Separation anxiety?

[ParrotsAhoy]

So we got Tachyon 8 months ago (hes 17 months old at the moment). I wanted/needed a bird/pet and my husband was ok with it and said he'd help out but we both knew it was supposed to be 'my' bird/pet. Pretty much from the moment he arrived he fell in love with my husband. Tach's first owner was a man with a beard, and my husband is, you guessed it, a man with a beard lol.

Husband has been realllly good at helping with Tach. We both work/study from home, Tach in my room/office cus ive got the space/natural light and husband in his own office. Husband comes and helps me fly Tach 3x a day for an hour or two at a time, he plays playstation or brings his work in with him to keep himself entertained as whilst he likes Tach, hes not really that interested in teaching him tricks or mentally stimulating him etc (Tach has a play stand between husband and tv screen so at least he thinks hes being played with/attention payed to him lol). Which is a shame, as Tach will do ANYTHING for my husband, he can teach him tricks in 1/147th of the time it takes me to teach Tach anything. I cant force my husband to 'like' or spend more time with Tach as hes already doing as much as he can for someone whos not really interested in being a parrots boyfriend.

So Tachyons chosen my husband as his mate/lover and im accepted as the changer of newspaper, bringer of food/treats, shoulder to sit on IF theres a cashew nut on offer etc. This in itself has taken me a bit to get over (and im not 100% over it if im honest, its disappointing to have 'your' pet choose someone else to lavash their attention on and you just get screamed at all day because you arnt their mate); but the problem is that he screams for my husband all day. All. Day.

Ive tried the things you are supposed to do when you have a screamy bird: leaving the room when he screams and gradually increasing the seconds of silence, giving treats or toys or little interesting things every time you leave the room, using key words that mean im just going to the loo (ill be back in a few mins) or im going shopping (ill be back in a few hours) etc so that he knows what to expect when I leave the room.

Funnily enough, none of its made any difference. He screams = I leave the room = he just keeps screaming as if I wasnt even part of his reality Hes not screaming FOR or AT me for attention or food, hes screaming for my husband to come and see him (husbands got headphones on, he can easily ignore the screaming and certainly dosnt go to him when hes screaming thereby awarding bad behaviour etc).

Tach cant move into my husbands office as its too small and dark (which is fine for my computer programming husband lol). Husband and I cant switch rooms as I need the natural light in my office for my work and Tach also needs the sunlight. No others rooms are available and we cant afford to move. Only in the last week or so have I started wheeling Tachs cage into husbands office every second day or so because im loosing my freaking mind over the months of screaming and putting him next to husband = glorious glorious silence and I can get some work done. This has only just started happening this week so its not like hes screaming to be wheeled into husbands office, he hasnt learned that yet, hes simply screaming on the off chance my husband will walk past the door and say 'Hi'. Ive tried making my husband stay completely away for up to days at a time but funnily enough, Tach just gets louder and continues to ignore me. I know that making my husband stay away for weeks/forever (to Tachyons point of view) would possibly break the bird as well as its a small house and it would be hard to have them never accidentally see each other. As well as it would be a shame to have to live separate lives as it would mean my husband could only come into my office/dining/lounge/bedroom room after Tach was covered at night (8pm) and even then he couldnt talk out loud as it would set the parrot off!

And now the fire alarm is going off next door, which makes Tachyon screaaaaaaam and screaaaaaaam. We've had 3 sirens go past this morning already and its only 10am. Guess what sirens do? Thats right, set the bird off screaming! Ive tried and failed to make sirens an Ok-noise that dosnt need to be screamed at.

Im feeling rejected and financially burdened by a parrot who dosnt even want to know me, im feeling bad for my husband whos essentially unwillingly taken on a full-time parrot and he wants to please me and he does like animals so hes doing as much as he can but its putting a strain on his work and study. As well as my mental health from the screaming.

