Bird chose my husband - yes this is a problem...

[eagle18]

The only thing I can suggest is to give this parrot a special treat, (and only you) that he/she just loves. That way the bird see's you as a person of value.

And your husband definitely needs to stop pampering the bird. That is not fair to you or the bird. I put in earplugs when my U2 would start screaming like a banshee. I think the unwanted behavior can be reversed.

 

[Iridal]

Ellen - I can sympathize with your friend, and many here seem to be sympathizing with what they presume to be my point of view. Yeah I'm sad the bird didn't choose me, but the more pressing issue is that my husband is unhappy it chose him. For me its loss, for him it is unwanted attention, harassment, and I'm trying to mediate this situation. It seems that your friends came to terms, and that's wonderful. I'm happy they did. I'm hoping we can as well. That's the root here. I did say if it doesn't get better we'd have to re-home the bird, but that's a pretty dire state to get to if technically on the table, and I was pretty stressed out in that moment with flooding in my house.

eagle18 - We are of one mind on that second bit. I get on him about giving in to the bird all the time. He's harder to train than any of the animals were.

 

[Iridal]

try playing more with the bird I guess instead of obedience....get a ball and play soccer on the floor, I dunno whatever his/her interests. It might also be something like his smell or clothes....put on one of his shirts and his aftershave or shampoo or whatever...might be a smell thing. Worth a shot.

Oh missed that second part, sorry. Yeah again, that's the baffling thing. I was the only one that really played with him. My husband used to think it was kinda cute because Mango would shake all the toys at me. Then one day he just gave me the cold shoulder. When I say he's more obedient with me I was trying to say he's not attacking me like other cases of "one person bird" I read about, which is a good thing, if it got to that this would be more difficult. Also saying I spent time establishing boundaries, and nobody else really does. He'll step up, he doesn't scream for me because I reinforced other sounds, etc. So it could very much be a case of "this parent lets me get away with anything and always responds when I scream so I'll put my effort there".

Frustrating as hell, but the little bastard is still kinda cute so he hasn't been evicted. :54:

 

[Gxg]

Gxg - I have written and deleted two responses because yes, you came off as insensitive, and I am irritated and don't want to speak out of turn. So I will leave it at this - I did the research. I love animals. This is not my first bird. I came here for help and support, not judgement.

Iridal, I understand. I would still caution you against assuming folks are judging when they are speaking about the life of a creature and saying exactly what was said to them.

I am aware of where you said you did research, noting in your first thread you were surprised at how loud you found a sun conure to be and were not expecting it to be THAT loud ( when that is standard for conures in their training - having several myself, seeing the videos of others highly loud and others noting it to be quite common with high levels with sun conures parrots - one of the birds I used to have). That's why I asked exactly what you researched if you seemed shocked or at your wits end with the noise level.

Part of support is remembering to encourage others in remembering what the process can and does look like for having a conures parrot. You're still dealing with a life and it takes sustained investment - and others have cautioned specifically about the situation your bird is in. The other option with giving a bird up is a big one since adoption trauma is not a small issue - it is what it is about that and there's a reason folks warn against it even to folks saying they researched. This has been noted by many on the forum for years when it comes to remembering that we're dealing first/foremost with a WILD creature at heart - nosy and with a soul that takes lots of patience. Plenty of bird owners here have said that to folks who got another bird and forgot to remember the value of their investment because of battling being cranky (and I worked several jobs/projects taking care of two birds and more animals while being reminded by others to not lose it - irritation was moot when it was sound wisdom to step back/see in moments my creatures seemed to act out a lot).

Because others DID do it getting rid of an animal (whether first or second or third bird). And they DID regret it later on when it set in - wishing they did not get cranky or upset in the earlier moments. And they DID come back on the forum later after seeing stories of what happened for others having the same and warning "Don't do it - ride it out" (reality check) - so folks doing so here do that for support. The bird is still a life - just saying. That's why folks speak in support of the bird for what it may be feeling with the behavior that could lead to misunderstanding its actions and getting upset at it acting out. Sometimes they go through that phase because birds do also battle HEART-BREAK.

One of the other things that helps is taking the bird in a bird carrier and taking it for walks outside - that helps with the bonding process so the bird (if ignored at home) still sees sustained connection and a different environment - but that wildness will always be there.

Captive parrots are still "wild" animals.

"In a cage, or soaring above the canopy, parrots are still considered wild," croons the documentary's narrator. Only a few generations removed (or less) from the freedom of their natural rainforest habitats, unlike dogs and cats, they haven't been domesticated (a process that takes hundreds of years).

