Non-parrot person in household

[Helitorian]

Excuse the odd title but I couldn't think of what to call this thread.

I just got off the phone with my dad and am now a bit worried. When I live with him, he's going to come home before me. He thinks I'm crazy for having rules for Con and I'm freaking that he's not going to listen to me about not smoking in the house or giving her something dangerous to eat or taking her outside without a harness or cage. He seems to think he and Con are going to be the best of friends and do everything together. She isn't a one person bird as long as I'm not in sight. I'm really worried something is going to happen to her. Any advice on how to educate a non-bird person who thinks you're crazy? Thanks!

 

[BillsBirds]

It is difficult to properly educate "non-bird people". I suggest that maybe you could get him to read some of the things that you read. Also, do you know any other "bird people" that he'd listen to? As a person who's spent much of his life trying to educate people about birds, I can tell you that it's just like teaching about anything else...either they get it, or they don't. Good luck.

 

[TurquoiseMel]

Well the way I do it with my family is to simplify everything.
Explain to them once in simple terms then repeat it. all. the. time.!

Like my mom and brother now know that chocolate, avocados, nuts, bones, onions etc aren't for dogs. They know to keep the gate closed in the yard for the dog, not to let the cat out in the rain no matter how bad he thinks he wants to go out, they know not to let the cat into my room when the birds out, they know NOT TO UNPLUG THE FISH TANK when they need extra plugs!! LOL (that was a big one) they know not to leave doors to the house wide open (in case the bird gets out) they know not to put ANY food in the bird cage without asking me if it's okay first. You think they would know ANY of this if it weren't for me badgering over their shoulders for the past 9years? lol

You just gotta work at it. Kind like how your parents had to repeat to you over n over when you were younger to look both ways. See I don't even need to finish that sentence & you know what I'm talking about C;

They'll have to learn living with a new pet means new rules to live by to make sure everyone stays safe.

For my family it took A LOT of repetition & a few tries/ mistakes. The dog did inevitably get out and run down the street a few times, the cat did spend some miserable days in the rain waiting on the porch while I was at school. Luckily by the time I got my bird they were already used to doing little things to accommodate my animals.

But what you have to make your dad understand is that you can't really mess up with birds. feed em the wrong thing, leave the door open a split second too long & their gone, or sick or... whatever. They're a lot more sensitive & a lot more maintenance than cats & dogs.

I'm sure if you explain it to him he'll get it. Especially if he's looking forward to this bird and wants to be friends with the bird, he'll get attached & start to look out for her best interest just as you're doing (at least I hope?)

Maybe even try a different approach. Tell him it's an expensive bird & if the bird ends up hurt or lost or sick & it's anyway his fault you'll hold him responsible financially.

Good luck!

 

[Remy]

As for the smoking, you could also tell him that you've developed an allergy to cigarette smoke. Or that smoking inside the house makes the whole house stink really bad. Then, introduce him to somebody who is in advanced stages of lung cancer. I hate cigarettes. My grandmother died from lung cancer, and later I helped take care of a woman who was dying from lung cancer. NOT PRETTY AT ALL. D:

I don't know how well he respects your feelings, but you could pull the emotional card and tell him that you'd never forgive him if he killed your baby.

Uh, I think I need to go to bed. I'm being a little bit harsh tonight. Lol.

For the record, I have Puck clipped, and I do take him outside without a cage or harness, but I keep a very close eye on him. If we're out and about, I have to watch out for ceiling fans, especially near a street, because those are pretty much the only time he gets scared enough to jump off me. He often lets me carry him under a sweater too, so he's hidden.

I totally understand worrying about new people living with your bird though. I just moved in with my mom and her mentally ill roommate, and I still worry. My mom and I had birds most of my childhood, and the roommate loves Puck, but I still worry because he's my precious little baby and I would be absolutely devastated if something were to happen to him. I think I worry about them forgetting though, more than messing up on purpose.

 

[roxynoodle]

Educating people can be hard. Sometimes parents are so used to telling their kids what to do, they don't listen to their kids once they are adults. They don't figure you can teach them anything.

With my ex bf I tried getting him to at least read back issues of Bird Talk. Well, he didn't like to read and just looked at the pictures. He was at least good about not smoking in the house. As for everything else I tried to teach him about the birds, he didn't really listen. He did listen about the horses because he was scared to death of them at first.

I also have an enclosed back porch with it's own heat source so if weather was bad, he could smoke there and it wouldn't really affect the animals. The door to it is an entry door that didn't allow anything in.

