Advice? the next step...

[Freespin]

We have no proper bird rescues around unfortunately. There is one who sells their birds but they are mainly budgies and tiels (neither of which i have ever been very drawn too) and anything else they sell for ridiculous prices anyway.

I have emailed the lady i got Nelson from explaining how i feel and asking to go and meet the birds. I would love another Eckie one day but due to the money issues etc it wont be for a while yet.

Thanks for everyone's replies. I had a bad day yesterday and the tears all came back. Probably doesn't help that one of the guys i work with found out all that's happened and found it very funny. I guess he just has no idea how much these birds meant to me.

I feel like i need a bird in my life yet i just cant find myself saying "yes i'll take the bird, any bird!!". Tried talking to my partner about it and he didn't seem to care much about it and brushed it off. Im so glad everyone here is so supportive and helpful. I cant thank you all enough.

 

[goalerjones]

I will say this to you and hope you understand. A rebound relationship isn't likely to stand the test of time. And as deeply as your emotions run for your birds, it doesn't make sense to just grab the next one that comes along.

Unless you purchase a stuffed animal the next bird will last a long time. It's also not fair to put the bird in that spot. Using him to fill an emotional void will ultimately backfire. Potentially leaving you both disillusioned. Chances are your next bird will be very different than your last one. If all you're doing is filling a hole in your heart then why don't you let it heal first, THEN look again at owner/stewardship.

Being led around by your emotions is a terribly unstable way to live a life.

 

[RavensGryf]

I have to disagree Not everyone can relate to "the rebound relationship". If I were in her shoes, and IF I found a bird that really felt right to me, I'd get it right away, and to me it would actually be therapeutic in helping me heal as I said earlier in the thread. I'd grow to know the new bird and delight in it's own unique and individual sweetness, and not think of it as just filling a hole in the heart that was left by the last bird. That's not how my brain and emotions work personally, but I can respect that were all wired a little differently.

I don't think she is looking to "replace" Nelson, and I know she is aware that every bird comes with an individual personality, and is not jumping at the chance to get just any bird who comes along unless they're the right one.

I do get your point though goalerjones, but not everyone can relate to that. We all think so differently

 

[Freespin]

Im not trying to replace any of my birds, as i have said i still believe Barry will come home one day, it may be tomorrow or it may be next month but i am still hopefull.

I have said in my original post that i dont think its fair to get another bird just for the sake of it which is why i have organised to go and the meet the birds to see if it feels right otherwise i would have just said "yep send em my way" and had a bird in the cage already. An animal isnt like a human relationship that i can just dump and we both go our separate ways. I am fully aware of the responsibilities surrounding owning birds and i have had animals my whole life.


Anyway. Jan emailed me back and has been really lovely. She said she also has a couple of other birds i could meet too and has some friends with birds i could go and meet to explore a few other species options which i think is a great idea. One is an African Grey and that is something that my partner has been thinking about getting so if we like they Grey it could be a good option. We live on the same property so it could be another bird i could spend time with but not own if i dont feel ready to get one myself after meeting all of the birds. There is also a bird sale tomorrow so i think i will try to get there (for a look not to buy).

Im still not 100% what i want to do but i figure going and exploring my options, meeting some birds etc wont do any harm and it might help me figure out the right thing to do for me.

Gee Barry is sooooo inconsiderate. This would be so much easier if he was still here!!

 

[Anansi]

I think you're doing exactly the right thing going to meet those birds and explore your options. Like RavensGryf said, (just realized this is about the third time I'm starting a sentence that way in about as many days! Stop making so many good points, Raven! You're making me sound repetitive! ) everyone is wired differently. And I know you well enough to know the great love that you have for animals, Sophia. You wouldn't just pick one up as a "filler" for Nelson or Barry.

You would go with your heart. And given the great capacity for love in that heart, I don't see that as a bad thing.

So go. Meet as many birds as you can. And listen to whatever that big heart of yours tells you.

 

[strudel]

There are a lot of factors that go into relationships, with both people and pets...

My "crazy" dog causes me a fair bit of grief compared to my princess and the other dog I had before I got him. I don't care, I still love him anyway. They told me to send him back to the orphanage or kill him, but that's not gonna happen....

If you don't make comparisons, everybody is acceptable. Objectively, you can like some pets better than others, but it doesn't have to lead to rejection.

I can tell you're not just rushing out to get somebody. You'll know when you meet the right one for you.

 

[RavensGryf]

I think you're doing exactly the right thing going to meet those birds and explore your options. Like RavensGryf said, (just realized this is about the third time I'm starting a sentence that way in about as many days! Stop making so many good points, Raven! You're making me sound repetitive! ) everyone is wired differently. And I know you well enough to know the great love that you have for animals, Sophia. You wouldn't just pick one up as a "filler" for Nelson or Barry.

You would go with your heart. And given the great capacity for love in that heart, I don't see that as a bad thing.

So go. Meet as many birds as you can. And listen to whatever that big heart of yours tells you.

Oh! Stephen, yes, do go on.... LOL Totally joking of course :04:
Thanks. What I write is from the heart.

 

[broxi3781]

I think I'd visit them and see if either seems right, but if you are not 100% certain that one is the right bird for you - wait. A free bird isn't a bargain if it isn't right bird. What you spend buying the bird is nothing compared to the time and effort. But I'd never heard of a Quaker before Hal, and he has ended up perfect - it just depends on if you feel the bird is right and if you feel ready. There is no right time - everyone is different. Some people can't bear to look at another pet for awhile, others find something to care for helps them cope with the grief. It doesn't take it away the grief, but I'd feel lost without a pet myself.