My mom has fallen in love with Kyo

[Kyoto]

So, long story short, my house is a disaster… I mean, it was getting close to hoarder level in some rooms… My hubby has a hard time throwing things away.

I do not. He has gone away for a few weeks and so I decided to do some really good cleaning. I tried to get it done with Kyo, but I was finding it really difficult to give her enough attention and get it all done (yep - it's THAT bad).

So, my mom decided to look after her for a few days. I'm at the point in my cleaning that I could take her home and keep picking away slowly, but my mom keeps saying "Oh she loves it here, let me keep her another night" She face times me and has been feeding her lots of veggies and fruit and is really loving having Kyo around...

Well, I've been without my birb for almost a week… I've gone to my parents' to play with her a few nights when I don't work the next day. I'm not really afraid of not getting her back or anything, but she is being so spoiled and let out so much I'm getting anxious about bringing her back home and not giving her the same freedom (because of the cats roaming around). She's confined to her room here, or the cats are confined to the basement. It really isn't ideal, but it's all I can do.

Just needed to vent a bit. Feeling really guilty because I miss my baby and want her with me… but I'm not sure if she's going to be thrilled about coming home after her "vacation".

What does a lonely mom do?

 

[Christinenc2000]

You are in a hard spot . Wish I had some advice .

 

[wrench13]

Didn't I just read about this? Headline was "PARROT BIRDNAPPED BY HALIFAX MOM".

 

[rosembers]

I totally don't mean this in a mean way, but what if you let your mom keep her? It sounds like you're saying she's got a wonderful and better setup and attention. Maybe good to consider what's best for Kyo at this time.
Or think of it this way, I do this a lot and it helps me -
If someone told you this exact situation, what advice would you have for them or what would you think is best for their bird?

Birds/Parrots need a ton of love, attention, and time out around the house with you in order to be mentally and physically healthy, happy birds.

 

[Dinosrawr]

I think it's really important to remember in this situation that parrots aren't so shallow. I know a lot of people that Avery perks right up for - she'll chirp happily and step up and be so pleased with their attention, and sometimes I feel like I don't do that enough and one day she won't care for me as much because I don't provide what they did. A good example of this is my boyfriend's friend. He coos over Avery and just adores her and she likes him too. One day he came over and wanted to handle her, but she was out on the very top of her boing near the ceiling and just chirped back. But as soon as I walked over to her? She scurried down that boing so quick and stepped right up to be cuddled by mom.

I guess what I'm trying to say is don't disregard the love that Kyo has for you. She may have a relationship with your mom, and yeah she probably loves being spoiled, but I imagine that when you come to see her she wants to see you just as badly. Any bird could have all day out, but considering how social they are and how strongly they bond (especially pair bond birds like conures), I would imagine Kyo would rather have 30 minutes out with you than, say, 10 hours out with your mom. It's a bit extreme of an example, but Kyo loves you. I'm confident in that. I'm sure she'll be happy to be back with HER flock. Your mom is more of a friendly flock she gets to visit.

 

[plumsmum2005]

Give Kyo chance to rebond with you after her vacation and I'm sure things will be fine. It is great for her to have someone else that loves her too. Don't stress it will be fine.

It will have done her no harm and great for her to be with your Mom and for any future holidays you may wish to have. I have a couple of birds to stay with me from T2T and they know they are loved by me, well cared for but switch back and forth with no ill effects.

 

[BIRDIGIRL]

I think it's really important to remember in this situation that parrots aren't so shallow. I know a lot of people that Avery perks right up for - she'll chirp happily and step up and be so pleased with their attention, and sometimes I feel like I don't do that enough and one day she won't care for me as much because I don't provide what they did. A good example of this is my boyfriend's friend. He coos over Avery and just adores her and she likes him too. One day he came over and wanted to handle her, but she was out on the very top of her boing near the ceiling and just chirped back. But as soon as I walked over to her? She scurried down that boing so quick and stepped right up to be cuddled by mom.

