Final Arangements

[GaleriaGila]

I thought long and hard about the title of this thread. I wanted it to be communicative and direct. Posting and sharing the Rickeybird's 3-decade scrapbook here has really gotten me thinking. I need help from BIRD PEOPLE.

I am starting this thread in order to share a very personal concern, and to ask, respectfully, for your thoughts. I got the idea after a couple of other members and I had private conversations on the issue. I think my questions below are among the most important (and least pleasant) questions a bird owner can ask.

As some of you know, The Rickeybird is 32 years old. When I got him in 1984, he was a 3-month-old chick and I was in college. At that time, his life expectancy was projected at 30 years. These days, some authorities stretch it to 35. And of course, they're just making estimates based on available data. Who knows?

He has been the source of terrible trouble (noise issues, mostly) and absolute joy (we're in love) over the decades...

We've been together for a long time. Maybe he'll live for many years. Or maybe not. Same for me. Same for all of us, people and birds. I know. And it's reasonable and healthy to think about the mortality of oneself and those one holds dear. I feel pretty solid about my thinking and preparations concerning myself and other people in my life, but... The Rickeybird? Hmmmmm...

I haven't been brave enough to read the "Bereavement Forum" here, but after I post this, I will.

I need to plan for him... whether he outlives me (scenario # !)... or I outlive him (#2).

#1 Possibilities (he outlives me)
- Hope that my husband cares for the bird, which he would (he's not a bird person, but he's a kind and loyal man) until such time as the bird dies.
- Make plans in my will for an identified person (WHO? There are no family or friends currently who are bird people) to take the bird if the bird outlives my husband. Or maybe even try to place him with that person right after my death?
- I know of two parrot owners who have made plans for their birds (one bird belonging to each owner) to be euthanized and buried/cremated with them.
- Find a good Rescue to receive him at some point, and make generous provisions for that purpose. Which rescue? Where?

#2 Possibilities (I outlive him)
- If he gets really old and weak and sick... at what point do I let him go... either via euthanasia or just letting him pass in peace at home?
- How do I avoid letting him spend his last days in the scary vet's office while I try desperately to get him well?
- Last but not least, how do I endure the grief of his passing? He's been my little love (for what seems like) all my life. People around me are NOT going to understand. If somebody suggests getting a new bird, I'll knock 'em out, I swear! Is there any way to prepare for losing him? I hope I have done right by him... I certainly did (and am doing) my best.

So that's my thread. Please feel free to ignore it if it seems too sad or scary or negative. If you *DO* have thoughts, I'd love to hear from you.

Sincerely,
Gail (and The Rickeybird)

 

[Terry57]

Gail, these are things we all have to sadly consider, and it is a great idea for a thread.
I have a plan in place in case something should happen to both my husband and I at the same time, such as an accident..I am fortunate enough to have a good friend who owns a rescue, and she is willing to take in all my hookbills, and other friends who have softbills who would take those. My daughter has her numbers and all my Fids would be taken immediately to the rescue.

I am a bit horrified about the 2 people you know who will have their bird euthanized to be buried with them. I cna't imagine doing that.
It sounds like your husband would take good care of Rickey, and Rickey would be able to stay where he feels safe and loved.

As for preparing to lose him? It is impossible.
My chihuahua, Chaz, suffered for 2 years with congestive heart failure, was on 2 different meds twice a day, and we stopped having company over as it upset him and was just too hard on his heart. I was praying that he would peacefully go in his sleep, and terrified about knowing when the time had come to let him go.
When the time came, there was no doubt. I had been trying to prepare myself for losing him, but it still brings me to tears to think of him and the hole he left in my life.
His story is in the bereavement section, if you ever do feel strong enough to read the tributes left there.

We only were blessed with having Chazzie for 7 years, and I can't imagine how I would have felt after 30 years. Just know that if that does happen, we will be here for you.

 

[BeatriceC]

MrC and I have also had long discussions about this. As he is 22 years my senior, he is likely to pre-decease me, as well as Goofy, Charlotte, and possibly Leo. Cookie is already past his expected life span, so we just have to worry about knowing when it's time, unless he goes peacefully in his sleep.

