Need help, green wing macaw hates me!

[PlacidTick]

We took on a new to us macaw that is approximately 7 years old (female). Margie has taken to my wife who can feed and pet her. I can feed her only. If my wife is actively petting her she will let me pet for a short period of time or until my wife walks away. I have talked as sweet as I can to her when I approach her slower than a sloth. Her eyes do not pin but the beak is ready! Basically I am a treat dispenser! She is terrified of a stick so no stepping up on that. Her cage is left open and she has plenty of space to roam in, on and around it.

What do I do? This bird was primarily purchased for me as I am the one who is home all the time. Bit it seems she has no interest in me. I swear I caught her plotting my demise the other day but she shredded the evidence.

 

[itzjbean]

How long have you had her for? Did you meet this bird before you adopted her?

The fact that you can feed her is good, not all macaws want to be pet at ALL, for some it can take months, even YEARS to allow it, so you really aren't doing too bad. Remember that they aren't like cats and dogs who crave human affection, they are individuals who are not far off from being wild. It's possible that your new green wing's last owner was female or was hand raised by a female so may have preference to women.

Macaws are prone to have a favorite person, like other parrots. So this bird may be in fact your wife's bird, sorry! They're not exactly like dogs and cats.... they choose favorites and aren't afraid to tell you to back off when they don't wan tit.

Go slow, don't force anything. Continue to offer treats. Especially if it's only been a few days or weeks, and while there areno guarantees that your new mac wil be 'your' bird, gaining her trust and acceptance may be the best rewards.

Every macaw has their preferences especially if they are older and have gone to several homes! But getting a baby macaw after they're weaned from a reputable breeder would maybe be a good option for your next mac if you really want it to bond to you from the get go. Or going to a rescue and finding a bird that chooses you.

 

[noodles123]

Have you had a bird before?
They will make you feel like your patience has run out before suddenly turning a corner.
Channel a god-like level of patience and forgiveness and look at everything from a behavioral standpoint (without emotion).
In time, your bird will very likely warm to you (although it MAY always prefer your wife)...and this warmth should not be rushed. Do no immediately assume you have the green-light if your bird starts showing a bit of affection. You can reverse the process if you rush things out of impatience.
Parrot time, when compared to human time, is INSANELY slow.....As in, 1 week= 1/2 day....
DO NOT GIVE UP.
Spend time doing quiet things near the bird to built trust. Feed the bird to build positive associations. Since your bird already prefers your wife, if anything "scary" has to be done to the bird, I would suggest that your wife do it (for now)....Just work on being even-keeled and consistant. It can take months....and years....
Think about a child who has been in the foster-care system, and then imagine that the child doesn't speak your language and is actually a different species lol.


It will be okay, but don't take it personally...I know it sucks....Mine HATED me and LOVED my ex for the first month (+) or so....Now she prefers me, but it took time and familiarity.

 

[EllenD]

Very good advice above...Unfortunately, when you buy or adopt a parrot, regardless of it's age, and you are not the only person living in the household, you have absolutely no control over who they choose to be "their person". And there is no rhyme or reason as to why they choose who they choose, often times the person that is solely responsible for feeding them, giving them treats, cleaning their cage, and who is home the most with them is not their person. They know why they have chosen their person, but a lot of the time they are the only one's who understand their choice.

You can't force him to choose you over your wife, it does sound like he has chosen her to be his person, at least for right now. This does change sometimes, for no reason at all. But the fact that he's not attacking you and he's allowing you to pet him at all, even if your wife has to be there is a good sign. Often the other spouse or other people in the household can't even get close to the bird. So that's a good sign. If you are the one that is going to be home with him the most, then that should help over time to strengthen your bond with him. Right now, for whatever reason, he has chosen your wife, she has earned his trust, and he's tolerating you. So that gives you an "in", and the more time you spend with him, the more treats you give him, the more attention you give him, the more time you spend just talking to him gently and softly, etc., the closer he'll most-likely become to you. Don't ever try to push him or force him though, as that will most-likely result in him totally distrusting you and may start an aggression towards you. This will be a marathon for you, not a sprint.

He may always choose your wife as "his person", that's just the way it is when you bring home a bird. There's no way you can really change that. Sometimes they change their minds on their own, sometimes they don't. Most of the time though you can reach a mutual agreement where over time you both bond with each other and it will get to the point where you also can handle him, pet him, get him to step-up for you, etc. It's just going to take time...but please don't take this personally. I know that's difficult, but it's nothing you did, it's just how it goes...

