Time to admit it: Kizzy is almost certainly lost for good.

[Ladyhawk]

I really don't know what to do. I feel mostly dead inside.

My gut feeling is that she died the night she flew out. She couldn't see in the dark and didn't know where to land. She would have been flying erratically. Any owls in the area would have noticed. She might have landed on the ground and become prey of all kinds of roaming critters in the area.

I think the reward would have been enough to entice someone to give her back. If someone has her, she's not even my bird anymore. Who knows what she's been doing, what she learned, what kind of diet she's been on. It would take the entire reward to rehabilitate her. If I find her, I'm just going to take her. No reward. But I really don't think she's even alive.

She would have been 1 year old on May 1st.

RIP, Kizzy. I failed you.

 

[T00tsyd]

Bless you - accidents happen, we all look back at different events in our lives and wish we had done it differently. This was one of those dreadful mishaps totally unintentional and forever regretted.
We all recognise situations where we would have done something differently if only we had a second chance but the sad truth is that we have to learn and move on, possibly with a heavy heart but with determination to remember what went wrong.
I have thought of you often. You have been extremely generous in sharing your pain and my heart goes out to you but you have now begun to turn a corner which will let you move.
Do you know anyone locally who also keeps a bird who would let you visit or even bring it to visit you? I don't know if you will take another bird to love, I hope you do, but I feel certain that if you could just contemplate giving another the great love that you gave to Kizzy you would heal so much more quickly. It won't be the same but happiness can return even though it is in different circumstances. Take care, keep in touch and knowing that you are on the mend will make us happy too.

 

[Taprock]

You did not fail Kizzy! You have done everything in your power to find her, and I know if doing some impossible task would bring her back, you would do whatever without question.
As much as we love our pets/animals we sometimes think we are in control of the situation and that’s just an illusion we like to believe. They are animals and they act independently from us. You loved Kizzy, took care of her and gave her what she needed, whether months or years that is the best she could have had. Don’t let the things you could have done differently fill you with guilt and grief. Forgive yourself, you did not fail Kizzy.

 

[wrench13]

Much of what you stated above is true and healthy acceptance of conditions beyond your control. But dont for 1 minute feel that you failed Kizzy, not when you owned her, not when she escaped, not in your efforts to find her. It is natural to think like that but those thoughts are not healthy ones. I think you have gone to great lengths to recover her, and the reason there has been no response is because your assessment above is likely correct.
But I am going to wait to place my donation to Cornell for awhile.

 

[Kiwibird]

Yes, it is probably time to grieve for your loss of Kizzy. I know people like to "have faith" forever, but the reality is it is unlikely she will return. Grieve for her loss, but do not beat yourself up over it. You did NOT fail her. You allowed her to do what birds are meant to do- fly and provided her with a wonderful, loving home in her time with you. As Taprock mentioned, our pets are independent of us and they do not always react as we hope they will.

I sincerely hope, in due time, you will be willing to open your home to another parrot. You are an excellent bird owner and while another bird will never replace Kizzy, you have a lot to offer another bird, who will undoubtedly thrive in your care. Perhaps a rescue bird this time. Sometimes when people rescue an animal, the animal helps rescue them instead.

 

[itzjbean]

The hardest part of all this is not knowing. For this I am truly sorry. I hope you can learn to forgive yourself for this, take your time to grieve and in time I hope you can learn to turn that loss into love for another bird.

 

[SunnyJ]

I too, am sorry your bird flew out. I know the feeling having a bird fly away, thankfully ours flew only a short distance and then waited on the ground for my husband to come pick her up. She flew because he was using a pick-ax outside, hit a water pipe and scared the xxx out of her.
It sounds like you loved this bird so I know one day you will have love enough to take on another one. The loss of a dear pet is the same as any family member, take the time you need then take a leap forward.

 

[Cardinal]

Hi Ladyhawk

There have been miracles and you can hope for one.
Almost coincidentally, the google newsfeed showed this nice story on an Amazon(looks like an Orange winged Amazon to me) that landed up on a gardener.

https://www.breakingnews.ie/discove...ulder-of-an-unsuspecting-gardener-839204.html

Hope you find Kizzy to in a similar way.

cheers

Avin

 

[AmyMyBlueFront]

I have no words to help you deal with your pain. As mentioned above, DONT FEEL LIKE YOU FAILED KIZZY! You went above and beyond,in raising her,and training her and loving her,and your attempts in finding her.
My heart aches for you honestly..In time this will pass. Remember we are family here and care deeply about our big and little feathered family,and for each other.


