So confused 😕

[tandum]

Hello everyone,

Please don't judge me....

First let me tell you about myself and my bird. His name is Tango, he will be 4 years old next April. He's a "parrotletosaurus"! Lol As for myself, i've had a couple of fids before. Animals are my life! I don't remember not having some type of pet all my life. I just lost my cat Shali who was 18 years old this past November and It's tough. Anyway, once i i get a pet, it's for life no matter what.

Seriously, he's the love of my life! He's so funny, always trying to find a way to make you laugh, he's sweet, soooo smart, curious and very, very, very vocal!
That's where i'm coming to.

I know that parrots are very very vocal from the start and i'm ok with that. But he's ALWAYS screaming and i mean screaming at the top of his little lungs. And most of the time, i see that he's really mad. I don't know at what. Sometimes i think he's in another state of mind and nothing stops him, it's like he not seeing clearly so i have to put him for a nap and i cover his cage for half an hour. The constant screaming is getting to me and my bf, creating stress, irritation, anxiety....

The thing is that that problem is attached to another: my boyfriend!
I don't work because of health problems so i'm always home. So when Tango and I are alone, everything is almost perfect. He's calm and doesn't scream often. But when my boyfriend comes home, all hell breaks loose!

Also, when he's home and i let Tango out, he wants nothing to do with me. He's all about my bf, i can't even pick him up without him attacking like i was the devil in person, once he draw blood. I think he's in love with him cuz Tango feeds him (but sometimes me too), does the love dance ( as i was told). THE CONFUSING part is that when i'm alone, we have a great bond!

Right now he's in the living room and it's all open to the kitchen and dining room so he sees us all the time, he's never alone. But now we thought about moving him to our second bedroom/office. He would have a tv with animated movies and some stuff for him for when get time out of the cage. But he will not be left alone, he will still get the time out of the cage all like before. I just feel that if i put him there, i kind of punish him and it's not what i'm doing!

Is my Tango broken?

 

[SailBoat]

Welcome to Parrot Forums.
Sometimes relationships require that we step back and view what is happening from a different vantage point. Try this:
It is never the fault of the Parrot!
It is always the fault of the Human!
When you view the relationship and near every else from this vantage point, you will more quickly determine what needs to change in the interactions and make those changes.

Others will add to the process of relationship growth.

 

[ChristaNL]

No, Tango is not broken (he would be awfully quiet if he was )

You've already said it: when you 2 are together, it is fine, but when your and his love return home... you are competion.
Let's just say: you share (a great) taste in men!

As one of the other forummembers told me this last week: parrotlets a furiously possesive/ protective of their loved one...

I do not really speak parotlet (more of a CAGperson) but either your SO lets the bird know that YOU are the chosen mate (yes and probably break your birds little heart a bit in the process) or you take a step back and learn to be okay as the fifth-wheel in this relationship and enjoy your shared (bird-human) time together when the yummy distraction is far away.

 

[wrench13]

I make the suggestion that you be the only one to offer Tango treats of any type, and your B/F none. I have some of this going on with my Salty. He loves me, but LOVES my son. But my son never ever offers treats to Salty, so he knows that I am the giver of tasty treats. As a result, Salty has positive relationships with us both, he does not scream or attack either one of us. Parrots are ruled by their bellies - take advantage of that.

 

[Flboy]

Welcome to the three of you!

 

[bigfellasdad]

Welcome and what wrench says is a great start. My cag attacked everybody but me, so be thankful it's just vocal. It's taken 2years now and enzo is now very civil with all.

One other thing to add is, when ever you have been away from your bird go straight to him and say hello which ever way you do so, with enzo it's a beak/finger rub or simple beak knock. Enzo now accepts them as friends and realises she is loved by all of the flock.

 

[Scott]

Welcome to you and Tango, thanks for a great introduction.

Agree with the advice given, but I don't know parrotlet personality. What you describe is classic competition for a mate. Was going to suggest the game of "pass the parrot" between you and your bf, but if Tango bites that might not be appropriate.

