My baby conure died because of my ignorance

[harrythepineappleconure]

I lost my 11 month old baby Harry two days ago and the pain is unbearable. I keep wishing it was me that was taken, not my sweet innocent baby boy.
I keep blaming myself because I KNEW it was extremely risky sleeping with your bird.
I had stopped sleeping with him for a while and he would always sleep covered in his night time cage. But that night he would not settle, he kept crying and also discovered a way to escape from his cage…I gave in and took him to bed with me. He fell asleep on my chest but when I woke I felt him underneath my back and I can’t get the image of his sweet little lifeless face out of my head. He looked like he was sleeping at first but he never responded. My heart is broken. I just thought one night…one night with him wouldn’t hurt and I crushed him my poor baby. It kills me to think he suffered because of my stupidity.
Harry was my first pet bird. He was an absolutely beautiful little boy. He was a pineapple conure. I have never felt so much love and affection from an animal in my entire life. The bond we formed was inseparable. He helped me a lot with my depression and anxiety. I’m going to miss his excited chirps every time I’d come home, his kisses and cuddles…his dancing and singing. Rolling on his back and playing with his toy. His unconditional love for me and his cheeky antics. I never knew how much joy a little bird could bring. I will always love him - the time, care and love I put into my baby and now he’s gone I can’t believe what I’ve done. I haven’t stopped crying for two days.
I don’t know how I’m going to live with this guilt…he’s gone because of me

 

[WingDing]

So very sorry for your loss. Sending prayers for your peace in this difficult situation.

 

[Chrissiejingles]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Accidents happen and it is very hard to deal with that. It is clear that Harry had a beautiful life with you. My thoughts are with you

 

[LaManuka]

I lost my 11 month old baby Harry two days ago and the pain is unbearable. I keep wishing it was me that was taken, not my sweet innocent baby boy.
I keep blaming myself because I KNEW it was extremely risky sleeping with your bird.
I had stopped sleeping with him for a while and he would always sleep covered in his night time cage. But that night he would not settle, he kept crying and also discovered a way to escape from his cage…I gave in and took him to bed with me. He fell asleep on my chest but when I woke I felt him underneath my back and I can’t get the image of his sweet little lifeless face out of my head. He looked like he was sleeping at first but he never responded. My heart is broken. I just thought one night…one night with him wouldn’t hurt and I crushed him my poor baby. It kills me to think he suffered because of my stupidity.
Harry was my first pet bird. He was an absolutely beautiful little boy. He was a pineapple conure. I have never felt so much love and affection from an animal in my entire life. The bond we formed was inseparable. He helped me a lot with my depression and anxiety. I’m going to miss his excited chirps every time I’d come home, his kisses and cuddles…his dancing and singing. Rolling on his back and playing with his toy. His unconditional love for me and his cheeky antics. I never knew how much joy a little bird could bring. I will always love him - the time, care and love I put into my baby and now he’s gone I can’t believe what I’ve done. I haven’t stopped crying for two days.
I don’t know how I’m going to live with this guilt…he’s gone because of me

Welcome to the forums, but oh my, I'm so very sorry for the circumstances that brought you here.

Losing a precious baby like Harry in this manner is doubly devastating and I can only imagine how much you are hurting right now. Thank you though for being so courageous in posting honestly about how this happened - in doing so you might just help to save someone else from suffering the same kind of heartbreak. I hope that perhaps you can take some comfort in that. Many of us here have lost beloved feathered babies in not dissimilar ways and we understand how deeply it hurts. Please accept my sincere condolences for your tragic loss, my heart is very much with you.

Godspeed to the Rainbow Bridge, baby Harry, until we all meet again

​

 

[foxgloveparrot]

Please don't hate yourself for it. You made a mistake, and you learned from it. Everything will get better soon, I promise. Just try to remember him in a more positive light.
Fly free, beautiful Harry, over the Rainbow Bridge

 

[Flboy]

I am so sorry for your loss!

 

[Scott]

My deepest, heartfelt condolences for the passing of Harry. Tragic accidents so difficult to accept and process, please know your closeness was manifestation of unconditional love. May you be comforted by Harry's beautiful memories.

 

[ριgριzυ]

My deepest love goes out to you and harry, I am so sorry for your lost! If you wanna talk priv we can!

 

[araz]

I lost my 11 month old baby Harry two days ago and the pain is unbearable. I keep wishing it was me that was taken, not my sweet innocent baby boy.
I keep blaming myself because I KNEW it was extremely risky sleeping with your bird.
I had stopped sleeping with him for a while and he would always sleep covered in his night time cage. But that night he would not settle, he kept crying and also discovered a way to escape from his cage…I gave in and took him to bed with me. He fell asleep on my chest but when I woke I felt him underneath my back and I can’t get the image of his sweet little lifeless face out of my head. He looked like he was sleeping at first but he never responded. My heart is broken. I just thought one night…one night with him wouldn’t hurt and I crushed him my poor baby. It kills me to think he suffered because of my stupidity.
Harry was my first pet bird. He was an absolutely beautiful little boy. He was a pineapple conure. I have never felt so much love and affection from an animal in my entire life. The bond we formed was inseparable. He helped me a lot with my depression and anxiety. I’m going to miss his excited chirps every time I’d come home, his kisses and cuddles…his dancing and singing. Rolling on his back and playing with his toy. His unconditional love for me and his cheeky antics. I never knew how much joy a little bird could bring. I will always love him - the time, care and love I put into my baby and now he’s gone I can’t believe what I’ve done. I haven’t stopped crying for two days.
I don’t know how I’m going to live with this guilt…he’s gone because of me

