my mom doesnt get it

[mrs.pants]

my moms had parakeets during the time when people didnt kno much about birds so for her it was a "look at" pet (surprise it didnt live long :/ ), so she doesnt understand why i have a nice big cage, billion toys, make him food, buy a special diet (petstores here dont have a good selection), go to a CAV etc.

i keep trying to show her vids and pics, but every time i mention stuff we do with him its "why are you going overboard with this bird?" like i showed her a training video we took cuz were harness training and she started laughing and said were spoiling him??

its frustrating...mr.pants parents love him and got him xmas gifts and call him their grandbird.

wonder how many other people have family that dont understand sighs, how do you deal with it?

 

[clark_conure]

my parents get it they got me a cockatiel when i was 7, my aunt was way into breeding parrots.

The 2 birds I had as a teen were all family birds.. next time I get a visit I'm sure my birds will be quite spoiled. been a few years.

 

[ParrotLover2001]

I completely understand what that's like. My mom doesn't understand either, my father is a little more understanding, but both of my parents don't think the birds need all the stuff I get them.


Sent from my Galaxy s8

 

[charmedbyekkie]

Tbh, I don't talk about Cairo to those sorts of people. I'm quite firm on my boundaries - if anyone is the type of person to be disrespectful of my decisions, to refuse to listen to educated perspectives, and to ignore modern/scientifically-based techniques, then I'm not going to waste my time to try to change their mind. Sure, we can hang out, we can catch-up on life, etc, but I wouldn't breathe a word about something I know is going to be an issue.

And yes, Cairo is a big part of my life, so that means those people miss out on hearing about a lot of my life. But that's their choice - I can only waste so much breath and emotional effort, and I'd rather spend both on more useful things rather than talking to a brick wall.

I suppose it does help that I'm financially independent from my family, as is my partner. So it's not like we depend (financially or time-wise) on anyone to take care of Cairo - his quality of care is entirely in our control. I reckon kids in school will have a harder time setting down boundaries.

 

[noodles123]

We had a parakeet during that era as well and it was so unfair. Ignorance is bliss...
I actually just posted about it yesterday.
I can post a link--it basically says how wrong we were, so that may be helpful for your cause, as I posted it before you even posted this.
SEE POST BELOW:


In terms of how I deal with it---My parents know more than they used to (thankfully) but they were still "old-school" in some of their perceptions. I have forced them to watch educational videos and read legitimate veterinary manuals etc supporting my claims. I also try to make it as easy as possible for them to adjust to my lifestyle with the bird--e.g., since not allowing Teflon use, I bought them safe cookie sheets etc to use around the bird (they already had pans) and I called Conair etc to check and make sure my mom's blow-dryer was safe (toaster still gets hidden when I visit haha ). Since they can't use standard cleaners, I bought them their own bottle of F10 SC and I mix it up for them when we visit (along with hiding any cleaners I do not want them to use lol). My parents are fully convinced of my cockatoo's intelligence/quirks etc, but much of that came with experience.

 

[noodles123]

Here is the post I made yesterday within the thread "Birds are not Impulse Buys":
I posted my excerpt below. Here is a link to the thread itself (should you want to see other replies to the original post).



"Amen and good for you!

Here is a guilt-inducing story from my childhood:

I wish someone would have educated my parents before my sister was allowed to buy a $10 "grab-bag" parakeet from PetSmart (not hand-fed...totally scared of us) as our family's first bird. This was before my parents had committed to understanding birds etc. and they had no clue what they were doing. My family is full of animal lovers and we have always been good pet-owners....so a parakeet seemed easy enough...Especially since SO MANY OTHER PEOPLE WE KNEW HAD THEM! Spoiler alert: They had no idea what they were doing either. It seemed like half the kids we knew had had a parakeet at some point, and most didn't live longer than a few years (even though life expectancy can extend beyond 10). I suppose that, in comparison,we took better care of Granny than most kids, but that is sad/pathetic, as we were really clueless!

My sister was 8 and insisted that she was responsible enough to own a pet (after weeks of begging, and persuasion, my mom caved). My mom had sworn off fish and my sister wanted a parakeet because our adult neighbor had a tame one that could talk a bit. Erroneously, we thought that with a few weeks of work, we would achieve similar results. My mom just liked the idea of a less poopy pet (compared to my hamster) that was, reportedly, "low-maintenance" (AHAHAHA!).

