My Significant Other thinks conure is ruining our relationship

[Superbird]

Me and my partner fight more ever since my conure came into the picture 2 years ago. It started as general disagreements on my bird's mis-behavior (he doesnt like my partner very much) and we can't have company over as often (we like to entertain but my bird gets stressed). Somehow it now formed a significant wedge between us. It's to the point where my partner hinted the bird is the source. I think he wants the bird gone but can't say it to my face so he acts out.

I need advice plz. I can see why it could be the bird but uhm it's so silly if you think about it??? Anyone go through this bafore?

 

[Kalidasa]

Not everyone is a bird person, and for those who aren't, they will never understand. But it certainly isn't the birds fault, he's being a bird...sometimes people find something to nit-pick about and won't let it go. I've been thru it before, but it wasn't a bird in the middle but a dog. And I'm here to tell you, the dog is the one who I chose. Often times its simple jealousy because the bird is attached to you, and people get a little jealous of that relationship, because its so intense. Maybe try to get the bird to accept him more and he won't be so upset by him.

 

[Superbird]

Thank you, Kalidasa. I've tried to make Kiku like my partner. I've even tried the good guy, bad guy tactic. I would leave Kiku in his sleep cage for a few minutes during the day, then my partner takes him out with a pineapple (it is a favorite). We tried it all year, but it only seemed to have opposite effect.

I don't know what I should do.

 

[Kalidasa]

http://TrainedParrot.com/SocializationI wish I remember the link or even the title, but there's a YouTube video by The Parrot Wizard about socializing your parrot and getting him used to other people. It's actually pretty good once you get past his annoying showing-off, shows you some tools you can use to make it easier on everyone involved. It should be pretty easy to fin, he's got a bunch of videos on YouTube. Having your partner coming to let him out of his sleep cage might seem to the bird a little invasive, you should definately be part of the socialization process.
It's called how to socialize parrot, by parrot wizard. Check it out.
I included a link, it's not directly to the video, but to the site where the video is. Or you can go str8 to utube

 

[Abigal7]

I can not tell you what to do about this. I know some people are not bird people some people are not even animal people. I showed some coworkers Captian Jack. One seemed interested but the other coworker was not a bird person and could not comprehend the idea of letting a bird in the house be outside of its cage. Some people get jealous if a animal is bonded to someone. However, I know it can be hectic to have a animal that does not get along with everyone in the house. Take care of the bird but I would not coddle the bird and let it think you should be the only thing in its life. I seen some episodes of My Cat From Hell and the man that comes to help them always shakes his head when someone thinks it is funny or fine the cat only likes them or bullies the other cat. I am sure you do not think this is funny (I do not want you to think that I think that). I would work on getting the bird accept other people. And if you must put him in his cage when there is company then that is something to explore. I remember the green cheek conure I had through high school only liked me but my Dad, step mom and step brother did not try to get to know him. My mom and sister accept me having pets. My sisters husband is not a bird person but he seems to think they can be a great companion for certain people. I also thinks he admires their intelligence.

 

[khaiqha]

Leaving the bird for a few minutes in the day and luring with pineapple won't be enough. In order to really change the dynamic, the partner would have to always be the one to take the bird out, do half the training, be the only one to give food rewards, etc. You would always have to be the one to put the bird up, be the one to take things away from him, etc.

Then again, it really takes a bird person to like birds. If your partner is not a bird person, I doubt that will ever change unless the bird magically saves his/her life. In that aspect, you should look into what it is about the bird that is upsetting your partner. If you can't have company over, either train the bird to be ok with strangers (a very good skill to have), move the bird to a secluded part of the home when guests are over, or have days where the bird is visiting someone else when you have people over.

If your partner feels like you care more and put more effort into the bird than the relationship, that's a whole other issue.

 

[Zazoothehahns]

Oh dear, well, I would have to say if you are an animal person and your partner is not, then they simply just won't get it. My poor husband, while he likes animals, may have not known what he was getting into when he met me. Horses, dogs, cats, ferret, chickens, goat, now my teenage daughter's Hahns.,I am sure there are others Iam forgetting ....over the years we have had quite an assortment,some have passed, some were a one time thing like the goat and the ferret, once they passed, that was it, others I could not imagine life without, and we ended up filling the empty spot in our hearts.
All I know is that I see a certain amount of compassion and understanding that comes with people that share their lives with animals, and I have seen those that have no issues merely tossing a pet aside or treating them like an accessory. Unfortunately their are some in-laws that have this take on pets, and truth be told, if we were strangers on the street, they are not the type of person I could strike up a conversation with.
I hate to say this, but is it really your pet coming between you or is there more and the frustration is just directed at your feathered friend or the fact your attention is not entirely on directed onto your sig other?