So saaaad . RIP

 

[Farnoosh]

I lost my 11 month old baby Harry two days ago and the pain is unbearable. I keep wishing it was me that was taken, not my sweet innocent baby boy.
I keep blaming myself because I KNEW it was extremely risky sleeping with your bird.
I had stopped sleeping with him for a while and he would always sleep covered in his night time cage. But that night he would not settle, he kept crying and also discovered a way to escape from his cage…I gave in and took him to bed with me. He fell asleep on my chest but when I woke I felt him underneath my back and I can’t get the image of his sweet little lifeless face out of my head. He looked like he was sleeping at first but he never responded. My heart is broken. I just thought one night…one night with him wouldn’t hurt and I crushed him my poor baby. It kills me to think he suffered because of my stupidity.
Harry was my first pet bird. He was an absolutely beautiful little boy. He was a pineapple conure. I have never felt so much love and affection from an animal in my entire life. The bond we formed was inseparable. He helped me a lot with my depression and anxiety. I’m going to miss his excited chirps every time I’d come home, his kisses and cuddles…his dancing and singing. Rolling on his back and playing with his toy. His unconditional love for me and his cheeky antics. I never knew how much joy a little bird could bring. I will always love him - the time, care and love I put into my baby and now he’s gone I can’t believe what I’ve done. I haven’t stopped crying for two days.
I don’t know how I’m going to live with this guilt…he’s gone because of me

I am so sorry for your immense loss and pain. I had a pineapple green cheek also who passed recently and we were very bonded. I can understand your pain completely. Warm hugs and healing thoughts your way

 

[SweetiePie and Kelly-Bird]

I am so sorry for your immense loss and pain. I had a pineapple green cheek also who passed recently and we were very bonded. I can understand your pain completely. Warm hugs and healing thoughts your way

Me too I’m not sure I can say anything different. I’m sorry about your baby. You’ll never forget your first of a lot of things. Don’t let those memories fade! Write down what you’re thinking and loved about him. When you’re lonesome, sit and read, alter, and add to it. Keep that in an easy to reach place. ALSO, please come over here to the forum, when you’re feeling down, and we’ll lift you up. As they just have recently.

 

[kayjay61]

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Harry. Perhaps you can gather a few of your favorite photos of Harry and write a journal entry that highlights all of your positive, sweet, and fun memories that you shared. I believe our pets, who enter our lives for an indeterminate amount of time, would want us to hold on to the very best of the time we were given to share.

I firmly believe that we will be reunited with not only our loved ones, but all of our dear pets who have graced our life with their unconditional love. I am sure your Harry is being well cared for and will greet you on the Rainbow Bridg.

I also believe that when you are ready, your Harry would want you to open your heart and loving home to another feathered friend, or whichever pet speaks to your heart. Only you will know the correct time. Each of us are here offering you our deepest condolence.

 

[Chrissiejingles]

Hi. It actually made me cry when I read your post because I know that absolute pain of losing a bird and also losing him to an accident. It's coming up to 2 years since I lost my Amazon. I had him for 18 years, 10 of those years he was my friend and my happiness during a difficult time in my life. The guilt and grief was and still is sometimes unbearable.
Your Harry would have passed quickly, knowing that you loved him so very much. Some parrots have a long life without knowing any love at all.
I am so grateful to the lovely people on this forum who helped me, and who I know still would. Also, I still write memories down on my phone and then every few months I type them up and print them, so now I have pages and pages of memories of my beautiful little man that I will treasure forever. I also read 'grief' books and poems...these also helped me cope.
Please keep posting on here when you feel down. Thinking of you. Chrissie.
I will attach a couple of my favourite poems for you today.

 

[Chrissiejingles]

I have attached some poems ...hopefully you will get some comfort from them x

 

[Farnoosh]

Hi. It actually made me cry when I read your post because I know that absolute pain of losing a bird and also losing him to an accident. It's coming up to 2 years since I lost my Amazon. I had him for 18 years, 10 of those years he was my friend and my happiness during a difficult time in my life. The guilt and grief was and still is sometimes unbearable.
Your Harry would have passed quickly, knowing that you loved him so very much. Some parrots have a long life without knowing any love at all.
I am so grateful to the lovely people on this forum who helped me, and who I know still would. Also, I still write memories down on my phone and then every few months I type them up and print them, so now I have pages and pages of memories of my beautiful little man that I will treasure forever. I also read 'grief' books and poems...these also helped me cope.
Please keep posting on here when you feel down. Thinking of you. Chrissie.
I will attach a couple of my favourite poems for you today.