When MrC and I first began contemplating a life together, one of my concerns was making friends with Goofy should I need to care for him in the event of MrC's death. I have accomplished that goal, so we are relaxed on that point. One of his daughters might also be interested in taking Goofy, as well as one of my sons. In the event that I pre-decease any of the birds, my sons are planning on taking them, though they would split them up. They aren't bonded, so that is fine. If our children's interest ever changes, we will re-evaluate and make different plans.

 

[chris-md]

Gail, you're asking some pointed questions. I think about this a LOT recently with my Yorkie who is 9. Great health and may have a good 4-5 years left. But 4 years from now? It's brought me to tears a few times.

I can really only address you outliving him. I would not worry about the Issue of when to put him down at this time. It will come down to measures that keep him alive but not improve quality of life. Your vet will be able to guide you in this respect when the time comes.

If it were me, I would have a hard time "letting them die peacefully at home". That implies you know somethings painfully wrong and you're just waiting out the clock. If I see the end is nigh, I would rather put them down so they aren't living in pain with a sad quality of life.

I say all this of course having never actually put a pet down. All my pets I've had in the past have always died while I was away and my parents had to deal with it. Or they were rehomed. My Yorkie will be the first pet ive seen from beginning to end. Hence my strong reaction tot he end of her life long before she's even begun to fade.

 

[SailBoat]

We have found ourselves an 'end of life' home for enough Amazons to and it has felt like both not enough and Far Too Many. As an only Amazon household, we can only view this discussion from the only corner we know; Amazon's.

Each Amazon that has brighten our life has opened and created their own huge area in our hearts! And in each case, they have each created a space for another. I cannot explain it, I can only tell you that it is true!

With each heart aching loss, when the pain was more than we could bare and the idea of opening our home to yet another seemed an impossibility. Not from ability, but from the possible lack of strength of being here again, washed in the loss and the found emptiness. At the deepest, darkest moment - when tears dried from the lack of available moisture and hearts laid open in painful loss, we would receive a call regarding a needy Amazon, a totally unwanted and in real need of just being Loved. That has never been the only need, but certainly the most needed of the common long list of 'issues' faced. Just one more time, this one will be the last, but we're too old, etc, etc, etc..... But, the tiny space would appear and would need.... So, we would agree and again we would open our home and our hearts.

I love the sound of an Amazon in full Summer voice, heard by those as far as three or more homes away. It is a sound of true joy and always brightens my heart. Why, would anyone live for this, want this, pray for the new arrival's first full voice moment. Why: Anyone who has heard the 'death scream,' that final breath of their Amazon as they become fully aware of their demise. The want for the sound of life, in its full moment becomes a deep need. A momentary moment to rejoice in life over death. And knowledge, that the bridge really does go somewhere truly Wonderful.


1. We are hopeful that our DYA Amazon (Julio) will out live us and like our prior Amazon, he is a major part of our Will supported by a solid Trust and full funding. Today, US Law supports properly written 'Pet Care' built into a Will. Yes, you must find a Lawyer with the knowledge to properly write it, so that it will remain fully supported by and within the Will. We are very lucky that we have a family member that has a love for Amazons and has been a active part of our more recent Amazons life's. I cannot help you with other possibilities. If you choose an organization, you need to assure that the owners are young enough to outlive your Parrot and that the Will is strong enough to recover your Parrot if their organization fails.

2. We have experienced outliving and understand its emotional effects. It will not and never can become easier with numbers. As stated above, with Amazons and I fully believe with all Parrots - they create their own and also a space of another.

The memories of Amazon Hill, limits my visits to the same Forum.

With great luck and more likely their want; all of our Amazons have past in our arms. I believe each found comfort that their final moments was with those they Loved.

 

[MonicaMc]

Considering that I have come across conures that are 40+ years in age, and a quaker that *possibly* lived to 50 (no way to confirm unless leg band was correct), Rickybird could indeed still have several years left to him.


My oldest conure, Charlie, is only 10 years younger than Rickybird, which is about as long as I've had him! (10 this October) I expect to have him for quite a long time, still!