Im at a loss for what else I can do to buddy up to Tachyon (treats, handmade toys (he can even help making them! for extra buddying time), doing all the things one normally does to play with and train a healthy happy parrot). Its like he dosnt even see me. But rehoming him isnt something I can even think about, we're already his second home and I want to give him a good home, I AM giving him a good home, but mentally hes not getting what he needs because hes busy being in love with my husband and ignoring all my efforts to play and train him; as well as the fact that hes so bonded to my husband, I couldnt stand the thought of breaking them up, I know it would damage Tachyon and just piss the next owners off as Tach would continue screaming for my husband.

So what now? I have an overwhelmed and a sad

 

[ParrotsAhoy]

I should also mention: he DOES get proper nutrition, toys, foraging opportunities, flying, bathing, expensive and weird fruits and veges to keep his brain interested etc. He's got an amazing set up and im doing everything 'right' in terms of that stuff, but hes craving social interaction with my husband and I cant provide him any more of that

 

[Dinosrawr]

That sounds like a pretty difficult scenario to be in, and I'm not sure I'll be of much help. Hopefully I can just bump the thread so that someone else will see it and know how to respond. My birds generally scream for me rather than for my boyfriend, and I've been fortunate that all of my animals have bonded to me. The only way I can see how they do this is that I'm always the one that gives them what they want - when they scream for food, I'm the one who gives it. If they want attention, I give them attention. I train them, I spend the most time with them one on one, I talk to them the most, and I do most of the positive reinforcement (and at times the "punishment" of covering them when they're too loud, putting them away, toweling them, etc.).

I just wonder if the reason he's so attached to your husband is solely because of his previous attachment with his owner. It wouldn't surprise me that Tachyon is projecting his love for his original owner on him, despite the minimal effort on his part. I know my birds will fly to friends or my boyfriend's little sister if their back is turned and they have long brown hair like mine, but will flip out once they speak or realize it's not me (which is pretty hilarious to watch). I know 8 months is a long time, but I would wait it out and continue to positively reinforce YOUR relationship with him. Shiko used to tolerate me, and I was actually depressed for a few months after getting him because he didn't like me at all. He was also obsessed with my GCC Avery, and it actually made me rather jealous and concerned that they would choose each other over me (even though I accepted that possibility when he came to me). Now a little less than a year later, he sees me as the apple of his eye. I can do ANYTHING to that bird and he'll tolerate it. I'm not sure what I did other than trying to invest my all into positive interactions and just loving him.

 

[ParrotsAhoy]

Obviously ill keep trying to do the things im doing to get Tachyon on my side but boy, its tiring and a bit disheartening.

After writing my novel above, I realised that me training anti-screaming dosnt mean anything to him because im not part of the reason hes screaming. What I need to do, is get my HUSBAND to some how do the leaving the room when Tachs screaming thing, im not sure how to do that (get husband to move into my office with me for a week maybe? every time tach screams, husband leaves the room for increasing seconds with increasing quiet? then somehow transition that to working when husband is in his office all day?). Anyone have any ideas on that?

 

[Doublete]

Yikes I don't have any help for you either. Just moral support.

 

[jasper19]

The situation you are in is basically how i became the owner of angel. The previous owners got her from a male. She was to be the new owner. Angel doesn't like women.

It is very possible your bird may only like males, or be happy with a male owner.

It was this reason they decided to rehome angel. It was supposed to be her bird, but like the husband. The husband would tolerate the bird and handle her, but not alot as he didn't have real interest. So they thought it in her best interest to have another home with more attention and out time.

I like to think she is very happy now. She loves me (i am a male)...and does not like my girlfriend. It just seems to be ingrained in her that she doesn't really like females.

So i guess it is a hard decision to make for you. Do you think your bird will be happier with a male?...might be something to consider. Though i am usually against rehoming animals ...for something like this i have seen how it effects angel, and i can not imagine her main owner being a female, she just would not be happy.

 

[woowoo]

That must be so hard for you I couldn't imagine if my Mango loved someone else. You might have to grow a beard lol or put on a false one. Hope it works out for you shame your husband isn't into you baby. Good luck