyday. She doesn't like to be locked in her cage if we are up and/or home so she is out.

She's super messy lol I guess they all are. She's a picky eater so I'm constantly trying / retrying new fresh foods/veggies/spouts/beans etc. trying to keep her diet balanced. Most of which she happily throws EVERYWHERE. She's beyond stubborn - it's frustrating & exhausting sometimes.

All parrots require a healthy sleep schedule - Gracie HATES night night time. So the house has to quiet down to a relaxed state each evening so she settles down & gets her Zzz's.

She is a bit neurotic about environmental changes or new things. She needs a lot of reassurance that changing that light bulb in the dining room didn't signal the end of days lol new toys aren't snakes ready to gulp her down.

I'm far from a veteran but I don't see greys as a "family" pet in the sense that most people mean/prefer. She's perfect .. for me and has become a constant companion, goes to work with me etc.

We are adding a new addition .. I did take the kids to handle different parrots at multiple places & actually had them research the different kinds they liked afterwards. Granted I ultimately steered them in the direction but it did allow for them to handle & me to observe them in the process.

Obviously, this is just my experience & I know others have had different ones. My advice whatever you decide just make sure everyone expectations are realistic & the kids are really knowledgeable about the species.

Hopefully others will chime in with their opinions & experiences.

It's exciting adding a parrot to the family - I wish you the best of luck in your decision & search

 

[Qtpyinnj]

Eclectus might be perfect for you. Generally very docile, social, not prone to be one person birds. If you provide the correct diet (fresh fruit and veg needs to be 80% of what you feed it) an ekkie might be exactly what you're looking for.

Thank you for chiming in. I've heard good things about eclectus. I've always had my heart set on a Grey, but my desire started before I had children. I know I need to make the best decision for our family as a whole. I'm going to check out the eclectus as well.

 

[Qtpyinnj]

Hiya

Since you've been doing research already you've probably heard they tend to bond to a single family member. Doesn't mean they all do but...

I have a 16 & 18 year old. When I got Gracie I made sure they all understood upfront that grey's tend to bond to a single person which she did... me. She is a massive cuddle bug with me, I can flip her, hang her upside down - she has complete trust with me.
She doesn't allow hubby or the kids to handle her and prefer they not touch.

In the beginning they did try & they took some bites but it became clear what she preferred ... not to mention the bites were pretty hard/scary to them although she really is capable of much worse. Once they got over that disappointment & accepted it they have all developed different vocal only relationships with her i.e. singing, whistling, mimicking sounds back and forth, beat boxing, talking to her.

Our place is quiet for the most part - I'm not the crash house for a bunch of friends etc. I have noticed that Gracie doesn't like a lot of chaos but she can handle it if it's not too crazy.

She takes an extraordinary amount of time and attention - everyday. She doesn't like to be locked in her cage if we are up and/or home so she is out.

She's super messy lol I guess they all are. She's a picky eater so I'm constantly trying / retrying new fresh foods/veggies/spouts/beans etc. trying to keep her diet balanced. Most of which she happily throws EVERYWHERE. She's beyond stubborn - it's frustrating & exhausting sometimes.

All parrots require a healthy sleep schedule - Gracie HATES night night time. So the house has to quiet down to a relaxed state each evening so she settles down & gets her Zzz's.

She is a bit neurotic about environmental changes or new things. She needs a lot of reassurance that changing that light bulb in the dining room didn't signal the end of days lol new toys aren't snakes ready to gulp her down.

I'm far from a veteran but I don't see greys as a "family" pet in the sense that most people mean/prefer. She's perfect .. for me and has become a constant companion, goes to work with me etc.

We are adding a new addition .. I did take the kids to handle different parrots at multiple places & actually had them research the different kinds they liked afterwards. Granted I ultimately steered them in the direction but it did allow for them to handle & me to observe them in the process.

Obviously, this is just my experience & I know others have had different ones. My advice whatever you decide just make sure everyone expectations are realistic & the kids are really knowledgeable about the species.