I guess what I'm trying to say is don't disregard the love that Kyo has for you. She may have a relationship with your mom, and yeah she probably loves being spoiled, but I imagine that when you come to see her she wants to see you just as badly. Any bird could have all day out, but considering how social they are and how strongly they bond (especially pair bond birds like conures), I would imagine Kyo would rather have 30 minutes out with you than, say, 10 hours out with your mom. It's a bit extreme of an example, but Kyo loves you. I'm confident in that. I'm sure she'll be happy to be back with HER flock. Your mom is more of a friendly flock she gets to visit.

The above is what I would agree with too...very well put Ask yourself who is Kyo bonded to and that will also answer your question.

 

[rosembers]

Respectfully, and for the love of parrots, here's what I read directly from the post:

"my house is a disaster… I mean, it was getting close to hoarder level in some rooms"

"...it's THAT bad"

"my mom keeps saying "Oh she loves it here, let me keep her another night" She face times me and has been feeding her lots of veggies and fruit and is really loving having Kyo around..."

"I'm getting anxious about bringing her back home and not giving her the same freedom (because of the cats roaming around). She's confined to her room here, or the cats are confined to the basement. It really isn't ideal, but it's all I can do."

"I'm not sure if she's going to be thrilled about coming home after her 'vacation'"


Parrots are exotic species that often do NOT receive the necessary mentally and physically enriching environments necessary for their well being. They are exotic species that require a ton of care, love, attention, bonding, physical activity/flight time, etc. They need to be the CENTER OF OUR WORLDS. I would be concerned to hear about any parrot that lives in a house that is deemed a "disaster" and especially when that bird is confined to a room, that means it is not in the center of the life of the home which is crucial to parrot well being. I rescue parrots and I have seen damaged birds that are so emotionally withdrawn that they pluck themselves bald.

Maybe I'm lacking some of the touchie-feelie sensitivities, but for the sake of being honest and the "tough love" aspect, my priority lies within those who cannot speak for themselves. I am reading about a bird that has a home it's owner considers a disaster and not ideal and it is confined in one room *VS* a home where it is given tons of attention, fresh fruits/veggies, and face-timed to see how happy it is. Plus that home is with a family member, win-win!

Sometimes we need to swallow our pride and be sure we understand what is best for someone else, as opposed to what we want or feel is best for ourselves. Parrots need to be our EVERYTHING. Sometimes loving them means being honest with ourselves about whether what we are able to provide them is truly good for THEM. Unless I'm missing something, the original post I read does not sound ideal for a parrot, even per the OP.

 

[Kyoto]

She has 3 cages, gets chop every day, and gets time in the main room with me. I'm sorry you feel that I am unfit to own an animal. I was looking for support, but obviously I was mistaken for even posting anything. My house is now very spick and span, took me a week, but I guess I'll just rehome her since I'm incompetent.

I'm feeling really miserable and miss her terribly. I am hurt to think anyone would accuse me of not caring for her enough, it's far from the truth she IS my world. I am in that room with her when I'm home, that's why the house got messy (my husband doesn't clean and I'm literally with her as often as I can be) and if I'm not in her room, cats are in the basement and she is downstairs with us.

I'm feeling so upset right now I may never come back.

 

[Kyoto]

So, long story short, my house is a disaster… I mean, it was getting close to hoarder level in some rooms… My hubby has a hard time throwing things away.

I do not. He has gone away for a few weeks and so I decided to do some really good cleaning. I tried to get it done with Kyo, but I was finding it really difficult to give her enough attention and get it all done (yep - it's THAT bad).

So, my mom decided to look after her for a few days. I'm at the point in my cleaning that I could take her home and keep picking away slowly, but my mom keeps saying "Oh she loves it here, let me keep her another night" She face times me and has been feeding her lots of veggies and fruit and is really loving having Kyo around...

Well, I've been without my birb for almost a week… I've gone to my parents' to play with her a few nights when I don't work the next day. I'm not really afraid of not getting her back or anything, but she is being so spoiled and let out so much I'm getting anxious about bringing her back home and not giving her the same freedom (because of the cats roaming around). She's confined to her room here, or the cats are confined to the basement. It really isn't ideal, but it's all I can do.