Jim

 

[eagle18]

You don't know that for sure, animals have a way of surprising us. Have you tried looking at parrot stores, ad, or anyplace where somebody might try to sell her?

 

[Inger]

I don’t have anything useful to add; everyone has already said all the things. My heart has been and remains with you.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Ladyhawk]

You don't know that for sure, animals have a way of surprising us. Have you tried looking at parrot stores, ad, or anyplace where somebody might try to sell her?

Yes. I did mass mailings to pet stores, bird clubs and avian vets all over the state. The local radio station broadcast about her loss. We looked hard. We put flyers everywhere. When I was searching, people I didn't know came up to me and asked if I was the person who lost the parrot.

If someone has Kizzy, they almost certainly know I'm looking for her. This is a small town. If someone tried to keep her, one of their friends or acquaintances would almost certainly know. That amount of money would entice most people to squeal on a thief.

 

[Ladyhawk]

I finally got my diabetes under control, but I think I came close to losing my life because of my grief. I've been hospitalized for diabetic ketoacidosis in the past. I have been too weak and stunned to mourn. Now I'm mourning. Finally.

I've been getting out in the sun, walking my favorite trail, taking pictures of wildflowers. Tonight I went to a jazz concert. I started singing again and I even started playing piano again after years of neglect.

I was already getting sick when I lost Kizzy and I'm sure my illness contributed to what happened. No, I can't get another bird. Not now. Maybe never.

Within a short space of time I lost my grandmother, Gabby, Kizzy and one of my best friends. When I needed help the most, both health clinics I go to raked me over the coals. I was upset and instead of treating me with respect, the receptionist freaked out and called security on me. I've never hurt anyone in my entire life. I've never been in trouble with the law. Being treated like a criminal made me want to act like one, but I'm stronger than that. I would like them to be fired, but that never happens when it needs to. I asked for written apologies, but that will happen when hell freezes over and the devil starts selling popsicles.

My other doctor told me that "some people" would say she was "just a bird" and that I should come in to learn how to handle these problems when they come up. Hmmm...who could those "some people" be? I would have preferred he just say, "Laura, why are you so upset over a dumb bird? You're too sensitive and you need to have your attitude corrected." It would have been more honest.

I am going to have to find new doctors, which is difficult in this small town. I'm also going to stop listening to them. Most of the things I've found that work didn't come from Western medicine. I just need them for my medications, which I'm going to ditch ASAP. They never told me some of these medications are both toxic and addictive. Now I have to come off a bunch of pills that are just as addictive as heroin. I've tried getting doctors to help me, but they get kickbacks from pharmaceutical companies. All they know is pushing pills. They don't know how to get me off them safely.

I do want to have one last talk with both places once I find new practitioners. I only need them to write prescriptions. That's all. Might as well choose any of them. I will go in person. Let them call security on me. I will speak my mind.

 

[EllenD]

While I can't offer a lot in the way of helping you feel better about losing family members and friends, including Kizzy, as that will come in your own time, what I can tell you is that you cannot base your own happiness or saneness on what others say and do. Every person is an individual, every person has had different experiences, and yes, some people, a lot of people, are just nasty people who were never taught to feel empathy, compassion, or any type of love for other human beings. They simply say what they are thinking without ever considering how someone else might feel. They are incapable of putting themselves in the shoes of other people, usually due to the fact that that's how they were raised and they were never taught to respect others, or to put themselves in the shoes of others and take their feelings into consideration before opening their mouths or doing something stupid. That all being said, even though it hurts you, frustrates you, and makes you feel worse than you did to begin with, you have to ask yourself "Why does what this person thinks matter to me anyway?"