For this reason, no matter how excited they were to purchase a parrot in the beginning, many people are unable to endure the constant squawking without gun range-quality ear protection (like one owner), and are finding it impossible to keep them in their homes for more than a few years, tops. Says Jamie, who used to breed parrots, but now devotes her efforts entirely to re-homing abandoned birds, "Many people come in and say, 'I want a bird that talks, is quiet, and doesn't bite.' And I say to them, 'I'm sorry, but that species has not been discovered yet.'"

Considering that parrots in the wild can fly up to 50 miles in a day, keeping them alive yet cooped up in a tiny cage can also seem akin to torture. Couple their evolution for flight with their intelligence, and bored, otherwise healthy birds can often start physically suffering from a clipped-wing, sedentary life in captivity... ultimately succumbing to a chain reaction of health issues starting with increased stress and leading to feather plucking and even heart disease.

Marc Johnson, who runs Foster Parrots (a sanctuary situated on an old chicken farm in Rhode Island that gets over 1,000-plus calls a year from owners seeking to surrender their birds) says poignantly regarding the "right" size cage for a Macaw: "There is no 'right' size. 35 square miles is the size. It's the sky." Jane Goodall, who has endorsed Foster Parrots, has stated, "For me, the sight of a parrot living alone, living in a cage, deprived of flight, miserably bored, breaks my heart. And the parrot's too, perhaps."

 

[Gxg]

Not to sound insensitive - but may I ask WHY you decided to get a Conure Parrot? I have 2 (brother/sister from the same clutch) and one of them didn't connect with me as much when I got them - but now that same one (the girl) ALWAYS flies to me and sits on my shoulder when I come home. Sometimes it's bothersome but I have adapted to it since I knew that going into buying a parrot, I was not simply getting a dog - I was getting an intelligent creature with the mind of a toddler - and kids aren't to be controlled as if they are robots.

The same comes with the responsibility of having a bird - you don't always know what to expect just like kids. And birds are among the most highly disregarded group (constantly given away because folks didn't fully research what they were getting into) - so again, I am curious how much research was done before you got that creature. I know trust doesn't happen automatically and sometimes they attach to whom they attach - and if you're not careful, you do damage being upset it doesn't attach to you as you'd like it too like it's a toy.

Buying a conure's parrot is like adopting kids - kids who bring issues with them.

That doesn't mean she has to accept or live with that behavior.

No one said anyone had to accept the behavior - the point is that you're dealing with children adopted who do not know better...need patience...and things can/will change. I was frustrated one of my birds kept flying around once and not attaching to me - and I am glad for others here kindly noting that like children, boundaries are needed and that I needed to remember the cost of taking care of a precious animal with that much energy/need for expression and not freak out. Things do pan out.

But the cost of throwing a bird away for not adjusting quickly has to always be kept in mind - regardless of emotion. That's the facts with adopting a bird and remembering that price, no matter how cranky, since we are taking care of precious lives. The number of threads noting the same things are even more extreme behavior from other bird owners are always a good reminder because it may be irritating and we can have thoughts of just giving away a bird that didn't connect or act right - but that can miss critical opportunities that come when remembering the benefit of riding it out. Being calm, knowing it'll be all good - and remembering that intelligent birds test limits because they do want to see how much concern is really for them. That's a GOOD thing seeing the circumstances

• What Does a Parrot Know About PTSD? - The New York Times

 

[Gxg]

Yeah I have to be honest with you guys, if this doesn't right itself, this bird may have to go somewhere else eventually.

Luckily, you won't have to resort to that. All you need to do is put in the work that comes with taking a parrot home. People here do it every day. You can too.

Exactly. That has helped a lot of folks out when knowing things do pay off - and in time, even with owners that don't like a bird (like one spouse or sibling) that attaches to them, things can change and remembering our reasons for buying them help.

I didn't get birds for myself and was heart-broken my birds got rejected by the family members I got them for - and they attached to me a lot even though they wanted to attach to others/always flew to them. I stayed present with mine as did other owners with theirs and it helped them to cope with constant rejection - and acting out. The continual care/attention given to them showed them who was really concerned for them, even though it hurts that two precious lives are not valued by the whole family.

 

[crazyforfeathers]

Someone said you don't have to put up or live with that behavior...such horrible advice. It's selfish.

Not only do you have to put up with it and live with it. It's your responsibility to work with it and to adjust and correct it, if not completely then to an acceptable level.

This is the responsibility you and your husband has in bringing a parrot home. If you have done your reasearch then I'm sure all of this sounds familiar. I say this now, your bird will not only give you cold shoulder once he reaches maturity and the hormones kick in. He may scream more and start biting. Start reading up on proper training techniques to handle these situations.