Just needed to vent a bit. Feeling really guilty because I miss my baby and want her with me… but I'm not sure if she's going to be thrilled about coming home after her "vacation".

What does a lonely mom do?

Okay, hoarder level was a bit of an exaggeration. Due to the AMOUNT OF TIME I spend with her, I don't get enough cleaning around my house done.

She's out as soon as I get home (usually at 3pm) and is out in the morning before work when she gets her chop and I clean her room every day at this time.

I don't think I should be judged for having a job to SUPPORT FEEDING AND CARING FOR HER and being sensitive to my husband wanting to keep his cats that he's had for 12 years. They were here first. They drive me crazy, but he loves them.

Also, small house… can't afford a huge house like my mom. I also take Kyo out in her pak-o-bird every week! She is far from mis-treated.

I am so upset again. Very very very upset.

 

[TacoNTiki]

I have been on this forum about a year (which is how long we have had Tiki). I have been following your posts since this time and let me tell you, Sarah, Kyo couldn't have a better mom. We cannot always have perfect scenarios in our lives, we we all think about it, there's always something else that sounds better. I think that's what you are going though right now. Kyo is bonded to you and you love her. She has a home, she is fed properly, she has quality time with you. That's is one example of "ideal". In her life with you things will change but she's got the basics of a happy life. You are a good parront Sarah.

 

[Doublete]

I'm not very active on here lately, just too busy.

BUT HELLO PEOPLE. You may not know her because you may be new.
This girl loves her bird. She was freaking out and looking for support.

Sarah, relax. NOBODY thinks you are an unfit parront. I am so busy my life is crazy lately. I actually yelled at Chiqui the other day and I hated myself for it. She forgave me immediately it seemed because she loves me. Just like kyo loves you.

You needed support and I'm sorry you didn't get it. You just needed some time to clean your house! Oh and as
For the cats... I have 9.... My cats are never gonna go. So we find a way to peacefully coexist. That means when the birds are out I have to carefully lock the kitties out of the room birdies and I are in. It's work, but it is possible.

We all know what phenomenal care you take of kyo. She's just enjoying her vacay with Grammy!

 

[ZephyrFly]

Hi Kyoto. You are great for Kyo, you love and adore her and we can all see that on this forum with how much you talk of and look up things for her.
I also want to say sorry as I saw the awkward turn this topic was turning and didn't chime in til now.

We all need to clean out our houses/flats/whatever sometimes.

I think you are a very valued member of these forums and please don't let this topic scare you off.

 

[BIRDIGIRL]

Respectfully, and for the love of parrots, here's what I read directly from the post:

"my house is a disaster… I mean, it was getting close to hoarder level in some rooms"

"...it's THAT bad"

"my mom keeps saying "Oh she loves it here, let me keep her another night" She face times me and has been feeding her lots of veggies and fruit and is really loving having Kyo around..."

"I'm getting anxious about bringing her back home and not giving her the same freedom (because of the cats roaming around). She's confined to her room here, or the cats are confined to the basement. It really isn't ideal, but it's all I can do."

"I'm not sure if she's going to be thrilled about coming home after her 'vacation'"


Parrots are exotic species that often do NOT receive the necessary mentally and physically enriching environments necessary for their well being. They are exotic species that require a ton of care, love, attention, bonding, physical activity/flight time, etc. They need to be the CENTER OF OUR WORLDS. I would be concerned to hear about any parrot that lives in a house that is deemed a "disaster" and especially when that bird is confined to a room, that means it is not in the center of the life of the home which is crucial to parrot well being. I rescue parrots and I have seen damaged birds that are so emotionally withdrawn that they pluck themselves bald.

Maybe I'm lacking some of the touchie-feelie sensitivities, but for the sake of being honest and the "tough love" aspect, my priority lies within those who cannot speak for themselves. I am reading about a bird that has a home it's owner considers a disaster and not ideal and it is confined in one room *VS* a home where it is given tons of attention, fresh fruits/veggies, and face-timed to see how happy it is. Plus that home is with a family member, win-win!

