It may just be the way you were focusing on the problem, or just the way you wrote it. but your post came across as rather violent, both the birds and your household members.
Stopping the smacking, and having the people in your house treat him whenever he is good will be a good start as others have said, as said a firm "no" is ok, as long as the bird knows what it means, and doesnt just take it as attention and continue to misbehave to get the attention. If this is whats happening, sometimes it is best to not aknowledge the behaviour at all and just put them back in the cage for a "time out" until they are behaving again - at which point you reward them for behaving.
*Yelling at him may just encourage screaming.
As for your husband there is absolutely nothing you can do to reconcile him and your bird. that is between your husband and the bird.
From the sounds of it he will have to work 500% more than the rest of you to earn back your birds trust, and still may only reach tolerance. Simply because you stated that your husband did not tolerate the bird at all (i am presuming, it may have been a harsh bite and warranted distress on his part as well) but it doesn't really seem that the love and patience is there to ever allow them to have a truly happy relationship.
Training does wonders for your relationship with the bird and may help their relationship. Even if he cannot handle him - You could pick a behaviour he does by himself, like talking, scratching, yawning, whatever (as long as it is a positive behaviour) and treat him for that, giving him praise, (if actually handing him the treat is too much just plop it in a bowl nearby) and then
gradually get to the point where you can have him repeat that behaviour on cue. shaping a behaviour they already have is an easy way to start trick training which helps them learn trust, discipline and want to be with you.
It does look like the root of your problem will require you to address some defensive/hormonal/mating behaviours as well. I have no experience with these at all. But really the problems im trying to help with with my above advice are behavioural, and so may not help with all of the things you described...
From personal experience with my Ekkie: he tolerates all people, and loves most of them. however within the first few months that we had him, my father needed to get him back in the cage and pickle wouldn't come to him or step up. Having grown up in a rural area with many dogs and some farm animals, my father has a rather harsh idea of animal discipline, and thought nothing of simply picking pickle up by the feet like a chicken to get him back in the cage.
Obviously pickle hated that. Being an ekkie he is less outgoing and violent about his dislike for my father, but 1 1/2 years later, with no other incidents at all, and even being trained to wave at my father on cue (we have gotten him to step up a few times now), pickle has still not forgiven him. He runs to the other side of the cage when he enters the room, and has actually developed a much more sexist view of humans, being wary of any new older males he meets...