Also, keep in-mind that they absolutely can sense your frustration, any anger, any resentment, etc. towards him, and if you let him know you feel that way, then it's only going to make him feel uncomfortable around you too. So just try to keep an open-mind, and try to accept the fact that right now he is your wife's bird, at least as far as he is concerned. The more accepting you are of him, the more accepting he will be of you.

 

[ChristaNL]

LOL, of course the beak is ready.... you know macaws are GREAT at the bluffing game, right? They love drama and like al parrots read humans very, very well.

Have you read the macaw-section?
There are a lot of people who had succes (when facing a biting macaw) with invisible armour.
(Wrap a towel a few times around your arm, secure it with medical tape, hide this under a longsleeved shirt -> now if the bird goes for the arm you will not be hurt..... and because you will not be hurt - you wil can stop being worried about getting hurt and more confident with the bird --- which of course the bird wil read and will be more likely not even to try to bite you ---> positive experiences all around.)

I have had mine for a little more than half a year now- and I am the only caregiver, so it is easier for me, but I have been working on pressure bitring etc. since she got here and only last week did I get results. So plze be patient
(my bird is 10 y. old and in more or less constant pain, so it takes her longer- yours will probably a lot faster)

Yes, macaws bond strongly with one person, but can be great flockmates -- don't her rule you! She should be nice to everyone in her flock, and you all should teach her that-- right now she wants to listen to your wife and respects her choices, but she should (and can) listen to you too. Do not be henpecked. You do not have to dominate, but you also should not cringe!

Read the birdman666 posts, he knows his birds!

 

[PlacidTick]

http://www.parrotforums.com/members/placidtick-albums-margie-picture20369-20180530-204153.jpg

This was my original little girl who I miss every day, she was my best friend!

 

[noodles123]

In response to ChrisaNL's statement----just a word of caution (from experience)..
As someone with a behaviorist background, I was certain that my cockatoo was biting me out of aggression/dominance, as she allowed me to do certain things on her terms when I got her and she didn't appear to be truly frightened...more bratty and entitled.
Anyway, I decided that I was done with her "bluffing" game and proceeded to wrap my arm in a plastic cord that people use to protect wires from birds, cats, squirrels etc. I put it under my sleeve and said, "step up". She bit and I persisted (feeling nothing).

I cannot say that this helped our relationship---I think it gave her practice biting and scared her. That having been said, I also think I MISTOOK fear for aggression, so this could 100% work in a scenario where biting is an intimidation tactic. Just be careful, because for me, it produced a multi-week grudge. We are well past that now, but I remember calling my mom, like : "why did I push! She hates me now!!!"

 

[MonicaMc]

You might not end up with a close relationship as your wife may have with your macaw, however I would urge you to look into clicker training and positive reinforcement training. Learn to read her body language, teach her new desired behaviors and interact with her in positive ways. This can help you build a healthy relationship with her that's not built on fear or force.

 

[ChristaNL]

lol, good point-- though I never said you should force yourself on a bird, just that protecting yourself from harm migt make the interaction a tad less stressful for the humas and more fun for the both of them.

There is a *vast* difference between taking your cue from the birds behaviour and letting the bird dictate your actions. Though they might look similar to a lot of people.

 

[noodles123]

Yeah ChristaNL-
not my brightest moment, but in my defense, I wasn't MEAN or aggressive....although my arm's presence was likely interpreted as such by my feathered friend (I had tunnel vision and was certain that she was trying to intimidate me...and while I think I was partly correct, she definitely GOT SCARED).

You are totally right about reading cues, but at the same time, the OP doesn't want to react to that bluffing either...so it's tricky (as we all know).

Thankfully, my bird is 500% over it, as am I...
It is funny though how important that relationship factor is. I trust my cockatoo A TON, on the rare occasion that she nips, I am A)- very calm and amazed/reflective (and I find myself trying to make excuses for her lol)...and B) much better at trusting her within a short period of time afterwards (almost like when you get in a fight with a loved-one).


When I first got her, I was always walking on eggshells and soooo careful. Now, our relationship has changed so much, that I bet on her NOT biting me lol. Kind of crazy considering where we were back then.

 

[PlacidTick]

Ok, a new behavior has begun and has been consistent for 2 days now. Normally when I approach her with my hand she would start to side step off of her perch and get the beak ready indicating to me don't push it and I would stop and leave her be. Now when I approach her she remains on her perch and simply turns her head to the side and no eye pinning is observed. The beak remains normal.