Sometimes we need to swallow our pride and be sure we understand what is best for someone else, as opposed to what we want or feel is best for ourselves. Parrots need to be our EVERYTHING. Sometimes loving them means being honest with ourselves about whether what we are able to provide them is truly good for THEM. Unless I'm missing something, the original post I read does not sound ideal for a parrot, even per the OP.

Im rather angry with your post and I will leave it to a mod to ask you to apologise for the way you have handled this because Kyo couldnt have had a more wonderful mom nor could she have a better home than she had with Sarah...the fact that Sarah felt that her home was a disaster and let Kyo stay at her moms while she sorted it out speaks a multitude for the wonderful parront she is...as to the house being a disaster well so is mine at times isnt yours too ?? and that Kyo might be happier with Sarah's mom well thats not true because Kyo is bonded to Sarah who looks after Kyo's every need...all parents and Parronts at times do feel a little inadequete and feel perhaps someone else might do a better job it doesnt mean they are unfit parronts it just means they need a little support ...weve all been there at times and not just as parronts ..thats life...The center of your home can be one room its where the action is its not necessarily the ability to roam the whole house. As to your rescue I think perhaps your rescued parrots might benefit from a little touchie feelie (as you call it) sensitivity on your part and it might help them overcome some of the problems from their past and here I am speaking from the experience of having had a rescue parrot. Iwill stop here before I say something I regret but what you wrote lacks the understanding or the knowledge of how much Sarah loves Kyo and what a Good parront she is and what a wonderful home she has given to Kyo ..take a look at all the posts she has made...read them...see how well cared for Kyo is with Sarah... I really think Sarah deserves an apology.

 

[Terry57]

Respectfully, and for the love of parrots, here's what I read directly from the post:

"my house is a disaster… I mean, it was getting close to hoarder level in some rooms"

"...it's THAT bad"

"my mom keeps saying "Oh she loves it here, let me keep her another night" She face times me and has been feeding her lots of veggies and fruit and is really loving having Kyo around..."

"I'm getting anxious about bringing her back home and not giving her the same freedom (because of the cats roaming around). She's confined to her room here, or the cats are confined to the basement. It really isn't ideal, but it's all I can do."

"I'm not sure if she's going to be thrilled about coming home after her 'vacation'"


Parrots are exotic species that often do NOT receive the necessary mentally and physically enriching environments necessary for their well being. They are exotic species that require a ton of care, love, attention, bonding, physical activity/flight time, etc. They need to be the CENTER OF OUR WORLDS. I would be concerned to hear about any parrot that lives in a house that is deemed a "disaster" and especially when that bird is confined to a room, that means it is not in the center of the life of the home which is crucial to parrot well being. I rescue parrots and I have seen damaged birds that are so emotionally withdrawn that they pluck themselves bald.

Maybe I'm lacking some of the touchie-feelie sensitivities, but for the sake of being honest and the "tough love" aspect, my priority lies within those who cannot speak for themselves. I am reading about a bird that has a home it's owner considers a disaster and not ideal and it is confined in one room *VS* a home where it is given tons of attention, fresh fruits/veggies, and face-timed to see how happy it is. Plus that home is with a family member, win-win!

Sometimes we need to swallow our pride and be sure we understand what is best for someone else, as opposed to what we want or feel is best for ourselves. Parrots need to be our EVERYTHING. Sometimes loving them means being honest with ourselves about whether what we are able to provide them is truly good for THEM. Unless I'm missing something, the original post I read does not sound ideal for a parrot, even per the OP.

Respectfully, I could not disagree more with your post. Sarah is a wonderful parront who needed a place to vent, and did not deserve to be judged like she was in your post. You are definitely missing something as the members here who know Sarah know what wonderful care she takes of Kyo.

Sarah, we all question ourselves at times about our birds, and I believe that is what makes a truly good parront is when you do question. I have the utmost respect for you.