It is hard to live with someone who won't listen to you about your things, especially animals since they are alive. He was feeding the neighbor's dog who lived here whole boxes of ice cream bars. His own dog who was living with his parents was so fat it couldn't hardly walk because he would let it eat whole pizzas (it was a little Dachsund). It took his parents 2 years of having that dog on a diet to get it normal sized again.

I wish you the best of luck here. Maybe Con will hate your dad and not go anywhere near him! And he will lose interest. My ex was more interested in watching TV than interacting with the birds, lucky for me.

 

[Helitorian]

My dad has already met Con and loves her. She was in a bad mood when he met her too lol He said since he had a budgie when he was young, he can handle Con and called me a freak for begging him not to mess with my baby. My family is suggesting I go to counseling because of "how attached you've become to that damn bird. It's unnatural." They think I've mentally made her my kid and find it disturbing. Since I got her, I have noticed I've become more motherly, kind, and mellow. I like the change but no one else does...

The only bird people he knows are a young couple a few cabins down that have two Grays and from what I hear, they aren't in the best condition. My dad gets mad at me for questioning how they're keeping them and says as long as they have food and water they're fine. He also said people can't go near them because they attack. Hmm...wonder why? I'd like to meet the birds and see what's really going on (and maybe take them if I can lol). I did buy Parrots for Dummies a few days ago. My dad likes reading so I think I'll give it to him today.

My dad might not care about smoking the house after awhile. My having pneumonia a few years ago didn't stop him from smoking around me. He's also an alcoholic and when he's drunk, he acts like a child and pouts if I tell him no. I love my dad but I hate him when he gets that way and have told him but it doesn't matter!

Sorry to rant about this but I'm stressed. I really wish he wasn't my only option. I'll just need to leave as quick as possible to keep Con safe.

 

[roxynoodle]

Well, my animals are my children and if I'm overly enmeshed with them, I figure that's ok. I know my parents wish I had gotten remarried and had human children like a normal person, but oh well. They love animals, too, although perhaps not as much as me, so that helps. My mom did tell me a few weeks ago regarding Merlin, "You did not need another parrot" though. I didn't, but one thing I do have now is time. And she fit right into our flock very easily.

I feel for you and hope everything goes well. At least since dad is interested, he may be willing to learn more. And maybe Con will bring some joy to his life.

I have had people come over here though and do a bunch of stupid things and get bitten. But, if I tell them to get their fingers out of the cages and not to touch the bird's toys and they insist, I don't feel bad about them getting chomped. Although one friend tried to kiss Rowdy while I was in the bathroom because she had seen me do it and got her lip chomped on quite badly.

 

[Customcasket]

My parents feel the same way. I can't tell you how many times I've heard "Why do you spend so much money on them? They're JUST birds." Uh. No. I love them with all my heart and they deserve the best I can afford. I spend the same on the cats (maybe a little less because cats are not as expensive as birds to feed and spoil) and nobody says anything about that because they like the cats and understand the cats.

I've managed to talk my mother into not giving the birds anything bad. Kayak LOVES Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch (Her previous owner always gave it to her) She gets maybe one piece a week from me. My mother at one point was giving her five every time she went in the room to visit the birds!!!! I had to sit her down and have a serious talk about that. Now my mother will pick out things from her snack mix to feed her as a "treat". She's gotten much better with it and I tried not to treat her like a child over it. She now asks if it's ok to feed them stuff. When she makes herself a salad or cuts up fruit she always puts some off to the side for the birds. She's learned. It's so difficult to deal with non-bird people. My boyfriend's youngest brother gave Carlisle so many pistachios that he had the green poops. His reasoning "he wouldn't stop screaming at me so I gave them to him to shut him up." If you don't like the screaming then leave the room! Nobody is forcing you to stay in there. ):< I put my rage face on when people do stupid stuff like that.

Good luck with your dad. Maybe he will eventually learn the ways of birds. (and quit smoking!)

 

[BillsBirds]

(just a joke...) Why not try to trade your dad for the greys down the road? I hope you're grinning, I'm trying to make light of a tough spot. Things will work out. Have patience. Be firm about what he needs to know, but, be patient. I'm sure your dad loves you, and will not want to make you unhappy. We all are here any time you need to rant or vent.

 

[Remy]

Oh dear, that sounds like a difficult situation. After my ex (who is deceased now) I can't tolerate being around any sort of addiction.