So the question to all of you gurus is what do I do now?

 

[MonicaMc]

A simple thing may be to figure out her favorite treat and any time you walk by the cage, drop the treat into a cup. Don't sit and watch, just drop and go.


You can also work on target training *through* the cage bars. If you do it right, you can train her without getting bit!

 

[PlacidTick]

[ame="https://youtu.be/yh-C9Bf-2y0"]https://youtu.be/yh-C9Bf-2y0[/ame]

I think posting a link to a video of the behavior is ok, if not please delete moderators

 

[ChristaNL]

bribe her


I am going through something like this with my bravest (non-parrotperson) friend.
He really, really loves to give the birds treats, but is (rightfully) scared of her big beak.
So ... she really wants treats because he gives them to the other birds, but she also lunges through the bars at them (and the fingers holding it) with unnesccery force (yup, we are working on that ...50 projects going at the same time) so ...now we are working together on: he shows her a treat for her...and opens the foodcupholder and places it in there.
Step one is: he offers the food -> she gets the food, always!
(I suspect she has been teased that way in the past: offering snacks/food and yanking it away out of her reach // out of malice or just fear of the beak I do not know...)
Anyway: he gets to feed her a snack and still keep all his fingers and she gets snacks from a not-me person (very important to her socializing).


So.. reward her for not lunging by placing a snack on the perch between you or if this gets her into lunging at you: place the snack somewhere else but close by.


(lol 2 more posts in the time it took me to type this... hope it is still somewhat relevant)


(she is *so* gorgeous / and polite, the way she shows you "nope, not interested, but also not biting you")

 

[PlacidTick]

Although not shown in the video I can give her treats such as sunflower seeds and peanuts without any fear of biting. That is something I can do regularly. Also she is not confined to her inside cage and loves it out on her perch where she can clump all around on it.

 

[ChristaNL]

If you are already in the phase of non-biting, wait till she is interested in working for treats and try the step-up?

Most people will say "start with the turn around" but mine are skittish with the waving stuff above/ around their heads- it triggers defensive biting.
So I started with "step-up without using the beak plze" it was working on trust from both sides ...and it paid of.

Not sure if it is typical macaw or just my macaw - but anything coming at beakheight or higher sort of triggers the alarm/defensive side , while just staying a bit lower ( "adamsapple-ish" ) is no problem at all.

 

[PlacidTick]

Well its been awhile but I have a follow up to Margie. My wife with assistance was able to get Margie to step up. Only twice and her behavior towards me remained un changed. We really struggled and believed Margie needed a more experienced person than us. I listed Margie for sale. 3 hours later I removed the listing because I knew she was a gorgeous bird and well taken care of here. We thought if she comes around great, we have all the time she needs.

That still leaves me without a bird I can love on. So off to Sugarcreek to get a bird for me. I found a super friendly sun conure (Kona) and bought her. I spent a couple of weeks driving up every Monday, Thursday and Saturday taking part in the hand feeding.

One day the owner said I have a blue and gold that isn't listed yet. She showed me picture of this little fatherless bundle of joy and I said I'll take it!

So the day we took Kone home I bought a huge cage! I assembled the cage stood back and looked at Margies pathetic to small of a cage, looked back at the big cage and then moved Margue to the big cage! You could instantly see she was much happier but still no change towards me.

Well what seemed like forever the day finally came to take the bg (Pierre) home. So we packed up and bought another huge cage for Pierre.

Once Pierre was home something changed. I was able to let Margie! After about two days she would come the edge of her cage for me. And then the beat day ever, she lifted a foot so I presented my arm to her and she stepped up! I teared up, yep a grown man tearing up for the simple fact his bird stepped up.

It has been a very fast ride with her. She lives sitting on my lap watching TV, going for walks and being outside and especially preening my beard. She is still skittish around others and I can feel when that is happening so I return her to her cage for her and mine protection.

Sorry for the long post but it has such a happy ending to the story I thought I would share.

Tim

 

[charmedbyekkie]

That's wonderful to hear! Maybe she just needed another macaw to show her you're all good <3

 

[EllenD]

"Monkey-See, Monkey-Do"...Works for getting them to eat pellets too!!!

 

[ChristaNL]

Glad you kept her and saw it through.
More parrots = less issues with behaviours, like Ellen said: they all watch each other all the time.

If one does something that gets a lot of attention, praise, rewards, the rest will follow (eventually).


Now you have MPS (Mutiple Parrot Syndrome), welcome to the club.
There is no cure, but we do not suffer!