Birds vs marriage
[FONT="]1. [/FONT]Birds donāt fart and blame it on the dog when the dog wasnāt even in the room. They also donāt do it in the car and lock the windows, leaving behind a pustular stench that rivals the city dump and brings a whole new meaning to the term ārevoltā. I call this hobby āJCingā because thatās usually the first words out of my mouth when the aromatics waft passed my nasal cavity, causing bodily fluids to seep out every orifice of my head. Itās actually not your eyes watering or your body trying to ready itself for the act of vomiting. Itās your brain trying to rid itself of the toxic mass that just hostilely took over.
[FONT="]2. [/FONT]Bringing home another parrot isnāt immediately going to cost you $20K in legal fees and half of everything you own. You also won't have to find alternative sleeping arrangements. Now Iām not saying itās without repercussions. However those ramifications are usually less financially devastating than if you try this crap with a human. Most of the time they just wonāt talk to you for a few days. If it were that easy to get a human to shut up, Iād bring home a new one every week. Though, I will state that heavily depends on what area of the country you live in. I just happen to live in Utah for now, but I will point out that I was born in NSW, Australia.
[FONT="]3. [/FONT]Youāre allowed to lock your bird in a cage when heās pissing you off. Try that crap with a human and thereās likely going to be some legal implications following random acts of violence.
[FONT="]4. [/FONT]Their gifts are way cheaper and easier to obtain. Bring home a 2x4 for your bird and youāre the greatest person on the planet. Bring home a 2x4 for your husband and youāre an ass, as it usually means you want him to build or fix something.
[FONT="]5. [/FONT]Birds dig chick flicks. Iāve yet to see my bird wander into the room and change my Lifetime movie that Iād been watching for over an hour to some stupid sports broadcast and make me suffer through it. In fact, the likelihood that the bird will cuddle with me while I cry over the sad parts is MUCH higher.
[FONT="]6. [/FONT]Birds appreciate my time of the month. They have entire seasons. Enough said on this.
[FONT="]7. [/FONT]Birds understand that itās a pain in the butt to wash so many dishes. Theyāre happy to eat off the same plate and save me the effort.
[FONT="]8. [/FONT]You can actually teach a bird to be quiet.
[FONT="]9. [/FONT]Birds are easier to entertain and keep happy. They donāt go through some mid life crisis, spend all your savings on a Porsche and try to act half their age. A few random pieces of wood and plastic, a phone book to shred and the occasional walnut and life is awesome.
[FONT="]10. [/FONT]Birds donāt hog the bed and steal the blankets in the middle of the night, leaving you grasping the corner for dear life with icicles dripping out of your nose. They also donāt snoreā¦ at all.
[FONT="]1. [/FONT]Birds donāt fart and blame it on the dog when the dog wasnāt even in the room. They also donāt do it in the car and lock the windows, leaving behind a pustular stench that rivals the city dump and brings a whole new meaning to the term ārevoltā. I call this hobby āJCingā because thatās usually the first words out of my mouth when the aromatics waft passed my nasal cavity, causing bodily fluids to seep out every orifice of my head. Itās actually not your eyes watering or your body trying to ready itself for the act of vomiting. Itās your brain trying to rid itself of the toxic mass that just hostilely took over.
[FONT="]2. [/FONT]Bringing home another parrot isnāt immediately going to cost you $20K in legal fees and half of everything you own. You also won't have to find alternative sleeping arrangements. Now Iām not saying itās without repercussions. However those ramifications are usually less financially devastating than if you try this crap with a human. Most of the time they just wonāt talk to you for a few days. If it were that easy to get a human to shut up, Iād bring home a new one every week. Though, I will state that heavily depends on what area of the country you live in. I just happen to live in Utah for now, but I will point out that I was born in NSW, Australia.
[FONT="]3. [/FONT]Youāre allowed to lock your bird in a cage when heās pissing you off. Try that crap with a human and thereās likely going to be some legal implications following random acts of violence.
[FONT="]4. [/FONT]Their gifts are way cheaper and easier to obtain. Bring home a 2x4 for your bird and youāre the greatest person on the planet. Bring home a 2x4 for your husband and youāre an ass, as it usually means you want him to build or fix something.
[FONT="]5. [/FONT]Birds dig chick flicks. Iāve yet to see my bird wander into the room and change my Lifetime movie that Iād been watching for over an hour to some stupid sports broadcast and make me suffer through it. In fact, the likelihood that the bird will cuddle with me while I cry over the sad parts is MUCH higher.
[FONT="]6. [/FONT]Birds appreciate my time of the month. They have entire seasons. Enough said on this.
[FONT="]7. [/FONT]Birds understand that itās a pain in the butt to wash so many dishes. Theyāre happy to eat off the same plate and save me the effort.
[FONT="]8. [/FONT]You can actually teach a bird to be quiet.
[FONT="]9. [/FONT]Birds are easier to entertain and keep happy. They donāt go through some mid life crisis, spend all your savings on a Porsche and try to act half their age. A few random pieces of wood and plastic, a phone book to shred and the occasional walnut and life is awesome.
[FONT="]10. [/FONT]Birds donāt hog the bed and steal the blankets in the middle of the night, leaving you grasping the corner for dear life with icicles dripping out of your nose. They also donāt snoreā¦ at all.