We purchased a book that we read a lot beforehand (sold next to the parakeets at, DING DING DING- PetSmart) and we got a small used cage from someone (not nearly large enough but normal for the time)...I know we cleaned it, but who knows how! The people at the shop were as ignorant as we were.

As a 3rd/4th grader, I read the parakeet book obsessively and it didn't talk about any of the dangers for birds other than windows and fans (this was a book written for adults on parakeet ownership, so it should have contained more information, given the fact that it was a chapter book).

The book mentioned spontaneous egg laying, but didn't say what could happen as a result of egg-binding or what humans could do to cause iegg-laying (and it certainly didn't make egg-laying sound dangerous, just said add a cuttlebone to the cage). It talked about how to set up nest boxes and encouraged feeding the bird from your hand with treats, but it didn't ever say to feed pelleted food and showed pictures of birds eating seed mix (?!?!). Thankfully, we did feed bits of fruit/veg just out of common sense, but that poor bird led a miserable life. Her cage was clean and she always had lots of food, water and millet, but she ate a seed mix and she had like 2 toys (which she was scared of and never used).

The book definitely didn't mention respiratory issues (and all of our past experience had been with other people's hand-raised birds at that point) or the importance of veterinary care, nor the fact that birds hid illness. Granny never went to the vet!!!!(??!) There was no discussion of so many key details....Things essential to basic parrot care were missing and we had no idea.

For some reason, despite all of our exposure to larger parrots etc, there was a disconnect. My parents never would have allowed my sister to buy an African Grey-- even if they could have gotten one for free...They knew that was a huge commitment...but parakeets were like hamsters in their minds (and in ours). Plus, at this point in time (pre-internet), a lot of people were doing dumb things with/around their birds, so consulting others often yielded further misinformation.

Our household was lively, so Granny certainly was in the main room and had lots to look at/listen to, but man.....so sad- we had no idea how long it would have taken to bond with her and instead, just grumbled about the fact that Granny wasn't a good bird because she wasn't hand-tamed. Although she probably never would have been as tame as a hand-raised parakeet, it would be interesting to go back in time, knowing what I know now. I am not even sure how old she was when we got her!

As a kid, I tried for days to get her to step up, but we didn't understand how long it would take to build trust with a non-hand-raised bird, so I just sat there like a statue with my hand in the cage and millet it my palm (hoping she might inch closer)--In hindsight, this was insensitive, as I shouldn't have done this one day 1... After about a week of this, there was a teeny-tiny bit of progress, but my sister got mad that I was "trying to steal her bird" and told me to stop ("You wouldn't let me touch your hamster, so why do you think you can just stick you hand in my bird's cage without permission?!". Within about a month, the novelty had completely worn off for my sister, and my mom had to hound her every morning to wash and fill Granny's food and water (something my sister swore would never happen). Many days, my mom ended up having to do it all for her, for the poor bird's sake.

Poor Granny lived for a decent chunk of time, given her horrible situation---I want to say 6+ years (AMAZINGLY, given the amount of Teflon, cleaners etc that was likely used...heck, that is probably what eventually did her in..) EDIT/note to readers: Please DO NOT USE TEFLON/PTFE/PFOA around birds ever-- not even in the same house--it has killed birds on separate floors with doors closed!!! My mom felt terrible for her but was up to her eyeballs with kids and had no idea what to do about the fact that this bird was terrified of people and cage-bound. At the time, Granny seemed happy enough (or at least healthy and singing--she did scream/squawk often enough), but her existence was quite small, and none of us would have felt comfortable keeping a larger parrot in its cage all day/night etc.

After Granny, we all got an education and understood what a terrible job we had done, but, face-value, we were doing everything that anyone had ever told us to do, and compared to other households, we were doing a better job of keeping up with the bare minimum Edit: I say "bare minimum" but at the time, we were "overachievers" compared to the run-of-the-mill child's-pet-type of parakeet owners (despite her small cage, lack of toys and terrible diet)...Today, with all of the knowledge we have regarding intelligence, health and parrot behavior, it wouldn't even pass as the bare minimum..If I saw it today, I would call it neglect. Honestly, compared to most childrens' pets at the time, Granny probably had it pretty good---which is AWFUL, considering. It's so unfortunate that my intelligent family of animal-lovers felt that a parakeet would be an acceptable first pet for a child...but that is how they are marketed, and ignorance is rampant.

