Baby shower dilemma, off-topic

[Kiwibird]

So, while not related to birds in any way, I figure the "off-topic" section would be the place to post this dilemma lol. Hopefully, some of you more ettiquette inclined folks may have a good solution-

So, one of my good friends mom and sister are hosting her a surprise baby shower for her first child. She knows she's getting a shower, just not when/where type thing, to keep it a bit of a surprise for her not my way of doing things (how can it be a surprise if you know its coming), but im not hosting. She told me months ago it would be some time in January and she really wanted me to come. I told her my January calander was free, except on my moms birthday, so she knows the exact date i wont be able to attend. I got the invite today, and it turns out the shower is on my moms birthday. This friend lives 3 hours away, and I would probably have stayed overnight. I can't abandon my mom on her birthday, and I'm going to have to RSVP that I can't attend. I feel really bad about it, and am not really sure what to do from here. I don't want to outright tell her I'm not coming, because it would ruin her surprise of when. I'm wondering what I can do to arrange a different weekend to go down and maybe take her to dinner or something without ruining the surprise date or just not showing up when I told her I was 99.9% sure I could :-\ Advice?

 

[ruffledfeathers]

Is it possible you could RSVP that you are bringing your mom with you and make it a little getaway for the 2 of you, take your mom out and do fun things with her AND attend the baby shower??
otherwise i would wait until the shower day and even shoot a text when you know it is happening like SURPRISE! and how you wish you could be there and want to schedule some time with her. a first baby is that 'once in a lifetime' feeling and i wouldn't want to take away any of the surprise factor of 'her' thing.

 

[Kiwibird]

The thought of my mom at a baby shower is, well, frightening lol. The whole reason I take her on a day trip every year for her birthday is my cousins son was born the same day. It's a way for her to avoid a child themed situation on her day without offending the family. I'm was unplanned 17 years after her and my dad for married. She raised me, and I think that was enough ponies and party hats for her entire life lol. My mom just isn't enamored with kids nor a social person, so a baby shower would be every bit as bad for her as a party at chucky cheese. I do like your idea of calling my friend the day of (I do have the time of the shower, so I can call in the evening after it's over) and setting up a special day to take her out and do something fun before she has a kid.

 

[ruffledfeathers]

Ha, the irony....your mom is 'not a kid person' but her big happy birthday is happiest celebrated with her kid. but i get what you mean completely.

 

[Kiwibird]

Terrible isn't it lol? I guess there is something to that whole "maternal bond" thing, because I'm still here today (though no longer a kid) I see my mom roll her eyes a little everytime people are cooing over a baby or little kid. I'm a bit of the same way, but unlike my parents, my husband does want kids, so I suppose I'll have kids of my own someday. It'll be interesting to see what happens when my mom is being called "grandma" and has no choice but to think their cute and love them by a rambunctious little lot hehe....

 

[wenz2712]

I am pretty sure your Friend will understand that it is your Mums Birthday!

Maybe, like you have said, try and go down the next Weekend and take her out to Dinner.