I would hate to think of me dying at an early age, for whatever reason, but I do occasionally fear that it will happen. I kind of hate driving, and feel as if my death will be car related...



As far as prepping for when a to choose to put a pet down... that ones a tough one. I've only personally put one of my own down, and I hated doing it... but I couldn't, not do it, either! I tried! She was a bird that refused to die, even during the euthanasia procedure.

This was a bourke parakeet. There really wasn't anything "special" about her. She wasn't tame or friendly, she wasn't a "pretty color", didn't talk, didn't do tricks, or anything like that... but she was still special to me. She was around 19 years old (give or take a year), had cancer (for which she had laser surgery to attempt to remove the cancer, prior to us knowing for sure it was cancer, and she was already about 14 then?), got to the point that if she was sick, she would lay eggs, but as soon as she got healthy again, she'd stop laying eggs (and stopped sitting...) Near the end of her life, she became underweight, and no matter what I fed her, I could not get any weight on her. Then she became extremely thin, then had fluid build up in her abdomen. This darn bird would refuse to die. Her quality of life may not have been the best, as she was pretty old and with multiple health issues, but no reason to put her down, either.

That is, until one morning I found her at the bottom of the cage, unable to stand up, eyes mostly closed, and with rapid head movements. Head trauma. I suspect she may have fell in the night, and landed wrong. I went to work, hoping and praying that when I came home for lunch that she would be dead. I wished it, as I did *NOT* want to make the decision to put her down. Darn bird was still alive when I got back. I called my vets office and let them know that I was my way.

My vet agreed with me, it was time. Even if we could save her, even if she might have some chance of recovery, it just wasn't worth it anymore. It wasn't worth letting her suffer any longer. MY a-vet went and got the syringe. Considering how weak she was, my a-vet gave her half a dose, thinking that would be enough. I knew in my heart that she was still alive. My a-vet checked for a heart beat, and found one. She ended up getting the full dose to finally put her at rest. We cried together.


It's been a few years now since her passing, and just thinking about her and that experience.... well, now I gotta go get me some tissues!





Beatrice, I've heard the oldest cockatiels have lived to 35 and 36 years of age! So he may continue to kick around for a while longer!

 

[BeatriceC]

Monica, we sometimes joke that MrC's animals are darned near immortal. He bought his daughters a fish a few days after they moved into this house in August of 1994. There was nothing special about Joe. He was about three inches long, looked like a goldfish but was grey. Joe died in October of 2014. I've never heard of that type of fish living that long. If there was any way to confirm Cookie's hatch date, we could potentially have a world record holder on our hands.

 

[RavensGryf]

While not a pleasant thing to think about, this is a great thread. It has actually been on my mind lately. Robin has also been with me since he was 3 months old. We have been together nearly 22 years. My first parrot. I so wish that I could get some years back. I don't think about it for too long.. I can't.

I have lost beloved pets before, and of course I mourned over them, some longer than others. But I have never ever loved another animal as deeply and profoundly as I do Robin. I love him so much it almost hurts. Although I love all my birds, it's just different with him.

I don't know... I haven't been able to think about it for long enough to make any plans. I have 2 avian vets. Neither one has seen one of the smaller Poicephalus species live beyond mid 20's. Yet well known long time African parrot breeder Jean Pattison has written about breeding pairs in their 30's if I recall correctly, and I think she claims they can live to their 40's? Someone who once signed up here claimed to have a Senegal which is closely related to Robin my Red Bellied, who was in his 40's, and they claim to know for sure because the bird had always been in the family. 40's would be surprising for a bird of his size. But maybe that's like saying a human can live to be 105. It happens sometimes.

One of the points you mentioned above, is one of the things that scares me too... That people are NOT going to understand. Not about a love for an animal that runs deeper than any other animal I've ever had (and I've had a fair amount in my life). My other beloved bird are that... Beloved birds, and I do love them. Robin is like my human son. Who in the heck (out of normal people) is going to really understand that? I would have to take bereavement leave from work and say someone in my immediate family passed away. Then people will inevitably ask who? I don't like to lie. I honestly don't know what I'd do or say.