Most of all, please show him patience and kindness throughout all this. They truly understand these concepts more than people think.

 

[chris-md]

Re: Bird chose my husband - yes this is a problem...h

Someone said you don't have to put up or live with that behavior...such horrible advice. It's selfish.

Not only do you have to put up with it and live with it. It's your responsibility to work with it and to adjust and correct it, if not completely then to an acceptable level.

Perhaps inartfully put, but not wrong.

Conures are very well know for developing affections for one person to the exclusion of all others. It’s rooted in sexual behavior and is perfectly natural for them. It’s not a bad behavior they have learned, like biting or screaming.

Truth is you may not be able to do anything. Standard training techniques may or may not abate this a bit, but there’s no guarantee. What it usually takes to flip allegiances is complete disappearance of the person of affection. Think rehoming to give you a visual.

That’s not to say affections can’t flip on a dime randomly one day. It’s possible and happens occasionally with no rhyme or reason. The bird may wake up and decide YOURE the new favorite. No guarantees, but it’s possible.

Socialization is your key here. You’re catching it early so give the bird new experiences all the time. New places and people. Socialization is how you can attempt to overcome one person birdness.

But again, no guarantee. You’ll hear about people soending years training this issue. Some will have success, most may have modest to no gains. Your take home here is that you’re dealing with a natural behavior here, not a learned behavior. Natural behaviors often can’t be overcome ad you have to work around them.

Hormones being a great example.

 

[Iridal]

Gxg - Again typed up some comments and deleted them. I'm sorry if I offended you and if I'm just not a good enough "parront" for you. Your help is appreciated, I wish you nothing but blessings and light in your life.

 

[April]

I have been following this thread and wanting to give you an idea ,I know I am not important on here but my sister and I won over a cockatoo by being super fun let me explain . Lopez is and will always be my mothers bird but all birds need to know what your doing if it’s fun so for a very long time we would play games and laugh and make a huge deal of something out of Lopez s view she could not see what we where doing this is important and we did this for weeks come home for school say hey Lopez and go have this extreme amount of fun . Finally the curiosity take over and one day she came over no treats it is like buying something it is a fleeting satisfaction but fun lasts longer . In the end we had won Lopez over with the game mouse trap and she had looked to us when we got home from school everyday , I believe it was really to prove to our mother that we to could win over her beloved!!! Take it or leave it but once rehoming was mentioned I felt why not good luck and they can feel you , so be the one that is attractive emotionally, your husband might need to know what all the fun is about too !

 

[AkridChaos]

Haha I have this same problem with my cousin right now. My cousin is not a bird person, nor does he interact with Warbeak in the slightest. Yet for some reason, whenever she hears his car beep, or hears him come down the stairs, she goes absolutely nuts, gives him all sorts of locating screams and whistles, and when he’s in sight, instantly flies to him...over and over, no matter how many times he moves her away. In my case, it is also an issue, as stated that my cousin is not a bird person. He doesn’t hate Warbeak but at the same time doesn’t want to be bothered by her. I do all the hard work for her, but then I go completely ignored the moment she knows he’s around. And I admit, it does sting. As mean as it sounds I actually hope my cousin’s indifference to Warbeak will pay off and she’ll come crawling back to me LOL

I guess I’m just trying to say I know how it feels to get dropped like a hot potato by your fid. There are a lot of good responses here that may be worth a try. Meanwhile, I think in my case it’s something I just have to wait out, as Warbeak really doesn’t di much in terms of playing. She’s an odd one. I could give special treats a try thoygh. But I can see her not caring about them if you-know-who is near. Grrr

 

[eagle18]

Someone said you don't have to put up or live with that behavior...such horrible advice. It's selfish.

Not only do you have to put up with it and live with it. It's your responsibility to work with it and to adjust and correct it, if not completely then to an acceptable level.

This is the responsibility you and your husband has in bringing a parrot home. If you have done your reasearch then I'm sure all of this sounds familiar. I say this now, your bird will not only give you cold shoulder once he reaches maturity and the hormones kick in. He may scream more and start biting. Start reading up on proper training techniques to handle these situations.

Most of all, please show him patience and kindness throughout all this. They truly understand these concepts more than people think.

I am the one who said that, but I think you already know that.

NO, she doesn't have to live with an animal whose behavior is disrupting to her family. If this was a dog that was loving her husband but growling at her, you would have no problem with her wanting to re-home the animal.

This is still a very young bird and I doubt it will have a nervous breakdown if he/she goes to another home.