I hope you guys can work something out. Is it possible that he's saying those things, but will actually respect your wishes?

 

[Helitorian]

I spoke with him tonight and he said he understood how important Con was to me but that I need to lighten up and get over it. At least he admitted to understanding, which is something.

Roxy: You always need another parrot! Silly mom lol

BillsBirds: Now that's a VERY interesting idea. I'll have to ask about it I don't mind dust but I can't stand cigarette smoke so they'd be a great trade!

CustomCasket: I think after a bit, my dad will be like your mom. He really does like Con and he's rather good with animals. I just need to trust him with her I suppose.

Remy: Yeah, addictions aren't pretty no matter what kind. We'll work something out and I'll try to get a place of my own as fast as possible.

 

[lene1949]

Hi Helitorian

I think you should find somewhere on your own (with your bird) to live, or find someone who's a birdlover to share with...

Maybe you can lock your room at your parents place, so your Dad can't get to your bird?

I'm so happy I live alone with my animals, and have no one telling me what to do... BUT... I suppose that only happens after a lifetime of disappointments...

 

[roxynoodle]

I'm so happy I live alone with my animals, and have no one telling me what to do... BUT... I suppose that only happens after a lifetime of disappointments...

I guess you could say exactly the same for me.

Oh had pretty much the same conversation again with mom yesterday. She said this bird was dumped on me. I said no, I offered to take her. She's an African Grey, mom, not a chicken someone left on my porch (which has happened by the way). I also said she fit in very nicely. The other birds like her and she likes them. I'm 43 and my mother still tries here and there to tell me what I'm allowed to do. The worst part is she only comes here maybe once every 5 years so nothing I do affects her.

 

[Blue_star]

If it comes down to it you could take your dad to talk with your vet. Call before hand and explain that you just need the vet to explain bird safety. People generally take things more seriously from a doctor.

 

[roxynoodle]

Yes, people will often take a doctor more seriously, or even anyone who is not their child (or spouse!). Any stranger that they see as an expert will do!

 

[andrea.faerie]

Both my parents smoke and I made it VERY clear when I went home for my birthday that there would be NO more smoking upstairs or in the living room (where the birds will be). and that I don't care WHOSE house it is, they're my birds and if they get sick, my folks are coving the vet bill. My dad had no problem with this (he can't get upstairs anyways) since he LOVES Lucy... not so much Bleu... (poor Bleu, no one but me and my boyfriend understand him ). I pulled my mom aside and told her I also didn't want to go to my new job smelling like cigarettes and that I bought an air filter and would really appreciate it if she'd run it before I come home for the summer for my internship. She agreed reluctantly, but I reminded her that my sister and I are the ones who renovated the upstairs so it's be her "dream guest nook" so we'd appreciate it if she didn't use it as her personal ash tray >.< My mom is NOT a bird person... lol

 

[Helitorian]

andrea.faerie: My mom isn't a bird person either. They scare her to death which always made me laugh as a kid

lene1949: I've been looking for a place that would allow me to have my own pets but there are no openings or the ones that are don't allow certain animals or are too expensive for me. I just need a couple months to save up some money for something else. There is no door to my bed area. It's a large room divided from the living room by a half wall. There's absolutely no privacy but neither of us will be home except during the evenings.

Roxy: I still have to find a vet in my town that does birds. I think there might be one which is a miracle lol

 

[roxynoodle]

A breeder, a rescue person, a long time bird owner will do. My sister is an expert in dementia and used to head a dementia unit as her career. But, when my mom had questions about it, she didn't call my sister, she called some other family member who really didn't know much either. And I know my experiences with the men I've dated were that I could know a lot about something, but they wouldn't listen to my directions or anything I had to say. But, they would be completely polite to a stranger and listen to him/her about the exact same thing.

My mom has called me a few times concerning some house repairs so apparently she does accept at least a little bit that I really do know what I'm doing in that area, lol! But, she is also the kind of person that called an electrician to change the flourescent bulbs in her bathroom. I was pretty embarrassed about that one!

 

[erik7181]

One thing you need to remember is non bird people have a misconception of birds and parrots in general. They see parrots in movies and they think parrots are all hellos and whistles and think there going to sit on there sholders and eat crackers and nuts. But when they spend time around them the first time they start to learn the birds have personaltes and wants and needs, I think your father just needs to learn like any other first timer. i think they will both grow on each other, As for thr smokeing and the harness you'll just have to let him know how you feel.