As far as medical practitioners go, I get it completely. It's like they don't bother to screen people they hire for compassion, that seems to be pretty universal in this country. I developed endometrial cancer, have had several major operations, treatments, etc., and I can speak from experience when I say that quite a few receptionists, techs, nurses, doctors, pharmacists, etc. act like robots, don't listen to what you say, and certainly don't really care. Try telling a male doctor in his 50's about how badly endometriosis and ovarian cysts hurt, to the point that you can't move, let alone work a 12 hour day. That will usually get you called a drug addict looking for narcotics. And I shouldn't make this specific to men, because I had one female gynecologist a long time ago that was the Antichrist, I swear she was. I don't think she had ovaries or a uterus, I think she was incognito...

What I can't imagine is what it's like going through what you're going through and at the same time losing people who you love and who make-up your support system. That is a situation that is not healthy and must be horribly painful and lonely...And there is no way that a person who has never had a parrot as a part of their family would ever understand that this parrot was every bit as important to you as any human being is. Some people don't understand the connection to any pets/animals at all, not birds, dogs, cats, reptiles, anything. They think they are "just animals" and don't understand why you're mourning their loss. Again, these people most likely never had a pet, at least not one they were close to, and a lot of them who did have pets were taught by their parents that they were "just animals" to be kept outside, treated like garbage, abused, neglected, etc. So again, it's an inhumanity that is passed-on from generation to generation, unfortunately. Again, you just have to make the choice to either ignore what they say, or if you're more of a vocal person, like myself, lol, you'll tell them just why your "pets" are just as important to you as any humans are, and ask them to please respect that, even if they can't understand it.

As far as Kizzy goes, yes, it's healthy to mourn for her, as right now she is gone. But it is true that parrots are reunited with their families after flying away weeks, months, even years after they are lost. And I'm not saying this to you to give you false hope or to stop your mourning period, but simply because it's a fact. It happens all the time. There are people all over the country that care and that are willing to go out of their way to help others find their lost pets...Just yesterday I was helping a family in the Salinas, CA area learn how to look for their lost 9-week-old baby cockatiel that they lost on May 12th...and I'm in State College, Pennsylvania, how many thousands of miles away....meanwhile, there was also a total asshole who lives within 5 miles of them who found a cockatiel in his backyard on May 9th, and not only didn't bother to look for the owners, but actually posted a video on YouTube about the bird, how he had re-named it, and how it was rightfully his because he found it. The irony of that is not lost on me, nor is the patheticness and the sadness of it. But the point is that there are people willing to help, there are probably hundreds if not thousands of people who were made aware of you losing Kizzy, and if just one of those people see her somewhere they are going to do something about it for you and for Kizzy. People do care. Not all people are like your doctors. Hell, if I saw a BFA flying around in central PA I'd immediately check to make sure it wasn't Kizzy, even though the chance of her being thousands of miles away is slim to none, I would still check. Just like I'd do the same if I saw a GreenWinged Macaw that I thought could be Maggie from central Texas. At this point it could be Maggie in Pennsylvania, and I for one will never forget that Maggie is still missing. So while you are in mourning for Kizzy, you also need to remember that all is not lost...not yet.

And while I understand WHY you feel like you can not get another parrot, maybe not ever, and I really do understand this...Well, let's just say that as a person who has gone through a horrible, serious illness and all of the issues that came along with it, financial, interpersonal, family issues, etc., my pets are probably the #1 thing that have gotten me through it...Now my illness was short-term, but really any issue I go through in life is helped by my pets. So what I'm trying to say is that someone in your situation, who is having to deal with a life-long illness that can be more debilitating mentally and spiritually than it is physically at times, having a parrot by your side to help you get through it and get through each day is not only giving you a support system, but it's actually healing, both physically and psychologically. So I wouldn't write-off bringing another parrot into your life, into your family, not just yet. Not only could another parrot bring your life joy and healing strength, but you too could bring the same to the life of the parrot...

 

[Ladyhawk]

While I can't offer a lot in the way of helping you feel better about losing family members and friends, including Kizzy, as that will come in your own time, what I can tell you is that you cannot base your own happiness or saneness on what others say and do. Every person is an individual, every person has had different experiences, and yes, some people, a lot of people, are just nasty people who were never taught to feel empathy, compassion, or any type of love for other human beings. They simply say what they are thinking without ever considering how someone else might feel. They are incapable of putting themselves in the shoes of other people, usually due to the fact that that's how they were raised and they were never taught to respect others, or to put themselves in the shoes of others and take their feelings into consideration before opening their mouths or doing something stupid. That all being said, even though it hurts you, frustrates you, and makes you feel worse than you did to begin with, you have to ask yourself "Why does what this person thinks matter to me anyway?"