So sad also to hear about your loss. And I understand the feeling, also being on this forum has helped me a lot as well. I would love to know what books you have read on grief – I haven't found any. Thank you.

 

[Koko_the_fluf]

I'm sorry for your loss..... Rest in peace little baby......

 

[Chrissiejingles]

" I would love to know what books you have read on grief – I haven't found any. "
In response to request ...I read many 'grief' books after I lost my Amazon. I have found that whether it be a person you love who has died or a beloved pet, grief is grief....the price we pay for loving someone dearly. Hence only one of the books is a pet loss book.
I personally found that all the books below helped me cope a bit better at the time.
Finding Meaning- The Sixth Stage of Grief - David Kessler
The Body Keeps the Score - Bessel Van Der Kolk
Only Gone From Your Sight - Kate McGahan
It's OK That Your Not OK - Megan Divine
Overcoming Traumatic Stress - Claudia Herbert

These books helped me. I'm not saying they will help everyone but I hope they will bring comfort to someone with the loss of their beloved bird.
Harry's parront, please use this forum if you need someone to talk to

 

[Jess__sabrina]

I lost my 11 month old baby Harry two days ago and the pain is unbearable. I keep wishing it was me that was taken, not my sweet innocent baby boy.
I keep blaming myself because I KNEW it was extremely risky sleeping with your bird.
I had stopped sleeping with him for a while and he would always sleep covered in his night time cage. But that night he would not settle, he kept crying and also discovered a way to escape from his cage…I gave in and took him to bed with me. He fell asleep on my chest but when I woke I felt him underneath my back and I can’t get the image of his sweet little lifeless face out of my head. He looked like he was sleeping at first but he never responded. My heart is broken. I just thought one night…one night with him wouldn’t hurt and I crushed him my poor baby. It kills me to think he suffered because of my stupidity.
Harry was my first pet bird. He was an absolutely beautiful little boy. He was a pineapple conure. I have never felt so much love and affection from an animal in my entire life. The bond we formed was inseparable. He helped me a lot with my depression and anxiety. I’m going to miss his excited chirps every time I’d come home, his kisses and cuddles…his dancing and singing. Rolling on his back and playing with his toy. His unconditional love for me and his cheeky antics. I never knew how much joy a little bird could bring. I will always love him - the time, care and love I put into my baby and now he’s gone I can’t believe what I’ve done. I haven’t stopped crying for two days.
I don’t know how I’m going to live with this guilt…he’s gone because of me

I'm so sorry for your loss Thanks for sharing and I hope you'll be ok someday. I'm facing the same pain as yours. Two days ago I lost my baby Pritt for exactly the same reason as yours, you slept with me. The pain is suffocating, is surreal. I can't live with this guilt, I'm hopeless... My baby was so sweet, so affectionate.
I can't imagine the pain he felt, I hope it was brief.

 

[caring]

I lost my 11 month old baby Harry two days ago and the pain is unbearable. I keep wishing it was me that was taken, not my sweet innocent baby boy.
I keep blaming myself because I KNEW it was extremely risky sleeping with your bird.
I had stopped sleeping with him for a while and he would always sleep covered in his night time cage. But that night he would not settle, he kept crying and also discovered a way to escape from his cage…I gave in and took him to bed with me. He fell asleep on my chest but when I woke I felt him underneath my back and I can’t get the image of his sweet little lifeless face out of my head. He looked like he was sleeping at first but he never responded. My heart is broken. I just thought one night…one night with him wouldn’t hurt and I crushed him my poor baby. It kills me to think he suffered because of my stupidity.
Harry was my first pet bird. He was an absolutely beautiful little boy. He was a pineapple conure. I have never felt so much love and affection from an animal in my entire life. The bond we formed was inseparable. He helped me a lot with my depression and anxiety. I’m going to miss his excited chirps every time I’d come home, his kisses and cuddles…his dancing and singing. Rolling on his back and playing with his toy. His unconditional love for me and his cheeky antics. I never knew how much joy a little bird could bring. I will always love him - the time, care and love I put into my baby and now he’s gone I can’t believe what I’ve done. I haven’t stopped crying for two days.
I don’t know how I’m going to live with this guilt…he’s gone because of me

So sorry for your loss. Please be kind with yourself. You loved him dearly... and he knew it and wanted to be near you.

 

[harrythepineappleconure]

Thank you everyone for your kind words & Chrissie for the poems. Apologies for not responding until now.
It’s been very very hard. Today was a bad day, I was hit with all these sudden emotions and I can’t stop crying. I miss Harry so much.
We recently got two new birds - a crimson belly conure called Alfie and a Pineapple Conure called Sweetie. They are adorable and extremely attached to each other but not to us humans! They are very different compared to Harry. Maybe it’s meant to be that way…I love them to bits but I don’t think I could go through the pain again of being so attached to a pet such as Harry. He was one of a kind. I may sound crazy but I believe he was in my life for a reason, he was so special.
i wish I could turn back time.