Another thing you mentioned, that you know of 2 people who would have their bird euthanized and buried with them. As controversial as that is, I'm actually surprised someone else has even heard of that. My mom ran that thought past her avian vet, but he said no, he won't do that. He talked her out of it.

Sorry for rambling on... Gail, as long as Rickeybird isn't showing signs of age, or doesn't have any condition that can potentially take some years away, I wouldn't think the inevitable is close at all. I know, it's a hard thought, but it's responsible to think of a plan. My SO loves Robin and Raven, but he's not really a "bird person" the way we are here. I don't think they'd consistently get the best care to be honest lol. I'd better start thinking... Raven and Griffin might out live me, or live past where I'd be too elderly.

 

[plumsmum2005]

Gail you really picked on the one that is at the back of all of our minds. I cannot talk about Plum, not able to, head in bucket for the time being. God forbid it but if anything happened to my friend & hubby with the young RB2 I'd have a double headache as she would like me to have him.

Regarding Rickey, he is at or about the expected lifespan but no biggie IMO. He is healthy and well looked after and they do seem a very hardy species from my experience of looking after my friends. Many birds can easily exceed their life expectancy in captivity.

Common sense would tell me to keep an eye on his weight on a regular basis and the others ie poop, eating etc. Do you have a health check done for him on a regular basis?

I think you would know what you needed to do when/if the time came. Your love for him would drive your decisions to be the best ones.

So continue to enjoy every minute with your little feathered soulmate and try not to let the worry of what the future holds spoil it.

 

[GaleriaGila]

Terry, thank you. I was also horrified at the euthanasia plans upon my friends' death, but I didn't say a thing... except to tell them I'd take their birds, butthey declined, so I just try to support them. That decision is a very personal one and I can't bring myself to argue with them. I will definitely read about Chaz... in fact, I'm going to read more of the Bereavement threads as I'm trying t get a grip on my avoidance. Starting this thread was hard, but it's already helping. I *do* know everybody here would be with me. Doesn't matter if you're around the world, I would feel the closeness of understanding.

Beatrice... what a blessing, to have those options. How wonderful it must be to know that multiple people are in line to help. Can I borrow one of your sons?

Chris, I have heard that when the time comes, a loving owner will know. I have put two pugs and one of my mother's dogs to sleep. You kniw what? It really WAS clear at the actual time. I think you may have just helped me come to a decision about "waiting out the clock". You're right... I won't know if somethijg is terminal or not until a vet says so, and the courageous thing would be to let him go, and let the vet put him down humanely.

Sailboat, you made my heart soar and also ache as you were telling about your losses and rescues. I've never heard a death scream, but I think you helped me imagine it. I have known several Amazons over the years, one very closely. There's absolutely nothing like an Amazon in full glory and full voice. I went out of my way many times to see my friend's Amazon bathe. I know you know what I mean. Thank you for the will-related information.

Monica, thak you for the story of your Bourke. We have an expression in Spanish about somebody being "too mean to die", and many would apply that to the Rickeybird surely. That Bourke tale made me laugh AND cry... darn bird... still alive. Conures over 40, huh? If I tell my husband that, he'll cry. Just kidding... for a guy who doesn't really care for animals, he is incredibly kind and tolerant with them. He cares about the parrot... he just doesn't think that the Rickeybird is a person. You know.

RavensGryf... I love the loud/mean/messy Rickeybrd as much, I do believe, as you love Robin. It's spiritual. Yeah, we both better start thinking, I agree. And then get an attorney who can make it all official. Oh, and, the vet talked your om out of euthanasia? Impressive. I confess that I only take the Rbird to the vet every five years or so... he has never had any problems, not in 32 years. Not a sniffle, Not a scratch. He did make his foot sore once when doing battle with a mighty foraging toy, but that's it. I pledge to take him more often, if only to strengthen y relationship with the vet.

PlumsMum, I guess I just answered your question about medical care. I do pledge to be more regular about vet visits. BOYYYYYY, does the Rickeybird hate it. Even worse than that time I took him to see Santa at a Humane Society fund-raiser, and... I think you remember how well THAT went. I do weigh the bird, and he holds steady at about 250 grams. And I check his droppings up close and personal! I think I know every centimeter of his body. I like what you said about enjoying the NOW. If you spend too much time worrying about the FUTURE, you can ruin the NOW.