 

[ruffledfeathers]

Hm, I can't relate to it with regard to a bird but I can relate a bit anyhow. My ex was not an animal person. He didn't really dislike them but they were not his thing at all and he would never have a pet by choice. He actually liked my birds (and I think surprised himself how much he enjoyed being in a house of birds--I had budgies, a canary and conure at the time). My Georgie adored him. BUT he really disliked one of my dogs to an extreme, and that dog sensed it and wasn't very nice to him, used to walk up to his jacket and lift his leg on it, etc. I made an absolute rule that under no circumstance could he even be rude to my dog, but I also used to ask "grandma" to babysit the dog sometimes, to give him a break from the dog and give us time at home without him. (Chu adores my mother, so it was like special time with grandma for him anyhow). I think he appreciated feeling important enough that I wanted to find a solution and in time he grew to care more about Chu.
So, yeah, I would probably find a way to show him you really care about how this is stressing him, while maintaining your position that the bird stays. Like with the entertaining, I wouldn't let my pet stop me. Georgie used to squawk if I had company because she was not the center of attention, but I found in her case if I put her on her perch in the center of us all, she behaved better. Maybe you can find a way to alter the routine a little and make it work, and then also try to build a better bond between him and the bird.

 

[GCC2012]

Wow what a conundrem I feel terrible for you. I think a lot of it is attitude. When we first got our Conure he had a 'settling' in period where really he was no fun to live with. I even thought at times getting him was a mistake, feels like a life time ago now and it's hard to believe I ever felt that way.
During this period he was warming slowly to my husband but would still make him bleed with his biting most days. Me on the other hand he wasn't warming at all. When he was out of the cage he would charge at me whenever possible and bite hard, breaking skin most of the time. Looking back my attitude stank and really didn't help the situation. I was scared of getting hurt and Perseus certainly sensed this and got even more attitude. I couldn't trust him so couldn't expect him to trust me. Unfortunately I don't know what changed so I can't give advice on how to fix your problem. Maybe one day Perseus wasn't as aggresive and therefore I wasn't as scared and he picked up on it so the cycle started changing. Now days he never bites and is obviously in love with both of us. He seems to have his fav now and then and I think it may be based on our attitude. As in if one of us is particularly stressed from work that day he is more drawn to the other more relaxed and happy persons vibe.
I must admit when he was aggresive with me and lovely and snuggly with my Husband I was jelous, feels silly to even say it. And I knew at the time it was silly which made me frustrated too! I wasn't jelous that my Husband loved him i was jelous of his love for my Husband as I could see how special it was and so wanted to receive it too! Maybe that is part of the prob with your partner, he's not jelous of you loving the bird he's actually jelous he doesn't have the birds love?
Perhaps take the above advice re entertaining people at your house. Don't let the bird stop you from doing it. Maybe in doing that your partners attitude towards him will lighten up as he isn't missing out on having people over. The bird will no doubt pick up on the vibe lightening and may be more willing to get to know your partner?
It's worth a shot. As I said in my sitch i don't know what changed or when it was that subtle, but Conures are clever and very aware of attitudes I'm sure. i don't know what changed when but I bet if Perseus could talk he would let me know exactly what it was that changed and when!

 

[MonicaMc]

My SO knows that my animals come before him... I've had animals for my entire life pretty much and birds for just over half of that. I've only known my SO for a bit over a year, so he knows that my animals are a part of the package! We don't all live together however, so I do worry how he may be if we were ever to move in together... he's not really an animal person... it's not to say that he dislikes them, he's just not a 'pet' type of person... doesn't like caring for them, doesn't like training them or cleaning up after them... saying that "it's too much work", "they're annoying" and "expensive". He's also not a morning person, where-as birds very much are! So I feel for you!!!


What did come to mind though is a post from Barbara Heidenreich... perhaps the link may be of help?

https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=10151832245361974&id=301503446973

 

[NiR]

I think you should just not let the bird come in between inviting company over. Also find out what exactly are the problems and deal with it 1 by 1. He should know without being told that you won't get rid of your birds.

My go has bird phobia...she was terrified of my cute tamed budgie that never bites. But now she is okay to the point where she will let him perch on her. I also have mango my senile now. She did tell me to leave my birds at 2 because that's all she can handle but I have a feeling she will be okay with 3 and no more. And I respect that since she has tried very hard to get over her fears. Also I never let their be any problems. There always has to be a compromise both ways so figure out what the real problem is and find ways to fix it.

 

[antoinette]

Perhaps let your better half try spending one on one time with your bird, without you being present.

In that way trust should build up and your bird will get to know your better half.

Worth a try

 

[Pajarita]

This is a VERY common problem and, usually, it cannot be solved because although there are things that can be done (Michael's -aka The Parrot Wizard, socialization is for strangers, a completely different situation than a bird's hate for the owner's significant other as, with strangers, the bird doesn't perceive a threat to its relationship with its human) all the solutions require that your boyfriend really wants to have a relationship with the parrot and put a lot of work and time into it and, when the spouse/companion/whatever is not a bird person and already resents the bird, it doesn't work even when they try.

It seems to me that you have a decision to make because, unless your boyfriend has a change of heart, it doesn't look as if you will be able to keep both of them happy.

 

[Kalidasa]

Lol I say take him to pick out his own bird, one that can bond with him so he won't feel left out if the picture that way everybody is happy and your conure has a little competition to keep things interesting.