Granny spent most of her life in that cage--- except when she escaped a few times (terrifying, as her wings were never clipped and she could have broken her neck). We all know how wrong we were now, but I think the general populous still thinks of parakeets as we did so many years ago (like a hamster, goldfish, or a mouse).

It really upsets me to think about all of the things we did wrong and it upsets me even more that other people are likely continuing to make the same mistakes....if not worse ones...These birds are very intelligent but, because of their size, price, availability and location within PetSmart, people don't understand that they require as much attention/love/stimulation as a large parrot....and then there are the people who don't even understand that much....oy...."


OP- parakeets are actually as intelligent as many of the larger species....Google Disco the talking parakeet if your mom needs more proof. [ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSltVBW0I2k"]Disco the Talking Parakeet - Pets Wild at Heart - YouTube[/ame]


This video is pretty decent in terms of education (it leaves off the fact that citrus/vitamin c in fruits/added food should be given in VERY limited quantities) I am not a huge fan of the part that talks about leaving birds--Also, parakeets are from AUSTRALIA---NOT from the rain-forest lol:
[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6g2Wx_gUu8"]Budgie or Parakeet Care | Advanced Keeping Compilation - YouTube[/ame]


The bottom line is that we know more now than we did. Just because something used to be acceptable, doesn't mean it remains as such---human history is filled with atrocities and if the past is our best justification for continuing unacceptable practices, then we are really in trouble.

 

[Laurasea]

It took one Christmas kicking my parents out of my house, and making them go to a hotel. Because they were endangering my birds... All in all about 15 years for them to get it. Plus countless bird stories.. showing them articles on parrot intelligence, and about a million times telling them you don't understand the bond you have with a parrot, unless you have one.

 

[ChristaNL]

I was 13 when I got my first CAG (we already had budgies and small tropicals in the house long before that -> they got their outdoor aviary , and he was a regular holliday-guest who was -finally- allowed to stay) and my mum was right there to see how he changed my life and how ridiculously smart and wonderfull he was.
(Of course that were also the years my father showed the first rather severe symptoms of his Parkinsons Disease- so I do not blame her for not really paying attention)
Anyway fast forward a couple of decades and she still does not understand why I choose to "bog myself down" with a bunch of parrots instead of 'enjoying my freedom'.

She will never understand that these birds saved my sanity then and still do so now.
(LOL, oke whats left of it anyway )
It is pathetic, but I need them far more than they need me.
Something she does not want to see.

Yes, she will buy them small gifts (toys, snackfood) and (when in a pinch) helps me with the vet-bills but only to support me 'and my crazy hobby'.
(she would buy me crazycoloured lures if it happened to be 'flyfishing' instead of 'parrots' with the same puzzled lack of enthousiasm)


If living with Rico for years and years could not show her the complete and utter wonderfullness of the parrot... no explaining in the world can change her mind.

 

[bigfellasdad]

My family dont 'get' parrots either, its there loss. Each to there own I think but i agree the constant frustration from my family at how much attention and closeness I have with Enzo does get on my nerves, again... I simply dont care if they dont understand.

 

[RavensGryf]

When I was a kid, we never had birds because my mom was deathly afraid of them. Back then, animals in general weren’t regarded as family members like many are today. We had outdoor dogs. 100% outdoor which as a dog lover now I think is cruel.

At one point when I was an adult, my mom was wanting some kind of an animal to share her life with. Over some time, I actually managed to convince my mom that it was a bird she needed. She went from having a bad case of bird phobia all her life, to eventually falling in love with two birds (Australian grass parakeets - a Bourke’s and a Princess of Wales). She became educated on birds, and really spoiled those boys in every way she could!

Nowdays she has Alzheimer’s and I took her beloved birds in. Now, I honestly feel I personally have too many birds and it’s kind of a burden to be completely honest, but I can’t rehome them because that wouldn’t be right. Besides I love those little guys.

 

[mrs.pants]

thanks all for your responses! id not talk to her about it charmed, but its so hard not to lol. some of my friends get it, and i have one friend who i feel shows the correct amount of enthusiasm for both my children (nanners and mailbox the hamster ) but mostly i have no one to gush over him with.

my stepdad thinks hes super cool (seems like guys are more receptive ig lol?) but yea its super disappointing. noodles i saw that story on the other thread you posted and oh man i think you did way more than my mom with her birds :/ direct quote from her "it was a parakeet, theyre happy living in a cage". eeehhhhh....

shell probly never get it :/