You need to stop being selfish, not to mention self-righteous, and start thinking about the feelings of the people involved. And STOP trying to guilt the person into keeping the bird.

 

[GaleriaGila]

Some very passionate beliefs are being expressed... some quite dramatically opposite. I trust that all expressions are posted with an "in my opinion" proviso. There's room for strong expressions. Let's make sure we keep it respectful. Thanks, members.

 

[crazyforfeathers]

I am the one who said that, but I think you already know that.

NO, she doesn't have to live with an animal whose behavior is disrupting to her family. If this was a dog that was loving her husband but growling at her, you would have no problem with her wanting to re-home the animal.

This is still a very young bird and I doubt it will have a nervous breakdown if he/she goes to another home.

You need to stop being selfish, not to mention self-righteous, and start thinking about the feelings of the people involved. And STOP trying to guilt the person into keeping the bird.

You are incorrect. I WOULD have a problem even it was a dog she was trying to re-home. What would stop her from training the hypothetical dog in order to correct the behavior? I stand by what I said, it is her and her husband's responsibility to work with the animal they decided to take home. 'Work' means a lot of things: training, adjustment to their lifestyle, constantly educating themselves on what the animal needs, etc.

People like them, and yourself, should not be so quick to discard a pet or companion just because it's not working out. Try to work on it first, try many times. Let it be the absolute last option. If you feel guilty about it, so be it. I care more about the thousands of animals who are given up and are wasting away in animal shelters because their previous owners / care takers took the easy way out too soon.

PS. Obviously I hit a sore spot in you so rather than continue to fan the fire, I will leave the thread. I've made my point and hopefully it is heard, if not by OP, then by someone else who comes along in the future.

 

[Iridal]

Ok you guys need to calm down. If I was rehoming any animal that quickly what are the actual chances of me being on this forum asking questions in the first place? People who want to fix problems usually aren't out here looking for advice and support, they're on craigslist trying to list their pet.

As for the dog issue, yeah if a dog was growling and showing real aggression after months of trying, the dog would go somewhere else, and you know what? That's actually better for the dog too. Why should the dog be miserable in a house with somebody they obviously don't like? After months of trying? Sometimes an animal just doesn't like you, its life. Dogs don't thrive well in a house of negativity with somebody they deem to be an enemy, and unlike most birds, that could be a deadly reaction. If my dog snapped at a child of mine and it was a growing pattern of greater aggression (not just a kid doing something dumb), you bet your bottom I would be rehoming that dog in a home without children - because the dog, in the long run, would be less stressed out and happier that way, and nobody wants a child mauled by a pet.

I did rehome one pet, the only one in my entire life - a ferret, who HATED the ferret we already had even after months of gentle integration. I'm talking blood drawn, fear elimination, screaming. I ensured he went to another loving, ferret-savvy home and he's thriving with another business now. In our house having the two ferrets who hated each other just reduced the amount of attention and out of cage time we could provide them and it wasn't fair to either. I don't feel bad, I did my best. I kept him for months trying and then took great care picking his follow on home.

And yes, I'd pick my marriage and home life over a pet that turned out to not be well suited to us. Hell when Mango was screaming to the point I thought I was losing my hearing my friends tried to convince me to rehome him, but I didn't. I wanted to keep trying. And on this instance I came here, stressed out, feeling crappy because my husband was getting increasingly frustrated, venting a bit but overall looking for help. So obviously, I wanted to fix it. I appreciate those of you that were helpful, but for the sancti-parronts out there, try learning some human empathy on top of your pet empathy and try to recognize when somebody might just be freaking out a bit. Your advice will go much further without the side of judge-y guilt.

For those of you still reading, Mango is still here, and he's happy. I didn't kick him out over the screaming and he's still here even through his asshole phase. Underneath it all I do love the little dude, but man does he try my patience sometimes. Still, he's been out ALL DAY hanging out with us so geez guess I'm not a horrible harpy after all.

 

[GaleriaGila]

I'm still reading. And hoping that, as Shakespeare said...

'All's well that ends well.'

 

[TiredOldMan]

I'm still reading. And hoping that, as Shakespeare said...

'All's well that ends well.'

No truer words Ms. Gail.

IMHO We need to show respect to one another and common courtesies. At least the people who come here looking for advice admit they need help.

They tell how they may have messed up. They look for advice on how to fix what they may or may not have created. I think that alone shows they care and are brave.

It's the ones that won't ask for help that PO me.

It's just my opinion. Take it for what it's worth. My opinion and 10 dollars might get you a coffee at Starbucks.