 

[EllenD]

This is a very, very, very common issue with parrots and their owners. It happens all the time, and it's just the way it is. There is no rhyme or reason as to why parrots choose who they do to be "their person", and a lot of the time they choose the person who wants nothing at all to do with them, and they totally ignore and want nothing to do with the person who is supposed to be their owner and who is with them all the time and takes care of them completely. And you can't force them to change who they choose, you can try to influence them by making the non-chosen person the one who always gives them their treats, and does all of the good things all of the time, but rarely will that actually make the bird choose the other person. it's just a part of owning a parrot in a household with more than one person.

***I absolutely WOULD NOT move his cage away from the living-room, or the "main room" of your home and move him into a back bedroom!!! Please don't do this, because if you think that he's screaming a lot right now, wait until you move his cage into a room away from where the action in the house is!!! If he can hear you and knows that someone is at home but he can't see them and is not with them, he is going to stop entertaining himself inside of his cage, he won't care about the toys in his cage or any TV you have in there for him, and he's going to continually scream and scream and scream until you come and get him. Parrots are "Flock Animals", and as such they need to have their "territory', their cage, located among the rest of their Flock members (you and your BF)...You don't realize it now, but just the little bit of "Passive Interaction" that he gets by simply having his territory/cage in the same room with you guys while you're doing whatever you're doing in the living room when you're home, like watching TV, reading, video games/games, talking, eating meals, etc. makes all the difference in the world to him, it strengthens your relationship with him, and it keeps him comforted, feeling secure and safe, and makes him happy...As soon as you move his cage into a spare-bedroom and he can no longer be with you, see you, etc. but he will still know that you're home and probably be able to hear you, he's going to become extremely stressed, and not only do they typically start screaming constantly and continually, but this also often causes them to start displaying Feather-Destructive Behaviors such as Barbering,, Plucking, and even Self-Mutilation due to the sudden change and the stress that it causes them. So that's the last thing you want to do, and it certainly is not going to help you with the bonding issue you're having with him, it's going to make everything worse...

I would leave his cage right where it is in your living room, and I would continue doing what you're doing...As Christa already mentioned, you're one of the lucky ones because you're home all day with your bird, and even though he seems to have chosen your boyfriend as "his person" when he has a choice in companions who are present, he still loves you and wants to be with you when you're at home with him alone...Most parrots who are home all day with someone other than the person they have chosen to be 'their person" don't want anything at all to do with them, won't allow them to handle them or interact with them, and are often aggressive with them even if they have no other choice of companion during the day. So you're actually doing pretty well as far as your relationship with him goes, he just prefers your boyfriend when you're both home and he has a choice...So just start making sure that you are the one who gives him all his treats/people food when you're both home, and don't try to push him to be with you when your BF is at home and he wants to be with him, because if you try to force him to be with you instead of your BF, he'll likely start to resent you for it and become aggressive and not want much at all to do with you even if you're the only person home...Make the best of the situation you have, because honestly it's one of the better outcomes for this particular problem...

Also, realize that his male sex hormones have a lot to do with his behavior, especially any aggression or screaming when your BF is home. So you need to do everything you can to try to keep his hormones from raging, because if you can eliminate his hormones raging then this will help tremendously with keeping his behavior calm, and it will also keep him from going into those hormonal "Trances" as I call them, where they look like they don't even know that you're there and they become suddenly very aggressive...

#1) NO SMALL, DARK PLACES THAT HE CAN GET INSIDE OF OR UNDERNEATH, NEITHER INSIDE OF HIS CAGE OR OUTSIDE OF HIS CAGE!!!

-Remove any and all Beds/Triangle Beds, Tents, Hammocks, "Happy/Snuggle Huts", Boxes, etc. inside of his cage, no matter what! He doesn't need them to sleep in, he'll sleep fine on a perch like they normally do in natura. So if he has any of these things inside of his cage get rid of them immediately and don't ever put them back inside of his cage, as they cause intense, severe hormonal rages/trances.
-Remove anything from his cage that he has access to and that could be used as "Nesting-Material", such as any type of animal "bedding", wood chips, crushed walnut bedding, corn-cob bedding, shredded paper/shredded paper beding, newspaper, etc. Only keep whole sheets of newspaper or cage-liners in the bottom of his cage UNDER THE GRATE, so that he can't get to them to shred them into small pieces or get underneath the whole sheets of paper.