Thank you for your thoughtful post. I have a number of chronic illnesses. That's why I needed my doctors. It's not so much that I care what they think. It's that I need someone I trust if they're going to be giving me medications or advice. That broke my support system. Of course I'm going to feel hurt.

I wrote an email to my doctor last night and spoke my mind. He shot back that he was going to discharge me and that he didn't mean what I thought he meant. I just don't understand why he would bring up the "just a bird" thing unless he, himself, was thinking it. To make sure I wasn't overreacting, I asked a good friend of mine, a lawyer, about what my doctor said. His opinion is that my doctor parsed his words in such a way that he wouldn't look like a bad guy and that he might as well have just said outright what he thought. I told my doctor I am willing to discuss this with him. We'll see if he's willing to listen. Most people in the health care industry (yes, it's an industry for making money) have no clue what chronically ill people go through. I have been fighting these diseases for over thirty years. In fact, I'm almost positive one of the medications they prescribed made me a diabetic. I went from a very slim person to a very heavy person in the space of a year. Again, most of the things I've found that help are nowhere to be seen in a doctor's office. Yes, sometimes you have to put yourself at their mercy, but ever since doctors outright killed my grandmother (my mother proved it), I've been more leery than ever.

I was out of mind with grief when Kizzy disappeared. None of my "health" care practitioners took that into account when dealing with me, even though it is their responsibility. They are supposed to be the professionals. So even if I did get angry with them, they were obligated to deescalate the situation. Instead, they treated me like I was dangerous. I'm not. Never have been. Instead of helping me, they chased me off. It was a couple of snooty twenty-somethings. The counselor there told me they gave the same treatment to someone else the same week they treated me that way. If it got out that she told me that, the counselor could lose her job. It's the two teeny-boppers who should lose their jobs. My counselor quit the same week Kizzy disappeared. They've been telling me, "She'll be back next month" for three months now. I expect she'll never return, but if she does, she's going to get an earful. I want those receptionists sanctioned in some way.

 

[GaleriaGila]

Take care of yourself, no matter what. No matter what.
Your love for Kizzy lives in your heart, no matter what.

 

[EllenD]

Oh I totally agree with you, the medical profession is one of money-making and not people-helping, at least in-general...I originally went to school to become a doctor, I wanted to be a trauma/ER doctor and/or surgeon. I got my bachelor's in pre-med, and when I started to do a master's in health science in order to do a PHD/MD degree after the 2 years of grad school, I quickly realized that most all of my intro classes were legal in nature, understanding malpractice law, do's and don't's, along with the working with the pharmaceutical industry "hand-in-hand". I quickly realized that this was not anything that I wanted to do with my life, and I quickly switched to Animal Health Science. Unfortunately the Veterinary Medical field isn't much better at all.

There are good doctors and health professionals out there, but you have to look for them, which is just sad. It took me until I was 28 years old to find a gynecologist that was willing to do more than an ultrasound to diagnose me properly with endometriosis and high-grade dysplasia, and that only took a simply laparoscopy. Every one prior just pumped me full of meds. So I get that too. They don't listen, they don't care. It's just another 15 minute exam in the middle of their day. Again, this is a generalized statement, as there are those who do care and know there stuff, but once again, you have to search for them, and that is such a frustrating process that it can cause you such psychological pain that you lose your mind...

That all being said, you need to take care of yourself and take time to concentrate on yourself. And whatever you need to do in order to find a proper support-system then you do it, because the support-system you thought you had with your former medical professionals obviously wasn't one for the long-haul. The fact that your doctor made the comment he did about you losing Kizzy just proves that he doesn't get it about pets, but also that he doesn't understand that everyone has their own families and support systems, everyone has their own individual lives, and yes, he more than likely was parsing his words carefully, they teach you that in medical school, sadly...