Hopefully others will chime in with their opinions & experiences.

It's exciting adding a parrot to the family - I wish you the best of luck in your decision & search

Thank you for your honesty. I really appreciate you sharing your experience with your Gracie. There is no reason why I still cannot have a Grey once the boys have gotten older and used to a bird that is not so single person prone.

 

[Kiwibird]

I don't have much insight on african greys, but I did grow up with parrots, 2 amazons and a cockatoo my parents had before I was born (and still have). I literally had birds sitting on my crib as a newborn scoping me out

One thing as parents you need to be fully aware of is that ALL parrots bite. No matter how well trained and normally loving, they are not domesticated animals (only a few generations out of the wild). There may be a point any bird you get could bite one of your children, possibly a bad bite that draws blood and/or leaves a scar. This is a highly personal decision about what you find acceptable for your family, but if you feel you would want to rehome a bird after biting one of your children, a parrot (of any species) may not be the right choice for your family at this time. As someone who grew up with them, I was bit on numerous occasions growing up (the cockatoo was the main offender, but the female amazon was a mother bird type and gave an occasional nip of correction too). My parents always used it as a teaching experience so I learned why I was bitten and what things I could do to prevent a bite in the future (learning body language, proper handling techniques, etc...). Once I got bandaged up and the bird calmed down, I was also always made to pick them right back up so I didn't grow fearful of them. I do have a few scars from growing up with birds, as well as a few my own bird has inflicted. It hurt in the moment, but I never feared birds and in fact adopted my own as an adult. I have no qualms when we have children raising them around birds and expect them to get the occasional bite growing up. Given their ages, it may be worth discussing with your children how they feel about a pet who could bite them on occasion to come to your decision. Again though, this is a personal decision and one to consider carefully.

As for other species to consider, I am personally biased towards amazons. Good, emotionally hardy birds who aren't shy and like to be in the middle of things if they've been properly socialized. If you're interested in the green crew, you may want to look into the many smaller species and avoid the DYH, BFA and YNAs ("hot 3") who are known for getting a tad aggressive during puberty. The smaller zons, however, are known for being docile and gentle natured birds (and their smaller sizes make many new owners feel more confident working with them).

Best of luck with your decision!

 

[jdlehman76]

My CAG is definitely a one person bird. I have two young kids (8 and 10). We went through a period of about a year where Bella chased them and would bite if she caught up to their toes. She would also chase my wife and visitors while attempting to bite them. We do seem to have worked through the chasing and biting, however, she is still not really interested in interacting with anyone except me. She is a rehomed bird and her first owner was a male, not sure if that is why she is such a one person bird or if she is just a typical gray. I have interacted with CAGs that are not so one person focused, but they were in a flock situation. (multiple grays in the same enclosure.)

 

[Flboy]

Be brutal? K! Drop the term pet! A parrot is not a pet! You really are adopting someone/thing into your family. Their emotional attachment is no different than any other member of your family! Put another way, your 11 year old is disrupting what you think the family's should be- list IT on Craigslist ! Everyone happy! Insanity! I agree! But for these helpless guys, this is life!

 

[Qtpyinnj]

I don't have much insight on african greys, but I did grow up with parrots, 2 amazons and a cockatoo my parents had before I was born (and still have). I literally had birds sitting on my crib as a newborn scoping me out

One thing as parents you need to be fully aware of is that ALL parrots bite. No matter how well trained and normally loving, they are not domesticated animals (only a few generations out of the wild). There may be a point any bird you get could bite one of your children, possibly a bad bite that draws blood and/or leaves a scar. This is a highly personal decision about what you find acceptable for your family, but if you feel you would want to rehome a bird after biting one of your children, a parrot (of any species) may not be the right choice for your family at this time. As someone who grew up with them, I was bit on numerous occasions growing up (the cockatoo was the main offender, but the female amazon was a mother bird type and gave an occasional nip of correction too). My parents always used it as a teaching experience so I learned why I was bitten and what things I could do to prevent a bite in the future (learning body language, proper handling techniques, etc...). Once I got bandaged up and the bird calmed down, I was also always made to pick them right back up so I didn't grow fearful of them. I do have a few scars from growing up with birds, as well as a few my own bird has inflicted. It hurt in the moment, but I never feared birds and in fact adopted my own as an adult. I have no qualms when we have children raising them around birds and expect them to get the occasional bite growing up. Given their ages, it may be worth discussing with your children how they feel about a pet who could bite them on occasion to come to your decision. Again though, this is a personal decision and one to consider carefully.