Thank you ALL, and thank you to those who messged me, also.

This has been an amazing encouragement to me. Informative, too. I'm very touched.

Sincerely,
Gail and the RB

 

[Tsali]

Just a quick comment, idea for those who of us who may face the heart wrenching decision to euthanize. When we had to make that decision for our 15 year old Boxer we had the vet come to our home so that she left this world peacefully in the place she loved best in the arms of those who loved her best.

I cannot think about Tsali in those terms, he is still a baby, but when and if I ever have to face that tragedy, just one phone call and my vet would be on the way to my house.

 

[GaleriaGila]

I would love to have that option. I hope I will!!!

 

[Tsali]

I would love to have that option. I hope I will!!!

Talk to your vet -- now about the possibilities. Don't wait until you have an urgent emergency decision to make.

 

[GaleriaGila]

YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't believe I have let this go unaddressed.
Thanks, Tsali's Parront, and everybody!

I'm ON this.

 

[Scott]

Sorry to have overlooked this extraordinarily important thread!

The companion animal:
Sadly, when you have (had) a lot of animals, end-of-life considerations loom far too frequently. I will move heaven and earth to cure or manage a sick companion, but at some point euthanasia becomes the kindest option. Something I have learned is the sharp divide between a critically ill animal being "flogged" by a vet in all-out desperation vs. a more peaceful passing at home. A previous vet absolutely discouraged visitation with a hospitalized ill animal from the POV of giving them expectations of returning home. I will not make that mistake again, and am quite sure my current avian doc will agree. The only thing worse than a sick animal eventually passing is the utter shock of discovering an apparently healthy parrot has passed without warning. As most of you know, birds disguise illness as long as possible.

You!
Fortunately I have a few relatives willing to adopt my companions should I depart the scene. Very few! Most are older, so I have made preliminary plans for their well being without me. Some of you have large accommodating families, other are alone. My ultimate preference is to pre-arrange for the birds to live out their lives in a sanctuary situation. This would best require an "endowment" for their benefit, as well as some sort of oversight - either from dedicated relatives or legal document. Must do more research and visit with an attorney for consultation. I strongly believe our beloved companions deserve the same degree of consideration as we grant ourselves!

 

[Kentuckienne]

Wow, what a thread.

There's no way to be prepared. We can't "pre-grieve". I can't say anything about how to make the loss easier to bear. I only knew Oliver for ten years, and I wasn't favored, only tolerated. But seeing him vanish was catastrophic. I cried. I flung myself into any work I could find just to stay busy. It was a hard, cruel, painful time. And I can't say that I got over it. The pain and the loss never really go away. But there came a time when the intervals between the bouts of sorrow started to become longer, and the bitter and the sweet begin to entwine. It takes as long as it takes, and don't dare let anybody tell you it's time to snap out of it or get over it. Love is love is love.

Both Jeff and I have Gus in our wills, with a person named who will at least make sure he goes to a good place. Maybe he would be happier in a sanctuary with other macaws than in another human's house. He's an odd bird. Deformed, health issues...I hate the thought that he might wind up someplace where he would be neglected again. I don't know how to ensure that someone can keep track of him. I know that trusts have trustees, and some people get a trustee from a financial institution to manage a trust impartially if there's no one else to, well, trust. I think about setting up a trust for Gus, with a trustee to dole out payments...possibly contingent on twice a year vet checkups with the vet certifying that the bird is in good health? A home visit once a year? Is this kind of arrangement possible?

How would the RB be without you? Would he mourn, grieve, search for you? Would he have a happy life? Would he adapt? Would it be easier for him to stay home with the Rival, or would he be happier in a flock of hot henz at a sanctuary? And how does one pick a good sanctuary? Be sure it will stay around and not degenerate into a hoarding situation?

 

[LordTriggs]

Wow Rickey is a full decade older than myself.