 

[rosembers]

I apologize if Sarah felt I was saying she was unfit or anything else some of you have said. I did not say that she is, but if it felt like that, then I am TRULY sorry. I am confident she loves Kyo and that is wonderful.

Respectfully, please understand that if a post is made, it cannot be expected that everyone who reads it is going to know *additional* info about the scenario if it isn't in the post. From what I read in the original post, it honestly sounded concerning. She said so herself in a later post that hoarding level was a bit of an exaggeration. I am relieved about that, but how is someone supposed to know that's an exaggeration in the original post? I am confident Sarah loves Kyo and I'm not saying she's a bad parront. I have seen so many birds with major physical and psychological problems and honestly the scenario in the original post did sound concerning! Nobody can be expected to know additional information that is not provided in the original post. If I hear of any parrot that is confined to a cage or a single room, that would make me sad. Parrots naturally are built to fly miles and miles every day and so many of them don't get what they need to be healthy birds. BUT if that parront has other ways of spending time with their bird, giving it exercise, and a lot of love and attention, then that is great! I did not read any of those things in the original post, so please see where my feedback came from. It honestly did concern me. But I have read additional posts from Sarah that do highlight those things that she does and she sounds like a wonderful parront! I did not see that information in the original post, please understand how that would naturally be concerning to someone.

To Sarah, I am truly sorry if I made you feel judged or feel bad. My intentions were not so. I can see that you have a history with some of the other members on here whom have a lot of respect for you and that is wonderful. The things you have since posted about her sound like you take great care of her and you love Kyo very much.

 

[Anansi]

I apologize if Sarah felt I was saying she was unfit or anything else some of you have said. I did not say that she is, but if it felt like that, then I am TRULY sorry. I am confident she loves Kyo and that is wonderful.

Respectfully, please understand that if a post is made, it cannot be expected that everyone who reads it is going to know *additional* info about the scenario if it isn't in the post. From what I read in the original post, it honestly sounded concerning. She said so herself in a later post that hoarding level was a bit of an exaggeration. I am relieved about that, but how is someone supposed to know that's an exaggeration in the original post? I am confident Sarah loves Kyo and I'm not saying she's a bad parront. I have seen so many birds with major physical and psychological problems and honestly the scenario in the original post did sound concerning! Nobody can be expected to know additional information that is not provided in the original post. If I hear of any parrot that is confined to a cage or a single room, that would make me sad. Parrots naturally are built to fly miles and miles every day and so many of them don't get what they need to be healthy birds. BUT if that parront has other ways of spending time with their bird, giving it exercise, and a lot of love and attention, then that is great! I did not read any of those things in the original post, so please see where my feedback came from. It honestly did concern me. But I have read additional posts from Sarah that do highlight those things that she does and she sounds like a wonderful parront! I did not see that information in the original post, please understand how that would naturally be concerning to someone.

To Sarah, I am truly sorry if I made you feel judged or feel bad. My intentions were not so. I can see that you have a history with some of the other members on here whom have a lot of respect for you and that is wonderful. The things you have since posted about her sound like you take great care of her and you love Kyo very much.

Rosembers, we all make mistakes and occasionally read a situation wrong. It happens. But you've apologized and clarified why you spoke as you did, and that's all that can be asked of you. You were speaking out of love for parrots, rather than spite for the OP, and that makes a difference in my book. Next time, I suspect you won't be quite as quick to jump to a conclusion. That's the silver lining to mistakes. We learn from them.

Sarah, one post shouldn't discourage you from posting on this forum. After all, you've received more positive and supportive responses to your original post than negative. Far more. From a group of people who feel passionately about the welfare of parrots in general. That should tell you something.

I also think that you come across as a loving and caring parront, and as several here have already pointed out, Kyo bonding with your mother doesn't take away from her love for you. You are still her person. And there's nothing wrong with taking a little time to yourself to get things in order while your mother babysits, either. Sometimes it helps to be able to take a bit of a timeout, you know?