As for other species to consider, I am personally biased towards amazons. Good, emotionally hardy birds who aren't shy and like to be in the middle of things if they've been properly socialized. If you're interested in the green crew, you may want to look into the many smaller species and avoid the DYH, BFA and YNAs ("hot 3") who are known for getting a tad aggressive during puberty. The smaller zons, however, are known for being docile and gentle natured birds (and their smaller sizes make many new owners feel more confident working with them).

Best of luck with your decision!

Thank you for your input. With any animal, there is a chance of scratching or biting. I completely understand that. My intentions with mentioning seeing how birds have been rehomed for various reasons was not to infer that I would rehome a bird if either member of my family were bitten. My point was to clarify that I would not so such a thing.

As far as my children goes, we have a cat who is rather temperamental, and will scratch or bite if she isn't in the mood (which is more often than not). As a result, the children have learned when and when not to bother her. They are not aggressive, so that is a plus.

Thanks again for your input.

 

[Qtpyinnj]

Be brutal? K! Drop the term pet! A parrot it not a pet! You really are adopting someone/thing into your family. Their emotional attachment is no different than any other member of your family! Put another way, your 11 year old is disrupting what you think the family's should be- list IT on Craigslist ! Everyone happy! Insanity! I agree! But for these helpless guys, this is life!

Hmm, I'm not sure what one should call an animal either purchased or adopted to become a member of a family, but I do understand your sentiment. Also, I didn't say I would rehome the bird for any reason, whether it's disruptive or not outgoing to all members of my family. I did say, however, I would never put a bird through such a traumatic experience. Again, I understand your sentiment, and thank you for pointing out the importance of accepting a bird as a member of one's own "flock."

 

[Qtpyinnj]

My CAG is definitely a one person bird. I have two young kids (8 and 10). We went through a period of about a year where Bella chased them and would bite if she caught up to their toes. She would also chase my wife and visitors while attempting to bite them. We do seem to have worked through the chasing and biting, however, she is still not really interested in interacting with anyone except me. She is a rehomed bird and her first owner was a male, not sure if that is why she is such a one person bird or if she is just a typical gray. I have interacted with CAGs that are not so one person focused, but they were in a flock situation. (multiple grays in the same enclosure.)

I guess her aggressiveness kind of make sense being she had a previous owner. Who knows how she was treated, and what she was exposed to? I'm glad you all were able to work through her chasing and biting phase. thanks for chiming in.

 

[LeaKP]

I've had CAGs almost all my life and the species tends to be shy but that can be overcome with socialization at an early age. All birds can (and will) bite. My kids were not allowed to handle the birds until they were old enough under supervision (10 or so and up for the CAG). In time, everyone bonded and my greys loved the family, although preferred me. They could interact and talk with them but I didn't allow handling until they were older. My GCC gave my daughter a nice pinch and that was deterrent enough.

Nigel has broken all CAG taboos. He loves me but also loves my husband and almost everyone else. He's still young but shows no sign, yet, of changing. He is a chatterbox and we love all his vocalizations and words.

Any bird will be a huge commitment, each having its own set of species specific dos and donts.

Best of luck! There are lots of great parronts here who have great experience and knowledge.

 

[wrench13]

Yes, please look into the smaller amazons, like white fronted and also like our own yellow shouldered amazon. Our Salty is pretty darn near the perfect parrot. He talks well, was easily socialized with the whole family, does like one person more then others, me, but plays with everone, is really smart, in a word... Amazon. Oh, and he learned early on No Biting. Just think about this though, your parrot will be with you and your mate LONG after all your kids are grown and moved out and have kids of their own. May even out live you.