#2)PUT HIM ON A "NATURAL LIGHT SCHEDULE" AND ENSURE HE'S GETTING AT LEAST 10-12 HOURS OF SOLID SLEEP EACH NIGHT!

-Assuming that he sleeps in his cage, which you want to leave in your living room for certain, simply allow him to see the natural sunlight changes through the windows in the living room, allow him to watch the sunset, and once the sunset is done cover his cage with a cage cover/dark sheet/dark towel, etc. He will sleep just fine with you guys still in the living room and with the TV or whatever else on as long as his cage is covered, so don't worry about that. But the key is allowing him to see the light change at whatever time the Sun sets, and then you put him to bed by putting the cover over his cage. The same thing goes for the morning, you want him to wake-up at Sunrise and be able to see the light changes at Sunrise through the windows and in the living room. This will help tremendously to keep his hormones at-bay.

#3) NO WARM, MUSHY FOODS!

-These resemble the food their mother feeds them as babies or the hand-feeding formula they were fed if they were hand-raised, and it triggers their hormones. So avoid oatmeal, mashed potatoes, grits, etc.

#4) DON'T PET OR TOUCH HIM ANYWHERE BUT ON HIS HEAD, NECK, CHIN, AND FACE!

-Obviously reasons; if you touch them on their backs, their tailes, their bellies/abdomens, their legs, under their wings, etc. it triggers their hormones...

#5) DON'T LET THEM GET UNDERNEATH ANY FURNITURE, BEHIND ANY PILLOWS, OR UNDERNEATH ANY BLANKETS, SHEETS, TOWELS, ETC.

-Same principle as #1, "small, dark places" trigger hormones very suddenly and aggressively, and often cause the "hormonal "Trances".

 

[bigfellasdad]

Wow ellend what a fantastic reply. I wish I'd had that level of knowledge handed to at the start, life would have been a lot easier...and less eggs!

 

[EllenD]

Wow ellend what a fantastic reply. I wish I'd had that level of knowledge handed to at the start, life would have been a lot easier...and less eggs!

I was blessed to be born into a family/home where both my grandmother and my mom owned and bred/raised all kinds of birds, from parrots to game birds to poultry birds, so I got my first pet parrot at the age of 6, an English Budgie who was hand-raised right in my home...And I also went to school for both human and animal health-science/anatomy/physiology/medicine, and worked at Penn State in the Animal Diagnostic Lab and Avian Influenza Lab...So it's just years and years of experience and education from the time I was a little kid. That's all. Thank you for the kind words!!!

 

[dhraiden]

Sounds like Tango's (a girl?) and possibly over-bonded to your BF, perhaps.


It'll take patience and time to re-train his/her/its triggered behavior when your BF comes in, as Ellen explained in much more detail above.

 

[annierose]

i'm no expert, but it sounds like territorial behavior - so why not try changing the territory? what if you and the BF (together) were to start taking him out of the house on small journeys and adventures using a harness and leash. perhaps car rides, a trip to the pet store, fast food drive through, a park, etc. it doesn't really matter where.

 

[moon1964]

great advise

 

[moon1964]

Had it happen to me with my bf amazon just suddenly chose my husband over me...now is very aggressive towards me

 

[wrench13]

#5) DON'T LET THEM GET UNDERNEATH ANY FURNITURE, BEHIND ANY PILLOWS, OR UNDERNEATH ANY BLANKETS, SHEETS, TOWELS, ETC.

-Same principle as #1, "small, dark places" trigger hormones very suddenly and aggressively, and often cause the "hormonal "Trances".

WOW Ellen, you hit the nail here. Salty was burrowing under some blankets a few weeks ago, and suddenly he was very aggressive, and exactly like the TRANCE you described. SInce then we haven;t allowed that and he is back to his calm self.