It is a horrible thought but it is something that has to be thought of. Really with the whole letting them go peacefully ETC this was something I had to face with my dog several years ago who was 14. What it comes down to is their quality of life in a strangely simple way. If they appear happy and not in pain then there's no need to do anything, just make some adjustments for old age. You only need to think of it if they appear to be in pain, at which point it's rare they need to spend extended time at the vet

 

[Sandy19]

I'm at the point now that I'm going to have to euthanize my newfoundland. He's 15 years old and that is extremely old for that breed of dog. His legs are just so weak that he can barely walk anymore and he gets exhausted just walking down the drive way. I haven't been able to get up the courage to do it so he's on a strong pain killer and I'm trying laser therapy as a last resort. I know that isn't a long term solution though and I'm eventually going to have to make that phone call. The vet said to call when I'm ready and he will come to my house and do it. Many vets will make house calls for that situation.

 

[Sandy19]

Also he is urinating and pooping all over himself because he can't get up on his back legs sometimes to get out the doggy door. His quality of life just isn't good anymore. He still wants to go on walks but he can't do. We got to the end of my road and it took me a half hour to get him back. Every few steps he had to keep laying down to rest.

 

[Ladyhawk]

I haven't been brave enough to read the "Bereavement Forum" here, but after I post this, I will.

I probably have a fairly good idea of what you're feeling. Not everyone experiences grief the same way, but I know what you mean regarding the Bereavement Forum. Had I come before my Gabby bird passed, I would have stayed away from it because the thought of losing my buddy of thirty years was just too horrible to contemplate. But now that I've spent some time there, I hope I've been able to help others who have lost their precious fids. Three years, thirty years...when it comes to love, it doesn't matter how long you've loved. There can perhaps be more difficulty adjusting to a loss when you've had a bird for well over half your life. I kept saying hello to him when I came home. I heard phantom noises from his cage and play areas.

I need to plan for him... whether he outlives me (scenario # !)... or I outlive him (#2).

#1 Possibilities (he outlives me)
- Hope that my husband cares for the bird, which he would (he's not a bird person, but he's a kind and loyal man) until such time as the bird dies.
- Make plans in my will for an identified person (WHO? There are no family or friends currently who are bird people) to take the bird if the bird outlives my husband. Or maybe even try to place him with that person right after my death?
- I know of two parrot owners who have made plans for their birds (one bird belonging to each owner) to be euthanized and buried/cremated with them.
- Find a good Rescue to receive him at some point, and make generous provisions for that purpose. Which rescue? Where?

I don't like to talk about my Senegal, Darla, because when I even think about her, I feel like a failure. It's a different kind of grief, but's it's pretty deeply ingrained. I owned Darla's parents and hand-raised her myself. Originally, I'd planned to keep her as a breeder, but instead she became part of the family. Unfortunately, she, Gabby and I formed a love triangle and I wasn't able to come up with a way for us to coexist. I had health issues and Darla was so jealous and frustrated, I finally came to the conclusion she'd be happier with somebody else. I had known about The Gabriel Foundation for some time and luckily, they were able to find a good home for her. I stipulated that she had to be the only pet in the household or she simply couldn't be happy.

It's strange. Just this morning I contacted The Gabriel Foundation to ask about Darla. The sadness I felt over Gabby's passing dredged up the same feelings I had regarding Darla. Today, I finally felt ready to ask them about my long-lost Senegal. Is she still alive (she'd be 22) and if so, is she happy?

My impression of The Gabriel Foundation was very positive. I've also heard good things about Mickaboo.

On Gabby's behalf, I drew up a living will, specifying who had the right to decide what was best for him. I asked that he go to the Gabriel Foundation along with all my old VHS tapes of him so they would know more about him and his past. I wrote up a list of his likes and dislikes when it came to food, toys, etc. I explained his dislike of hats and his hatred of umbrellas, strawberries and two-wheeled vehicles. I made a list of commands and a list of tricks. That way, the rescue had a manual on how to interact with Gabby.