 

[Qtpyinnj]

I've had CAGs almost all my life and the species tends to be shy but that can be overcome with socialization at an early age. All birds can (and will) bite. My kids were not allowed to handle the birds until they were old enough under supervision (10 or so and up for the CAG). In time, everyone bonded and my greys loved the family, although preferred me. They could interact and talk with them but I didn't allow handling until they were older. My GCC gave my daughter a nice pinch and that was deterrent enough.

Nigel has broken all CAG taboos. He loves me but also loves my husband and almost everyone else. He's still young but shows no sign, yet, of changing. He is a chatterbox and we love all his vocalizations and words.

Any bird will be a huge commitment, each having its own set of species specific dos and donts.

Best of luck! There are lots of great parronts here who have great experience and knowledge.

I'm sure any pinch can be a deterrent, and it only takes that one. Nigel sounds like a sweet bird.

 

[Qtpyinnj]

Yes, please look into the smaller amazons, like white fronted and also like our own yellow shouldered amazon. Our Salty is pretty darn near the perfect parrot. He talks well, was easily socialized with the whole family, does like one person more then others, me, but plays with everone, is really smart, in a word... Amazon. Oh, and he learned early on No Biting. Just think about this though, your parrot will be with you and your mate LONG after all your kids are grown and moved out and have kids of their own. May even out live you.

Salty is a cutie, and I love his song! How did you teach him "no biting?'

 

[wrench13]

He reacts when you make a loud Shhhhhh sound so when got too hard in playing, we would say that, which stopped him dead, and say No BITE. After awhile, he learned so we just have to remind him once in awhile No Bite. We play pretty rough too, like bird wrestling.

I am lucky in that my 2 sons who are 29 and 26 are still home, and involved in a family band, but most kids are disconnected with parents by 16 or 17, so the parrot will be your responsibilty. Just a few short years from now. Choose wisely. Good luck on ya

 

[KevH]

I've got grey and it all depends on how much you socialise the bird if one person tends to spend more time with the bird then it will bond with that one person so it depends how you bring it up if you'd all chip in and make a big fuss and share cleaning, feeding and playing with bird then it should be ok with everyone always remember when you have a grey it will be all cuddly when young but once the adult stages start its always on a greys terms sometimes they just want to be left alone but like others have said no matter what all parrots will bite but it's always human error by not reading the signs. You sound like your hearts set on a grey so just go for it.

 

[Qtpyinnj]

He reacts when you make a loud Shhhhhh sound so when got too hard in playing, we would say that, which stopped him dead, and say No BITE. After awhile, he learned so we just have to remind him once in awhile No Bite. We play pretty rough too, like bird wrestling.

I am lucky in that my 2 sons who are 29 and 26 are still home, and involved in a family band, but most kids are disconnected with parents by 16 or 17, so the parrot will be your responsibilty. Just a few short years from now. Choose wisely. Good luck on ya

Great tips! I'll keep them in mind. That's great that your sons are still at home and involved with the birds. I'm definitely not looking forward to the years when my boys start to distance themselves. I keep reminding them having a bird will be nothing like having a cat, and they keep saying they understand and are willing to put in the work.

Thanks for the tips and encouragement.

 

[Qtpyinnj]

I've got grey and it all depends on how much you socialise the bird if one person tends to spend more time with the bird then it will bond with that one person so it depends how you bring it up if you'd all chip in and make a big fuss and share cleaning, feeding and playing with bird then it should be ok with everyone always remember when you have a grey it will be all cuddly when young but once the adult stages start its always on a greys terms sometimes they just want to be left alone but like others have said no matter what all parrots will bite but it's always human error by not reading the signs. You sound like your hearts set on a grey so just go for it.

You're absolutely right! Most animal bites or scratches are the result of the human not knowing when to approach or when to step away. We are all pretty set on a Grey. Right again! ;-)