#2 Possibilities (I outlive him)
- If he gets really old and weak and sick... at what point do I let him go... either via euthanasia or just letting him pass in peace at home?
- How do I avoid letting him spend his last days in the scary vet's office while I try desperately to get him well?
- Last but not least, how do I endure the grief of his passing? He's been my little love (for what seems like) all my life. People around me are NOT going to understand. If somebody suggests getting a new bird, I'll knock 'em out, I swear! Is there any way to prepare for losing him? I hope I have done right by him... I certainly did (and am doing) my best.

So that's my thread. Please feel free to ignore it if it seems too sad or scary or negative. If you *DO* have thoughts, I'd love to hear from you.

Sincerely,
Gail (and The Rickeybird)

The only advice I have is to not borrow trouble. Yeah, that's easy for me to say. It's much harder for me to do. I borrow trouble all the time. If I think about losing my mother too much, it drives me around the bend.

I won't pull any punches here. If you do lose the Rickeybird, it's going to hurt like hell. You'll never be the same again. However, that doesn't mean you can't have good times again. It just means things will be different without your wonderful little fid. It's OK to be aware of the Rickeybird's mortality and prepare for it, but if you dwell on it, you suffer twice.

When Gabby died, I had to move in with my mother because I was so heartbroken. You'll definitely need somebody who knows how much the Rickeybird means to you. It's a necessary step toward healing. Unfortunately, only ten days after I lost my oldest friend (Gabby), I lost my second-oldest friend who was a human, so I was really twisting in the wind. I was lucky my mother was there. She considered Gabby to be her grandbird and loved him almost as much as I did.

Gabby did die in the vet's office, but by the time he was hospitalized, he was so sick he couldn't even tell me goodbye when I left him. He was in pain and needed proper care. Dr. Brian Speer is an amazing veterinarian. He knows how to handle reluctant birds in such a way that they suffer almost zero stress when he examines them. I saw him do this with Gabby and I was amazed. Dr. Speer gives four-hour-long seminars on how to examine a bird with very little stress. These seminars are offered to avian vets, but after seeing what he did, I'd very much like to know how to do it, too. Also, Dr. Speer told me he'd put Gabby on painkillers and a somewhat new drug that keeps birds from feeling stress. Maybe it's something like weed for birds. I can't remember what it's called. Between Dr. Speer's bird whisperer skills and the medications Gabby needed, I felt much better about leaving him in the hospital.

Even though I felt I'd done the right thing by hospitalizing Gabby, I felt horrible I wasn't there for him when he passed away. Then my hairdresser happened to say, "Maybe he didn't want to die with you there. Maybe he wanted to spare you that." On the face of it, that seems absurd, but Gabby was an intelligent creature. I believe he knew that we were trying to help him. We always apologized after making him take his medications. After being with me for thirty years, surely he knew I wouldn't simply leave him at the vet's office forever. Maybe he was smart enough to know that I was feeling everything he felt. Maybe he really was smart enough to let go when I wouldn't be there to see it. I don't know. Maybe he was so far gone, he didn't even know what was happening around him. I felt I made the right decisions regarding Gabby's care, but there are still times when I wish I could have been there to comfort him when he passed.

If the Rickeybird has an extended illness, you might have to be prepared to make various decisions. Because I didn't know Gabby was terminal, I medicated him, had him hydrated and finally hospitalized. If I'd known for sure, maybe I would have asked what could be done to alleviate the pain. Or maybe I would have had him euthanized. You'll have to be ready to make these decisions as they come up. The Rickeybird could end up with a simple infection and live another several years. In that case, it would be wise to treat it. I had no way of knowing Gabby was terminal.

As for getting another bird, that's an individual choice. No bird could ever replace the Rickeybird. No bird could ever replace Gabby. Before Gabby died, I thought I'd never have another bird. Even afterward, I told myself, "Stop kidding yourself. You'll never have another bird." And then Kizzy fast-tracked her way into my life. There is no right or wrong. At first I didn't expect to get another bird at all. Then I decided I should wait awhile. The next thing I knew an old breeder friend just happened to have a single baby of the species I wanted. Enter the Kizzy-Bird the kismet specialty of May, 2017.

If you do lose the Rb, the most important thing is to heal. And no, I won't suggest you get another bird. No one suggested it to me. It just kind of happened.